Firefly
by addisongrace22
Summary: He's the son of the most powerful woman in the world and she's just a girl who was saved by a cop, trying to figure the world out. Linstead AU
1. Lemonade

**I know I told you guys that I would finish a couple more stories before I started anything new, but I've been a little blocked on what to write for any of my open stories, but I still wanted to get something up for you. Even if it is brand new. Anyways, give this story a chance and I hope you guys will enjoy it! Happy reading!**

* * *

 ** **Jay****

"Who's that?" I ask my mother's aide Blake, as my eye catches on a beautiful brunette across the room, a drink resting in her hand as she huddles in the corner, making herself small, but unable to blend in while she's in that beautiful light pink beaded dress.

"Not anyone you should worry about, she's one of the cop's daughters," He says quickly, his voice finicky, hair perfectly gelled into place and a bow tie precisely tied on a crisp white collar. He's a nice guy, but he's loyal to my mother, almost to a fault. Which I guess she should be, but it still drives me crazy sometimes.

"Blake," I ask again, being drawn to her for reasons other than any political or business connections, "Who is she?" People have been approaching me all night, just for once, I want to talk to someone that I actually want to talk to. Or at least seems kind of normal.

"Her name is Erin Lindsay, she's Hank and Camille Voight's daughter," He says, somehow knowing the name, face, and history of every person in here. I really don't know how he does that.

"Good to know," I say, a smile on my face as bring myself away from Blake, moving closer and closer towards Erin Lindsay.

"Sir!" He calls behind me nervously.

"Go have fun Blake!" I call behind me absentmindedly, hoping that I can shake my mother's human nanny cam for even a second. "Hi," I say softly as I look at her, her eyes slowly raising from the floor.

"Hi," She responds halfheartedly. It really doesn't look like she wants to be here. I know that because she looks exactly the way I did before my mother's team threw me into media training, telling me how to make a smile look real and pretend to be interested while still seeming genuine.

"I'm Jay Halstead," I say, reaching my hand out to shake hers. "Nice to meet you,"

"What the hell are you doing over here?" She asks sarcastically, her shyness dropping faster than speeding bullet. "Shouldn't you be schmoozing?"

"You know who I am," I say with a sigh.

"Dude your mom is the President of the United States, the entire country knows what your face looks like." She says with a smirk, "and the name drop didn't really help matters,"

"Not my fault that my mom likes politics,"

"Indeed," She says with a small smile, "But it is in fact your problem,"

"See I knew there was a reason I came over here," I tell her before taking a small sip of the whiskey that's been resting in my hand for far too long.

"And that would be?" She says with a laugh. I like her laugh. It's not the fake one I hear when my dad tells a bad joke, but people laugh about it anyway because of who we are, it's real.

"You're refreshing," I tell her with a smile.

"I'm refreshing? Like an ice cold glass of lemonade in the middle of July?" She teases.

"Exactly like that," I tell her with a grin, "You don't need any favors,"

"Who said I didn't need any favors?" She says with a cocked eyebrow. "Maybe I planned this whole thing, just lingering alone in a corner, focusing way too hard on stirring my drink and just hoping that you would come over here so I could tell you everything on my long list of grievances with the United States government,"

"Well that would be pathetic," I assure her, "But it is also a phenomenon that I have experienced several times,'

"I promise I'm not that pathetic, sometimes I get close, but this is where I draw the line," She assures me. "Now scurry along, go schmooze,"

"I'm good right here," I tell her, moving close.

"Well I'm not," She tells me, passing me her drink, "Nice meeting you Halstead,"

"Maybe I'll see you again?" I ask her as she starts to walk away, "I'd love to have some more lemonade,"

"I'm sure you would!" She calls back to me, before giving me one final wave and a smirk before rushing back over to an older couple who I assume are her parents.

"Sir there's someone who wants to speak to you," Blake says suddenly as he appears, scaring the crap out of me as I watch Erin Lindsay disappear into the crowd.

"Jeez Blake we need to put a bell on you," I exclaim as I follow him through the full crowd of the gala, people's eyes quickly flitting over to me as they realize who I am.

"Sorry sir," He responds. "Just trying to do my job,"

"I know, I know," I say, strangely feeling bad about that comment, "Just brief me, let's get this over with,"

* * *

 **Erin**

"So who was that sweetheart?" Camille asks as we drive home from the gala, the world dark outside, the occasional street lamp lighting up the car.

"It was nobody," I tell her, not willing to explain why I was chatting up the son of the President of the United States. I'm still not super sure what happened. I have no clue why he decided to talk to me of all people, I'm not even sure why he was at that event. And given his family's status, there was no way that I was going to pass up giving him a hard time. Besides, it's not like I'll ever see him again.

"Well he looked cute," She tells me with a smile, turning around and leaning towards me.

"Camille you saw him from across a crowded ballroom," I say with an eye roll.

"And that's how you know it's true, I could see those eyes from all that way away," She tells me with that perfect and pearly white smile of hers, that same smile that welcomed me into her home on day one. I was terrified riding home in the backseat of Hank's car. I felt safe, I knew that no one was going to hurt me, but Hank is Hank. And Hank can be scary. It was Camille who was the one who truly made me feel at home.

"Well it was a one time thing," I assure her.

"We're almost home," Hank grumbles, already not in the best mood after being forced by his commander to attend this thing. He has to go every year, he tries to get out of it every year, and every year, he fails. So every year, Camille and I take it as an excuse to get all dressed up. It was a little tradition that we started when I moved in with them and it hasn't stopped since I've moved away and gone to college, I come home every year, even if I do usually end up alone in a corner.

"And," I ask him, giving him my best grin.

"Can this wait until then?" He grumbles tiredly, just wanting to pull all this formal crap off and crash in his bed.

"Or we can just abandon it now?" I offer, still wanting to leave the topic of Jay Halstead. He's cute, I'll admit that, and he's charming. But he's also way out of my league.

"Works for me," He tells me.

"Fantastic," I respond.

"Oh you guys are no fun," Camille pouts as we pull into the driveway. "I thought part of the fun of having a girl was that we got to team up against the boys,"

"Well I think you got the wrong girl," I tell her with a laugh as Hank parks the car, me quickly jumping out the back door of the SUV.

"Oh no," She says, pulling me into her side and pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "You are my perfect girl,"

"Thanks Camille," I tell her as I allow myself to melt into the woman I've come to know as my mother.

"So kid," Hank asks as we walk back up in the house, "When are leaving us to go back to school?"

"Tomorrow morning," I tell them.

"Do you really have to leave us so soon?" Camille asks.

"C'mon you know the drill, we've been doing this for what, four years now?" I joke with her, my feet aching from the heels I've subjected myself to. I can almost feel the blisters that I know will be red and angry tomorrow.

"I know, I know," She says, dragging out her words as Hank unlocks the front doors, "but you're so far away and we never see you,"

"I'm here now," I tell her with a hug, "Besides, it's only three more months, then I graduate and I'll be back in the city,"

"It's been way too long," Hank says, "I miss having you here,"

"Aw who knew tough guy could have emotions," I tease him.

"Oh you thought I missed you?" He responds, "no, no, no, this way I can keep tabs on you,"

"Oh I see how it is," I retort as I begin to climb up the stairs, every muscle and bone in my body feeling the impact of the long day out and the cramped weekend of traveling and catching up with everyone.

"You going to go to bed?" Camille asks. "I think Hank and I are going to stay up for a little while,"

"Yeah I'm beat," I tell her, pulling off my nude shoes as I climb the stairs.

"Alright, sleep tight babes, I'll see you in the morning," She says as she blows me a kiss.

"We'll take you to breakfast in the morning and then drive you to the airport okay?" Hank says.

"Sounds good," I tell him. "Grady's?" I ask.

"Do we go anywhere else?" He calls after me.

"Good point?" I yell back, my dress now brushing along the floor as I walk into my old bedroom, closing the door behind me and slipping it out of my dress, letting it fall into a pile on the floor. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I toss my shoes into the suitcase lying open on the floor, pulling off my earrings, and tossing my gold necklace on my desk. I grab a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, the emblem of my high school spread down the left leg before tossing my perfectly curled hair into a easy bun and quickly wipe off the light makeup I'd applied hours earlier, quickly plopping into my bed and curling up in the puffy duvet.

Before I even know what I'm doing, I've grabbed my laptop and the name Jay Halstead is typed into my search bar and millions of results have popped up. I scroll through them all, mentally kicking myself. I don't know this, I don't cyber stalk guys. Not that it'll be hard with this guy. Or I'll ever see him again. But I do learn a lot about him.

He's the middle child, he has an older sister name Abigail and an older brother named William, two younger sisters named Eleanor and Madeleine. His real name isn't even Jay. It's James. His father comes from a political dynasty, a long line of senators and congressmen in their family tree. She didn't, she came from a working class family in Chicago. I guess once they realized that Patrick wasn't going to pursue a career in politics, they converted all their resources to Juliette, previously the woman who simply stood on Patrick's arm making polite conversation. And it worked. She now holds the highest office in the land, the first woman to do so.

As I get deeper and deeper into the Wikipedia hole of the Halstead dynasty, I have to tell myself to stop, finally shutting my laptop and turning off the light, willing myself to go to sleep, but the thoughts of Jay Halstead still lingering, unwilling to be turned off.

* * *

 **I did promise you guys a Linstead college AU and this probably isn't what you were expecting, but I hope you'll give it a chance. I know it's a little bit on the shorter side, but I just wanted to set the stage for you guys. Also I'm not sure if I'm going to contineue this, so if you liked it, let me know in the reviews! Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	2. Something About Her

**ERIN**

"So how was Chicago?" My roommate and best friend Kim Burgess asks, lying sprawled out on her bed across the room. We actually live in a house with six other girls, but she's the one that I actually share a room with. It gets a little crazy when all eight of us are in the house, but rent is expensive out here, so we make it work. Besides, I never actually had sisters, and I would deny it if anyone ever asked, but it's kind of fun living with all these girls.

"It was good, gala was how it always is, formal and gets boring quickly," I tell her, using the same story I gave Camille and safety omitting Jay from the narrative. I love Kim and I would tell her almost anything, but I do know that if I tell her that, she'd blow it way out of proportion and freak out. It's not like anything happened, we just had a talk, but he's also the son of the President of the United States. I guess maybe a talk with him is kind of a big deal. Whatever, it's over now. "Hank and Camille asked me to stay longer,"

"As always," Kim says with a giggle, "They just have to wait a few more months and then you'll be right back in Chicago,"

"Exactly what I keep telling them!" I say throwing my hands up in the air, "But come December when the first blizzard hits, I may be hightailing it back here to Southern California,"

"You love Chicago, I can't even believe that you came out here in the first place," She says, pulling her phone out of her pocket and absentmindedly typing out a text while she speaks.

"It was time for something new," I say, thinking back to my first days on campus. I was so scared. I would have been totally happy going to community college and living at home with Hank and Camille, they had already done so much for me, I didn't want to take their money to go to an expensive college, not that I thought I'd get in anyways. My grades junior, senior, and the second semester of were near perfect, but I'd screwed up so bad the first two years that I thought there was no way in hell any college would accept me. But then a letter came in the mail, addressed to me from some teeny private school I had never heard of called Bowman College. I look at the brochure and sent a few emails back and forth, finally agreeing to take a visit to the school with Camille. It sounded pretentious and prissy, but they offered to pay my tuition, all of it. So I took it. And I am so glad that I did.

My freshman year, it just so happened that there were seven other girls on my floor who were also from Chicago, and based on the fact that none of new anyone else, we became friends. That brings us to today.

"Well I'm glad that I'm staying back here, I wouldn't trade in the sunshine for anything," She says, leaning back into the seemingly ever growing pile of pillows on her bed.

"Also you couldn't find a job back home,"

"That is irrelevant my friend,"She tells me as I hear the doorbell ring downstairs.

"Should we get that?" I ask.

"Nah, Stella and Hales are already down there," She tells me, "You should finish unpacking,"

"You're right," I say with a sigh. I hate unpacking. The packing part is fun sometimes, I think I might be alone on that one, but I've always loved preparing for trips. But afterwards, when your suitcase is a messy of dirty and unfolded laundry, it's not fun. And I hate doing laundry.

"ERIN!" Hailey screams up the stairs.

"WHAT?" I yell out my door, our standard method of communication in the house.

"There's someone here for you!" She says her tone slightly mellowing out as I groan and slide off the edge of my bed.

"Who the hell is it?" I whine as I walk down the stairs. Who shows up at someone's house without warning anyway? That's what texting is for. If not a text, a least a call.

"I think you might know," She says nervously as I round the corner, a tall and very familiarly copper haired guy in the doorway. What in the hell is he doing here? I've had persistent guys, but this is a little insane.

"Oh you've got to be freaking kidding me," I say, storming past Hailey and pulling Jay out onto the front stoop, leaving a look of shock on Hailey's face. She knows who he is. I knew she would, they're all going to know who he is. That's why I didn't tell them, I knew I was going to have to explain it. Well it looks like I'm going to have to do it anyway.

"What are you doing out here?" I demand. I'm not upset that he's here, I'm actually kind of happy to see him, but why is he here? And how is he here? How did he find me?

"Well hello to you too," He says with that charismatic and infectious smile. I have to suppress the need to smile back at him. "I told you I'd like to see you again,"

"So you flew to Santa Barbara?" I question loudly, noticing the lack of security before seeing the two blacked out SUVs on the street. "How did you find me? I didn't even tell you my name,"

"Well for starters, I had the name of everyone in that room and I knew your name before I even talked to you. As for why I'm here, I happened to have some business to attend to in Los Angeles, thought I'd drive a couple hours up north,"

"You didn't answer my question,"

"It wasn't hard, I did a quick search on your name," He tells me. I should have been able to figure that one out. His mom has the nuclear codes, it wouldn't be hard for him to find a college girl in California.

"That's weird," I tell him, my arms crossed in front of my chest.

"You were intriguing," He responds calmly.

"How do I know you're not a serial killer?" I question him.

"I think it'd be pretty obvious if I was, don't you think that'd be bit of a media frenzy," He tells me with that

"Fine," I concede. That was a little out there. "You could have just called me. That's a little less stalkery,"

"Would you have picked up?" He says with a chuckle. He does have a point. I almost never pick up unknown numbers. "Besides, I tend to think grand gestures are not used enough these days,"

"So you stalked me and showed up at my house?" I question again. I know he's the son of the President, I don't think he's going to hurt me. But it's still weird. And why is he trying so hard for me? He could have any girl he wants, literally any girl. Why the hell did he pick me? And for some reason, I can't help but give this guy a hard time, make sure he's not screwing with me.

"I didn't stalk you," He tells me, "I'm here to ask you out on a date,"

"You, the son of the President of the United State is asking me on a date," I say again, repeating the words slowly as I try to process them. Nope, it's not working. What the hell!

"Yes," He tells me. "I'm in town for a few more days and I'd like to see you, maybe get to know you for more than thirty seconds in a crowded ballroom,"

"Why?" I blurt out, almost wanting to throw my hands over my mouth but resisting the urge.

"Because other than my siblings, you are the only person I've talked to since my mom was elected that has given me crap. And you're beautiful,"

"I look like crap," I assure him. After being stuck on the tarmac for several hours at O'Hare yesterday and the two hour drive home for LAX, I got home late last night and I was in no mood to shower. I look like crap.

"No you don't," He tells me with a smile. I don't doubt that this isn't the first time he's done this.

"I do," I assure him, "But no, to the date,"

"No?" He says, his face dropping as I deliver my words.

"I'm the first girl who's ever said to you, aren't I?" I ask him. Jay Halstead isn't the kind of guy that girls say no to, he's the guy that girls chase. Even without his mom's title and the Halstead name, I can tell that he's never had to work for a girl.

"Yeah kind of," He admits sheepishly. "Well I apologize for intruding on your life, have a good day Erin," He says, saying my name for the first time as he turns to leave. For someone who put in this much effort to get here, he gave up pretty dang fast.

"Hey," I call after him,making a rash call in my mind, "I said no to the date, but maybe I can do coffee, as friends. Nothing more,"

"Seriously?" He says, turning around to face me, the shock painted all over his face.

"Yeah why not. You did freaky stalk me and chase me half way across the country," I tease him.

"Now that you say it, it does sound a little strange," He says with a bit of a laugh, that infectious grin spreading across his face once again. As I look at him, my shock and sporadic anger fading, I get an good look at him. He's hot, really hot. I always knew he was, I've seen the pictures, but a camera did not do him justice. It didn't capture the sea green of his eyes, the muscles bulging out of the deep red t-shirt he's wearing, or the jaw that look like it was cut from marble.

"It's more than a little strange dude," I assure him, snapping out of my slight daze, "It's really freaking weird."

"It worked though didn't it?" He says with a smile.

"Hey, I didn't say yes did I?" I tell her with a raise of my left eyebrow.

"True, but you're still going out with me aren't you?" He says with a smirk.

"As friends," I clarify again. I don't know why I'm doing this. I just got out of a relationship and it didn't end well, I don't want to date anyone right now, so I have no idea why I even said yes. I honestly couldn't care less about his family, but he's made it pretty damn obvious about where he wants this to end. But when am I going to get another chance to have coffee with the President's son? Even if it's horrible, it'll still be a good story.

"Of course," He says, "When and where?"

"Tomorrow, 2 o'clock, there's a little place downtown called Gracie's, I'll meet you there," I tell him.

"I look forward to seeing you Erin," He says with a smile.

"I'm sure you do," I say with a smirk before stepping back inside, promptly collapsing against the wood front door and sliding my way to the cool red tile floors. What the hell just happened?

"Was that who I thought it was?" Hailey asks, standing right in front of me with Stella by her side, Kim footsteps racing down the stairs.

"Depends on who you thought it was," I tell her, trying to keep it all casual.

"Juliette Halstead's son Jay?" She questions.

"Then yes, you would be correct," I saw sheepishly.

"What the hell is he doing in Southern California? Isn't he living in Washington?" Hailey asks.

"No clue," I tell her, "But as for what he was doing here, asking me out apparently," I say with a nervous smile.

"He asked you out?" Stella squacks as her jaw drops to the floor.

"Who asked her out?" Kim asks as she appears in the hallway.

"Juliette Halstead's son," Hailey fills in.

"The President's kid?" She responds, the same shocked look that both Stell and Hales were sporting just a few seconds ago, "Wait which one?"

"Jay," Stella answers.

"Oh the hot one," Kim responds with a smile, "Nice work E,"

"It's not like I tried!" I exclaim. I also haven't been able to get him out of my head for the past like 36 hours, but they don't have to know that.

"Where'd you meet him anyway?" Hailey asks, ignoring my outburst.

"CPD Brass Gala," I answer.

"You told me your weekend was boring!" Kim interjects, "You kind of left a big part out,"

"Sorry," I defend myself, "But then I would have had to do this whole thing. Besides; I never thought I'd see him again. I definitely did not think that he would show up, all I did was give him a hard time on Saturday night,"

"Why would you do that?" Stella asks.

"I don't know, it was fun," I answer with a shrug of my shoulders.

"You really don't get how weird this is do you?" Hailey questions.

"Trust me, I get the weirdness,"

"And it's kind of a big deal," Kim fills in. "He is the son of the most powerful woman in the world,"

"Oh I am painfully aware of that," I assure them, their words bringing my load of insecurities with this whole thing. I still don't get it. Maybe I charmed him with my insults? Who knows, it still doesn't make sense for him to appear on the other side of the country.

"Wait Stell said he asked you out, did you say yes,"

"No," I say with a tiny bit of a snort.

"Are you freaking kidding me?"Kim almost yells as she jumps up from the couch.

"What? I don't want to date the guy,"

"Jay Halstead asked you out and you said no?" She questions.

"Relax, I told him I'd meet him for coffee tomorrow, but it's not a date." I tell them. I can almost see the relief rolling off of Kim.

"You sure he knows that?" Hailey asks.

"Pretty sure, if he doesn't, I'll make sure to remind him every time he forgets," I assure them. "Besides, it's just coffee right?"

* * *

 **JAY**

"Please tell me you did not go out to Santa Barbara just to see a girl you barely know," My sister Nora scolds over the phone as I ride in the back of one of the blacked out SUVs.

"Then I won't say anything," I tell her. Nora may be two years younger than me, but that doesn't stop her from stepping in and saying crap like this. Most of the time, it's good to have someone to call you out on your crap, but other times, you just don't want to hear it. I know it was odd, but I don't think I really care. I needed to know more about this girl.

"My God Jay seriously? I was really hoping that Blake was screwing with me," She says with a groan.

"When has he ever been one to kid?" I tease her, "Besides, I have all the meetings about the foundation out here this week,"

"Well one, those meetings aren't starting for two days and they could have been very easily moved to Washington or Chicago," She reminds me again.

"But what's the fun in that?" I say with a laugh.

"How did you turn out such a hopeless romantic? Especially in this family," She responds.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I exclaim.

"We don't do this Jay, we work. It's what we do,"

"Well maybe I'm just a little bit different," I say with a smile. I'm fully aware that I live in a family full of workaholics, I think it just comes with the territory. But I've always liked being able to slow down a little bit, enjoy the view for a while.

"Did it work at least?" She asks.

"We're going to get coffee tomorrow," I tell her triumphantly, subtling leaving out the part of Erin's hard rejection before accepting the offer as friends.

"All this for coffee? Dude you could literally date any girl in this country, why her? Why Santa Barbara?" She asks.

"There's just something about her," I tell her. She's right. I've never had to work this hard for a date. I don't remember a time that I wasn't a senator's son, then I was the Secretary of State's son, now I'm the President's son. I don't want to believe that it's been my mom's titles helping me all these years, but they definitely helped.

"There's something about her?" She questions. I can almost see her rolling her eyes on the other line as she mocks me.

"Yeah," I tell her, "There is definitely something about her,"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	3. Not Even a Date

**Thanks to everyone who left reviews on the last chapter! Hope you guys enjoy chapter 3!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"I really don't see why all of this fuss is necessary," I say for probably the tenth time as we sit in the master bathroom of our house, Kim behind me with a curling iron and the rest of the girls spread throughout the room, perched on different stools, a few of them even sitting on the floor, the rim of the bathtub, and Hailey with her legs hanging off the edge of the counter. "It's not even a date,"

"I saw the way he was looking at you," Hailey assures the rest of them, "He wants it to be a date,"

"But it's not a date," I quickly interject before any of them can open their mouths. I definetly made sure that he knew that.

"Yeah but he wants it to," Anna echos in a singsongy voice.

"Don't you have your own boyfriend to hang out with?" I shoot back at her.

"You know as well as I do that he's back in Chicago," She says, referring to her long time, however long distance boyfriend Kelly Severide. "So we're going to keep it all about you,"

"Yeah if you haven't realized, everyone in this room is either in a long distance relationship or hopelessly single," Gabby adds in.

"Hey," Leslie chimes in, "I would like to say that I am not hopelessly single,"

"You've been hooking up with a different girl every weekend, you're single,"

"Yes but I am having fun," She says with a wink and a smile.

"But still single," Stella says, Kim wrapping another piece of hair around the curling iron before letting it fall back to my shoulders.

"Are his Secret Service guys going to be there?" Hailey asks, changing the subject completely.

"I'd assume so," Kim says from behind me, "I mean, I don't see why he wouldn't. What did he say to you Er?"

"Nothing," I insist, "I didn't get his number. We just set up a time and place for tomorrow,"

"Jesus girl," She responds, "You have the most self restraint out of anyone I know,"

"I told you guys, it's just coffee," I reiterate, once again.

"Yes, yes, yes we know," Anna responds. "But still, it's coffee with the kid of the leader of the free world, it's still kind of a big freaking deal,"

"I am painfully aware of that," I assure them. That's pretty much the entire reason that I've been convincing myself for the past day that it's just coffee. I know that he wants it to be more than I want it to be more than that, but it can't be. He's a Halstead and I'm just me. I'm not made for that world. So, it's just coffee and then I'll never see him again. Everything will go back to normal and it'll just be a fun party story.

"Guys just let her be," Sylvie insists as Kim finishes up on my hair. "She says it's just coffee and we don't have any reason not to believe her,"

"And that's why you're my favorite," I say as I pop up from the stool I'd been assigned to. "I have to go now, but I'll tell you all how it goes,"

"We'll be waiting here patiently," Kim calls after me as I leave them all in the bathroom, slipping on a pair of dark red flats and pulling on the trusty brown leather jacket that Camille and Hank gifted to me for my 17th birthday. I really didn't know what to wear. Normally, I wouldn't put nearly as much effort into getting into something like this, but it's him. I wasn't sure what to do, I almost never care about things like this, so I let the girls take control, mostly Kim, who reveled in her opportunity to screw around with my hair and makeup.

I grab my keys and walk out the front doors, only my phone, keys, and wallet in tow and take a sigh of relief as I plop myself into the front seat of the 300. It's quiet, for the first time all day, it's quiet. I take a deep breath and set off towards the coffee shop.

* * *

I walk into Gracie's, the warm smell of roasting coffee beans filling my nose with a much needed sense of familiarity. I smile over at Caroline, the usual barista and the owners' Grace and Tom's daughter. I do a quick scan of the room, spotting Jay at a table in the corner and what I'm assuming is his security team sitting just at a table behind him. He waves over to me and I give a small smile and

"Double shot latte please," I tell her as I hand over exactly $2.84, ordering this enough to know exactly how much the total will be.

"Uh sorry Erin, but is that Jay Halstead waving over to you?" She asks as she distributes my money through the register, writing my name on a coffee cup.

"Yeah," I say with a solemn smile, her reaction exactly the same as all the girls in my house, "That's him,"

"Why is he doing in our little town in California?" She asks.

"That's something you and I would both like to know," I tell her as I glance over at him.

"Well if you figure it out, let me know," She says with a smile.

"You'll be the first to know," I tell her as I shove a tip in the tip jar.

"I'm holding you to that," She assures me.

"I'm counting on it," I say with a wave as I walk away.

"You look beautiful," He says, standing up to pull my chair out for me.

"Hey," I say as I slap his hand away, his Secret Service agents tensing up almost immediately, "that's a very date thing to do,"

"And this is not a date," He says, looking defeated once again as he collapses into his chair.

"It's not a date," I echo with a solemn smile. It's not that I don't want it to be. I actually have no idea what I want, but I know that it can't be.

"But thanks for coming to our coffee meeting," He says with a smile, those sea blue eyes sparkling.

"It was my pleasure," I say smiling at him.

"You have dimples," He comments.

"I do," I respond, "I've had them my whole life,"

"I love dimples,"

"You do?"

"I do, reminds me of my mom,"

"My dimples remind you of the President?" I say, nearly dumbfounded. I never thought I'd be compared to the President of the United States, especially for my dimples.

"My mother yes, she has dimples. My dad always said that that's what made him fall in love with her," He tells me, blush rushing to my cheeks.

"Well," I say, trying to draw the heat out of my face, "don't go falling in love with me Halstead,"

"Who said I was going to fall in love with you?" He says with a smirk.

"Well I think you did," I say, instantly regretting it but for some reason allowing myself to fall deeper into a hole of word vomit, "I mean you're the one who flew across the country to ask me out on this date,"

"So you admit, it's a date?"

"No," I say quickly backtracking, "This is coffee between two people,"

"Friends,"

"Sure," I say, "Friends,"

"You know my mom wasn't the politician in the family, originally anyway," He says, changing the subject completely.

"Really?" I ask, very much willing to segue the conversation away from us.

"Yeah, it was my dad. He was the oldest son of his generation of the Halstead dynasty and that's what they do. She was just Jules, the red head on his arm who produced cute babies. But my dad hated it and eventually he snapped, that's when they finally started seeing her,"

"And now she's the President of the United States," I say with a genuine smile, proud of the progress that our country has made in the last several years. "I voted for her,"

"You did?" He asks.

"Well there was no way in hell I was voting for that other guy," I say with a scoff. I wasn't usually one to follow politics, but the past Presidential election was the first time that I could vote and I wanted to make sure that I knew exactly who I was casting my ballot for.

"Well on behalf of the Halstead Administration, I thank you for your vote," He says with a smile.

"Tell me something about you," I say abruptly, "That I couldn't look up online,"

"Uh anything?"

"Anything," I respond, simply trying to make conversation. I know heads are turning towards us and I can almost feel Caroline's eyes burning holes in the back of my head, but I just have to ignore it. I have to ignore it or I'm going to freak out.

"Uh I broke my arm playing hockey when I was 7, both bones in my wrist, snapped like a toothpick. Alright your turn, tell me something about you, what are you majoring in?"

"Social work, minor in criminal justice,"

"Social work?"

"Uh huh," I say with a quiet smile."I just wanted to do some good, you know?"

"Yeah," He responds, his smile mirroring mine as Caroline brings my coffee over to the table. I know she justs wants to get a good look at Jay. I don't blame her. All seven of my roommates asked if they could come with, sit in the back and watch. I told them no of course, much to their dismay.

"Thanks Care," I say with a smile.

"Have good one Erin," She tells me back, her voice slightly more fluttery than usual.

"You too," I say with a smile, confusion on Jay's face as he watches the exchange.

"Is she always like that?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, taking a sip of the much needed caffeine.

"All nervous and whatever,"

"Uh no," I say with a chuckle, "That's just for you Jay,"

"Oh," He says, slightly deflated.

"You get that a lot?" I ask, bringing the cup back to my lips.

"Unfortuntaly," He says with a sigh.

"Well that seems like it might come with being part of the most famous family in the world," I tell him. "Do you want to go into politics?"

"Oh God no," He says quickly with a scoff.

"Well what do you do then?" I ask him.

"Nothing, right now anyway," He tells me. "I've got a degree from Harvard in International Relations, but I don't know exactly what I plan on doing with it yet. Luckily, I've got a bit of a net and I can drift around being my mom's lackey until I decide,"

"So that's what you're doing in LA?" I inquire.

"Bingo," He tells me.

"What about your family?'

"Well, you can find out most of that by Googling my last name, but sure. I'm the middle child, I have an older sister Abby who thinks she runs everything and Will who's fumbling his way through med school. Then there's me. Then Nora, she and Abby are both like younger versions of my mom, both in looks and personality, though they tend to be a little sharper," He says with a grin. "And then there's Maddie. She's," He stops with a sigh, "Well she's Maddie,"

"Family turmoil?" I ask.

"No," He says, "and their was, I wouldn't tell you,"

"You think I'm going to run to a reporter?" I ask, feeling slightly hurt as his thought. I shouldn't, I shouldn't even care, but I care what he thinks about me.

"No, God no. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the last thing you want is your name the front page of any newspaper,"

"I don't usually like people who assume, but yes," I assure him. "My dad always said to never get your picture in the paper,"

"He's a cop right?" He asks, "Intelligence?"

"Yeah," I respond, honestly a little creeped out that he knew that. But of course he knows, he knew where to find me, it wouldn't be hard for him to know what Hank does.

"The rules might be just a little bit different for you then, right?" He says with a light laugh.

"Yeah," I say with a smile, hiding the real reason I'd never get my picture in the paper. It's not such a big deal if it's tiny little newspaper in Santa Barabra, but anything having to do with him would be a national story. It would also be a very easy way for my past to track me down. I smile over at him, shoving down my fears and allowing us to slip into a comfortable conversation. He's kind of great. I didn't want him to be, I wanted him to be awful, someone that I wouldn't mind never seeing again. But he's not awful.

"So, I'd like to do this again," He says as we stand outside the little shop.

"I thought you said you were only here for a couple of days," I ask, almost feeling sad at the thought of him leaving.

"I could arrange to stay longer, if you'd agree to it," He says, flashing me that stupid, stupid grin again.

"I don't really have control over your travel plans though do I," I respond, teasing him back.

"You could," He tells me with that dumb smirk.

"I already told you," I say with a sigh, "Just friends, I can't handle anything else,"

"I know," He responds as he places his hand on my shoulder, "but it isn't going to stop me from trying,"

"You're fighting a losing battle Halstead," I say with a smile, slipping his hand off my shoulder.

"You're really going to make me work for this aren't you?" He asks.

"Work for what?" I say innocently, really, really enjoying screwing with this guy.

"Oh you know what I mean," He says with a smirk.

"Have a nice life Halstead," I say softly as I begin to walk away, his secuirty team loitering behind us.

"Wait!" He calls after me. "Let me give you my number at least,"

"I thought this was a one time thing," I say as I stop and turn around.

"Well I was hoping we'd be able to continue," He says, his brow furrowing.

"I think it could be arranged," I say with a smile, for the frst time, genuinly looking forward to seeing him again.

"I kind of had a feeling," He says as I hand over my phone, open to a brand new empty contact. I watch with my arms crossed as he types in his information.

"Seriously?" I say as I show him the screen, the words "The Best Person You Will Ever Meet" typed on the line where his name should be.

"Call me okay?" He says with a smile and a nod before stepping into the backseat of the blacked out SVU.

"Oh Lord," I say to myself, his words lingering in my mind, "I'm in trouble now,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you did, please drop me a review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	4. Trending

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Hope you guys enjoy Chapter 4!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Erin you're about to freak out," Kim tells me with wide eyes as she sits across our kitchen table, her laptop open in front of her. It's been two days since the almost date and after an initial freak out from the girls, things seemed to have cooled down. The questions have stopped, for the most part anyways and only occasionally do I get the excited outbursts, but I think I'll be dealing with those for quite awhile, something I seem to be strangely okay with.

"What's up?" I ask absentmindedly as I type away at a psych paper.

"Take a look?" She says flipping the screen towards me. My jaw drops as I see the picture on the screen. It's me. And it's Jay. We're not doing anything, just standing outside the restaurant facing each other, nothing happened yesterday, but it's me and it's him.

"Jay Halstead's new mystery woman?," Kim says, reading off the headline. "Did you know about this?"

"Of course not," I say as I look closer at the picture. You can't tell it's me, my face is so blurry and I have a pair of big aviators on. You wouldn't ever know that it was me, Hank and Camille wouldn't even be able to recognize me, but I know.

"You've got to be freaking kidding me," I say under my breath, storming out of the kitchen and locking myself in a bathroom and hitting Jay's contact. I tap my foot angrily, hot tears streaming down my face as the phone rings, being painfully aware of the possible consequences.

"Erin," He says, a step in his voice as answers. If he knows anything about me, he knows what my reaction would be to this, which means that he hasn't seen the photos yet. But it doesn't change anything.

"What the hell is this?" I demand.

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to fill me in," He responds. I can almost see him lying out on the beach, not a care in the world as my blood boils.

"I'm talking about my photo trending online!" I almost scream into the phone. I know, deep down, that it's not his fault, but I need someone to blame. Maybe it's me, but I can't scream at myself.

"What?" He says his tone changing.

"Google your name and click news," I snap. I hear him sigh on the other end of the buttons click under his fingers on his phone. "Oh God Erin, I'm so sorry, I had no idea,"

"This was the one thing I told you I was afraid of," I tell him. This sucks. I knew that we could never be anything, that us even being friends was a risk. But I like, I really like him and that's dangerous. "I'm so sorry, I thought that we avoided them," He tells me, sounding more than sincere.

"Jay you knew that I could not have this happen,"

"I know, I know, but they're everywhere." He says, "and I am who I am, I can't change that. Even if I wanted to,"

"And I can't change my past either," I say without thinking. Shoot! I want to kick myself.

"What?" He asks confused.

"No, nothing," I say, trying hard to easily brush it off.

"Okay," He says, still seeming unsure and definitely not satisfied with my answer.

"So what do we do?" I ask.

"Well I can make a few calls, see if I can get the picture down,"

"Dude we have free press, you can't just call your mommy and make magic happen," I say with a scoff.

"That's not what I meant," He says. "My family has been in this world a long time, I know people Erin,"

"So you really think you can get it down?"

"I can try," He tells me.

"Okay," I say, "But that's not what I meant,"

"What did you mean?"

"What are we going to do about this?" I say reluctantly. I can almost feel his heart drop of the other end of the line. I know that it's the last thing he wanted to hear, and as much as he didn't want me to hear it, I wanted to say it even less.

"I don't want to lose you, I barely know you. But I know I can't lose you," He say, all his walls and barriers falling down in that very instant.

"I know," I say, reluctantly letting him in just a little bit, "Just as friend even, I'd miss you. But uh, I don't know what to do, I've never done something like this before, it's never been an issue,"

"So we cool it, video chat and text. Maybe not see each other too much," He offers. "Not appear in public?"

"Okay," I agree, "That works and it's the only thing that really makes sense right now. But I'd still like to see you face to face one more time before you leave good old California,"

"You free tonight?" He asks.

"I mean yeah, but it's not like we can go out or anything," I say, leaning against the closed bathroom door. I really should be studying for a psych test, but I've gotten 100% on every test without trying, so I might be a little comfortable with winging it.

"Yeah, but you can come over to my hotel and we can hang out, there's a hockey game on tomorrow night. I'm staying at the Canary Hotel,"

"I assume you're routing for the Caps?" I ask, completely ignoring the last half of his statement.

"You'd assume right," He says, seemingly impressed by me actually knowing the schedule.

"Well, get ready for my Blackhawks to kick their asses,"

"Oh okay." He says with a laugh, "So you in?"

"Yeah," I say, almost nervously, "I'm in,"

"Great, I'll send a car over, pick you up at 6?"

"You know I live here right? I can make my way over to Carrillo Street,"

"I know you can, it's a security issue though," He tells me regretfully, "one of my Secret Service agents will pick you up and bring you back here,"

"You're sending the Secret Service to pick me up?" I whine before slapping my hand over my mouth. That really isn't something you complain about.

"His name is Toby, you'll like him," He assures me with a tight laugh.

"How do you know?" I tease, "Like you said, you barely know me,"

"Because my sister Nora likes him, and she doesn't like anybody," He tells me with a laugh.

"Alright," I concede, "Should I wait outside for him or something?"

"I'll call you when he gets there," He tells me.

"You know this is crazy right?" I say with a smile.

"What's crazy?" He asks.

"That your mom is the President and right now we're discussing the Secret Service agent that's picking me up and bringing me to your hotel," I say, everything crashing down on me. "That's insane,"

"That's just life my dear," He says.

"Yeah," I say quietly on the other end as we lead each other into kind of an awkward silence.

"So are we good on the picture?" He asks after maybe fifteen seconds of us just listening to the sound of each other's breathing.

"Do what you can. You can't even tell it's me, I think I freaked out a little bit,"

"You did," He says with a laugh, "But there was no way in hell that I was going to tell you that,"

"Smart man," I say with a giggle. "I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"See you tomorrow Er," He says as he hangs up the phone. I take a deep breath and slide to the floor against the cool wood of the bathroom door, the cool red tiles delivering a much needed shock to my body.

I think I've given up on this whole keeping my distance thing. It's obviously not working and it doesn't seem like it's a bad thing anymore. I just have to make sure that I can control it. This can't get back to Chicago. It can't get back to everything that I've worked so hard for the last six years to outrun. It would ruin everything. It would ruin me and it would ruin him.

* * *

 **JAY**

Still riding on the somewhat confusing high from my conversation with Erin, I sigh as I look down at my phone to see a phone call from Abby. I know that it's going to have to do something with the photos, my sister is awesome, but she's also very busy. If she just wants to talk to me, not for any particular reason, it's scheduled. Anything not, means she needs something.

"What's up Abs?" I ask halfheartedly, knowing exactly what's coming. I can almost hear her heels clicking down the halls of the East Wing. Since our mom was the first elected female President, the White House and our family alike wasn't really sure where that left the position of First Lady. My dad of course, hold the formal position of First Gentleman, but a lot of the ceremonial duties, are carried out by my older sister and she loves it. It allows her to still be there for her daughter, while being more than involved in the Halstead Administration.

"Who's the girl?" She asks, almost coldly. Another thing about my oldest sister, she's uh, a little rough around the edges. I love her to death, she's been there for me my whole life and I know that she's always got my best interest at heart, but her ways are showing it are not often how I would do it.

"Her name is Erin, she's just a friend,"

"So the headlines on every gossip magazine I've seen are just gossip?" She asks me again.

"Yes," I tell her, "There is nothing going on between me and her,"

"The press have been asking Avery about it, what do you want me to tell her?"

"No comment, to all of it,"

"You sure?" She asks.

"Positive, she didn't ask to be put into this world. No comment,"

"Okay," She responds. "Don't fall too hard JJ, be careful,"

"What?" I ask.

"I know how you are, just be careful okay?"

"I will?" I answer, not really sure what she's referring too, but not really wanting to go off on a tangent either.

"I gotta go, I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Give Emmy a kiss for me," I say.

"Will do," She assures me before hanging up the phone. As I hang up the phone, I reluctantly go back to all the briefings that my mom's office faxed over to me last night, which somehow need to all be memorized before my meeting tomorrow. I really need to find an actual job.

* * *

 **ERIN**

"What'd he say?" Hailey asks as I return to the table, her presence a new surprise.

"Kim fill you in?" I ask as I sit back down to my paper. Even though there's eight of us that live in the house, I'd definitely say that I'm closest to Kim and Hailey out of all of them.

"Yeah," She says, looking over at me over a cup of coffee. "You okay babe?"

"We worked it out,"

"Are you worried about-?" Kim starts to asks.

"I don't think so," I respond, as she refers to my years pre Hank and Camille. It's been hard for me to open up to anyone about my past, but after three years of friendship and a strange sense of vulnerability around a bonfire one night, I spilled my guts to the two of them. "You can't tell it's me in the photos and he doesn't know that I'm in California,"

"Did you tell him why you were freaking out?" Kim asks.

"Oh God no," I almost say with a scoff, "I actually like this guy, no way in hell he's knowing that yet. I don't want him running for the hills,"

"You like him?" Hailey says with an audible gasp.

"No," I say, quickly trying to backtrack, "No, no that's not what I said,"

"No that's exactly what you said," Kim retorts. "I thought you said you just wanted to be friends,"

"No I said that's what we could be," I tell her, "I never said that's what I wanted,"

"Why are you holding yourself back babe?" Hailey asks, "He likes you, a lot apprently and you seem to like him,"

"Because he's him and I'm me, we don't come from the same world. I wouldn't fit into his any more than he would fit into mine,"

"Do you think maybe you're judging him a little too fast?"

"No," I say, "I know who he is. I know because I wanted him to suck. I wanted him to be horrible so that I could ditch him, not feel bad about it, and then not worry about him for the rest of my life."

"But he doesn't suck," Hailey fills in.

"No, he's amazing. I don't doubt that I could take him home and he would fit right in. I'm the issue and that's not fair to him. So we're friend, just friends."

* * *

 **I know this chapter was a little on the shorter side, but if you guys enjoyed it, please let me know in the reviews or drop me a PM! Also, what did you guys think of the premiere? Let me know!**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	5. My Dear

**Ahh I know, I know I've been gone for so long! Life has a sneaky little habit of getting in the way of things and I've been crazy busy this last month or so. I'm off school and work for the next three days, so I'm hoping that I can get some chapters up this weekend while I'm on break. Thank you to everyone who's left review on the last chapter, I read all of them and they make me so happy! This is getting long so I'll wrap it up, but I hope you guys enjoy chapter five!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Evening my dear," Jay says as I answer his call. I roll my eyes at his new pet name for me, one that I've gotten more than a few times over the past day.

"You know you don't always have to call me that," I says with a laugh as I pull on a pair of Converse, holding the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

"Would you like me to stop?" He teases, knowing very well what I'm going to say.

"Do whatever you'd like Jay Halstead," I tell him, a smirk stretched across my face.

"Well in that case, Toby is waiting outside for you my dear,"

"You know I really can drive myself," I say as I fish my purse out from beneath the seven other purses on the hooks. "I'm an adult,"

"And you also know that it's a security issue," He tells me.

"Fine," I whine, giving up on my 24 hour effort to allow him to let me drive myself. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"See you soon," He says before hanging up the one.

"Miss Lindsay?" I hear from a very tall man in a black suit at the end of the driveway, standing outside an Escalade with blacked out windows.

"That's me," I say with a smile, "And you must be Toby,"

"Agent Toby Wells, yes," He says with a firm look on his face.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I say as I hold out my hand to shake his.

"The pleasure is all mine ma'am," He answers as I step into the car.

"You know you don't have to call me that,"

"Sorry, protocol. What would you like me to call you?" He asks.

"I think Erin will be just fine," I say before he nods and closes the heavy door of the black Escalade behind me.

"So do you like your job Toby?" I ask as we roll down the streets of Santa Barbara.

"I serve at the pleasure of the President," He responds, his face stoic and emotions hidden behind those black sunglasses. That's not really an answer but I think it's the best I'm going to get.

"Oh okay," I say as I look out the window, seeming way too high off the ground. It was a step to get in, especially coming from my tiny little sedan I'm used to driving. It's also super weird to be in a car and to not be driving it. I almost always drive. I don't say anything for the rest of the trip, sensing that he may not be up for conversing based on how quickly he shut me down before.

We pull into a parking garage below the hotel and drive further down until we drive past what looks like a blockade of sorts, Toby pulling out what I assume is some sort of ID and showing it to a security guy and he quickly waves us through, Toby parking not long after.

He doesn't say anything to me as he gets out of the car, but I get the gesture and follow him to a row of elevators. Again, we don't say anything as the elevator raises to the top story of the building, Toby again having to insert some card into the side of the elevator for the buttons to even allow themselves to be pressed, though I assume that's just something with the hotel and not a crazy security measure implemented just for them.

"His room is just down the hall," Toby informs me, talking for the first time in about twenty minutes as we walk down the very long hallway at the top of the Canary. He walks behind me silently for a while, before moving in front of me to knock on Jay's door.

"Mr. Halstead, Miss Lindsay is here,"

"Great!" I hear Jay say as his footsteps approach the door. He smiles as he opens the door, dressed more casually than I thought he was capable of in a pair of sweatpants and a Harvard sweatshirt, making me feel much more confidant in my choice of cropped leggings and a blue and grey Bowman tank. "Thanks for getting my girl here safe and sound,"

"Not your girl," I say with a smirk as he lets me in, Toby falling out behind me to what I assume is his own room.

"So did you like Toby?" He asks once the door closes behind us.

"He talked to me once," I say bluntly as I kick my shoes off next to the door, strangely feeling a lot more casual than I probably should.

"He'll warm up don't worry," He assures me.

"You sure? I don't think even my dazzling personality could charm that guy," I say.

"He'll come around and you'll come around to him," He assures me as I follow him into the kitchen.

"I'm going to be around long enough to come around?" I ask, my arms crossed in front of my chest as I follow him.

"That's up to you, but I sure hope so," He tells me with a smile, not even waiting for a response, "You want anything to drink?"

"You got Diet Coke?" I ask before he tosses me one. "My mom got me addicted to the stuff it's so bad,"

"Yeah here," He says as he tosses me the silver can. "So you a hockey fan?'

"Hockey's kind of a big deal in my house," I say as I pop open the can. "My dad played in high school and my little brother plays for his school now,"

"I played in high school, college too. Halsteads' play hockey, then we hang up the skates and run for office,"

"You ever think about making a run? You're eligible to be a Representative in three years,"

"You know how old I am?' He asks, with a raised brow. My face instantly begins to flush, but quickly goes back to normal as I see the smile on his face. He's teasing me.

"You're kind of famous Jay Halstead," I tease right back as I follow him into the living room.

"Don't remind me," He says as he flops down on the couch. I carefully sit down next to him, careful not to disturb anything. It looks and feels expensive. Everything in his suite feels expensive.

"So," I begin as I curl my feet up beneath me, "what are you doing down in Santa Barbara,"

"Well as I'm sure you know, my mom's running for reelection,"

"I do," I say.

"Well we're all campaigning, they think it's charming, having the kids talk to them. They're more likely to donate money to us. Will's holding down the fort in Chicago with Natalie and they're talking to all the big donors there, Nora's in Boston, and I'm filling in the gaps anywhere else, which means a lot of flying between New York, LA, and Washington,"

"Where's home for you?" I ask as I pull a plush blanket over myself.

"Chicago," He tells me with a smile.

"Really?" I say surprised, "I was expecting you to say Washington,"

"I've lived there almost my entire life, but when the Senate was out of session, my mom always took us back to my grandparents house in Chicago. Plus, my brother lives there with his fiancee and their son, so I like being there with them,"

"Will has a kid?" I ask. I don't remember seeing that online, but I'm not going to admit that I even went there.

"Not exactly," He tells me as I wrinkle my brow in confusion. "He's really Natalie's son. She had him when she was 20. I haven't ever asked about the details, but from what I know, alcohol was involved that night and the father isn't involved, he hasn't ever been. Will and Nat have been friends since they were 18, they only started dating when Owen was like two months old, but Will's his dad, just not biologically,"

"Does Owen have your name?" I ask.

"Not yet, he's Owen Conte for now, they're waiting until after the wedding for the name change," He answers.

"When's that?" I ask.

"Sometime this summer, maybe August?" He tells me. "They're both in med school in Chicago, so they have to get it done during the break,"

"Oh makes sense," I say, leading us into yet another one of our awkward silences. "So," I say after a minute, "Are we going to watch hockey or what?"

"I like the way you think Lindsay," He says with a grin as he grabs the remote and flicks on the TV, the familiar sounds of the rink playing over the speakers.

"You know we could go to a real game sometime," He tells me. "The Kings are playing the Blackhawks in a couple weeks,"

"You assume I'll still be talking to you in a couple of weeks," I tease him as the game starts.

"I'm hoping I assume correctly," He says, looking over at me with a grin.

"We'll see Halstead," I tell him as I refocus my attention on the game, keeping my real apprehensions about entering into a relationship with him at bay. He can't ever know about Charlie, it might tear me apart, but I can't go down again for this. And he definitely can't.

* * *

 **JAY**

"Alright you win," I admit as the final period ends, her team destroying mine. I look over as my words are met with silence. She would not miss the opportunity to taunt me, she's been doing it all night long. "Erin?"

I look down to see her tiny body curled up and asleep on the couch, a perfect look of serenity on her face as soft snores escaped her. She looks beautiful, even when she's asleep. I've never had to work this hard for a girl, it's always been so easy. But she's worth it. I barely know her and I know that I'm willing to work for this. I'm willing to work for her.

"Erin?" I say, shaking her shoulder slightly.

"Huh?" She says as she flutters her eyes open. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep," I tell her, "Your team won by the way,"

"Of course they did," She says sleepily, not entirely coherent at this point. "I should go home,"

"It's late, just stay over," He says. "I'll take you back to campus tomorrow,"

"I'm not sleeping with you Halstead," She tells me, looking very satisfied with herself.

"I know," I say with a smile as I look down at her, "Just stay,"

"You promise?" She asks, her eyelids lowering with sleep.

"I promise," I assure her.

"Fine," She says as she begins to fall back asleep.

"Alright," I say as I sweep her into my arms, bridal style.

"Put me down," She says halfheartedly, I feel her whack the back of my shoulder softly, before her arm slumps back down.

"Just go back to sleep Erin," I tell her as I feel her head relax onto my shoulder.

"Okay," She tells me before she slips back into sleep.

I smile down at her, carrying her into the bedroom before slipping her underneath the covers and quietly closing the door behind me as I leave. As the image of her resurfaces in my mind, I have a terrifying thought. I think I'm falling for her. I barely know her and she definitely doesn't want anything to do with me, but I can't help it. And I know that there's nothing I can do to stop it. She's beautiful, that's obvious and while that's what initially drew me to her, that's not the most enticing thing anymore. She's curious and intriguing, she's got a sharp tongue and she's the only person I've meet since my mom has been elected that's pushed back. I need that.

"Sir?" I hear as I walk back into the main room.

"Toby, you know you can call me Jay," I tell him again.

"Sorry, Jay," He responds, "Would you like me to take Ms. Lindsay back to her house? It's getting late,"

"We're okay actually, she fell asleep so I'm just going to take her back in the morning," I tell him as I pull open my laptop to catch up on all the emails I know I missed the past couple hours.

"Alright," He says, "I'll see you both in the morning then,"

"Goodnight Toby,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

I blink my eyes open to unfamiliar surroundings, the sheets and blankets I'm wrapped in not feeling like my own. I shoot up as I remember where I am. I must have fallen asleep. I vaguely remember him bringing me in here, but not really.

I stretch out, letting my toes touch the cool hard wood floors and walk out the door of the bedroom. It feels strange, walking around here without Jay, like I'm somewhere I shouldn't be.

"Hey stranger," I say as I spot him seated at the kitchen counter, a laptop open in front of him as he types furiously.

"Oh you're awake," He says, looking over at me with a smile as he closes his laptop.

"You just don't give up, do you Jay?" I say as I take the seat next to im at the bar.

"I don't know what you mean?' he responds.

"Well, you could have just taken me home last night," I tell him, secretly happy that he didn't.

"You could have asked," He responds as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

"I could have," I say with a smile as I take a sip of his water bottle. "Anyways, I had a good time last night. Before I fell asleep anyway,"

"You thought anymore about that game in a couple weeks?"

"I'll let you know," I say, again keeping my reasons to myself.

"This would be so much easier if you would just stop playing hard to get," He says as he swipes the bottle back from me.

"But that takes all the fun out of it," I say with a smile.

"Could I possibly tempt you with this?" He says as he slides a flyer across the counter, "maybe this'll win me a first date,"

"A fashion show?" I say as I look over the flyer skeptically.

"A charity fashion show," He points out. "They use the funds they raise to build a school in a developing country. It's Ghana this year. My sisters walk in it every year, so Will and I are always in the audience."

"I don't know," I say, trying to stall but having a really hard time saying no. I want to say yes, but I know that there will be photographers there and if I'm on the arm of the son of the President of the United States, there will definitely be pictures and there will definitely be questions. I just don't know if I'm ready for that.

"C'mon am I really that bad?" He asks.

"No you're not," I respond, as I look down at my lap, "I am,"

"What do you mean Erin?" He asks as I look up at him with tears in my eyes. This is going to be over before it even starts.

"Jay I have to tell you something,"

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! If you did, let me know in the reviews and I will try to have another chapter up ASAP!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	6. Her Past

**Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed on the last chapter! Also just to clear something up, in this story Natalie will be Natalie Conte, which is her maiden name and Jeff doesn't exist in this story.**

* * *

" _What do you mean Erin?" He asks as I look up at him with tears in my eyes. This is going to be over before it even starts._

" _Jay I have to tell you something,"_

 **ERIN**

"What is it?" He asks, looking over at me with confusion as he places a hand on my shoulder, only making it that much harder. He's the guy, the one that I've been chasing my entire life. But I have to let it go. He won't want me.

"I am not who you think I am," I tell him, every ounce of logic in my body telling me to shut up. This is just not something I talk about. Since I left Chicago, I've only opened up to Kim and Hailey about my past and that took years. I've only known this guy for a couple weeks and I'm ready to spill my soul.

"What do you mean?" He asks, looking right through me with those big blue eyes.

"My parents aren't Hank and Camille Voight, they aren't a cop and an English teacher that live in Beverly." I tell him slowly, the lump starting to form in my throat as it becomes harder to speak.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asks me again.

"Just let me finish please," I say, feeling the tears about to brim my eyes. "My mom's name is Bunny Fletcher, she's a drug addict and I don't know who my father is. My name was Cassidy King and I grew up on the streets. I started selling drugs for a guy named Charlie when I was 14 and I've been arrested more times than I'd like to admit." I say, trying and frankly failing to keep the tears at bay. I can feel them free falling from my eyes and my bottom lip shakes. "Whenever I got out of line, he hit me," I can see the color drain out of his face as his hand balls up into a fist.

"Erin," He says. I can't really tell the look on his face. I can see the anger filling his eyes, but I know that he feels bad for me. They always feel bad for you. The pity is always there. I know it will always be there.

"One day, when I was 16, he beat me within an inch of my life," I tell him, trying hard to choke back the tears and get it all out. "That's when I met Hank, he saved me." I almost smile as I think back to that night. I remember waking up in a hospital room in so much pain, but he was there. And from that day, he hasn't left my side. "That's when it started to turn around for me. My name was changed to Erin Lindsay and I entered protective custody and I never really left. I've been running from him ever since,,"

"Erin," He says again, his hand now on my knee.

"That's why I can't be with you." I say through tears, "You are amazing and wonderful and better than anything I deserve,"

"You deserve the world," He says quietly, though I ignore it.

"But," I continue, "You come with publicity and photographers and news articles and I just can't risk that and it's not fair to you to have to hide away, that's not fair to anyone,"

"Erin we can fix this, I can put a security detail on you. You'll be safe," He tells me, "Or we can get him arrested. I can get him in jail for the rest of his life,"

"You still don't need to be associated with me. I can't do that to you and to your family," He looks at me as he thinks my sentiment over as he takes a few deep breaths, running his hands over his short hair.

"So we cool it," He tells me again, echoing his earlier solution,"For real this time. I can't lose you Erin. Not over your past, everybody has one and I definitely can't lose you over my name,"

"What?" I say, looking over at him in shock. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I thought that he would rage or kick me out of the room. But he just looks at me with those kind eyes.

"We stay out of the public," He tells me as he wraps his hand in mine, "I tell my family, but we stay careful. I'm willing to try if you are,"

"You are really willing to do this for me?" I say, still not able to shake the shock from my face. "We've known each other two days,"

"I don't care. I know that you are something different. I know that you are worth trying. So, are you willing to try?" I hesitate before answering him. I've never had this, a guy like this. He's willing to move a mountain for me, risk everything with his family, for me.

"Yes."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"I'll call you okay?" Jay says from the back of the blacked out SUV as I stand on the sidewalk, still dressed in the same clothes from yesterday.

"I'm looking forward to it," I tell him. After my declaration this morning and his very surprising response, we talked and I think we've worked something out that'll work. We keep it on the down low. He's going to talk to his family and I'm going to talk to mine and I'll go down to his family's apartment in LA when he's down here, which I've learned won't be very much. I still wouldn't be able to tell you why I said yes to this. It's crazy and wild, it probably won't even work, but we're both willing to try.

It doesn't feel like real life. This isn't what happens to people, especially to people like me. I already had my miracle, I got Hank and Camille. That doesn't happen twice. But apparently, I'm willing to roll the dice.

"C'mere," He says as he looks over at me, a tease in his eye.

"What do you want Halstead?" I say with a bit of a laugh as walk back over to the car.

"You," He says with a smile as he loops his arm around my waist and pulls me in for a kiss. I can feel my heart stop for a second. He kisses me like no one has ever kissed me before. I feel myself start to melt into him,becoming more and more comfortable by the second.

"What happened to cooling it?" I say with a smile as I reluctantly pull away from him, instantly just wanting to kiss him again.

"I don't know when I'm seeing you next, we can cool it tomorrow," He says tell me with a grin.

"Okay," I say with a smile. "I'll call you tonight,"

"I look forward to it," He tells me, "I've got a question for you though,"

"What's up?" I ask as I lean against the frame of the dark car.

"What are you to me? Just for me to tell my family," He asks.

"What do you want me to be?" I ask him with a smirk. I almost have to stop myself. I can't believe the complete 180 that I've done in the last twelve hours. I guess my fear was always my past and he realized that fear.

"I'd like for you to be my girlfriend," He tells me, seeming almost laughable nervous.

"Your secret girlfriend?" I add, knowing the circumstances.

"Yes, my secret girlfriend," He tells me, that stupid smirk smeared across his face.

"Well you didn't have to go all seventh grade on me, but sure. Call me what you want okay?" I tell him as I hang on the frame of the car.

"Okay," He tells me, "I'll see you soon,"

"Get out of here before a paparazzi swarms my house," I tell him with a smile. Truth be told, the last thing I want to do is tell him to leave, but I know that standing in my driveway isn't going to work either. I'll see him soon enough.

"Goodbye Erin,"

"See you later Halstead," I say before reluctantly shutting the door and watching the SUV roll back down my street. I stand there for a minute, still shellshocked over how much my life has changed in the last week. It's insane, completely insane. But it's real.

* * *

 **JAY**

I'm shocked to say the least. When she told me that she had something to tell me, I don't know what I thought she was going to say, but it definitely was not that. Maybe that she was going to tell me that she had commitment issues or that her parents hated my family or something. I didn't think she would say that she used to be someone else or that a drug dealer almost beat her to death. Nothing like that.

I just wanted to give her a hug, hold her tight in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. I saw the fear in her eyes, the way they iced over and the way that her lip quivered when she said his name. It nearly broke me.

I don't know what it is about her that makes me feel this way, what tempted me to come find her and make her mine, what makes me feel like I would walk to the end of the world for a girl that I barely know. My mom always said, that when you know, you just know. And I guess I know.

* * *

"Well you're back early," Abby says with a smile as she notices me walking into her office, family pictures smiling back at me from every wall, of course dominated by her daughter.

"Meetings were quick and the plane flew fast," I tell her as I plop myself on one of the couches in her office, that horrible feeling of plane scum still all over me.

"And why exactly did you come here?" She asks as she walks over to me, pulling her impossibly tall heels off as she throws herself on the other side of the couch, her shoulder length hair perfectly curled as always. "Though I'm not complaining, you're giving me an excuse to take a break,"

"I have to talk to you," I admit to her. While she's not the first person I'd like to talk to, I know I should. She'll know what to tell me, whether or not I want to hear it.

"Oh Lord, what did you do this time?" She says as she sits up frantically.

"Remember that girl from the pictures?" I tell her nervously as I pull on my fingers, my telling nervous tic.

"You did exactly what I told you not to do didn't you?" She says with a sigh as she falls back into the couch.

"I'm sorry Abby,"

"What are you sorry about?" She asks. The two of has have always had a completely open policy, even when we were younger. She was always my greatest confidant, always there to listen, even though I was just her annoying little brother. Even after she went to college and got married and we both grew up, if I ever needed to talk, I knew that Abby would always be there with an ear. But we aso made a deal to never lie to one another.

"I told you last week that she was just a friend, and she was. But I wanted her to be more than that,"

"What changed?" She asks as she looks over at me, those big blue eyes matching mine.

"Her mind," I tell her carefully. "She was willing to jump for me, willing to take a chance."

"Jay why is this girl such a big deal?"

"She's different, than any girl I've dated before. She doesn't care that Mom's the President, it took me a week to convince her to even agree to go out with me,"

"But," She starts for me, knowing what's coming.

"She's got a past and it's not great," I say reluctantly. I didn't want to have to tell her and Erin definitely didn't want to let me tell her, but I knew that if this got out, we'd need to have a plan in place, both to take care of the media and make sure that Erin is safe. Abby will be able to keep her mouth shut, while quickly and quietly putting together that plan.

"You were quite the playboy in college and we took care of that didn't we?" She says jokingly.

"It's not like Abs," I tell her, my voice low.

"What do you mean?" She asks, realizing the severity of the situation.

"She's from Chicago, not a great area of the city. Her mom was a drug addict and she doesn't know who her father is." I say quietly.

"She's in college though right?" She says, looking for the bright side. "That's easy to spin,"

"Abby I'm not done," I tell her as I try to settle her down. I just want to get this over with, I hate that I have to do this.

"Sorry, sorry, I'll shut up," She says as she nods over at me.

"She used to deal drugs and her boss I guess, some guy named Charlie almost killed her when she was 16. She entered protective custody and I guess she never really left,"

"What do you mean she never really left?" Abby asks as her brow furrows.

"She changed her name and she never changed it back, because that guy," I say, so much anger in my voice. "He's still chasing her,"

"Wow," She says quietly as she looks down at her lap. There's few things that will render my big sister speechless, but I guess this fits the bill.

"That's why she didn't want to even try. She didn't want to tarnish Mom's reputation and she didn't want to be found," I tell her. I can see the sympathy on her face. She went through something similar with her husband Graham, not to this degree, but his father is well known for being a very Conservative senator and it's a bit of an understatement that party loyalists on both sides weren't super happy with the union.

"What changed her mind?"

"I told her that we'd be careful, make sure that no one found her and that if they did, it wouldn't get back to Chicago,"

"Jay you know that we can't promise that," She says, telling me everything that I already know.

"We can try," I insist.

"Okay," She says softly, "I need to meet her,"

"What?" I exclaim at her. I expected her to lecture me, tell me how stupid it was. I didn't expect this.

"I will make sure that it happens quietly and I won't tell Mom or Dad or Nora or Will or Maddie, but I need to meet her," She says again.

"Why?" I ask. "Do you not trust me?"

"You know that I trust you JJ, you're my little if we are going to go to bat for this girl, if our family, if the freaking White House is going to go to bat for her, I need to know her. And I need to know why she's worth it," She tells me, a foreign force in her voice. I groan. Erin's not going to like it. She's going to hate it. I don't like it either. But we don't have a choice.

"Okay,"

* * *

 **Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! I've been writing lines in like four minute sessions backstage, so it's been a little crazy, but I hope you guys liked it! If you did, please let me know with a review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	7. Family Matters

**Thank you to everyone who left a review on Chapter 6! Hope you guys enjoy Chapter 7!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"She wants to do what now?" I say, trying to remain calm as I feel my heart beating out of my chest, my mood greatly contrasting the serene scene before me in the backyard of the house, my legs stretched out before on the lawn.

"She told me that there is no way around it and honestly Erin, it'll be a good thing in the long run." He says, "If shit hits the fan, Abby's a good ally to have and we're going to want her on our side,"

"What is she hates me?" I ask. "What if she wants nothing to do with me and goes running to your mom and then this thing is over before it even starts,"

"She won't." He assures me, his voice cracking up slightly over the phone. "She'll love you, don't worry about it,"

"Jay I'm going to worry about it," I assure him. I worry about everything, I have my entire life.

"Fine, then distract yourself. You'll get to see me too," He offers in an attempt to curb my anxiety. Though it does little to help, it is a nice gesture.

"That is a nice thought," I say with a smile. "So when are we doing this anyway? And where?"

"That's up to you," He tells me.

"Me?" I say.

"Yeah, I could come out to Santa Barbara with Abby, Graham and Emmy, we would play it off as a family vacation," He explains to me, the confidence in his words telling me that he's done this before. I always thought it would be fun to be famous, but after getting to know Jay the past couple weeks I'm not so sure.

"None of the media would think it was strange that you were in Santa Barbara twice in less than a week?" I question.

"I don't think so, but we can always fly you out here for the weekend," He offers. "It'd be the easiest thing and I wouldn't have to move a security detail with you,"

"No security is very tempting," I say as I contemplate the idea. "I wouldn't have to meet your entire family right?"

"No," He tells me with a laugh, "Just my sister, her husband and their daughter Emerson,"

"And they'll like me?" I ask nervously.

"They're going to love you," He assures me again. "Abby is going to be harsh on you at first,"

"Like how?" I question nervously.

"She's been hard on all of my girlfriends, she just wants to make sure you aren't in it just for the fame or the money,"

"But you told her what was going on, she know's my situation," I say confused. Honestly, I'm a little offended that she thinks I'm just in it for the money or for the fame. Anyone who knows me would know how not me that is, but then again, she doesn't know me.

"She needs to see it for herself," He tells me sympathetically, "I'm sorry Er, if there was anyway around it, I would have taken it. But this is just how my family works,"

"No," I tell him, running my fingers through my loose hair. I don't want him to blame himself for this, I knew exactly what I was getting into. "I knew what I signed up for. And better your sister than your parents right?"

"True," He says with a laugh, "It's just all really fast, I haven't even taken you on a real date,"

"They'll be plenty of time for that later," I assure him. "I have to go," I say reluctantly.

"Okay," He says, trying to hide his disappointment, "I'll look at some flights and we can figure out the details later,"

"Alright," I say. "I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Bye," He tells me.

"Bye," I say before hanging up the phone. It's weird, having so many restrictions and so much red tape and I can't say I'm happy about it. I've dated too much, but I've had a few boyfriends and it's so strange to start a relationship like this. I know that I'm falling fast and I know that that's dangerous, but I just can't help myself. I hope that this isn't just lust and I think he's worth but it, but I have to make sure.

But I know that I have to call Camille. It's only been a few days and I already feel like I'm lying to her. I take a deep breath before I hit her number, the first of my list of favorites. I could have called her last night or anytime today, but I think I've just been gathering up the courage to actually pick up the phone.

"Hey baby," She says as she picks up on the second ring, "Is everything okay? I don't usually get calls from my favorite daughter in the middle of the week," She asks teasingly.

"I'm good," I tell her with a smile. "I'm really good actually,"

"Is there a new boy?" She questions. Damn it I knew she'd be able to tell, she always can.

"You know I can be happy for other reasons right?" I say, playing with her.

"I know, but you don't call me in the middle of the week to tell me about a paper or a girls night out, who is it?" She asks again.

"Remember the guy from the ball?" I say nervously. Of course she will, she's got a razor sharp memory.

"Yeah blue eyes right?" She says. I almost have to laugh, thinking of her description of him that night. Oh if only she knew.

"That's the one," I say, a smile forming on my face as his eyes come to mind, those gorgeous eyes.

"What about him. Does he live in Santa Barbara?" She says. I can almost see her twirling one of her graying blonde curls around her finger.

"Not exactly,"

"Oh the suspense," She whines, "Just tell me his name, we can discuss the rest of it later,"

"His name is Jay Halstead," I say, nervously waiting for her response. I can hear the silence on the other end of the line, each second feeling like an hour.

"As in the President Halstead?" She asks quietly.

"Yeah," I respond, my voice even smaller than hers.

"How long?" She asks, her voice quiet and cautious.

"Only a couple days," I assure her.

"Erin," She says, her voice trailing behind her. It sounds like she's disappointed in me, but I know she's not. She's just concerned and she's scared. I can tell by the sound of her voice that her thoughts went exactly where mine did; Charlie. As much as I've been running from him, they've been protecting me and no one wants to do anything to compromise my safety.

"I know," I respond, trying not to choke on my own words. "I'm being careful,"

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" She asks. I sigh at her words and take a deep breath before answering.

"No," I tell her truthfully, "It could be the worst idea I've ever had. But it could also be the best. And I'll never if I don't try,"

"And you're willing to try? Why is he worth it Erin? Is this really worth risking everything that we have worked so hard for,"

"I don't know," I tell her, "But I think it might be. So I'm going to leap and hope that I land on my feet,"

"You're a smart girl, I trust your judgement. Just Erin, I am begging you, please be careful." She says. I can hear the pleading in her voice. She saw first hand what happened last time and I know that all she's trying to do is protect me.

"The birds have got to fly the nest at some point Mama," I tell her.

"Yeah but do you really have to fly all the way to the White House?" She jokes.

"We'll see," I tell her. "Can you not tell Hank? Just for now at least, I need to catch my breath, but I want to be the one to talk to him,"

"Just promise me you'll talk to him before I see your face plastered on the front of Us Weekly,"

"I promise," I say with a slight laugh.

"Okay deal," She says. I can see the smile on her face on the other end of the line.

"I'm going to go, I love you," I tell her, longing to see her again. I know it's only been a couple of weeks since I saw her, but I didn't have anyone for most of my life. All I had was Bunny and since they found me, it's been hard to let go.

"I love you too Bear,"

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay with it?" Jay asks me for what feels like the hundredth time as walk through the terminal at LAX, another staunch reminder of everything that separates us.

It's been three weeks since we met in that coffee shop and in some ways, it feels like we've known each other our entire lives, but in other ways, it seems like it was just yesterday. But I've been patiently awaiting this day, when I would finally get to see him again. I've gotten to know him a lot better, I know that he's afraid of clowns and that his favorite weather is warm rain in the summer, and he had a recurring nightmare about the Seattle Space Needle when he was little. His favorite color is green, but a dark hunter green, not in your face neon, but he loves lime jello. His sisters all call him Jaybird and he wasn't shy about telling me that his favorite one was Abby, whose daughter calls him JJ. I always told myself that I'd never be this girl, the girl that freaks out and fantasizes about the guy she just met. But I am now. And it feels so good.

"I've flown commercial my entire life Jay, I'll be fine," I assure him with a smile.

"You know I could have a plane down there in an hour," He tells me again, half joking this time I think.

"Let's save that one for another day," I say with a smile, the hustle and bustle of the airport strangely comforting.

"Sounds good," He tells me. "Er I know I promised no Secret Service,"

"Really?" I say with a groan, knowing exactly what's coming next. I know I shouldn't complain about it and it's probably a good thing that they're going to be there, but I hate that my independence is being taken away.

"Abby insisted. Three of my guys, Atwater, Roman, and Dawson are going to pick you up at the airport and bring you back to my apartment. I'm sorry Er,"

"No, no, no don't apologize." I say, feeling unbelievably guilty. It's not his fault and I shouldn't have made him feel like it was. "It's fine, I'll see you when I get there. I'm going to go grab some food and finish up a paper, I'll text you before I take off,"

"See you soon," He tells me.

"Bye," I say as I hang up the phone, a stupid smile all over my face. I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel this way. I'm trying to keep myself grounded, keep my conversation with Camille in the back of my mind and making sure to move forward with my eyes open.

Due to my extreme anxiety, I arrived at the airport two hours before my flight and security ended up being much faster than I thought it would be, so now I have an hour and a half to kill. All of my roommates offered to drop me off, but I decided to go with Hailey. She seems to be the least fazed by all of this and I needed a break from the crazy and she was more than willing to help. I said a quick goodbye to her outside the terminal, made it through security and quickly located my gate, which brings us to hear, me rushing to finish the conclusion on a psych paper while sipping on a latte and picking at a croissant. I quickly pack up my laptop as I hear the first call for boarding, dashing the quick distance back to my gate and hopping in line, handing my ticket to the gate agent and heading on down the jetway.

As I glance down at my seat assignment, I can't help but roll my eyes. Seat 3A. How did I know that he was going to do this?

"Good morning," The flight attendant tells me as I step onto the plane, her hair perfectly coiled into a bun on the back of her head and an impeccable smear of red across her lips.

"Good morning," I say back to her, a kind, probably too kind smile across my face. I make my way down the short alise to seat 3A, tossing my carry on in the overhead bins and settling into the very comfortable seat. I pull out my phone to send a quick message to Jay.

 _First class? Seriously Jay you did not need to do that. I would have been fine in coach. -EL_

 _It's just a ticket, relax and take a nap. I'll see you in a few hours, fly safe. -JH_

I can't help by smile at his message, but I follow his instructions and I'm out before the doors even close.

* * *

"We are beginning our final descent into Washington DC," I hear over the intercom as I shake myself awake, uncurling my legs from under me and stretching out for the first time in, well apparently five hours. I yawn and rub my eyes, looking out to see darkness over the city of Washington, followed by a growl in my stomach, remembering that I haven't really eaten since this morning. "The local time is 8:34 PM and the temperatures are holding steady around 62 ℉. The captain has asked that you please fasten your seatbelts and keep them fastened until we are docked at our gate." The intercom buzzes out and I take this time to stare out at the city before me.

It really is beautiful, especially all lit up with the huge monuments sticking out in the skyline. I know I must look like a little kid, with my face glued to the window, but I can't help but stare and before I know it that lights have gone up and the voice over the intercom is thanking us for flying American Airlines.

I pull my backpack out from under the seat and grab my rollerboard from the compartment, quickly making my way through the airport. I can't help but laugh as I see the two Secret Service agents waiting at the bottom of the stairs, all decked out in the black and white suits and the black sunglasses, holding a sign reading _E. Lindsay_ in front of them. If Jay wanted to be low key, he's not doing a great job. But at least one of them is smiling, so that's a step up from Toby, the guy who picked me up last time.

"Ms. Lindsay?" One of them calls from a bit of a distance away.

"That'd be me," I say as I approach them. "Nice to meet you,"

"I'm Agent Atwater," The smiling one says as he reaches out to shake my hand. It's only then that I notice how big his biceps are, but he does kind of seem like a big teddy bear.

"And I'm Agent Roman," The other one says, his expression sterner. "Let me take your bag,"

"Oh okay," I say, taken a bit off guard as I hand it over to him. There isn't anymore dialogue as I follow them outside to a parking garage, where I assume Agent Dawson is waiting. My suspicions are confirmed as I jump into the backseat, Atwater sitting next to me and Roman sitting shotgun with Dawson.

"We've heard a lot about you," Agent Atwater says as he looks over at me with that warm smile, "Jay's been looking forward to you visit Ms. Lindsay,"

"Please call me Erin," I insist.

"Then call me Kevin," He tells me with a grin. "Oh and we forgot to introduce you to Antonio Dawson,"

"Very nice to meet you as well," I say as I look forward at him as he nods at me in the rearview mirror. We don't talk very much on the way to Jay's apartment, but there is a little big of a dialogue and I can already tell that I like these guys much better than I liked Toby.

I feel the nerves start to build in my chest as we pull into the parking garage below Jay's apartment building. I don't know why, I talked to him only a matter of hours ago, but I'm just scared that things will be different. I don't know why they would be or how, but I just can't shake the feeling.

Well, only time will tell.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 7! If you did, please let me know in the reviews!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	8. Potomac

**Firefly hit 100 reviews last chapter! Thank you to everyone who has continued to read and review and a special thanks to Emme for helping me with this chapter! Hope you guys enjoy Chapter 8 and please let me know what you think in the reviews!**

* * *

JAY

"You really like this girl don't you?" My best friend Adam says as he sits on the other end of my couch, nursing a beer.

"I do," I say as I take a sip of my own, "There's just something about her,"

"There's been something about a lot of girls," He points out as I roll my eyes. Adam and I have been close ever since I could remember, our parents always running in similar social circles and his dad happens to be my mom's Chief of Staff. Our parents haven't always agreed, but Adam and I have remained close. We were roommates in college and now he lives just in the next building over.

"I was young and dumb," I tell him with a grin. He's right, but I mean it this time.

"You're 24," He tells me with an eyeroll. "I assure you, you are still young and dumb Halstead,"

"Touche," I tell him with a smirk as my eyes wander to a clock hanging on the walls of my apartment. "Oh crap you have got to get out of here,"

"Why?" He asks as he glances towards the same clock.

"She's going to be here any minute," I say, quickly dashing both the bottles in the trash and attempting to usher Adam out of the room.

"I don't understand why I can't just meet her?" He protests.

"I don't want to freak her out, she's not too thrilled about meeting Abby,"

"Well I wouldn't be too thrilled either, Abby's a hawk. I thought she was going to ask for my blood type and social security number the first time we met. And she was only nine then" He jokes with a chuckle as I try to push him towards the door.

"Not helping," I exclaim as the doorbell rings, causing both of us to freeze.

"Well I guess you don't have a choice now," He says with a laugh.

"Shut up Ruzek," I tell him under my breath, swatting him on the shoulder before moving to open the door.

"Hey," She says softly in the doorway, still looking as gorgeous as always even after a cross country flight, her hair thrown up in a bun on top of her head and donning a simple pair of black leggings and a grey hoodie, that trusty pair of Converse on her feet. I feel a weight fall off my chest, I know I've shouldn't have been, anything can happen on a plane and I'm not going to hide the fact that I was worried about her.

"How was the flight?" I ask as I pull her in for a quick hug, mouthing a thank you to Roman, Dawson, and Atwater, who simply nod back at me and dismiss themselves. They'll be around constantly, around the building in their black SUVs. It all started during the campaign when Mom became a real contender and I've been fighting the losing battle since then. But I happen to actually like these three.

"It was good," She answers as she lets herself out of my arms, "I slept the entire time,"

"Good, I'm glad. You needed the rest," I say.

"Who's this?" She asks as she notices Adam standing behind me.

"Adam Ruzek," He says as he holds out his hands to shake hers. "And Jay's best friend,"

"Chief of Staff's son?" She questions as she shakes his hand, a polite smile on her face.

"Ah a smart girl," He tells her, almost making me want to smack him in the fact.

"Just read the news," She tells him with a smirk, "Erin Lindsay,"

"Nice too meet you," He says, looking into her eyes and then over at me, raising his eyebrows in a move that I know she caught.

"You as well," She responds politely as she smiles up at him.

"Well he was just on his way out," I interrupt as I push him out the door. "Bye Adam,"

"Bye Jay," He says with a stupid smirk all over his face as I close the door behind him.

"Sorry about that, I lost track of time," I tell her.

"Don't apologize, he's your friend." She tells me as she wraps her arms around my neck, dropping the bag resting on her shoulders. "But I am really glad that he's gone,"

"What do you have planned for me Erin Lindsay?" I say as I glance down at her seductively.

"Well nothing right now," She says as she drops her arms, teasing me. "I just got off a five hour flight and I feel gross, all I want is to take a shower and wash off the seventeen layers of plane scum,"

"Got it," I say with a smile, grabbing her bag. "C'mon upstairs, you can shower and I'll make some dinner,"

"There's a second floor?" She asks.

"Yeah," I say as I nod towards the staircase against the wall.

"Oh okay," She says, toying with the idea in her head.

"What have you never seen a two story apartment?" I joke with her.

"I can't say I have," She tells me as she leads the way up the staircase.

"Well, I'll be glad to introduce you to the idea of apartment stairs," I say as our feet march up the hardwood stairs in rhythm.

"Your place is beautiful by the way,"

"Thanks, though I can't take credit for it, It was like this when I moved in," I assure her, "I have close to no sense of style,"

"I'm sure you've got something at least,"

"Eh," I respond halfheartedly as we reach the second floor. "Anyway, I've got towels set out in the guest bedroom and I don't have much in the sense of girl shower products, but there is shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the bathroom."

"Oh," I hear her say and I know exactly what she's thinking and I instantly notice my mistake. She's thinking about which ex-girlfriend they belonged to. She won't say anything, but I have sisters, I know.

"They're my sister Nora's," I say, quickly correcting my mistake. "She likes to stay here with me when she comes home from college,"

"Gotcha," She says, that smile returning to her face.

"It's just down here," I say, opening the door to the guest room, looking spotless. This room hardly ever gets used so it wouldn't have any reason to be messy anyways. "You can start unpacking in here if you'd like," I thought long and hard about this and as much as I'd like to invite her to stay in my room, we've only been together for a couple of weeks, not even having a real date and I don't really know where we stand so I don't want to push it.

"Okay," She says. "I'll meet you back downstairs in twenty minutes,"

"Wow twenty minutes,"

"What?"

"It's just, I've never dated a girl who can get ready that fast,"

"Well that is a stereotype and what am I really doing to get ready? I'm jumping in the shower, throwing my wet hair in a bun and throwing on some clothes," She says, only proving my first impression further. She's a breath of fresh air, a 180 from any other girl I've dated. They wouldn't have been caught dead the in what Erin was wearing when she showed up at my door, with no makeup on to boot. But that's what has kept me drawn to her. She's different.

"Alright," I say with a smile as I slowly back out of the room, "Carry on,"

"See you soon Halstead," She says with a smile before closing the door slowly in my face.

* * *

"And he cooks too," I say with a laugh as I descend down the stairs, my wet hair thrown up in a bun and donning my favorite pajamas, old, but very soft cotton shorts with tiny little pineapples printed on them and a simple white t shirt.

"You weren't lying about the twenty minutes thing," He says from behind a stove, stirring a pan of something that smells delicious.

"When there's a little brother or a couple of roommates banging down the door, you get quick," I say as I sit down at the island across from him. "What are you making?"

"Chicken stir fry," He tells me, "I remember you mentioning that you liked Chinese,"

"You're a good listener," I tell him with a smile as I pluck one of the snap peas from the pan.

"So I've been told," He says as he continues to cook as a rice cooker beeps in the background.

"So," I begin as he scoops the rice out of the machine, "can you give me a preview on what it's going to look like with Abby tomorrow?" He sighs and runs his hand through his hair, which is never a good sign.

"She's the oldest, so she's been in this world the longest and she's always been there to protect us, all of us," He tells me softly. I can tell he's holding back, he has been this entire time.

"Just give it to me straight Jay," I insist. " I need to know what I'm in for," My nerves only heighten when he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"She's used to people trying to get close to us for their own personal gain. So she's going to be tough, she will strip you down and make sure that you are who you say you are. She doesn't want me to get hurt,"

"Jesus Jay I thought you said she's like me," I exclaim, suddenly second guessing my agreement to come here. It's too soon, it's way too soon to do this.

"She will, she will," He assures me, abandoning his project and running over to me as my gaze sinks down to my interlocked fingers. "It's just, it'll take a minute,"

"And she's going to drag me through hell first?" I say as I look up at him.

"Not exactly," He says, trying to slow it down as I jump out of the chair.

"I shouldn't' have come here, I had a feeling and I ignored it," I say frantically as I pace around the kitchen.

"Erin," He says slowly as he follows me.

"This is your world and I obviously don't belong in it," I continue to ramble.

"Erin!" He says again, louder this time.

"What?" I exclaim as I turn around to face him, but I'm only met with his lips.

"Calm down," He says as he pulls away from me, one hand still holding the back of my head. "It's all going to be okay,"

"Are you sure?" I ask again, his previous answers doing little to calm my nerves.

"I'm positive,"

* * *

As I lay in bed, I can't feel anything other than panic. We talked yesterday and I thought I had worked all of my issues out about this whole thing, but now that I'm alone, all bets are off. I have no idea how late it is, I haven't bothered to look at the clock.

It feels wrong, being here and being alone. I should be with him, that's why I'm here. I toy with the idea in my head, going back and forth before taking the leap and jumping out of bed, tentatively making my way out the door and down the hall to his bedroom, wincing as his door creaks.

"Hey," He says as he looks over at me, one eye open in his sleepy haze, moonlight streaming through the floor to ceiling windows. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Something like that," I say as I stand in the doorway, legs crossed with a sheepish smile on my face.

"C'mere," He says, reading my mind as he flips back the blankets and invites me next to him. I carefully pad across his hardwood floors, collapsing into the mattress and rolling into his side, feeling more than safe in his arms.

"Jay was this a mistake?" I ask, my back turned to him as I stare off through the windows and down to the dark river.

"I don't think so," He responds after a deep sigh. "But if you want to go home and forget that this ever happened, we can do that too,"

"I don't want to just forget you," I say, feeling his chest rise and fall against my back. "And I don't want to leave, but I don't know if I can stay. I don't know if I can do this,"

"But you said you're willing to try, right?" He says, a certain desperation in his voice.

"I think so," I say.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if tomorrow goes badly, I don't know if I'll be able to hold on,"

"It won't go badly, it's going to be fine," He assures me for the upteenth time as if he won't accept any other outcome.

"Okay," I say, before shutting my mouth. Neither of us say much more before we drift off to sleep, in each other's arms, but still a million miles apart.

* * *

 **Hope you** **guys all enjoyed chapter 8! Also, if there's anything specific you guys want to see in this story, let me know in a review and I will try my best!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	9. Finding Her Footing

**Sorry for the long wait between updates, hope you guys enjoy chapter 9!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

I stand in front of the mirror in Jay's bathroom, dressed in a flannel button up and a pair of cropped leggings as I put the finishing touches on my makeup, hot nerves coursing through my veins.

"Hey," Jay says softly, standing behind me in the doorway, looking almost perfect in a white shirt and a pair of jeans. "You know you don't have to dress up,"

"I'm not dressing up," I insist as I close up the various containers in front of me, "but this is your sister, I'm not going to show up in a pair of sweats and a hoodie,"

"Alright," He says, backing away slightly, the distance between us I effectively established last night still making itself more than known. "I'm going to go make coffee, meet me in the kitchen when you're ready,  
"I'll just be a minute," I say as he leaves, putting a final glaze of hairspray before taking a satisfied look at my reflection. I take a deep breath, tossing everything back into my cosmetic bag and shuffle across the hallway, slipping into my favorite pair of skinny jeans and a white top, throwing on a cropped black and white collarless jacket that Anna lent me, something that I would never pick out but that they all insisted looked good on me. I take a deep breath before swiping on a matte red lipstick and running my hands through my hair and doing one last look over, grabbing my bag and running down the stairs to meet Jay. I haven't been able to calm my nerves all night, my hand was shaking as I curled my hair, I have the angry red burn on my left hand to prove it. I just have to keep telling myself that if believes so hard that everything will be okay, there has to be some truth to it. I trust him. At least I think I do. What am I saying? I barely know him? It's been two weeks, but then again, it feels like I've known him my entire life. I don't know what to think.

Last night as I laid there in his arms, sleeplessly staring out to the darkness of the Potomac River, I tried to figure it out, running through every possible scenario in my head, weighing the pros and the cons, every single outcome. Every side was even, it didn't help, not even a little bit. But I did have to use more concealer than normal.

"Two sugars and cream," Jay says as he slides a white coffee mug along the white marble counters.

"You remembered," I say with a smile as I pull the mug to my lips.

"Told you I remember everything," He tells me with a smile as he takes a sip of his, no cream, one sugar. I remember that. We sit there for a minute, the silence in the room thick enough to cut with a knife.

"Jay I'm scared," I say, cracking the quiet right in two.

"Why?" He asks, looking at me as if he'd answered this question a hundred times.

"What do you mean why?" I ask.

"What are you scared of, exactly?" He says, articulating, every word full of intention.

"I don't know," I say exasperated, "Popping the bubble I guess,"

"What?" He asks, looking at me confused.

"Popping the bubble," I say again. "It's easy right now,"

"I wouldn't say that," He says as he looks over at me, keeping his demeanor as calm as ever.

"There's no one else involved, no one gets to have an opinion. It's just the two of us, our problems are our problems but we deal with them, just the two of us." I answer him. "A bubble."

"And?" He asks, urging me to continue.

"Letting your sister in complicates things, she gets an opinion now, she gets a say. And that scares me." I tell him, almost wanting to take back every word.

"Don't let it," He tells me.

"How?'

"Listen Erin, are you unsure about me?" He asks. No, I know exactly how I feel about him. It's just everything else that's the problem. If he wasn't who he was, I would have no reservations, if I wasn't who I am, I would have no reservations. If we were just two college kids, both from normal families in Chicago, I would be all in. But we're not normal, so I have to keep one foot out the door until I can find my footing, a footing that I'm confident won't fall out from under me.

"No," I tell him, "I am more sure about you than I have been about anything in a long time,"

"Then just focus on that," He says, flashing me that charming smile. "It's all going to be okay Erin, we'll make sure of it,"

"How?" I ask.

"Because," He starts, pausing for a second, "I believe in the good. I believe in the best possible scenario. And I know that you don't, which is okay. That just makes you human. But I believe in it enough for the both of us. So I just need you to hold on for a little while longer,"

I take a deep breath before answering him. I've never had this before, a guy willing to put everything on the line for me, riding up on a white horse and promising that everything is going to be okay.

"Just hold on?' I question.

"Just hold on."

* * *

"You ready for this?" Jay asks as we stand outside the front entrance of Abby's gorgeous Georgetown townhouse, Atwater and Dawson sitting in the car out front.

"No," I tell him, "But I don't think I have a choice do I,"

"The unfortunate truth," He says with a sad smile.

"Let's go," He says, taking my small hand in his, punching a code into a keypad and pushing open the front door of his sisters house, revealing a hallway that was about a hundred times warmer than I was expecting, a gallery of family pictures lining the walls and the tops of entrance tables. I recognize a few of Jay in high school, with most of them being photos of a baby who I'd assume is Abby's daughter.

"Jesus Jay, did I never teach you how to knock?" I hear from the kitchen, Abby's familiar voice filling the house in booms. I've heard her talk on TV before, her presence is just as assertive here as it is there.

"You gave me the door codes for a reason sis," He comments as he kicks off his shoes, gesturing for me to do the same.

"I should really think about changing those," She says with a smirk as she comes into view, baby girl on her hip. Wow she's tall. Really tall. Or I might just be short I don't know. But she's a presence, that's for sure, looking effortless beautiful in a navy blue three quarter sleeved dress, her short red locks just brushing the tops of her shoulders.

I'm not used to seeing her like this. She's seen as America's older sister, a universal figure head in American households, always there, standing there smiling next to her mother and father, doting husband on her arm and a giggly baby on her hip, the American ideal of a picture perfect family. Our nation loves her, she's wear something once and it sells out within hours, she wrote a book on the campaign that sold over a million copies. America loves Abigail Halstead Davis. But she was always just an idea, today she's a person. She's my boyfriend's older sister.

"Hey Abs," He says as he pulls into a hug, wrapping his arms around her as the little girl on her hip squeals.

"Hey little brother," She says, her face softening for just a second as she returns the embrace. "It's good to see you,"

"It's been two weeks," He points out.

"Two weeks is a long time," She says, still not making any kind of gesture to my presence. "Don't judge me,"

"No judgement," He says with a smile as he steps back to my place on the mat, wrapping his arm protectively around my waist. All I want to do is sink into him, but I force myself to stand tall. "And this is my girlfriend, Erin Lindsay,"

"Nice to meet you Erin," She says, her face turning back to her formerly stern expression as she shakes my hand, roughly I might add.

"You as well," I say as return the gesture, making sure to look her right in those fierce blue eyes, a nearly perfect match to her brother's.

"Let's head on back," She says, "Graham's finishing up breakfast, I planned on us eating out in the backyard,"

"Sounds good," Jay says, grabbing my hand and walking behind her. I can feel myself breathe in a sigh of relief, the ice has been broken. Or at least cracked. "You're doing great," Jay whispers to me as he squeezes my hand. I smile back at him as we walk through Abby's beautiful home, Emerson happily giggling on her mother's hip. Some of my nerves have dissolved, but Abby's less than warm demeanor towards me has raised a whole new set of nerves. But I have to give it to her, the girl can decorate a house.

"Really?" I respond quietly.

"You made it through the door babe," He says with a smile as he presses a kiss to the side of my head.

"I guess," I say as we fall back into an uncomfortable silence.

"Hey bro," Abby's husband Graham says as we walk through the french doors in the back of the house, setting out a plate of fruit on a table on the brick patio, a genuine smile on his face, dressed much more casually than Abby or me, in jeans and a button up, similar to Jay.

"What's up man," Jay says, leaving me and giving his only brother in law a hug, a huge smile on his face.

"And you must be Erin," He says, breaking from the hug and moving to shake my hand, Abby still standing awkwardly in front of us.

"It's very nice to meet you Graham," I say as I return the gesture.

"How was the flight over?" He says as he takes a seat at the table, the rest of us following his lead as Abby secures Emerson into a high chair.

"Wonderful," I say as I settle in, "I slept the entire way over,"

"Good," He says, "Fruit?"

"Please," I respond with a smile, taking a piece of melon from the plate, still not entirely comfortable in my surroundings.

"So," Abby says, her ice cold voice cutting right through the dialogue, "what are you majoring in?"

"Social work," I say, looking her right in the eyes as Jay pours iced tea into all of our glasses. "Minor in criminal justice,"

"The minor was encouraged by your father, I presume?" She asks. Her tone is perfectly fine, but for some reason, I still feel like she's trying to incriminate me. My suspicions are only confirmed when Jay raises his eyebrow at her.

"No," I respond shortly, "He actually advised against it. But I think that if I'm going to try to help these kids, I should know the good, the bad, and the ugly of the system they're all going to be thrown through,"

"And you think it's a default that the justice system will be involved?" She questions, not even looking at me as she passes a plate of waffles to her left.

"No," I say, determined to match her, but not stoop below. I am going to give her no reason to dislike me, I will be nothing but courteous and kind, Camille's long awaited ideal of the perfect lady. "But it's an unfortunate reality, that yes, a lot of the times it will,"

"Do you have any plans for after you graduate?" Graham asks lightly, trying to bring the mood up.

"I do actually," I tell him with a small smile, "I'm moving back to Chicago, I have a job set up with DCFS. I'm going on a trip with my roomates for a couple weeks, then I start the first of July."

"Where are you going?" Jay asks, this being one of the few things I've yet to mention to him.

"My friends Kim, Hailey, Gabby, and I are going island hopping in Greece," I tell him.

"Oh a couple of my buddies and I did that one summer in college," Graham says with a smile, "Make sure to stop by Folegandros, it's like Santorini but it's smaller and lesser known, so less touristy,"

"I'll make sure to take note," I tell him with a grin as Jay reaches over to grab my hand.

"So Abs, is Em any closer to walking?" Jay asks, trying to pull the subject away from me and if I've heard anything about Abby, talking about her daughter is always a popular top.

"You say the video I sent you last week, we are nowhere close," She says with a smile, her demeanor instantly changing with the subject. We get through the rest of breakfast, awkwardly, but we make it through, Graham and Jay working together marvelously to ensure that Abby and I never have a direct conversation, though her ice blue eyes and mine do connect a couple of times.

"G, can you watch Emmy for a minute, I just want to talk to Erin," Abby says as she pushes her chair out from beneath the table.

"Yeah of course," He says as he grabs Emerson out of her highchair, wiping the smashed fruit from around her face.

"You good?" Jay mouths to me as I remove myself from the table.

"It's okay," I mouth back, giving him a subtle nod.

"Be nice," I see Jay mouth to Abby, to which she responds with an eyeroll.

"C'mon inside," She says, her voice only slightly less icy than before.

"Okay," I say as I follow her, my hands folded softly in front of me.

"We can go sit in the sunroom," She offers.

"Sounds good," I say as I follow her nervously. I haven't directly spoken to her in awhile and now my buffers are gone, so I have absolutely no idea what she's going to say.

"So," She says, settling into an armchair as I cautiously sit on the couch opposite her. "Why you? My brother could have any girl in the country, why did he pick you?"

"You want the honest answer?" I ask with my left eyebrow raised.

"Give it to me," She says, giving me a look straighter than any I've seen.

"I have no idea." I tell her. "I have no clue why he gave me a second thought that night after the ball or why he put it upon himself to drag his butt out to Santa Barbara or put this much effort into me. But he did,"

"Yeah that's exactly what I said," She tells me, the first semblances of a smile on her lips. "I told him he was crazy. Of course he didn't listen to me, he did it anyway."

"I've noticed he has a tendency to do that," I say with a slight chuckle, my knees still pressed firmly together and my hands folded in my lap.

"Oh you have no idea," She says, her words urging us into an awkward silence. I smile at her strangely, pressing my lips together as I rock forward slightly.

"You couldn't tell me why he picked you," She says after what feels like an eternity, "but can you tell me why you're worth it?" I have to laugh, taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh before I answer her.

"Abby I'm not sure I am," I tell her with a shrug of my shoulders, "I wouldn't say that I'm worth all of this trouble. But he seems to think I am and I won't ever know what made him think that, but I just know that I'm lucky,"

"Can I be honest with you?" She asks, surprising me with her request for permission, though her tone is still more than stern.

"Of course,"

"Erin I really don't think this is going to work," She says. Okay, that one was a stab to the heart.

"Um why?" I ask, the only response I can formulate to her very blunt question.

"Jay told me about your past, your reluctance to the media."

"He told you that?" I say, leaning forward.

"Erin he told me everything," She assures me. "And I can look at this with fresh eyes. I want my brother to be happy, more than anything. But I don't want him to get hurt. You know that he falls fast and he falls hard, you've seen it, I know you have."

"But," I question, as I wait for her to drop the other shoe.

"You can't hide forever, the media will find you and this thing, what it is, will implode," She tells me. "It is nothing against you, I am sure you are lovely and I have seen nothing but to the contrary today, but my first concern is always my brother and the White House,"

"So?" I ask, nervously questioning what that means, though I know what she's going to say.

"I just can't accept this,"

* * *

 **Sorry about the cliffhanger guys! If you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know in the reviews! Thanks for reading!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	10. The Eyes

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter, the response completely blew my mind and encouraged me to get y'all a resolution really quick. Hope you guys enjoy chapter 10! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Well," I say, looking her straight in the eye as I feel the tears start to brim the edges of mine, directing all of my willpower to stop them. "I can't accept that,"

"Excuse me?" She ask, cocking her eyebrow at me.

"You don't have any right to say that, you don't know me, you don't know me at all." I say, almost laughing as the words fall out. "And I know that there is a high probability that this won't work out, most relationships don't. But we're trying and we will manage," I tell her.

"Er-" She says as she begins to say my name.

"I'm not done yet," I insist, quickly cutting her off, using an amount of force in my voice that's surprising even to me. "I'm a pessimist, I was more than reluctant to start this for all the reasons that you've said, so I get it. But someone told be to believe in the good and to trust in the possibility of the best case scenario. So that's what I'm going to do, and i won't let you get in my way," I swallow nervously, anxious to see how'll she'll react. But she doesn't, she just looks at me, and then she laughs?

"What?" I say annoyed as she continues to chuckle.

"I get it now," She tells me, a kindly satisfied smile on her face as she looks over at me.

"You get what?" I ask her confused, still quite heated from our previous exchange.

"Why you are different," She says, that smile only widening.

"What?" I ask again.

"Everytime I talk to my little brother he just said, just wait until you meet her Abby, she's different. I thought he was being a lunatic, who could be so wonderful, so different that he would move mountains. I get it now," She tells me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, her explanation being quite flowery but lacking depth and reason.

"You aren't like any other girl he's dated before. You really don't care what I think about you,"

"And that's a good thing?" I ask, more than confused by her demeanor.

"Yeah it is," She says, "You care what he thinks of you, and while I hope you realize that he will care what I think of you, you won't let that discourage you. Most of the girls would have run for the hills as soon as he even brought me up. I know I would have,"

"So are you changing your mind?" I ask hopefully.

"Not entirely," She explains, "I still think that this a long shot and there's still a very low chance that all of this will work out, but you care. And you're willing to fight, so I'm giving you my blessing and if it comes down to it, we will go to bat and crawl out on a limb for you. You're real and you're genuine, I can tell that you aren't here to gain anything. Hell, you've just got everything to lose,"

"Thank you Abby," I say, responding to her kind of confusing acceptance?

"But," She cuts in, "This doesn't mean I completely approve and it definitely doesn't mean we're friends, I have my eye on you. But if you make James happy, well I can't really ask for anything more can I?"

"So I passed?" I question.

"With flying colors," She tells me with a smile. I've had my doubts this entire morning, but for the first time I'm relaxed, because the smile isn't forced, I can see it. It's in the eyes. It's always in the eyes.

* * *

"So," Jay says as we walk along the waterfront, hidden under the cloak of darkness, Atwater, Ruzek, and Roman walking around us in a moving triangle. After the breakfast at Abby's, with the surprisingly good resolution, we spent the rest of the day just hanging out in the apartment, watching movies and just being together, Jay made cooked dinner and it was nice, really normal. "I heard she gave us the go ahead,"

"Begrudgingly yes," I say, my arm looked around his as I lay my head on his shoulder, our steps both in sync. "I've been doing some thinking today,"

"About what?" He questions nervously.

"About us," I say casually.

"Good or bad?" He asks with an eyebrow raised.

"Good," I assure him with a him.

"Alright shoot," He says as his gaze drifts to the river.

"I don't want to hide anymore," I say softly, a soft smile forming on my face.

"You don't?" He says, his head whipping back towards me.

"I don't want to go public, like release a statement or go to an event with you, but I don't want to hide. The media can guess, that's fine. Let 'em wonder,"

"What about Charlie?" He asks, knowing that that's always been my greatest fear.

"Screw him," I say with a smile as I look up at him, feeling a weight of a thousand pounds fall of my shoulders. I've been working up the courage to say those words since the night he left me in that alley. But it's in Jay's arms that I finally felt safe enough to utter them.

"Seriously?" He says as he looks down at me, a look of solid disbelief in his eyes.

"It's been six years babe," I say. "I can't live my life in the shadows," I tell him. "I can't, I won't let him dictate how I get to live, not anymore,"

"Are you sure?" He asks. "You know that your safety is my first priority,"

"I know," I respond, "It's one of my favorite things about you, but I'll be okay. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself,"

"I know you can, but he's hurt you before." He tells me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. "I just worry about you, especially because you are so far away,"

"I can't just leave Jay, it's school,"

"How would you feel about taking a security detail back with you?" He asks.

"Absolutely not," I say firmly, "No,"

"You won't even consider it?" He presses me.

"No," I say again. The last thing that I need it two guys in suits following me around campus. Besides, they are here to protect the First Family, I'm just a girlfriend. And I don't need it. I don't want it.

"Okay," He says, effectively dropping the subject, "But would you consider being my date to something, not now. But at some point?"

"I'll consider it," I tease.

"Oh progress," He says with a smile as we turn around at the end of the walk to head back to the apartment. "Can I ask one last thing?"

"Shoot,"

"Did Abby have anything to do with this?" He asks. I don't say anything. I've been wanting to say it for a while, but I'd be lying if I said she didn't have something to do with it. Her words scared me, mostly because I knew that she was right. And I'd also be lying if I said Charlie didn't still scare the absolute crap out of me because he does, but I can't live my life based on that fear. "Erin?" He presses.

"Yes," I say.

"Damnit Erin, we don't have to do this is you don't want to!" He exclaims, dropping his hold on me as he throws his hands in the air.

"Jay stop," I say, grabbing his hands with mine as all of his security flinches. I usually don't notice them and they're all great guys from what I can tell, but it's moments like these when I really wish that he didn't have them. "It's my choice and how I got there doesn't matter,"

"What did she say to you?" He asks, a new fire in his eyes .

"You really want to know?" I question, almost angrily.

"Erin, just tell me," He says, his voice softening as his eyes look right through me.

"She told that she didn't think it would work. And that hiding was going to lead to failure. So I decided that you were worth it, that I was going to choose to believe in the best case scenario, just like you told me."

"I'm going to let you compromise your safety over what Abby thinks could happen," He tells me.

"No, I'm doing it." I tell him. "I am doing this for me, I cannot live like that anymore, waiting for him to pop out from around every corner. I can't live with the fear,"

"So you are choosing to ignore it?" He says, still unsure.

"And hope for the best," I say finishing his sentence. "It's all I can do. And I need you to have a little faith, that I can hold my own,"

"I know you can," He says as he pulls me back into his arms. "It just scares me is all and I hate to think that you're doing this for me or for my family,"

"I'm doing it for you, because you are willing to do all of this for me," I tell him with a smile, "And now, we're not going to talk about it anymore. Because I have sixteen hours left with you and I don't intend to spend any of it fighting,"

"Okay," He says before leaning down to press a kiss to my lips, holding me in his arms, "Sounds like a plan,"

* * *

"You want to head to bed?" Jay asks as he closes the door behind us in the apartment, "It's getting late,"

"Yeah, why don't you head up? I'll be right there, I just need to make a phone call," I tell him. Every since I made my choice, the only thing on my mind has been telling Hank. Camille already knows, but I knew that she wasn't going to be the hard one. He's not going to like that I'm dating Jay and he's certainly not going to like the fact that I'm willing to put myself out there again. If there was anyone more concerned about Charlie than I am, it's Hank Voight.

He was there that night, he saw what he did to me and he was the one who got me out of that, so all I can do now is brace myself for his reaction.

"Alright," He says as he plants a kiss on the top of my head, "I'll see you in a minute then,"

"Okay," I confirm as I hit the first number listed in my favorites, the same number that was on the business card he gave me all those years ago.

"Hey kid, how you doing?" He says, answering quickly on the second ring.

"I'm good, really good actually. I just wanted to talk to you about something," I say, nervous to tell him. I love him and Camille more than anyone in the world and their opinions and approval are important to me, I just hope I can get it.

"What's going on?"

"I just made a promise to Camille that I'd talk to you before she saw my face on the cover of Us Weekly and I don't know how much longer I can promise that that won't happen," I say slowly.

"What did you do?" He asks, his voice decreasing in pitch but rising in volume.

"I've got a new boyfriend," I tell him nervously, my tongue running over the tops of my teeth.

"He some floofy Hollywood guy? I told you to watch out for those guys in California," He warns. I almost have to laugh, he's been telling me that since the day they dropped me off in the dorms. He's as smart as they get, but I don't know if he realizes that living in Southern California doesn't automatically mean you'll be fraternizing with the members of the Hollywood elite.

"No, not exactly," I tell him, waiting for the blow. "He is famous though,"

"Oh,"

"He's President Halstead's son," I say, my words met with silence on the other line. "Hank please say something,"

"You know what you're doing right? What this could mean for you?"

"I do,"

"You know that he could find you?"

"I know,"

"You've got a good head on your shoulders Erin Lindsay, I trust you to make your own decisions. You've earned that right. Just promise me that you're being safe, your safety is your first priority, and that if things get hairy, you will call me and ask for help."

"I will," I tell him, still waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is so unlike Hank, I expected him to lash out, to yell, tell me how stupid this was. But he didn't.

"Okay then," He says. "I've said my piece and I trust your judgement. Just be careful,"

"I will, I promise." I assure him.

"I love you kid,"He said, another weight falling off my shoulders.

"I love you too Hank,"

* * *

"Hey babe," Jay says as I read over the news on my phone as he makes coffee in the kitchen. Last night was amazing. After talking through everything with Jay and coming clean with Hank, I just feel at peace.

"What's up?" I ask as I look up from the article, which is funnily enough about his mom, though I'm not about to tell him that.

"What do you think about meeting a few of my friends? Well one of them, you already saw Adam,"

"In what capacity exactly?" I say as I raise a brow. "And no more siblings,"

"Of course," He says with a laugh, "Just brunch, with Adam and my friends Garrett and Zoe,"

"How do you know them?" I ask curiously.

"Garrett was my college roommate,"

"You had a roommate in college?" I interrupt.

"Yes?" He responds with a weird look on his face. "Everyone does,"

"I don't know, I just thought they'd give the son of the leader of the free world a single,"

"You know I don't get as much special treatment as you might think," He assures me with a head tilt.

"Really?" I respond questioningly, my eyebrow cocked.

"Yeah you got me," He says with a defeated laugh, "They tried, but I insisted on the double. I just wanted to be like everyone else,"

"How'd that work out?" I say with a laugh, the constant eye of the Secret Service may not have been super helpful with that.

"About as well as you think it would have," He says with a smile, "But it's the effort that counts right?"

"Oh of course," I tease him. "So Zoe,"

"Yes, Zoe Amsbary,"

"As in Attorney General Joseph Amsbary?" I question.

"Yeah, that's her dad."

"Do you have any friends that aren't the offspring of your mother's staff? Just wondering," I say with a teasing smile.

"I mentioned Garrett didn't I?" He responds.

"Well yeah, but other than that, all I know is that you hang out with your siblings and your mother's cabinet's children. That's pretty lame dude,"

"You picked me," He says with a smirk.

"I talked to you in a crowded ballroom, you picked me," I assure him.

"So you must be pretty lame then too?" He tells me with a smile as he leans across the counter.

"No," I respond firmly, "That was you expanding your horizons," I pause to plant a quick peck on his lips, "into the realm of awesome,"

"And I guess that paid off," He says with a smile.

"Oh the jury is definitely still out," I tease.

"So what's the deal on brunch?" He asks, with a roll of the eyes, tired of my tangents.

"Brunch isn't a real meal," I point out.

"Well considering the time, we can call it an early lunch. Better?"

"Much," I tell him with a smile. "And an early lunch sounds great."

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed! Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	11. Nothing to Worry About

**Thank you for all of the kind reviews on the last chapter and I hope all of you guys enjoy chapter eleven!**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **JAY**

"You promise they aren't going to grill me?" Erin asks as we roll up to Zoe's townhouse in the back of the SUV, Atwater in the driver's seat and Dawson beside him.

"I can assure you that Adam already likes you and that Garrett likes everyone," I tell her with a smile.

"What about Zoe?" She asks with a raise of the eyebrows.

"What about her?" I respond.

"You didn't say anything about her," She question.

"If I may," Dawson interrupts from the front, "Calm down Ms. Lindsay, Ms. Amsbary is quite kind, you won't have any issues with her,"

"Thanks for the reassurance," She says with a giggle, me being very grateful for the interjection. I think things will be fine with Zoe, but I thought she'd be fine with Abby too, so we'll see. Though I don't foresee any issues.

"C'mon," I tell her with a smile, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the backseat of the car and up the quick walk, grateful for the rare absence of the press.

"This street is beautiful," She says, her eyes glancing down at the brick sidewalks, the tree lined streets stretching out all the way out to the banks of the Potomac.

"And we're only a half mile away from the Exorcist stairs," I inform her, punching in the code to the gate at the front of Zoe's townhouse.

"The Exorcist stairs?" She asks, looking at me confused.

"Ah yes, you're not from here. It's a point of pride for us DC kids,"

"What are they?" She asks with a laugh.

"You've seen the Exorcist right?" I ask her.

"Yeah who hasn't?" She tells me as we walk through the small courtyard between Zoe's gate and front door.

"Okay so you know that part when the priest throws himself down the really tall, narrow stairs?" I ask, taking her hand in mine as I know that the press, if they're hiding back there, can't photograph through a brick wall.

"Yeah of course," She replies.

"Those," I tell her with a sharp nod.

"Oh cool," She responds. "We're going to need to make a stop there,"

"Oh definitely," I say before knocking on the door.

"They're here!" I hear from inside the house, Adam's familiar voice booming behind the door. "Zozo, you almost done?"

"Don't call me that!" Zoe yells back. I can't help but laugh, what in the world are we going to be in for today? The smile stays on my face as Erin nervously grips my hand, the heavy wooden door swinging open to reveal Garrett, his muscular build and dark hair coming into view.

"What's up Halstead?" He asks as he pulls me into a hug.

"I'm doing good G," I respond, giving him a firm pat on the back.

"And you must be the lovely Ms. Lindsay," He says as he holds his hand out to shake hers.

"It's good to meet you Garrett,"

"And you as well," He says with a smile. "Now c'mon in, Zoe's cooking and it smells damn good,"

"Always game for that," He says, throwing his arm around her as he leads me to the kitchen where a petite brunette who I have to assume is Zoe is standing over the stovetop.

"Okay I am almost done, I promise," She assures us, not even looking up as she puts the finishing touches on something.

"I trust you," I respond with a smile. "But I do have someone I'd like you to meet,"

"Oh Erin yes," She says looking up. "It's lovely to meet you. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"A glass of water would be great," She says cautiously.

"Garrett grab a glass from the cabinet, there's a pitcher of lemon water in the fridge," She delegates without even blinking, which throws Erin for a bit of a loop, though she's rolling with it.

"Yes ma'am." Garrett says with a chuckle, all of us more than used to it. When Zoe, Adam, and I met in first grade, we were all the children of Senators and quickly became inseparable, that bond not weakening through middle and high school. But Zoe was always the boss, always keeping us in line. When we met Garrett in college, the three of us eventually moving into an apartment together junior and senior year, he fit into the group seamlessly. Though Zoe wasn't at Yale with us, that didn't stop her from driving the two hours from Hyde Park to New Haven nearly every weekend to crash at our place and more often than not, use us to recipe test, something she knew that we were always game for.

"Uh, Ruzek, Halstead set the table please," She dictates, both of us knowing exactly which plates she likes and where she stocks them. "Erin, you over here,"

"Yes of course," Erin says, quickly moving over to Zoe's side as I try to stifle a laugh, noticing the slight fear in my girl's eyes.

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Sorry about that," Zoe says, looking me right in the eyes with a smile, "Zoe Amsbary, nice to meet you,"

"You as well," I respond as Garrett hands me the glass. "Thank you Garrett,"

"My pleasure," He says before darting off to help the guys set the table.

"It smells delicious," I comment as I stand next to her, unsure of what to do as Jay has just left me with her, my last string of hope being Dawson's assurance that she likes everyone and that'd she'd like me.

"That'd be the frittata in the oven." She tells me, "Goat cheese, scallions, and asparagus,"

"Wow, that sounds amazing,"

"Our sweet Zoe is a classically trained chef," Garrett interjects from the dining area.

"Really?" I ask, looking over at her. I was not expecting that from her, considering who her father is anyway.

"Mom and Dad, well Dad mostly weren't too thrilled with it," She tells me, somehow reading my mind.

"But we're all very proud of her!" Jay calls out. I'm still getting a handle on their exact relationship, they seem closer than close gets, but I do know that it's nice to Jay like this. He's relaxed, in his happy place.

"Culinary Institute of America!" Adam follows up, both of them having the pride of proud parents in their voices. "She's opening her own restaurant in August,"

"Shut up all of you went to Yale," She says with a roll of the eyes.

"And you went to the best culinary school in the country,"

"We all went to the third best college in the nation," Jay points out.

"Very true," She says, pulling a skillet out of the oven, filling the entire house with a pungent aroma. "I've found that they make very good recipe testers," She explains to me as she brings the skillet over to the table, setting it atop a preset tile. I'm following her as I'm still not quite sure what to do.

"Grab a chair," She tells me with a kind smile, "I'm going to grab everything else from the kitchen,"

"Do you need any help?" I ask quickly, setting my glass down on her long wooden table.

"I'm okay, you're the guest of honor. Just relax," She tells me, flashing a wink before going back into the kitchen.

"She's nice," I say, settling into one of her plush dining room chairs next to Jay, the other two guys following Zoe into the other room.

"I told you," He tells me, planting a kiss on my cheek.

"Alright," She says, walking back into the room with plates full of delicious looking and smelling food in both hands. "I've got a mint and grapefruit salad and these are roasted red pepper and almond morning buns,"

"And I have whatever this is," Garrett says, looking very satisfied with himself as sets the bowl on the table.

"That's pomegranate, walnut, and couscous salad," She says, shooting him a playful glare as Adam follows them in.

"I have alcohol, arguably the best part of any brunch," He says with a smile, carrying in a tray with a bottle of champagne along with two other glass bottles that I'm not quite sure what they contain.

"Rosemary and grapefruit mimosas," She corrects him.

"Zo never really has been one to take the easy way out. She always has to outdo everyone and everything," Jay says with a laugh as Zoe begins to pass the food around.

"I'm a trained chef, I'm not going to have all of you over here and just make pancakes," She points out.

"Ah yes, that would be so ten years ago," Adam jokes.

"Well it all looks amazing," I tell her as Adam pours drinks.

"Thank you Erin," She replies with a satisfied smile. "It's nice to finally have another girl around,"

"Oh?" I respond.

"Yeah Jay almost never brings girls around, you must be quite something," She tells me.

"Interesting," I say, looking over at Jay as he rolls his eyes.

"Indeed," Zoe responds as she hands me a glass. "Alright let's eat,"

"Good idea," Jay says as he places and serving of the grapefruit salad on his plate before passing me the bowl.

"So what kind of restaurant are you opening?" I ask her, dishes continuing to circulate around the table.

"Well it's called Montgomery and Bridge and it'll just be classics, but we want to flip them on their head."

"Tell her about the bakery part," Garrett interrupts with the energy of an eager child.

"I was just getting to that," She says will a roll of the eyes. "It's going to have two halves, the bakery and the restaurant. I really focused on pastry in school, but my friend Sam Joyner, he is an amazing chef,"

"We're convinced she's in love with him." Adam adds in with a snicker. "We've been hearing about this guy for years,"

"Shut up," She says as she smacks him. "Anyway, so we came up with the idea of having a bakery attached to the restaurant, which I'll run and then I'll also be in charge of all the desserts at the restaurant, that way we can appeal to both the people who want a nice sit down meal and the droves of millennials that roam our streets who just want to pop in for a snack,"

"That's really cool," I tell her with a smile. "I really like the name, how'd you guys come up with it?" I can see her face light up and I can tell this story is one that she loves to tell.

"It's actually a really interesting story, so at its conception, Georgetown was actually a part of the Maryland colony. So when it was incorporated into Washington DC, they changed all the streets names to reflect the naming system off all the other streets in the District. Our address is at the corner of 28th and M, but they used to be called Montgomery and Bridge, hence the name,"

"That's really cool," I say, genuinely interested in her story.

"Yeah you should come by and see the construction sometime, we're into the design part of it now and based on your outfit, I can tell that you have impeccable taste, so I'd love your opinion."

"Well thank you," I say, taking a quick glance down at my very casual choice of a white and navy striped romper and a denim jacket, "and that sounds really fun, but I'm actually catching a flight back to the west coast in about five hours,"

"No worries, though I will definitely be getting your number in case I need a second opinion. I love my boys, but they tend to be less than helpful," All three of them, I swear at the exact same time put on faces of mock offense.

"I would be happy to lend my services," I reply with a grin.

"And you should definitely come back out for the opening, Friday, August 18th."

" I will put it on my calendar," I assure her with a smile. Dawson really was right, I don't have anything to worry about.

* * *

"It was really nice to meet you guys," I say as Jay and I stand in the doorway of Abby's townhouse. It was a really good call to come here, leaving with a belly full of incredible food and three new amazing friends.

"It was our pleasure," Garrett replies, smiling with those kind brown eyes.

"Keep our boy in line," Zoe instructs me with a smirk.

"Will do," I tell her with a laugh before departing.

"Bye!" They all call behind us as we make our way through the courtyard.

"So what'd you think?"

"I think they're amazing," I tell him as I pull closer to his side. "I'm glad you have people like that,"

"What do you mean?" He asks as we approach the gate, my cue to slip the sunglasses over my eyes.

"They're normal, give you a nice break from the spotlight. And they definitely don't treat you differently because of who your mom is,"

"Yeah, I got lucky with them," He responds, the two of us falling into an uncomfortable silence as we make the quick stroll to the car, the press noticeably absent once again.

"Oh I don't want to leave," I say as the car begins rolling towards the airport. "I like it here,"

"You could always stay longer," He tempts.

"Don't even start. I graduate in a month, I've got a mountain of papers due," I complain with a groan. "And then back to Chicago, start the job,"

"I'm not going to be seeing much of you am I?"

"Probably not," I admit regretfully. "We knew it was going to be hard though, we just have to try a little but harder than everyone else does, it's okay. It's worth it right?'

"More than," He assures me with a kiss on the side of my head. "We do have one stop to make before I drop you at the airport though,"

"We do?" I ask, wracking my brain for anything I might be missing.

"We do," He replies with a smirk, leaning forward to whisper something in Dawson's ear.

"I believe that could be arranged," He says, his face remaining stoic as he makes a sharp U-turn.

"Where in the world are we going James Halstead?" I ask, my left eyebrow cocked.

"Don't worry about it," He tells me, his kind eyes bright, "Just wait,"

* * *

"You going to tell me now?" I ask as we walk down what I believe is Prospect Street, the river a good ways away.

"Just close your eyes," He says, hooking my arm onto his. "Follow me,"

"Alright," I say nervously putting all my faith into him. "Don't let me fall,"

"I wouldn't dream of it," He says with a laugh.

"Are we there yet?" I say, taking cautious steps.

"Almost, just a little while longer,"

"I seriously can't believe I'm actually closing my eyes right now,"

"Shut up just walk Erin," He says with a laugh. "Live on the edge a little,"

"Fine," I say as I squint my left eye open a little bit.

"Are you peeking?" He exclaims.

"Nope," I deny, slamming my eyes shut.

"Well we're here," He tells me. "Open your eyes," I blink them open in the sun to see a staircase, a very long narrow staircase.

"Exorcist stairs?"

"Indeed,"

"They're not as exciting as I thought they'd be," I say as I cock my head to the left. "Very anticlimactic,"

"You wanted to come here!" He exclaims with a laugh.

"Yes and I love that you remembered," I say with a laugh as I rise to kiss him. "But we really should get going,"

"Yeah, I was kind of trying to stall you leaving, just a little bit,"

"I can tell," I say with a laugh as I grab his hand and lead him back to where I think the car is. It's time to pop the bubble. And I could not be dreading it more.

* * *

"American Airlines," Atwater tells us from the front seat as we pull into the terminal.

"Thank you Atwater. You guys too," I say as I gesture at Dawson and Roman, they have really done a lot to make me feel more comfortable this weekend. A lot more comfortable than Toby at least.

"It's our pleasure ma'am," He assures me with a kind smile.

"I'm going to walk you up," Jay tells me.

"You are?" I ask, unbuckling my seatbelt.

"No hiding right?" He says, jumping out the door to grab my suitcase from the backseat.

"I guess," I say with a chuckle, following his lead.

"So this is goodbye?" He asks, pulling my very bright aqua rollerboard, the wind swirling my hair around my face.

"No," I say, dotting his lips with a kiss. "This is see you later,"

"I like that,"

"It's good right?" I say with a smile.

"In that case, can I give you a see you later kiss?"

"Oh absolutl-" He doesn't even wait before he pulls me into him, resting his palm on the back of my head, both of us sinking into the liplock.

"That was some kiss," I say before pulling away from him.

"Well you're some girl," He responds, echoing my tone.

"Nice line,"

"I spent a minute on it," He says with a smile before letting me go from his arms. "I'm going to miss you, this, well it was nice,"

"It was," I confirm, "You can always come out to Santa Barbara, I can't promise they'll be a bed for you or that you won't get peppered with questions,"

"Sounds good," He says as he hands over my suitcase, my very much oversized purse resting on my arm.

"I really do have to get going, don't want to miss my flight,"

"I know," He says giving my hand one last squeeze. "Fly safe,"

"I will," I say as I depart, knowing that if I don't make a quick exit I won't.

"See you later, I love you," He says. Wow. I didn't expect that. I don't think he did either because as the words fall out of his mouth, a curtain of shock covers it.

"I'll see you later," I say, making a quick pivot, knowing that I have absolutely no idea how to respond to that.

* * *

"Welcome to Flight 218, service from Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport to Los Angeles International Airport," I zone out as the pilot continues on his spiel as the plane taxis down the runway, my eyes grabbing their last fleeting views of the Washington Monument as thoughts of Jay's parting words circle through my mind. Why did he say it? And did he even mean it? Was it just a spur of the moment thing?

I interrupt my own train of thought as I glance down to the magazine sitting on the tray table of the woman next to me. I see two things, Jay's face and a headline, reading "Who is the First Son's new girl?" I can't help but be curious, also wondering how they hell that got it all printed that fast.

"Can I borrow that for a minute?" I ask the woman.

"Yeah sure," She says, handing the magazine to me. I quickly scan the table of context, swiftly finding Jay's name. I flip through until I see a great picture of him at some charity event. The headline reads the same as the one on the cover, the majority of the article detailing Jay's background and his years at Yale and all that crap, all of which I scan, I'll wait for him to tell me about that. I stop once I see the pictures of us.

Though not super pleased that the press found us, I can't help but smile as I look at the pictures of us walking down by the water, me cuddled into the his side. These aren't as blurry, you can see his face, but luckily my face is hidden in a combination of a shower and Jay's shoulder. There's another photo of us walking into Abby's house, both of us smiling and laughing, but again, you somehow can't see my face. But I do notice the last line of the article, asking "Who is his mystery girl?"

I still can't believe that this guy might love me, that out of everyone, he picked me. And even crazier than that, I think I'm falling in love with him.

* * *

 **Hope you guys liked this chapter and all of you that celebrate, I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	12. She Says Hi

**Thank you to everyone who left reviews on the last chapter! And this chapter, we finally get to meet President Halstead! Hope you all enjoy! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **JAY**

"Well this I was not expecting," I say with a smile as I pick up the call. I'm home now, lying in my bed, still trying to figure out why I told Erin I love her. I might, I'm not totally sure, I haven't ever felt the way that I feel with her, but if I thought that meeting Abby was going to scare her off, I don't know why the hell I told her that.

"Can't a mama just call her baby boy?" She asks. It feels good to hear her voice, I haven't seen her in a little while.

"Well considering you are on a state visit and I'm pretty sure it's the middle of the night where you are," I tell her as I lean back into the mountain of pillows on my bed, still higher than usual after Erin's visit. She uses a surprising amount of them.

"Couldn't sleep, and I saw the headlines," She tells me.

"Really?" I say as I aggressively sit up. I didn't expect her to see them this fast.

Well no," She admit with a chuckle, "Blake saw and he showed me,"

"And the truth comes out," I say with a laugh.

"You happy?" She asks, turning the conversation towards a slightly more serious note.

"I am, really happy," I tell her honestly. I haven't been this happy in a long time.

"What's her name," She asks.

"Mom," I say, dragging out my words in a whine.

"I won't crazy stalk her, just her name," She tells me with a chuckle.

"Her name is Erin," I tell her, relaxing into the conversation. I love talking to my mom, I don't get to do it as often as I'd like, for obvious reasons.

"Does she get to meet mom and dad anytime soon?" She teases.

"That's going to be a hard no," I tell her.

"Aw why?" She whines, sounding very unpresidential.

"Well she met Abby,"

"Seriously?" She complains, cutting me off. "You picked Abby first? She's not going to want to meet anyone else now!"

"Well she's still here, so just give her a minute, I don't want to scare her," I tell her with a laugh. "Meeting the President and her husband is a very good way to send a girl running for the hills,"

"Ah we're not that bad," She responds, "Plus you know your father is way worse than me,"

"I know Mom," I assure her. "It's not you it's the title,"

"I know," She says softly. "Okay but who'd she vote for?"

"You," I say with a small chuckle. "She thinks you are amazing,"

"Well I like her already," She responds. "Let me know when she's ready, I'd love to meet her,"

"You aren't going to ask me anything else?" I ask skeptically.

"I trust your judgement," She tells me. "And she passed the Abby test,"

"She did," I say with a smile, images of my girl running through my mind. "She met Zoe and the guys too,"

"What'd they think?"

"You know them, Garrett and Adam like everyone and Zoe was just happy to not be the only girl," I tell her.

"How's her restaurant going?" She asks. To this day, my mother amazes me with the sheer amount of information she can hold. She is the leader of the free world, yet she knows that one of my best friends is opening a restaurant. She's incredible.

"Good, she was actually talking to Erin about tile today," I say with a laugh, "And she used us to recipe test,"

"As usual," She responds. "Tell them all I say hi,"

"I will,"

"And I have to go to bed or I am going to get annihilated tomorrow," She says with a laugh, "Gotta get some sleep,"

"Nah, you're going to do great," I assure her. "You always do,"

"Well I'm glad at least one of you have some faith in me," She says with a chuckle. "Blake was freaking out the entire way over,"

"Always does," I say with a laugh, thinking of my mom's very dedicated, though over anxious aide. I swear she won't go anywhere without him. "Get some sleep Mama,"

"I'll try, goodnight Jay," She responds softly, "Oh and tell her hi from me,"

" I will, Goodnight," I say before hanging up the phone, more than happy with my mom's gentle response. Though I'm not sure what she'll say once she hears the whole story, but I'm hoping she'll be open minded.

* * *

 **ERIN**

'"You're home!" Kim squeals, jumping out of the car outside LAX arrivals, pulling me into her arms as cars honk around her, though I'm not sure she totally cares."How was the trip?"

"Amazing," I say, quickly slipping out of her hug and tossing my rollerboard into the trunk, still trying to process what Jay said to me. I've thought about telling Kim, but I think I need to figure it all out for myself before I "And I will tell you all about it on the way home, just get in the car so we aren't victims of an unfortunate road rage incident,"

"Smart," She says with a laugh, taking her place in the driver's seat and swiftly removing us from the pick up lines. "Okay, I did as instructed, now tell me everything,"

"It was great," I say with sigh.

"How was the sister?" She asks, keeping her eyes very much on the road, an Ingrid Michaelson song playing softly in the background and the sun starting to set, lighting up the sky in watercolors.

"Harsh," I reply, "But I knew that that was going to happen, eventually she said it was fine, but she's skeptical, which is fine, I was skeptical."

"You are just going to have to prove it to her," She responds with a smirk.

"I've had no problem defying the odds in the past," I say with a smile, the warm Southern California breeze a welcome replacement to the still crisp weather in DC.

"Did you meet his mom?" She ponders.

"President Halstead? Oh God no," I reply, "She's on a state visit this week anyway, plus I don't know if she even knows about us yet,"

"She knows there's a girl," She comments.

"What do you mean?"

"Google his name," She says as she tosses me her phone.

"Okay," I say unsurely as I type in her passcode, quickly navigating to Safari and my fingers flying as I search his name. And then I see, in his arms as he kisses me in front of the airport. You still can't tell it's me though, though this picture is a little bit more clear. As I study the photos, my phone lights up with a text from none other than James Halstead.

 _Hey babe, how was the flight? Also, just got off the phone with my mom and she seems to be cool with everything? And she says hi. -JH_

 _Flight was good, slept almost the entire way. Glad to hear about your mom. Can you talk tonight? I think we need it. - EL_

 _Of course, call me when you're ready. -JH_

"Well you were right?" I say as I lock my phone, nervous to have that discussion with Jay later. "She totally knows,"

"What does she think?" She asks with a squeal.

"She says hi,"

* * *

"Hey," I say into my phone, curled on a chair in the backyard, a fluffy blanket pulled around me. After a very loud welcome back dinner with all of my roommates, this is just what I needed, quiet.

"Hi," He responds, bringing a smile to my face. I have a feeling that he's doing exactly what I am, sitting on the balcony of his apartment, which I learned is his favorite spot. He loves it there and I get why, it's beautiful. "I assume you saw the pictures,"

"I did," I respond. I'm won't lie to myself, when I first saw them, I freaked out a little bit internally. It's weird, to have your privacy violated like that. But even though it was out of my control, it was strangely liberating. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I didn't have to care. Nothing more than my state of mind has changed, but I guess that's all it takes.

"Are you sure about what you said?" He asks.

"I am," I reply quickly. I said what I said, I'm not going back. "I meant it. Did you mean what you said?'

"What?/'

"At the airport, as I was leaving. You told me you loved me, did you mean it or was a slip of the tongue something to never be mentioned again?" I ask him, anxious for an answer. I feel my heart beat faster and faster as the line stays silent. "Jay say somethin-"

"Yes." He cuts me off. "I meant it, every word of it,"

"We've been together three weeks, we've been physically together for a total of five days, how could you possibly be sure?"

"I don't know," He responds. "I would say it was crazy if it wasn't me. And I can't explain it, but you are different than anyone I've ever met and you make me feel a way that no one ever could. So I don't know how, but I love you Erin Lindsay."

"Wow," I reply softly. I don't know what to say back. I can't respond with the same, I could but I'd be lying and he'll know that. The word love has always scared me and I've found that all it does is stab you in back. I care about him, but I can't just give that to him. Not yet.

"You don't have to say it back," He reads my mind.

"I know," I say curtly, "I won't, not yet anyway. I'm getting there, I think. I uh, just need some time,"

"I know," He responds softly. "I'm sorry for springing this on you so unexpectedly,"

"Don't apologize," I insist. "Do not ever apologize for your feelings. Just understand that it's going to take a little while for me to catch up,"

"And that is totally fine," He says. "I forgot to thank you for not running for the hills after Abby,"

"Slick subject change Halstead," I say with a laugh, sinking back into my blanket. We didn't really cover the entire subject and I know that there is most definitely more to discuss, but this will have to suffice for now. "And I was close, she kind of scared the crap out of me,"

"She has a tendency to do that," He says with a laugh, "She'll warm up, eventually, maybe,"

"Good to know," I say with a chuckle, "Don't worry, Zoe, Garrett, and Adam made up for it,"

"You like them?" He asks.

"They're funny and sharp, Zoe seems really great,"

"She is, I'm glad you got along with them,"

"It's good that you have people like that, to keep you grounded you know?'

"Yeah, I got lucky,"

"Erin!" I hear, Shay calling from the sliding door, "We're going to watch Kingsman, you in?"

"I'll be right there," I yell back, holding the phone to my chest as I do. "I got to go,"

"Being outranked by British spies in really good suits?" He asks with a laugh.

"You heard that?" I say, my cheeks blushing for some reason.

"She was very loud," He says with a chuckle.

"She is," I respond gently. "I'm going to go now, I'll talk to you soon,"

"I'll be here,"

* * *

And he certainly was. As time goes by, the days inching toward graduation, we grew closer. We talked on the phone almost every night, well every night that I wasn't with the girls, cramming for a final, or finishing a paper at 2 AM.

I learned a lot more about him, like that his favorite place to visit is the Irish countryside and that he was born with white blonde hair, that his niece and nephew both call him JJ, Owen took a long time to get a hang of the word Uncle and it stuck. But I also learned some other things, the reason he won't go into politics, because he's afraid that he'll be bad at it or that he'll turn into a politician, forgetting what the point of it all is or that's he's constantly afraid that he's going to lose his mom to the job.

He came out here to Santa Barbara a few weeks ago, meeting all of my girls and somehow making it through the firing squad relatively unscathed, gaining the approval of even the harshest of critics. After they stopped freaking out and shook off the thick layer of starstruck.

But as time went on, I felt myself falling for him, inching closer and closer to uttering those three special words and it scares the absolute crap out of me. I have never felt like this before. I had Charlie, but that wasn't love. I thought it was, but I know now that it was anything but. He still creeps into my mind sometimes, but it's been almost two months and we're still in the clear. My name has not been leaked to the press, but there have been more pictures.

I wanted to have Jay here to watch me walk across the stage, he's my boyfriend and this will be the best day of my life, I want him hear for that. But I understand why he can't be here, though that doesn't make it any easier. It does make my smile a little wider that Hank, Camille, and even Justin are here today. I want them to be proud of me.

Today I refuse to let myself worry about Charlie or be sad that Jay's not here. I have been working, harder than hard to get here since the day Camille and Hank gave me a family, dreaming of walking across that stage in a cap and gown. I didn't think I would ever get here, but I did. Today is mine and no one can take that away from me.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 12! And if you guys have anything you'd like to see in future chapters, please do not hesitate to let me know either in a review or shoot me a PM. Thanks for reading!**

 **Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	13. The Start of the Rest of Her Life

**Happy New Year! Hopes 2017 treated you all well and that you all create a new year of amazing memories in 2018!**

 **Thank you to all of you that reviewed on the last chapter and I hope you guys like chapter 13! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"I'm really going to miss this," Anna says with a sigh, wrapping a piece of my hair around a curling iron while I apply eye shadow in the mirror. This entire morning has been full of nostalgia and it's been bittersweet, we're all more than excited to move on to the chapters of our lives, but it's the last of everything. It's not like we'll never see each other again, we will. But it won't be the same.

"No one's allowed to cry," Gabby insists. "At least until the ceremony is done,"

"I don't know if I'll be able to adhere to your rules." Stella says with a laugh, her Chicago accent thick. "I'm really going to miss you guys,"

"We will always just be a phone call away," Sylvie says with a smile. "Besides, a lot of us are going back to Chicago,"

"Yeah who is again?" Stella asks, Hailey, Anna, Gabby, and my hands flying into the air. "Five out of eight pretty good guys,"

"And I'm staying here," Kim says with a smile, "A great excuse for all of you to make the trek back to sunny Southern California,"

"Sounds like a plan," I say with a laugh. I've loved the last two years of living in this house with all of these girls, forming a sisterhood on our own rules. Growing up, I always wanted the crazy loud family, the one that I never had. The Voights gave that to me, and all my roommates definitely made sure that I didn't lose that. I don't know how I'm going to adjust to living alone again, but not going to lie, the privacy won't suck.

This morning we all loaded up our cars, laughing between the tears as we packed up the last two years of our lives here. Kim dropped off a bunch of stuff at her sister's place in LA and my parents have lovingly offered to drive the 300 back to Chicago, with Hailey's parents choosing to have her's moved back, allowed us to hop on a plane tonight without a care in the world. That's what I'm excited for, Greece. Two weeks of my two best friends, living it up before real life starts and we have to face the world as grown ups.

"I don't know about you ladies," Shay replies, "I love you people tremendously, but I am so excited to never take an exam or write thesis every again."

"True that," Hailey says with a laugh.

"I have three months and then I'm back to school," Gabby says with a groan. "Four more years,"

"But then you'll be Dr. Gabriela Dawson," Sylvie says with a smile, "Saving lives and taking names,"

"I've got a lot of work between me and that white coat," She says with a sigh.

"But it'll all be worth it," Shay assures her. "And I can call you instead of WebMD." She says with a laugh.

"What time do we have to be there again?" Anna asks, applying one final spritz of hairspray attop my curls.

"1 PM," Kim responds absentmindedly, continuing to apply her simple makeup.

"We should haul ass then," She exclaims, "It's almost 12:25 now and we have to leave in about 20 minutes,"

"Oh shit she's right," I say, jumping up from my spot on the tile floor, thanking my lucky stars that all of us are almost ready. The girls rush to finish up their looks as I run back to mine and Kim's shared bedroom, grabbing the only thing left hanging in the closet, a light blue number that I'd snagged on sale with Camille last summer, pairing it with a pair of nude wedges, careful to avoid a stiletto-grass scenario.

"Zip me up?" I ask, running back into the bathroom, dress unzipped and heels in hand.

"Hot damn girl," Gabby says with a smirk as she gets up to pull the zipper, "You look good,"

"Thanks,"I say with a chuckle, the satisfying sound of the zipper pulling up behind me. "You're not so bad yourself," I tell her with a laugh, looking at the red dress that I'm positive she didn't just pull out of the back of the closet.

The next twenty minutes are a flurry of hair touch ups and the reapplication of lipstick, turning around and pulling up hair to zip up the backs of dresses before tossing on the gowns and finalizing the designs on our caps. It almost feels like prom night my senior year. I didn't even want to go, but Camille insisted, assuring me that I would regret it if I didn't. I got ready with a bunch of girls at the my friend Marie's house. I didn't really like any of the girls, but I liked her. I went, had an okay time and came home, completed convinced that she was wrong. But I am glad that I went, through today has been a lot more than that day could have ever been.

We carpooled over to The Green on campus, overlooking the ocean with hundreds of white chairs set up before us. Everyone sat down somewhere random as they explained the procedure to us for the upteenth time. They then ushered us into one of the main halls, ordering us by last name as my heart continued to beat faster and faster as my dreams become closer, my phone lighting up with a few texts from Jay in the process.

"What does your cap say anyway?" Hailey asks as she stands next to me, our names not yet being called. "I don't think I've seen yours yet,"

"Oh here," I say, handing it over to her with a smile on my face.

"It's beautiful," She tells me with a grin. I put a lot of time and effort into it, more than I'd like to admit, painstakingly writing out the words "Someday is today." in a loopy cursive with a white chalkboard pen, decorating the border with drawn red roses and green leaves, the words "Thanks Mom + Dad." etched on the side. "Have you ever called them that?" She asks. "I thought you'd always referred to them as Hank and Camille,"

"I have," I say, holding back tears and easily breaking Gabby's rule. "But they're been my parents since the day he brought me home, they deserve the titles,"

"They're going to love it," She says, pulling me in for a tight hug.

"I hope so," I answer her, "I got really lucky with them,"

"They got lucky with you too," She tells me gently, "You are incredible Erin and I am so proud of how far you've come,"

"Thank you Hails," I say with a weepy smile.

"I love you E," She says, pulling me in for another hug.

"I love you too," She responds. "Hey, hey no crying. I did a really good job on your eyeliner,"

"Okay," I say with a laugh as I choke back the tears.

"Now pull yourself together," She says sternly.

"Yes ma'am," I say with a smile.

"Lindsay, Erin," I hear over the noise.

"That's me,"

"Go get 'em girl," She tells me. I respond with a simple smile before taking my place in the line now snaking around the hall, waiting patiently for the ceremony to start and sadly realizes that I don't really have any of my friends around me, the closest being Stella around ten people down, though she does give me quite an enthusiastic thumbs up.

"Alright people, we're moving!" A very blonde and thin administrator yells from the front of the room. I take a deep breath and I pull my cap down over my curls and walk out those doors to the rest of my life.

I can't help but smile as I catch Camille, Hank, and Justin in the crowd, Camille waving at me like a maniac, her ashy blonde curls framing her face. Hank's hand are politely clapping in front of him, though his face is full of pride. And Justin. Well he's Justin.

I sit there, the breeze flying through the green as speaker after speaker takes the stage, continuing the previous speech of this is the start of the rest of your lives and all that crap. I believe them and I know it is, but I don't need fifteen people to say it to me fifteen different ways.

But before I know it, after I've seen Sylvie, Kim, Anna, Gabby, and Stella all walk across that stage and claim their diplomas, each with a smile wider than the Pacific spread across their faces. We've all worked so hard to get here, and it's even more special that we get to do it together. And now it's my turn.

I bite my lip as they call Jane Langley and Theodore Landon then Olivia Linden before finally, I hear my name. I feel the pride swell in my chest. I have worked everyday for the past six and half years to get here. And I made it.

"Erin Lindsay," Dean Newburg says, handing me my diploma, that same smile on that I saw on all of their faces on mine. I hear Kim screaming and clapping and I don't hear it, but I do see Camille and Hank with beaming smiles, snapping pictures at my every step. But through all of it, one voice rings through the bustle.

"That's her," She says with a gasp. I look down, I know the face, but I have no idea what her name is.

"Who?" I hear from the girl next to her.

"Her," She says, pulling out a camera phone, "That's Jay Halstead's girlfriend," I feel my stomach drop to my toes and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating for a second, but I keep the smile. I don't want to let her ruin this. But she's getting pretty damn close.

As I walk off the stage and the high wears off, I have to try to keep the tears at bay. I know that I told Jay that I was okay with this, but now it's real. He could really find me.

My name is out there, she has a picture, a good picture of my face. Who knows what she could do with that. I shakily return to my seat, quickly pulling my emotional shield from back in the day right back out and putting on a happy face, cheering as loud as ever as Hailey and Leslie walk across the stage.

I keep the shield up as I take pictures with my friends and family, embracing all my friends after the ceremony, keeping the tears back as Camille pulls me into her arms and tells me she loves me, Hank telling me that he's proud of me. I keep the waterworks at bay as I call them Mom and Dad for the first time. Through all of it, I stay strong, though my anxiety rises as the minutes tick by, waiting for that girl, whatever her name is to post the picture or send it to People Magazine or the New York Times.

I sit through dinner, cheersing with my parents, Justin salty that Camille wouldn't allow him to drink champagne. For a minute, I forget and I revel in the moment with my family. For a second, I'm just the average 22 year old college grad with the world at my fingertips, but then I remember, that in an instant with one tap of a screen or a click of a mouse, it could all come crashing down.

* * *

"Dad can I talk to you?" I ask him, all of gathered in the empty kitchen of the house I've lived in for the past two years, all of us packing up the last of our things into our cars and loading all of our suitcases into Kim's.

"Yeah sure kid, what's up?" He asks, putting down the beer in his hand, glancing over at me with those dark eyes.

"It's not a big deal, I just need you for a second," I say, leading him onto the back patio.

"Alright," He says, following me out. "What's up?"

"I think I'm going to be outed soon," I say nervously, the tears beginning to fall from my eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asks, becoming more concerned with every word.

"Someone got a photo of me today as I was walking, it's clear as day and they have my name and I'm nearly positive that she's either going to post it online or sell it to the press,"

"And you're worried about Charlie," He fills in.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm scared,"

"You knew that this could happen," He tells me.

"I know that, I thought I was okay with it, but it's real now and I am scared. He did terrible things to me Dad, I can't go through that again,"

"You won't," He assures me curtly.

"You can't be sure of that," I say desperately.

"Yes I can," He says sternly. "Here's what you are going to do, go to the airport, talk to Hailey and Kim if you need to, call Jay while you're waiting for the flight and then forget about it and have an amazing time in Greece,"

"What?"

"Don't worry about it," He says. "You will be halfway around the world, he can't find you there,"

"What about when I get back?'

"Well worry about it then," He assures me a comforting hand on my shoulder, "You have earned this trip Erin, I do not want you to spend the next two works worrying, can you do that for me?"

"I can try," I say. I know that I'm not telling the truth. It's not like I don't trust him, I trust him more than probably anyone in the world, but that's just how much Charlie scares me.

"Good," He tells me. "Now go out there, give your mother a kiss, hug your brother and go on your adventure,"

"Okay," I say as he pulls me in for a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "I am so proud of you Erin,"

"Dad don't make me cry," I say with a choked up laugh.

"I never thought that the broken little girl I pulled off the street that day would turn into the young woman before me today,"

"Dad," I say, my eyes teary.

"I love you." He says.

"I love you too," I say, pulling him in tight for a hug and wondering what in the world I would have done without him.

* * *

I said the teary goodbyes to my mom and my brother, before Hailey, Kim, and I piled into her little hatchback headed for the airport. We made it there in record time, pulling into the circle of towers of light two hours before our 10:45 flight time. After a quick panic of Hailey not being able to find her passport, we flew through security and were at the gate before we could blink. That's when I finally had time to breathe and dial the number I had come to know by heart.

"Congrats graduate," He says on the other end, his voice heavy with sleep as I pace nervously through the empty airport terminal, the blue dress and heels long packed away and clad in a pair of cropped leggings and a hoodie, almost identical to the outfit I wore to fly out to see him a few weeks ago and perfect for the next twenty four hours of nonstop travel, my hair pulled into a tight plait.

"Oh God, did I wake you?" I say, cursing myself. Of course I woke him up, it's nearly 11 here which means it's like 2 o'clock in the morning in DC.

"Don't worry about it," He says, his voice quickly gaining it's normal tone as I hear his lamp click in the background. "What's up?"

"The media is going to have my name tomorrow morning," I tell him reluctantly.

"What?" He asks, his tone quickening. "What happened?"

"A girl snapped a picture of me as I was walking at commencement today. They were announcement my name and I heard her say your name, she knows exactly who I am,"

"Okay," He says, "We knew that this could happen,"

"I know," I say softly.

"Are you rethinking this?' He asks.

"No, no God no," I say quickly. "This did not make me question the relationship at all,"

"Charlie," He says, filling in the blanks. "That's what's wrong,"

"Yeah," I say softly.

"Has he contacted you?"

"No," I say, "As far as I know, the leak hasn't happened yet,"

"What do you want to do?" He asks. "It's your call Erin,"

"Nothing," I say. "I don't want to do anything until we have something to worry about. I just wanted to let you know, make sure we're ready," I tell him.

"Okay," He says. "What do you want to say to the press?"

"No comment, I don't want to confirm or deny," I tell him.

"Alright," He says. "I just want to say I'm sorry for all this, I can't help feeling like it's my fault,"

"Stop it," I instruct him, "It was a joint decision, we made it together. Do not blame yourself,"

"Erin,"

"Stop," I say again. "We're good, we are all good."

"Okay," He responds.

"And," I say nervously, "uh I love you,"

"I love you too,"

* * *

"Welcome to Greece ladies," Hailey says with a grin as we stand at the bow. After a very long flight, an even longer layover in New York and a final flight that trumped it all, we're here. Well were on a ferry, a five hour ferry to Hailey's family's resort on Santorini. But it is beautiful, blue seas as far as the eye can see, only interrupted every so often by a picturesque island just asking to be put on Instagram. But even better than all that, it's a million miles away from every single one of my problems. I'm sure that this pictures have gone up by now and the entire country knows my name, but my phone is off and I plan on enjoying the next two weeks as much as I possibly can.

"How have we waited this long to follow you here," Kim says wistfully, staring off into the distance, our hair blowing behind us.

"Hey don't blame me," She says with a laugh, all of us fully rested from a very badly timed but great night of sleep on the flight from Philly to Athens as well as the first four hours of the ferry ride. "I've been trying to bring you guys back here for years,"

"Well we're here now," I say with a smile, "And there's no one I'd rather be with,"

"Aw we love you too E," Hailey says, pulling me into a hug as the horn sounds, "but we really should go gather up the rest of our stuff, because we're about to dock."

We quickly follow her instructions before departing off the boat and hailing a cab in the busy streets of Athinios and cramming into the tiny backseat for the half hour drive to Oia, with Kim and I being able to do nothing else but just oogle at the blue dome churches and white buildings that Hailey's been showing us for years. It looks like something out of a painting and I still can't believe that I'm here.

"We're here guys," Hailey says as we pull up to a gorgeous hotel, built into the side of the cliff. Hailey thanks the driver in Greek and hands him some cash, before the three of us retrieve our bags from the backseat and make our way down a set of winding stairs to the main lobby.

"This is beautiful," Kim says as the two of us take in the sights.

"Yeah I love it here," Hailey says with a smile. "But brace yourselves, my grandparents can be a little much,"

"I'm sure they'll be fine," I respond, brushing it off.

"Whatever you say E," She says with a laugh. We follow her into the white dome, a cute little stray kitten at our heels.

"Hailey!" I hear as soon as we walk through the door, the word full of a thick Greek accent as a curvy woman with thick dark hair comes barreling towards us.

"Nona!" Hailey exclaims as the woman who I'm going to assume is Hailey's grandmother takes her in her arms. The two begin conversing quickly in Greek as she smiles over her granddaughter, her energy warm and homey.

"Nona, these are my friends Erin and Kim," She tells us.

"Nice to meet you," She says, her accent thick. I expected her to give us a handshake, maybe a hug but she doesn't screw around with that. Nope it's a kiss on the cheek. I think the look of shock on my face is enough to say I didn't expect it as Hailey stifles a laugh.

"Where's Papa?" Hailey asks after the unexpected exchange.

"Meeting," She says simply. "Let me take you to your room," Hailey continues to talk to her in Greek, Kim and I quickly following, though unsure what to do as we walk through the outdoor paths of the resort, leading to a beautiful suite at the edge of the cliff.

"Oh Nona, you didn't have to do this," Hailey insists as Kim and I try to keep our jaws off the floor at the magnificent suite.

"Only the best for my girl," She insists, pressing another kiss to the side of her head. "Get settled, come meet me and your Papa for dinner tonight in the main house,"

"Okay," She says, "Thank you," She exclaims something in Greek before leaving us to explore the two bedrooms, bathroom, and balcony of the suite, all soaked in Greek culture, Hailey explaining many of the paintings hanging on the wall. After looking through every nook and cranny of the place and unpacking just a little bit, Kim has a brilliant idea.

"Beach?"

* * *

"This is exactly what I needed," I say, stretching out on a beach chair in a bright blue bikini, a pair of aviators resting over my eyes, the bright sun warming my stomach as I try to follow Hank's request, don't worry.

"It's been a long year," Kim agrees next to me, the hustle and bustle of the beach around us as the blue waves crash onto the white sand beaches. "But this is the perfect ending,"

"Hey E," Hailey says, lowering the glasses on her nose as she peers across the beach, "Who's that?" I squint as I see a man in a tank top and swim trunks, pointing a huge camera right in my direction as the bulb goes off again and again.

"Oh you have got to be freaking kidding me,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed!**

 **Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	14. Anytime

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed on the last chapter! Hope you guys enjoy chapter 14! Happy reading!**

* * *

ERIN

"That would be the media," I say with a sigh. Damnit. I didn't think it would leak or spread this fast or even if I did that they would care so much. There is so much happening in the world, why are they so wrapped up in a girl who might be dating the President's son?

"Do you want to leave?" Hailey asks, those big blue eyes full of kind concern.

"No," I say, "They'll spin that, say I'm hiding or something,"

"But you are," Kim says, her tone remaining confused.

"I know," I say, "But that will reflect badly, the entire world will assume that Jay is hiding me and therefore, Juliette is hiding something,"

"You've talked about this?" Hailey asks.

"Of course," I respond, continuing to lie calmly on the beach chair, "We had too."

"I'm sorry E," Hailey says, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"No I'm sorry," I say, staring off into the blue waves, "This was supposed to be for us and I ruined it,"

"No you didn't," Kim assures me. "This is one moment, we are in Greece for two weeks and Hank told you not to worry,"

"How do you know that?" I say with a smile.

"He told us to make sure you followed instructions," Hailey says with a smile. "And we're more than willing to oblige,"

"So what do we do now?" I ask, looking at the two of them for inspiration.

"We are going to run into that beautiful blue water like no one is watching," She tells me with a grin, "Then we're going to go back to the hotel, shower because we'll be gross and wait for my grandmother to give us more food than we'll ever be able to finish. The pictures will be taken, sold to the highest bidder and you will worry about it when you have to. And we'll be right there to pick you up,"

"I'm good with that," Kim responds, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "You're our girl, you have been for a long time. We got your back."

"Okay," I reply, tears brimming my eyes as I realize how thankful I am to have them.

"You ready?" Hailey asks as she grabs my other hand. I sigh, staring right into the lense of those invasive cameras.

"Yes," I assure her, "I'm ready."

* * *

And that is exactly what we did for fourteen glorious days, reveling in the beautiful scenery, sailing between the islands as we enjoyed our final days together, cell phones off. I missed talking to Jay and I don't think I'd ever gone that long without talking to either Hank or Camille, but it was good to me to unplug.

But as our flight lands at O'Hare, Hailey and I have to step back into the real world, and she's a real bitch. Today I get to know what the world thinks of me, how my family, my friends reacted to those pictures of me in a blue bikini. How Jay reacted.

We had to say goodbye to Kim in London before sending her off on her flight back to LAX, a goodbye filled with more tears and hugs than I thought possible as I bid a farewell to my roommate of four years.

"Thank for everything." I tell Hailey as the plane begins to touchdown on the tarmac. "This trip was exactly what I needed,"

"Anytime girl," She says, giving my hand a quick squeeze. I'm dreading turning my phone back on, I know it's going to be flooded with notifications. But I only care about two of them, Hank and Jay. "You ready to face the music?"

"No," I say with a laugh, thrilled that we didn't encounter any more photographers after we left Santorini and that no one recognized me. "But I really don't have a choice do I?"

"I'm sorry buddy," She tells me, "You don't deserve any of this,"

"I knew what I was signing up for when I met him." I answer, my nerves rising as we come closer and closer to the real world, the ever present threat of Charlie looming above me.

"Is he really worth it?" She asks, knowing exactly what I'm scared of.

"I love him," I tell her with a shrug and honest eyes, revealing that one fateful piece that I kept from both of them. "Maybe that makes me naive, it probably does."

"Wow," She says as we continue to taxi back into the gate. "I didn't know,"

"I didn't tell you," I responds. "It's fast and I know that, there will be consequences for everything that we do and I know that too, but yes, he's worth it. And he's earned that, from me anyway,"

"I'm just glad you're happy," She says. "You deserved that, more than anyone in the world,"

"Thank you," I say, pulling her in for a quick hug, grateful that she's won't be more than a twenty minute drive away from me.

"And I totally want to meet him," She finishes with a smirk.

"Hailey," I say with a sigh.

"Hey, you're my girl. I have to make sure he's taking care of you," She assures me.

"He is," I tell her with a small smile. "He's the best, you're going to love him,"

"I better," She says with that signature smirk, "It's he's putting you through all of this, he better be ready to move heaven and earth,"

"Oh you have no idea," I say with a sigh as the seatbelt sign blinks off.

"Welcome to Chicago!" I hear over the loudspeaker, the very friendly flight attendant's voice much more excited than it should be after a very long flight. But her tone does nothing to calm my nerves or the anxiety growing in my chest. We quickly grab our bags from the overhead bins, making our way to the baggage claim to grab the luggage that have definitely swelled in size from the last time we checked them in LA.

But what I don't expect to see is mine and Hailey's name on a sign in the pick up area.

"Did you order a car?" I ask, glancing over at her confused.

"No," She responds, looking equally as out of the loop. "Did you?"

"No," I say, perplexed. "I was just planning on grabbing a cab,"

"Who the hell is that then?" She asks as we weave out way through the crowds, just far enough to reveal the face of Kelly Severide, his good friend Matt Casey standing next to him. I can't help but smile.

"Kelly," I say, a smile gracing my lips as I walk up to him. We became friends when I was sixteen and he was eighteen. Benny and Hank knew each other and the Voights desperately wanted me to make new friends in an attempt to keep me away from the ones on the wrong side of town. That's where Kelly came in. He stayed in Chicago to attend the Fire Academy and we became great friends and I eventually set him up with Anna, who he's still with today.

"Little Lindsay," He says with a chuckle, pulling me in for a hug. "You remember my buddy Casey? We ride together on the truck,"

"Yeah of course," I respond, still confused at their presence, Hailey standing awkwardly next to me as she's only interacted with them a couple of times. "What are you doing here?"

"Anna saw the pictures, we all did," He informs me. I groan.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to tell everyone, I really did. I was just going to wait, until I got back," I tell him.

"It's okay," He says. "I don't care about that. Anna was just worried that they'd be waiting for you here,"

"Who?" I ask.

"Photographers," Hailey fills in sheepishly.

"Yeah," Kelly answers.

"She was right wasn't she?" I ask.

"Theres about twenty of them right outside those doors," Matt tells me, pointing towards a set of sliding doors.

"You've got to be kidding me," I say with a groan, suddenly wishing that I looked a little more put together. "How did they find me again?"

"I don't know, but she sent us to get you guys home," He says. "And to be your bodyguards I guess. We're not as good as the Secret Service, but we'll have to do right?"

"Thank you Sev," I say, pulling him in for a tight hug, grateful for Anna's quick thinking.

"You ready to do this?" Matt asks.

"No," I say, glancing upwards at his tall frame. "But what other choice do we have?"

"We got this," Hailey says, squeezing my shoulder. I can tell that people are looking at me, slowly recognizing me, but I just tune it all out.

"Okay," I say. "Let's go," As we get closer and closer to the sliding doors, the chatter grows louder and Kelly slips his arm around my shoulder, his frame shielding my face, Matt doing the same to Hailey. I can't see anything but a boom of light as the doors, questions flying at me as we try to move through as fast as possible.

"Are you involved with the President's son?" I hear someone shout from one direction.

"How long have you been together?" Another yells on my left.

"How is he in bed?" I hear someone call, the flashes of the bulbs blinding me, his words causing a deep red blush to fill my cheeks.

"Don't say anything," Kelly whispers into my ear as he ushers me away, Matt and Hailey not far behind us and all their words jumbling in the head. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest as we finally find solace in the elevator of the parking garage across the street.

"That was pure insanity," Hailey says, out of breath. "Who knew you were such a hot commodity?"

"You okay?" Kelly asks, ignoring Hailey's light joke.

"Yeah," I responds, "Just a little shaken up. I'm not used to it,"

"You did great," He assures me, pulling me into a tight hug. "C'mon lets get you home," I nod silently as Kelly and Matt toss our luggage into the back of Kelly's car, Hailey and I carefully stepping into the backseat.

"You okay buddy?" She asks, grabbing my hand for the one second that were alone.

"I will be," I answer her, my heart still racing a million miles a minute.

"So," Kelly says as he lands in the front seat, "Where's that new apartment of yours?"

"Actually," I respond, "Can you take me to Hank's? There's just some stuff I need to talk about them with,"

"Yeah of course," He says, looking back at me with a charismatic beam. I let my lips rise into small smile in response to his, hiding the deep fears now pulled right up to the surface. I take a deep breath before pulling my phone out of my purse, turning it on for the first time in weeks.

I brace myself for the onslaught of notifications that I know is waiting for me and I internally groan as I see the thousands of follow requests on Instagram, hundreds of texts from people I haven't heard from in years and more tags on Twitter than I can even count. But in all of that, there's just one message that stands out.

 _I'm sorry. -JH_

* * *

"Thank you for everything Kelly," I say as we pull up in front of the Voight house, the sun starting to set behind us. "You too Matt,"

"Anytime Lindsay," He assures me, Matt slowly nodding his head in agreeance. I respond with my own solemn headnod before pulling Hailey into a tight hug.

"I'll see you soon okay?" She tells me. "Can't keep us apart for very long,"

"Okay," I say with a laugh.

"C'mon," Kelly offers, "I'll help you with your bags,"

"Alright," I reply, quickly jumping out of the backseat to grab my two now very heavy suitcases.

"It's going to be okay," He says out of the blue as the two of us stand there.

"Is it?" I respond, really, truly unsure of the outcome for maybe the first time.

"You're Erin Lindsay and you are tough as nails, I know you won't scare that easy," He replies with a smirk, a glint in those blue, blue eyes.

"Thank you again," I say, grabbing a loose hug.

"Anytime," He says, echoing his earlier sentiments. "Call me if you ever need anything,"

"I will," I say with a nod. I then grab my bags and wheel them back towards the house, grinning as I see the three of them waving at me from the car.

"Mom, Dad!" I call as I walk through the unlocked front door, eager to return to normalcy. "I'm home,"

"Erin!" I hear Camille exclaim, jumping up from her spot and dashing into the front hall to meet me.

"Hey Mom," I say with a grateful smile as she engulfs me in a tight hug.

"I have been so worried about you," She whispers in my ear.

"What?" I ask as I slowly pull away, "What happened?"

"We saw the pictures," She tells me. "How did they find you?"

"I don't know," I say. "I have no idea,"

"Your father was about ready to jump out of his shoes when he saw them," She says with an almost light chuckle. "He was so mad,"

"Speaking of, is he around?" I ask, my eyes wandering past her.

"Upstairs in the office, he's always bringing work home," She says with a soft groan, "Justin's out with Peyton, but he'll be home in a couple hours and I'm sure he'll happy to see you,"

"He's 17," I say with a laugh, "He's never happy to see anyone,"

"Go see your dad," She says with a smile, "Are you hungry? I have a bunch of leftovers in the fridge that I can heat up for you,"

"That'd be great," I say with a smile, "I'll just be a minute,"

"Take your time baby girl," She assures me. I nod, parking my suitcases at the base of the stairs before ascending up to talk to Hank. I've managed to keep my nerves under wraps, but were back on the ground now, he's here. Charlie could be anywhere. I want to call Jay, but I have to keep my priorities in check.

"Dad!" I call as I walk down the hallway to his office.

"Hey kid," He says as I hear his pen scratching along paper.

"Hi," I say quietly, taking a seat on the floor, my legs tucked under me. "What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?" He asks, not even looking down at me.

"Charlie, what are we going to do?" I ask. "Dad I'm scared,"

"Don't worry about it,"

"How am I not supposed to worry about it?" I ask, close to falling into the realms of hysterical. How am I supposed to not worry about it? He almost killed me when I was 16, I have no doubt that he'd do it again, or go even further.

"It's been taken care of,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed! Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	15. Maybe It Won't

**Thanks for all the kind reviews on chapter 14! Hope you guys like chapter 15 just as much! Happy reading!**

* * *

 ** **JAY****

I couldn't help but feel guilty when I saw those pictures come out. I knew that it was my fault, all of this was my fault. It's out, we're public. Everybody knows. The world gets to have an opinion now, stake in our relationship. And boy, they aren't being shy about it.

In the past two weeks, I've been stopped more than ever on the streets, my face slapped all over the tabloids, polls regarding how long the relationship will last and more than a few articles trying to predict who she is, where we met and why I'm dating someone that no body has ever heard of, calling her the American Kate Middleton.

My sisters have been hounding me, Natalie included. They all want to meet her, Nora of course pissed that Abby was first, even my mom got in on it, her Press Secretary already fielding questions on it, that was coupled with a, lets call it passionate phone call from my father. But I haven't had the energy to focus on any of that.

I am absolutely terrified for Erin. I knew that going public was going to be rough for her, risking a lot, but now that it's real I can't help but be scared even more scared that I already was. I can't even imagine what she's feeling. Charlie's just one part of all of this. He is a big part, I won't deny that by any means and her safety will be my priority, but we didn't even think about the public scrutiny or the White House screening. She's going to have to do it all.

I wanted to pick up the phone a hundred times. I don't know what I would say, I just want to hear her voice. But I couldn't. So I settled for a text, a stupid, stupid, stupid text.

* * *

 **ERIN**

"What do you mean you took care of it?" I ask nervously as I stand opposite my dad, feeling the urge to back away. I always knew that he was powerful, that he could do things I would never dream of. But I don't want to think that he did this. I never thought he could do this.

"Don't worry about it Erin," He says, shaking me off.

"No," I nearly yell back. "You can't just tell me that and them clam up. It doesn't work like that. We don't lie to each other Hank,"

"I'm protecting you Erin," He argues. "This is for you, for your safety,"

"Dad," I plead with him, my eyes deep with worry. "Just tell me,"

"Don't you think I would if I could?" He says, staring up at me with those dark eyes, his voice as gravely as ever.

"I can't do this," I say, tears starting to stream down my face as I run out of the room.

"Erin!" He calls after me.

"Don't!" I yell back.

"Sweetie?" Camille says as she hears me running down the stairs, fat, salty tears running down my face."What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I assure her, turning away to wipe the tears from my face. "I just need to go out for a drive,"

"Something going on with your dad?" She asks, those big hazel eyes scanning me, sincere as ever.

"Yeah," I say shortly.

"C'mere," She says, pulling me into a hug. "It's going to be okay, whatever it is,"

"I'm not so sure," I say, holding back the waterworks.

"It'll all work itself out," She responds, holding me by the shoulders. "Or maybe it won't. But we have to have faith, that whatever the outcome, that was what was supposed to happen,"

"Thanks Mama," I say as I fall back into her arms.

"I'm always here baby girl," She assures me, somehow always knowing exactly what to say. She knows that I wouldn't be satisfied with the dumb expression that everything is going to be okay. A lot of the times things will not be okay. But we can always figure out a way to make it work. At least I hope I can. "Oh I almost forgot,"

"What?" I ask, my voice still cracking as she runs to get something from the kitchen.

"These are your keys,"

"What?"

"We got them while you were gone, all your boxes and the furniture you ordered is waiting for you there," She tells me as she drops them into my hand. "A final farewell present from Hank and I,"

"Thank you," I say as I clasp my hand around the cool metal.

"You want to go stay over there tonight?" She asks. "It's still early, you have a little bit of time to unpack and setup tonight. You need some space don't you?"

"Yeah," I say with a deep breath.

"I'll be there tomorrow with breakfast," She tells me with a grin. "All the utilities are turned on, we set up the wifi yesterday and the password is on a sticky note on the fridge,"

"You are too good to me,"

"It's what a mama does," She tells me with a smile. "Get out of here, I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Thank you," I tell her, lingering in the hallway for a second, trails of tears starting to dry on my face before I grab my suitcases and put them back into the familiar 300, Hank's words still ringing in my head.

"Hey," I hear behind me, causing me to jump, though my heartbeat falls back to its normal rhythm once my mind recognizes the speaker.

"Jesus Jay," I say, throwing a punch at his shoulder. "You scared the crap out of me,"

"I'm sorry, I just needed to see you," He says standing awkwardly a few feet away from me.

"So you flew halfway across the country?" I say, eyebrow raised. Damn, I really need to up my game with these grand romantic gestures, he's gotten on a cross country flight for me twice, I need to catch up.

"Yeah," He says sheepishly.

"Well I'm glad you did," I say, melting into his arms as I instantly feel him relax, me doing the exact same. "The second I got back, the only person I wanted to see was you,"

"We've got a lot to talk about," He says, a sadness in his voice.

"Yeah we do," I reply, more than he even knows. "Hey where are the guys?"

"I'm over 18, I can deny Secret Service if I want to," He tells me, letting me into a new little snippet of trivia.

"And your mom is okay with that?" I question.

"Well no," He says with a smile, "It took some convincing, but I just wanted it to be and my girl,"

"Well your girl needs to set up Ikea furniture and unpack boxes in her new apartment, but she could be persuaded to include her boyfriend if he threw in pizza and beer," I say with a smile, the grin hiding my sadness and dried tears. I know very well what we have to talk about tonight and while I know that it's important, I will also avoid it for as long as possible. But just him being here, it makes my night a whole lot better.

"Sounds perfect,"

* * *

"This is like the ultimate relationship tester," I joke as we work on screwing the headboard of my bed on, a box of unfinished pizza on the kitchen counter. "If we're still together by the end of this, we'll last forever,"

"Well then," He says, securing the last screw, "We are destined for greatness then,"

"So glad," I say, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as I look around my mess of a bedroom, boxes everywhere and the boxspring and mattress pressed up against the wall. "Thank you for coming out, it means a lot,"

"Of course," He says as we set the box spring on the frame, draping a white bed skirt over all of it before popping my mattress over it all. The small talk continues as we dress the bed with sheets, pillows and blankets, pulling them all out of the boxes that were shipped here while I was gone, a product of late night online shopping while I should have been studying for finals.

"You know there's a reason I'm here right?" He asks as we fluff the last of the pillows.

"I do," I say with a sad smile.

"I just wanted to apologize for everything that has happened, you wouldn't be anywhere near this mess if it weren't for me. They ruined your vacation, I know that was supposed to be your time off,"

"Hey hey hey," I stop him, bounding over the bed and grabbing him by the shoulders. "This was a mutual decision, I knew exactly what I was getting into with you Jay. You have to stop apologizing for that,"

"It's just hard, I worry about you. Charlie,"

"About that," I interrupt nervously, biting down on my bottom lip. "I don't think we're going to have to worry about him very much anymore," I can feel my heart beating out of my chest as I wait for him to respond.

"What does that mean?" He asks, taking a tedious step away from me.

"I don't know," I tell him honestly.

"Erin," He presses.

"You cannot say anything about this, to anyone. I don't care who they are,"

"What, what is it?" Jay asks, continuing to press me about it.

"I came home and my dad told me he took care of it," I say apprehensively.

"What does that mean?" He asks again, his voice shakier this time.

"I don't know," I tell him again. "I don't want to think about what it could be mean,"

"Are you saying-" He begins to ask.

"Don't," I respond quickly, effectively cutting him off. I don't need him to say what I've been thinking since Hank told me. I didn't want to believe that Hank was capable of anything like that, but I can't not think that. I've seen what he can do, especially when Justin or I are involved, he will do anything to protect his family.

"Erin, we have to talk to someone about this," He insists.

"No," I exclaim, throwing my hand on his chest. "If he did do it and I don't want to believe that he did, he had a reason and it was a damn good one. He is my family, they are all that I have. So no, we will not be telling anyone about this,"

"He's all you have?" He questions, a new hurt in his eyes as I instantly realize my mistake. I shouldn't have said that. I know what I meant, but I know that my wording did not come out that way. I have Hailey and Kim and all the girls from the Bowman House, Kelly and now apparently Matt too, but I also have him.

"That's not what I meant," I stammer, trying to regain my footing.

"No, that's exactly what you meant," He says as he grabs the bag he brought with him. "Why are you so willing to blindly trust this man? He could have committed murder!"

"Because he did it to protect me!" I call back, tears starting to stream down my face. "And he's my dad, where are you going?" I ask, following him through the main area of the apartment as he puts on his shoes.

"I need some space,"

"What?" I ask as he continues to move, still stuck behind him as my head spins a million miles a minute, forever regretting that I told him what Hank said. "Where are you going?"

"My brother's got a place in the city," He says. "I just need to clear my head,"

"You don't need to do this," I tell him, "Just stay,"

"I'm sorry," He says, pulling me into a tight embrace, a brand new tension between us. "I'll see you soon," And with that, the door closes, leaving me in a brand new apartment, my entire life in limbo as tears stream down my face, my body sinking down to the cool hardwood floors and the guy I love no where to be found.

* * *

 **Sorry for another cliffhanger! Thanks for reading and please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	16. All In

**Hope you all enjoyed chapter 15! Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I hope this makes up for it. Happy reading!**

* * *

 ** **JAY****

I barely slept last night. I don't know if I regret what I did. Well I know I don't regret leaving, but my delivery could have been better. I have every intention of going back, but I need some time, to breathe.

I think I deserve at least that. She can't drop a bomb on me like that and just expect me to be completely okay. Her dad may have killed someone, it was in her defense, but still I can't just ignore that.

"Hey little brother," I hear Natalie say, leaning against the door frame of the guest bedroom of her and Will's apartment in the South Loop, two cups of coffee in her hands. Natalie may not be my sister, but she's acted like one since the day that Will brought her home five years ago with a teeny baby Owen in her arms, more than terrified to be meeting my mom.

"Hi Nat," I say with a smile. "What's up?"

"Nothing," She says, handing me the mug as she sits on the end of my bed. "You showed up here, unannounced at 9 PM and you seemed upset, I'm checking in. How are you doing?"

"Not great," I tell her.

"You want to talk about it?" She asks, taking a long sip of the bitter liquid.

"Not really," I respond to her.

"Okay," She replies, not pushing, which I'm more than grateful for. I have to figure out what I'm going to do, but I have to make this choice on my own.

"Where's Owen?" I ask, drawing the conversation away from myself.

"He's at Lego engineering camp this week," She says with a chuckle, "Will's driving him there now,"

"Isn't he a little young for that?" I say with a laugh, knowing very well that he's only five years old.

"That's what I said," She agrees enthusiastically, "The age range said 5-9 which I thought was really wide, but he wanted to do it and Will just keeps telling me that he's a genius,"

"Well I mean, he is your kid, if he had Will's genes I'd have a few questions,"

"Speaking of which," She mentions. "We were talking the other day and I think that we're going to get Owen legally adopted by Will after the wedding, drop the Conte,"

"Really?" I say surprised, "I thought you guys were going to hyphenate."

"We were," She informs me, "But when we have more kids, they're going to have your name. He's already going to know he's different from the rest of them, we really didn't want to emphasize that anymore,"

"You guys making plans?" I ask, pushing my problems aside for a second.

"I don't know," She says with a sly smile. "I don't want his siblings to be so much younger than him, but I can't have a baby in my last year of med school and after that comes residency, I don't know where we'd fit it in,"

"You had Owen your sophomore year of college and you made that work,"

"I guess I did," She responds. "He turned out pretty great didn't he?"

"Best nephew I've ever had," I joke.

"Very funny," She says with a look. "But in all seriousness, when are you going to go back to see that girl?"

"What do you mean?" I ask innocently.

"Don't play coy with me Jay," She responds, eyebrow raised. "I know you love your nephew, but you didn't fly all the way out here to see us without warning, something happened. I know that you don't want to talk about what that is, but you can't run away from all of it, you've got to face it,"

"I know," I say with a deep sigh. "I know,"

"So stop hiding in my guest bedroom and go do that," She says.

"Nat," I whine.

"Don't do that," She scolds, "I'll take you over, let's go,"

* * *

"Are you sure that this a good idea?" I ask as we pull up to Erin's apartment building in Natalie's white SUV.

"No," She says. "But you can't run away from it right?"

"Yeah," I say with a reluctant smile. "Thank you,"

"Of course," She says pulling me in for a quick hug. "Now go fix this, this girl has been thrown through way too much for it all to end like this,"

"I know," I say, grabbing my bag and hopping out of the car. "Bye Natty,"

"Bye JJ," She responds, "Don't stay away too long, we miss you out here,"

"Of course," I say before she rolls off, leaving me alone with my thoughts in front of the brick building. Now or never right? I take a deep breath and force myself through the front doors, riding the elevator up to the third floor and making my way over to apartment 16, bracing for the worst as I knock on the front door.

I hear the door unlock, Erin opening the door with bloodshot eyes and dark bags under her eyes, wrapped up in a cardigan sweater and leggings.

"Hi," I say softly, her look sending a pang to my heart. I did that. This is my fault.

"Are you going to come in?" She asks, turning away from me as she walks back into the apartment as I silently follow. She's mad. Of course she's mad, why wouldn't she be? She has every right to hate me right now. She should hate me.

"We need to talk," I say quietly, setting down my bag.

"Yeah," She says, seeming disinterested, "We do,"

"I'm sorry," I say, wanting to get that out before anything else. "I shouldn't have done what I did last night,"

"No, you shouldn't't have," She replies bluntly. "You can't just walk out like that Jay, without explanation,"

"Erin you have to understand," I rebuff, "I was freaking out, trying to process everything that you just told me,"

"You don't think I was too?" She demands. "But you don't walk about, you stay and you talk, you work it out together,"

"Then let's do it," I say taking a seat on her couch. "Let's sit here and talk and work it all out."

"Okay," She says taking a seat across the couch. "Charlie's not dead,"

"What?" I ask, floored.

"I talked to my mom, who talked to my dad. He didn't kill him, he's in Canada." She tells me. "With a very stirct warning,"

"Erin," I say, my voice uneasy.

"Nothin illegal happened," She assures me. "But he's not going to be a problem anymore and I don't want to talk about it again, okay?"

"Okay," I give in, a huge weight falling off my chest. Erin's my girlfriend and I love her, I wouldn't ever want to do anything to sacrifice the safety or happiness of her or her family, but I couldn't carry around something like that. "Good,"

"What else is there then?" She asks. "Charlie's not a problem anymore,"

"There's a lot," I tell her. "The press for one,"

"I can deal with it," She assures me. "I'll be fine, I really don't care about having my face plastered across the national news, it's this cycle, it'll pass,"

"That's not what I'm worried about," I say, proceeding carefully with my choice of words. "They will hunt you down, your privacy will be invaded,"

"And you don't think I can handle that?" She asks, her eyebrow twitching.

"I couldn't," I respond curtly. "It's hard Erin, they are everywhere and they don't let up."

"We'll make it work," She responds. "We always do,"

"Do we though?" I ask, immediately regretting it. I shouldn't have said it that way, but it did need to be said. We've been long distance for a long time, I almost think we've been in a bubble. We haven't had to deal with the real issues of a relationship, it's always been the extra things. Media, Charlie and everything else that comes with the two of us. Last night was our first real fight and we didn't handle it well.

"We will," She says, seeming a hundred times more confident that she was just a few minutes ago. "Ground rules, no one walks out."

"Erin," I respond slowly.

"I'm serious," She says. "No one walks out, we stay and we try to make it work. If we can't, it'll be a mutual decision and we'll go. But we have to try, always,"

"This is ridiculous,"

"Just say yes," She comes back curtly. "I want this to work, but I need to know that you are with me, one hundred percent,"

"Of course I am," I say, "why would you even suggest that I'm not? I love you Erin,"

"I know, and I love you too. I just needed to hear you say it,"

"I'm saying it now, loud and clear," I assure her. I don't know what else I have to do to prove to her that I am all in, what else I can say to make her believe that I love her with everything that I am.

"Okay then," She responds.

"What now?" I ask.

"Now, I am going to kiss you and then we are going to finish unpacking my apartment,"

"Are we going to talk about anything else?" I ask.

"Not right now," She says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because I don't want to," She says, that smile shining through the red of her eyes and the dark spots underneath as she presses a kiss to my lips.

"I can work with that."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"You know I was thinking," Jay says as the two of us sit on the opposite ends of the couch, our feets tangled up in each other with an episode of the Amazing Race playing on the TV.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" I ask, feeling much more comfortable than I was just a few hours ago. Jay and I still have a lot to work through, but for now, I'm just going to try being happy without the shadow of Charlie reigning over us.

"There's an event coming up, it's a fundraising gala for the ACC, the American Coalition for Children, they advocate for the rights of kids, protecting kids in foster care," He tells me with a smile. "I need a date, know anyone that'd be interested? "

"I would love to," I tell him, granting him a smile. It sounds like a great night and a great cause, hitting especially close to home for me. "Is it in DC?"

"Yes, but it's a Saturday night, so you wouldn't have to miss work," He assures me.

"Of course then," I respond, no longer concerned with being found. I can live freely now, exactly the way that I want to, consequences be damned. And it feels so good.

* * *

"Do you really have to go back so soon?" I whine as I push in a pair of crystal studs.

"I wasn't even supposed to come out here," Jay says with a laugh as he brews a pot of coffee in the kitchen. "Besides, I'll see you next week for the gala, but until then, you should focus on work,"

"I know, I know," I say, coming out of the bedroom, my navy blue heels clicking along the hardwood floor.

"Wow," Jay says as he takes me in. "Babe you look good,"

"Oh be quiet," I say, secretly reveling in the compliment. I spent a very long time putting together this outfit, skinny navy slacks, a white button up and a tailored blush blazer. "But thank you,"

"Here," He says, handing me a mug of coffee. "How much longer do I have with you?"

"I have to be in the office by nine, but I want to be in a little bit early, I'm going to leave around 8:10,"

"So ten minutes," He says with a groan.

"Yes," I say with a teasing smile.

"What do you say we make the most of those ten minutes?" He says suggestively with a raise of the eyebrow.

"As much as I would enjoy that," I say with a chuckle, "I spent way too long on this hair for that,"

"Fine," He says with a dissatisfied groan.

"Don't worry," I assure him, "I'll make it up to you next weekend,"

"You promise?" He asks, his attention peaked.

"Oh definitely," I say with a laugh. "But as for now, I'm going to down as much caffeine as humanly possible,"

"Sounds like a plan baby," He says, the two of us standing around the island of my apartment, both with smiles on our faces and laughter leaving our lips as we enjoy the presence of the one that we love. It's nice, the two of us here. It feels almost too normal, domesticated. But for once, I'm not waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm just happy.

"Bye baby," He says, giving me a kiss on the cheek as I walk out the door. "Kick some ass,"

"Will do," I say, the two of us lingering the doorway. "I love you,"

"I love you too," And with that, I'm off to my very first day in the real world.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 16! I hope to have chapter 17 posted next weekend (or earlier, fingers crossed!)**

 **Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	17. Important

**Thank you for all the amazing reviews on the last chapter! I read all of them and they honestly make me so happy! Hope you guys enjoy chapter 17!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Hi I'm here to see Joseph Scott," I say as I walk into the Department of Children and Family Services, the building in the heart of the Loop. "My name is Erin Lindsay, today's my first day."

"Of course," The smiley receptionist says as she types my name into the computer. "He's been expecting you, head right on into his office,"

"And where would that be?" I ask as my eyes flutter around the office.

"Oh I'm sorry, take a right here and it's the last door on the right," She tells me with a smile.

"Thank you," I take, following her directions and finding myself in front of an office, a plaque with the words "Joseph Scott, Director" stuck on the outside wall. I nervously knock.

"C'mon in," His voice booms from inside. I nervously step into his office, the small room flooded with light and take a seat on one of the chairs, upholstered in that itchy fabric that I've always despised. I let my oversized brown leather tote sink to the floor next to me, forcing myself to look this man right in the eyes.

"Good morning Mr. Scott," I say, unsure of how to address him.

"Just Joe is fine," He tells me, seemingly surprisingly informal to me.

"Okay," I say, still not comfortable in my surroundings.

"So something has come to my attention," He starts. My heart starts to pound, sentences that start that way almost never end well.

"Concerning?' I ask.

"It seems that there have been a few developments in your life since we hired you," He says, seeming almost more uncomfortable asking it than I will be when I have to answer.

"I assume this is in relation to my relationship with Jay Halstead?" I ask, filling in the blanks for him, my face turning the color of a radish.

"Yes," He says.

"Is it going to be a problem?" I ask, hoping and praying that I get the answer that I'm looking for.

"I'm not sure Erin, is it going to be a problem?" He asks. I have to take a deep breath.

"Do you know why I'm here?" I ask him.

"Because your transcript was stellar and you charmed us in your interview," He tells me.

"No," I say, my voice rising as I feel my blood begin to boil at the question and his more than lackluster response. "That's why you hired me. I am here because this is important work, getting these kids where they need to be, where they are loved and cherished, a place where they have a warm bed every night and someone telling them goodnight. That's important to me. So no, I will be letting my relationship get in the way of that."

"Okay then," He replies, surprised to say the least by what just came out of my mouth. "Then let's get you to work,"

"You called boss?" I hear as I turn around, being met with the presence of a woman, not much older than me in the doorway of his office, her curly hair falling below her shoulders and dressed in a conservative blue dress, a bubbly smile on her face.

"Ah yes, perfect timing," He says, his demeanor changing as he looks over to her. "Erin I want you to meet Olivia Davis, you're going to be shadowing her for the next couple days until you get into the swing of things,"

"Very nice to meet you Erin," She says coming over to me and holding out her hand, shaking mine with a rather firm grip, her smile remaining warm and inviting.

"You as well,," I say before looking back at Joe. "Are we done here?"

"Yes," He responds. "Olivia will take care of you for the rest of the morning,"

"Thank you," I reply, grabbing my bag from the floor and hurrying to follow Olivia out the door.

"So what was going on in there?" She asks, diving right into it, strangely reminding me a little bit of Kim, maybe with bits of Abby thrown in depending on what happens next. "I sensed a little bit of tension,"

"Oh that was nothing," I respond, brushing it off to hide my discomfort at the question. He has the right to ask those questions and they're more than valid, if I was hiring the newly public girlfriend of one of the most famous figures in the United States, I might be a little worried too. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. And I'm really hoping that Olivia isn't going to recognize me.

"You sure?" She asks.

"Yes I'm sure," I assure her, hoping that she'll drop it.

"Alright," She says, her voice trailing, a tell tale sign that she definitely doesn't believe me. "Well anyway, like you heard from Joe, you're going to be shadowing me for a couple days which means that you'll be setting up shop in my office, but I thought I'd give you a little sneak peak at yours first,"

"I get an office?" I say in surprise, I assumed that I'd be put into a cubicle or even like a shared space. But you won't hear my complaining.

"Yeah of course," She replies. "When we moved into the Thompson Building, we all got them. We deal with sensitive information sometimes so it's good to have a door you can close,"

"Sure," I say, still working my way through all my thoughts as she leads me down a hallway, the clicks of our heels perfectly matching up.

"So this is your home base," She says, pushing open the door to the little room that I'll be calling mine for however long I'm here. It's simple, a dark wooden desk jetting out from one wall, a grey swivel chair behind that and two blue armchairs sitting on the other side of the desk, a desktop computer sitting on the side of the desk closest to the wall. The colors are bright, the walls painted a light blue, like someone tried too hard to make it not seem like a sterile office, the pretty hue only interrupted by a section of filing cabinets along one of the walls, a small couch on the other. But it's working. It's bright and happy, light flooding through the small window, giving me an okay view of the city before me.

"Nice right?" She says, though I've kind of forgotten that she's lingering behind me. "I thought we'd have shitty government offices, but we have kids in here a lot so they try to make them at least a little bit happier."

"That's a nice thought," I respond, looking up to her taller frame with a smile.

"Yeah it is," She replies, a sadness hiding behind her voice. It's faint, but I see it. "Anyway," She says, quickly pulling herself back together, "The conference room is down that way and so is the break room."

"Great thanks," I say as I follow her quick pace back down the hall to her, trying my best not to lose my composure.

"Like Joe said, you'll be with me for the next couple of days, just getting into the groove of things, learning how we do things around here,"

"Alright," I reply, her words moving faster than her feet.

"And this is my office," She says, pushing the door into an office that looks very similar to mine, only a little more lived in. The pale yellow walls are lined with kids artwork, a few colored pens scattered around her desk calendar and a couple pictures along the desk.

"You got kids?" I ask, gesturing the the adorably messy drawings.

"Not yet," She says, "Working on it, those are just drawings from kids. They like to draw when they're in here, sometimes they want to leave it. I guess I've just made a habit of it,"

"Cute," I respond, awkwardly sitting down in the chair across from hers. "So, what's on the agenda for today?"

"Not much, I'm doing a home visit later in the day but other than that, we've just got some paperwork, vetting foster parents applications,"

"Ah the grunt work," I say with a chuckle.

"A necessary evil," She tells me. "Worth it though,"

"Absolutely," I say, the level of tension melting away as she pulls a case file, tossing it open on her desk as the phone rings.

"Olivia Davis, Department of Children and Family Services," She answers professionally before the message is relayed on the other end. "Is the father involved?" I run my tongue along the tips of my teeth, wondering what kind of situation is going down on the other end of that call. "Okay, we'll be right there,"

"What's going on?" I ask, looking over at her with my brows furrowed.

"We've got a case," She says, grabbing her bag off the floor, not waiting for me to respond as I follow suit. "This day's about to get interesting,"

* * *

"Olivia Davis. DCFS," She says as we walk into the ER at Chicago Med, showing her government ID to the nurse up front.

"Great, we've been waiting for you," She says, leaping out of her swivel chair and leading us through the ED.

"What are we looking at?" Olivia asks as I keep myself as a shadow behind her.

"Baby, mom came in high on heroin and she was born a few hours ago. Baby's still in withdrawal," She says, as we walk into an elevator.

"Status on the mom?" Olivia asks.

"No mom," The nurse says, "She was brought in about an hour, couldn't be more than day old. Mom surrendered her in the ED to Dr. Choi, Safe Haven laws say we can't question it,"

"Where's the baby?" Olivia asks, tapping her heels on the linoleum floors of the elevator as we continue to rise.

"NICU," She responds as the doors open in front of us. "Kate's with her now. We have her on methadone, but she keeps seizing," I can't help but wince. I never asked Bunny because I knew that it wouldn't end well, but there is a very high chance that I was just like this little baby. I honestly don't know how she kept me in the house before I could help.

"Thank you Maggie," She says as we arrive at the doors of the NICU.

"You know the protocol?" Maggie asks, "I've got to get back to the ED?"

"Yes, go do your job," She responds with a nod.

"You know her?" I ask as I follow her through a set of sliding doors, met with a room lined with sinks.

"Yeah," Olivia responds. "We get called down here a lot, more than I'd like,"

"Oh," I say, feeling absolutely idiotic. Of course. "So what's the protocol she was talking about?"

"Handwashing," She says, dropping her tote on a set of chairs as I do the same, before drenching her hands in a mountain of foaming soap.

"Oh okay," I say, discarding my blazer on top of my bag and rolling up my sleeves, following suit.

"30 seconds, warm water, up to your elbows," She instructs me as I nod.

"Okay," I say, doing just as she says as does, craning my neck to try to spot the baby through the sea of incubators in the NICU.

"That's her," She says as she points to what I can only describe as a baby spaceship closest to us. I don't know how she knows, but she doesn't say anything else, so I don't either, quickly finishing the handwash and following her example. We both slip into sheer pink gowns, looking like something straight out of Grey's Anatomy before entering.

"Hey Kate," Olivia says taking a seat next to her. "How's she doing?"

"Pretty good considering, she hasn't seized since we called you, but she's still going to be in withdrawal for some time. We've got her sedated now,"

"Do we have a name for her yet?" She asks as I watch the little girl in the incubator. That's what hits me, she's so little and she is so alone.

"No, we've been calling her Baby Gaffney, mom didn't give us one,"

"Gaffney?" I ask Olivia confused.

"It's protocol that Safe Haven babies get names to do with where they were left, this is Gaffney Chicago Medical Center, so any babies without a last name that are dropped here get Gaffney on all their papers,"

"And how does she get a first name and a middle name?" I ask.

"That's up to us," She tells me. "And today, that's up to you,"

"What?" I ask, the shock written all over my face. There's so much in a name, she'll carry it for the rest of her life and for some reason they trust me with that.

"Caroline," I say suddenly. I have no idea where it came from, I've never thought about it before, I've never thought about any baby name before. It just came out. "Caroline Louise,"

"Okay then," Olivia says, looking up at me with a smile. "Welcome to the world Caroline Louise Gaffney,"

* * *

"This one's all you Erin," I hear as I look up from my computer in my office, a pile of completed paperwork from the Caroline Gaffney case sitting upon my desk. She got discharged from the hospital yesterday and Olivia got her placed with a great family in Wilmette, two perfect parents with a dog, a brick house with a front porch. Amelia and Joe, they seem like really good people and they're going to give her a great life, one where being given up at a hospital at two days old seems a million miles away.

It's been a few days since I've started and slowly, but surely I've gotten into the swing of things, learning quickly as I go.

"What?" I ask, looking up at Olivia.

"Just got a call from Med, they've got a five year old little boy, Tate Millner. He's one of ours, foster dad just broke his wrist," She tells

"Crap okay," I say, grabbing my bag off the floor, a million things coursing through my mind. My flight's in a few hours, but I guess I'll just have to push it. He needs help, so help is on the way.

* * *

"What's up babe?" Jay answers as I call him on the way over to the hospital.

"I just wanted to call and let you know, I just got a case so I don't think I'm going to make my flight," I tell him as I weave through Chicago traffic.

"That's okay, the gala's not until tomorrow night. I can change your ticket to fly out on the red eye tonight, or would an early flight tomorrow be better?"

"Red eye please," I say, grateful for his openness with the situation. "You are amazing,"

"I know," He says with I'm sure a smirk on his face. "You'll make it up to me tomorrow,"

"Oh I'm sure," I say with a smile. "I'll call you when I wrap up here okay?"

"Alright, I love you,"

"I love you too," I tell him quickly before ending the call. I hastily drive the rest of the way to Med, calming parking my car in the lot and rushing into the ER, nervous to take on my first case. The doors slide open, hitting me in the face with a more than welcome blast of air conditioning. I approach the front desk, the same nurse I recognize as Maggie sitting behind it.

"Erin Lindsay, DCFS," I say, holding up my badge in the exact same manner that Olivia did a few days ago.

"C'mon back," Maggie says, getting up and leading me towards a closed curtain, leading me inside.

"Hi Tate," I say, trying to put on my warmest smile as I see the green cast on his arm and the bruises on his tiny body. "My name is Erin, I'm with the Department of Children and Family Services, do you know what that means?"

"Where's Alexis?" He asks after taking a quick look at me, asking about his old caseworker.

"She's helping another little girl," I tell him, not sure if that's even close to the truth. "But I'm here and I am going to go everything I can for you,"

"You are?" He says, looking up at me to reveal two big green eyes filled with pools of tears. He traumatized, with good reason. I knew that he would be, but it's those eyes, filled with horror, broken into a million pieces that cracks my soul.

"Yes," I say, taking a seat next to him. "I'm here for you."

* * *

"Have we gotten any closer?" I say quietly to Olivia, my door propped open with Tate sitting inside, curled up under a blanket and fighting sleep.

"I've called like eight different families," She tells me, "None of them can take him."

"We just have to keep trying," I tell her.

"Don't you have a flight?" She asks me, peering over at the wall on the clock behind me.

"I pushed it," I tell her, "This is too important,"

"Good," She tells me. "I'll find something, just make him feel okay,"

"On it," I tell her, swiftly making my way back into the office. "How you doing bud?" He doesn't say anything, his tiny body still wrapped in knit blue blanket that I snagged from Olivia's office.

"I'm okay," He says with a yawn.

"Do you want to take a nap?" I ask, softening my voice as I talk to him.

"No," He tells me rapidly and with more force that I've ever heard from a kid his age.

"Hon, you're sleepy," I tell him as his eyelids continue to droop.

"I can't," He tells me, his speech.

"Why not Tate?" I ask him, for the first time attempting to break into the realm of therapy. I've never done this before, I'm more than terrified to screw it up. I mean I named the only kid I've ever dealt with on this job, but she also couldn't talk. Caroline was easy.

"Because when I sleep, he comes to get me," He tells me, his voice shaking. "And then he hurts me."

I have to keep myself from simply letting the tears flow, my heart breaking all over again.

"Tate," I say reaching out for his hand as he flinches, pulling back. "He is far away from you, no one is going to hurt you, not again."

"You promise?" He asks, looking up at me with wide eyes, echoing his earlier statements.

"Yes Tate," I assure him, tears starting to brim my eyes. "You are safe, c'mon, let's get some sleep,"

I gesture him over to the couch, watching as he curls under that blanket. I sink to the floor, sliding back against the wall and just sit next to him, watching and looking on as I hear his breathing deepen and small snores begin to leave his body. He's safe.

* * *

"Erin?" Olivia says as she knocks on my partially opened door. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yeah sure," I say, taking a final glance at Tate to make sure he's still sound asleep on the couch in my office.

"Anything?" I ask as I close the door behind me. I don't want him to have to hear any of this.

"Kind of," She says. "Nicole and Steve Matthews, they've got a thirteen year old daughter and they've fostered like five different kids from us. They're awesome, really, really good people."

"What's the but?" I ask, knowing that her tone is not all optimistic.

"They're on vacation, they get back Sunday night." She tells me.

"So what do we do with him until then?" I ask her, crossing my arms in front of me and remaining conscious to keep my voice down.

"I don't know," She says. "We keep looking,"

"Where?" I ask. "We've called so many families,"

"I don't know what to tell you Erin, this is the part of the job that sucks." She tells me. "But we don't give up,"

"What if I take him?" I offer impulsively.

"What?" She asks, looking at me shellshocked.

"We've all been vetted by DCFS and he needs a place to go, besides it'll only be a couple days."

"Aren't you flying out tonight?" She asks. Shoot. I forgot about that.

"Yes," I tell her with a deep sigh, "But I don't need to be, I'll cancel my flight and call my boyfriend. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" She asks. I have to take a beat, think for a second. But there's no questions, I have to do this.

"Yes,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 17!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie :)**


	18. Saint Erin

**Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter! I am genuinely sorry about the long wait between chapters, but I hope you enjoy this one! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"So this is your apartment?" He asks as we stand in the doorway, his voice quiet and his body language timid.

"Yep," I tell him, a large tote bag on my arm full of kid stuff from my raid of the office, everything from pajamas to toothbrushes and everything in between. "C'mon in buddy," He doesn't say anything, simply walking in a cautiously taking a seat on the grey couch.

"Do you want some dinner?" I ask as I slowly follow him, shakily standing across from him.

"Sure," He says softly,

"Okay," I respond, "I don't have much in the pantry, but I have some pasta. How does that sound?"

"Good," He tells me.

"Alright," I say, not totally sure how to approach the situation. But I'm doing my best. "Do you like cartoons?"

"Sure," He says.

"I'll turn something on for you," I say, grabbing the remote from the side table and flicking the bright screen on the wall to life.

"Thank you," He says as I flick through the channels.

"No problem," I respond, slightly taken aback by his gratitude for what most kids see as given. "Do you have a favorite?"

"I like Disney,"

"Okay then," I say with a smile, searching through the channel guide, "Then Disney it is,"

* * *

 ** **JAY****

"Aren't you supposed to be at the airport?" I ask as I pick up the phone.

"How do you know that I'm not?"She questions teasingly.

"It's quiet," I tell her, "An airport is never quiet."

"That's true," She responds with a slight chuckle, "I have to tell you something,"

"You're not coming are you?" I ask, trying to keep the hurt of of my voice, not that it's working. I know that she has a good reason, it's not like her to cancel on anything. But that doesn't make it any easier.

"No, I'm not," She tells me, her tone breaking my heart.

"Is it the press? Meeting my family?" I ask rapidly, concern filling my words as I run through every possible situation.

"No," She assures me quickly, "It's nothing like that, you are fine. Something came up, someone came up,"

"What happened?" I ask panicked, "Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone's fine," She reassures me, "It's work actually, there's a little boy, we couldn't get him a placement until Sunday. I offered to take him,"

"Oh," I say, immediately regretting it. That was absolutely not the way to respond.

"You're not mad are you?" She asks carefully.

"No, no of course not," I tell her quickly, trying to swiftly right my very obvious wrong.

"I'm really sorry, but I didn't know what to do,"

"You did the right thing," I assure her.

"Really?" She asks.

"Babe," I start, "I'm going to tell you what I'd tell you tomorrow, next year, in twenty years,"

"What?" She interrupts.

"Do you thing," I tell her with a smile.

"You're amazing,"

"Oh I know," I tell her with a laugh. "But how are you doing? Hell of a way to end your first week,"

"I've always been one to jump in the deep end," She responds. "But it's not easy. He's been abused so he's not really opening up, he flinches everytime I touch him."

"Don't you only have him through the weekend though?" I ask her as I lie back on the couch, my feet propped up on the arm rest.

"Yeah," She says, "But I still want him to trust me, I want him to know he's safe,"

"He'll open up," I say, not really sure what else to say. What do you say to that?

"I hope so," She says softly, I'm sure her eyes wandering over to him. "Don't you dare fly out here like my knight in shining armour, go to that gala."

"I will," I assure her, smiling at her quip. "I'll go alone, but it won't be nearly as fun,"

"Goodbye Jay," She says with a laugh.

"Bye baby," I say before hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" Nora asks as she walks into my living room and drops on the couch. She's only in for the weekend for the gala and she's crashing with me for a couple days.

"That was Erin," I tell her.

"Oh the illustrious girlfriend," She says teasingly. "Excited to finally meet her, she seems to have you in a tizzy,"

"Well you're going to have to wait a little bit longer," I say with a long sigh.

"She's not coming?" She asks, her brow furrowed.

"Yeah," I say, "She got caught up with something at work at the last minute,"

"All weekend?" She questions. "You sure it's not just cold feet?"

"She's a social worker," I tell her. "They couldn't find a placement for a kid so he's staying with her until they can place him,"

"Oh okay," She says with a chuckle, "So she's a saint, basically."

"Yeah," I say with a laugh. "Anyway, I am in need of date now,"

"If you're asking to go with me the answer is 100% yes," Nora answers quickly.

"Why so fast?" I ask her with a smirk.

"Because if I go with my lovely brother, I get to avoid another one of Abby's crazy set-ups," She tells me. Our big sister, a very, very smart woman and one of the best people I know, but all around horrible at setting us up. We've all had our fair share of terrible dates at her hand, most of whom seemed like they had read my Wikipedia page and weren't really trying to hide it, one of them even asking me about the hospital that I was born at.

"She organize a date for you?" I say as I take a sip of the water in front of me.

"Oh yes," She tells me with a grimace. "Graham's cousin,"

"Seriously?" I say, almost spitting out the liquid, knowing the history of Ian. He's had a school boy crush on Nora forever. "I can't believe you actually agreed to that,"

"It was under duress," She assures me. "But now I can duck out of it,"

"You're awful," I say with a laugh.

"Don't judge me brother, don't you judge,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

"You ready for bed?" I ask from the other end of the couch. Though Tate has only said a few words to me, I can feel him getting more comfortable with me. He's not so cut off anymore, doesn't flinch at my touch.

"Yeah," He responds, giving me his first smile of the night.

"Do you want to sleep in my bed?" I ask him, more than willing to take the couch for the night.

"But then where are you going to sleep?" He asks, his genuine concern warming my heart.

"Don't worry about me bud," I say, placing my hand carefully on his shoulder. "I'll take the couch,"

"Sure?" He asks me.

"I'm sure," I tell him with a smile. "I'll be fine,"

"You promise?" He asks, looking up at me with those big green eyes.

"I promise," I assure him.

"You're not going anywhere right?" He asks. "I like you,"

"I like you too Tate," I tell him with a smile. "And I won't be leaving you, but on Monday morning, you're going to go live with a family in Glenview. They're names are Nicole and Steve, they have a daughter named Beth and they're going to take care of you." I tell him. "But I'm not going anywhere," I quickly tack on.

"No," He says, tears starting to stream down that precious face of his. "No I'm not going,"

"What's going on buddy?" I say, moving closer to him on the couch. "They're are going to take such good care of you,"

"But I want to stay here," He tells me, "You don't hurt me,"

"Oh Tate," I say, my heart breaking all over again. "They aren't going to hurt you,"

"But how do you know that?" He asks. "That's what Lexi said too,"

"I'm not Lexi," I tell him, realizing how badly the system has failed him. "And I promise that I will come see you all the time until you feel okay, alright?"

"You promise?" He asks, staring up at me.

"Pinky swear," I assure him as I loop my finger with him. "No one is ever going to hurt you again,"

* * *

"Erin?" I hear, the words shaking me as I wake up to a knot in my back, looking up to see Tate standing above me.

"Tate?" I say sleepily, my words raspy as I rub my eyes and the picture in front of me becomes clearer. "What's wrong buddy?"

"I had a bad dream," He tells me as I notice the fresh tears on his cheeks.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask him, careful to not make any sudden movements.

"No," He tells me. "Will, will you come lay with me?"

"Of course buddy," I say, taking his hand in mine and walking him back into my bedroom. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?" I ask him again.

"I'm sure," He tells me. "I just want to go to sleep,"

"Then that's exactly what we'll do,"

* * *

I blink my eyes open to sunlight streaming through my window, Tate's tiny body draped around mine. I can't help but smile, looking at his small frame, finally getting some peace. I'm careful not to move, not wanting to wake him, but I can reach my phone on the bedside table. I can't help but smile at the message lighting up the screen.

 _Missing you out east, love you. -JH_

 _Wish I could be there. -EL_

I quickly toss my phone away as Tate begins to stir, his bright green cast weighing him down.

"Good morning," I say with a smile, brushing his hair away from his face.

"Hi," He says, looking up at with me a smile, looking a million times better than he did last night.

"So," I say, "We've got a whole two days together and I was thinking that we would go do something today," I say.

"Like what?" He asks, those green eyes sparkling.

"Anything you want," I tell him with a grin.

"Well I like space," He says quietly. "My teacher read me a book at school about it.

"How about the planetarium?" I offer.

"What's that?" He asks, cocking his head to the side with a sweet smile, more than reminding me of my boyfriend.

"It's a place where you can look at the stars, learn about the planets." I tell him, his eyes swimming with wonder at my words.

"And we can go there?" He asks.

"Absolutely,"

* * *

"Do I really have to go?" He asks, holding my hand as we walk up the front steps of the Matthews house on Church Street, big oak trees lining the road and Tate's small suitcase in my free hand.

"We've been over this buddy," I tell him, my heels clicking along the pavement. "I'm not abandoning you, but these people are going to be really good for you. They're going to take care of you, it's going to be great,"

"You promise?" He asks as I ring the doorbell. I hesitate, I know the dangers of promising in this job. I have to earn his trust, but I want to make him feel like he's okay, that everything is going to be alright. Luckily I don't have to answer as Nicole Matthews answers the door as my breath catches in my throat.

"Hi, you must be Nicole," I say, putting the suitcase down beside me as I feel Tate begin to hide behind me.

"Yes," She says with a smile, one that seems to be made brighter by her blue eyes and blonde hair. "It's very nice to meet you,"

"You as well," I say, shaking her hand.

"Come on in," She says, a slight bout of nervousness cracking through her put together demeanor. "My husband and our daughter are waiting in the kitchen,"

"Alright," I say with a kind smile, trying hard to hide my nerves. I've established a great bond with Tate and I'm nervous about letting him go. But on the flip side, this is my first time handling anything without Olivia holding my hand. I'm on my own, in the real world. "C'mon Tate," I don't hear anything but a whimper as look down, finding him holding onto me as he hides behind me.

"Could you give us just a minute?" I say, looking up at Nicole. "We'll be right in,"

"Of course," She says, quietly closing the door in front of her.

"What's wrong T?" I ask, squatting down to his height.

"I'm scared," He tells me, "I don't want to go,"

"It's all going to be okay," I tell him, rubbing my hand over his shoulder.

"Are you going away?" He asks fearfully.

"No," I tell him with a solemn smile. "I'm going anywhere buddy,"

"But I still have to live here?" He asks.

"Yeah," I respond. "But I think you're really going to like it here."

"How do you know?" He asks. Damn it. I don't know. I don't have any idea, I'm just saying what I think I'm supposed to say.

"How about this," I start, trying to change the subject, "How about I come over to dinner tonight? I can ask Nicole and Steve, see if they're okay with it?"

"Yeah," He responds with a small smile. "I'd like that,"

"Okay then," I tell him. "Can we go inside now?"

"I think so," He replies shyly.

"You're being so brave," I tell him as I raise back up to my usual height, grabbing his hand with one hand and taking his suitcase with the other, my brown tote resting on my shoulder. "And I'm very proud of you,"

"Thanks Erin," He says, giving me a quick hug.

"You ready?" I asks as I reach for the doorknob.

"I'm ready,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed chapter 18! I've got a few things that I think you guys are going to like coming up in the next few chapters, so stay tuned!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	19. His Reason Why

**Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter! Hope you guys enjoy chapter 19!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

I left the Matthews house that night feeling more confident than ever. I don't know if it was the kind smile on Nicole's face, the way that Steve looked at her, his gaze so full of love. Maybe it was that their daughter Beth just seemed to glow, also bubbly and bouncy, something that I'm sure more than is credited to the way that she was raised. But I think more than all of that, I think it was the way Tate was. I couldn't tell could what it was, but he just seemed at ease, comfortable, even just after a few hours. It was wonderful. It reminded me why I wanted to do the job in the first place and I now have a standing invitation to their Wednesday night dinners for as long as Tate needs them, which I'm hoping won't be long.

I kinda miss having him in the apartment, even though it was just a couple days, the company was nice. He was quiet and didn't say much most of the time, but I wasn't alone and that was nice. Sitting alone in my apartment watching the news as the night goes on around me makes the long distance relationship thing just a little bit harder. But then I remember all the things that are great about him. And it definitely helps as I see the ribbon announcing President Juliette Halstead as the presumptive Democratic nominee dance across the television screen.

* * *

 **JAY**

It's a day for celebration in the White House, the entire staff in a better mood then I've seen since inauguration day. It was always assumed that she would get it, but we've learned around here not to assume anything. I wave to my mother's secretary Megan as I walk into the Oval, who quickly waves me through.

"Congrats Mom," I say with a smile as I spot her sitting behind her desk, reading through a stack of papers with her glasses resting on her nose, her red hair pulled into a twist behind her head.

"Thanks baby," She says, dropping the papers and coming over to meet me.

"You doing some kind of press junket tonight?" I ask her as she pulls me in for a hug.

"Not tonight," She says, "Too late, but I'll be making a quick appearance in the press room. We're flying out to Charlotte tomorrow morning to do a quick speech, take some photos, quick trip."

"When's the convention again?" I ask her.

"July 10th through the 12th," She tells me. "You know, you're allowed to bring a guest."

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah of course," She replies, "I think you brought Zoe with you last time,"

"Anyone particular you'd want me to bring?" I tease.

"I have a few ideas," She says with a smile.

"I'll ask her," I assure her. "Though I'm not sure she'll be game,"

"Well just extend the invitation, your father and I are looking forward to meeting her." She tells me. "Besides, we're in Chicago this year, so she won't have to travel,"

"It's not that I'm worried about," I respond.

"Oh come on," She whines, "We're not that bad,"

"Oh relax," I tell her, "That's not it either, I just don't want to scare her. The entire world is going to be watching, she's a little camera shy,"

"Well it's not like she'll be on the stage," She adds. "She'll be in the box with Natalie, no cameras,"

"I know, but still," I say.

"Just ask," She responds, "You got nothing to lose,"

"Madam President?" I hear as Megan peeks in the door. "They're ready for you,"

"That's my cue," She says, grabbing her blazer off the side of the couch.

"Good luck Ma," I tell her with a smile as she heads out.

"Thanks bud,"

* * *

"Funny hearing from you," I hear on the other end of the line. "How was the gala?"

"Good, it was nice, you know getting to spend a day with my sister," I tell her. "How'd everything go with Tate?"

"Oh amazing," She tells me, as I can almost see the smile spreading across her face. "I got home from dinner with them a couple hours ago and it's still early, but I think that it's going to be a really good fit."

"That's great Erin," I tell her, excited for her first success.

"Oh and congrats to your moms, I've been watching the news," She replies.

"Yeah, we're excited around here," I say with a smile. "She's actually talking to the press right now,"

"I know," She says with a laugh, "I'm watching,"

"Well speaking of that I guess," I say nervously, "I'm allowed to bring a guest with me to the DNC, well the last day anyways. You don't want to have to sit through the first two days, they're pretty boring. All the action happens on day three. Anyway, I was wondering if you'd be interested. It's in Chicago this year, United Center, so you wouldn't have to travel, but I'd really like to have you there,"

"Oh wow,"

"It's okay, you don't need to come," I quickly cover.

"That's not what I said," She corrects. "I just, have a few questions."

"Shoot babe," I reply.

"I wouldn't have to be on stage right?" She asks nervously.

"No," I say with a chuckle, "It's just my parents and my siblings, you'd be up in the sky box with Natalie, Owen, Graham, Emerson and whoever else is up there,"

"No cameras?" She asks.

"Minimal cameras," I assure her, "They'll be a couple, but it won't be out of control."

"And I'll be meeting your family?" She asks me.

"Yes, they'll all be there," I assure her. "But they'll play nice, my mom has been dying to meet you."

"Seriously?" She replies with a laugh. "The President of the United States want to meet me?"

"My mom," I correct. "It's been a while since I've even mentioned bringing a girl home, she's thrilled,"

"I'd love to," She tells me, taking a huge weight off my chest. "Gotta bite the bullet at some point right?"

"Oh come on," I retort. "It won't be that bad,"

"Kidding," She assures me with a laugh. "I'll be there,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

"I still can't believe that this is your life," Hailey says from her place perched on the edge of my bed. "You're Jay Halstead's date to the DNC, to see his mom accept the nomination for President of the United States,"

"You don't need to remind me babe," I say nervously as I apply one of my favorite nude lipsticks, my hair done in soft curls and falling just to my shoulders.

"Relax, you're going to be fine," She says, popping on the ledge. "But you nervous?"

"Is it that obvious?" I ask, turning my head to face her.

"No," She says with a smile, "But I know you Erin Lindsay. I can read you like a book,"

"Good," I say with a smile. "Are we sure about the dress? The green is a little bold,"

"Relax!" She exclaims again as she grabs the dress from its resting spot across my bed. "It's beautiful, and it'll make your eyes pop."

"I know," I say, pondering the decision in my mind again. "But his sisters are wearing pastels and I don't want to stick ou-"

"Stop," She says, cutting me off and placing her hand on my shoulder. "You will stand out and that it not a bad thing. You're not a Halstead sister, you don't have to be. You're going to look amazing and everything is going to be fine. Now shut up and put your dress on,"

"Okay," I say, a newfound sense of confidence as I take the material from her and close the bathroom door behind me, dropping my flannel and cropped leggings to the floor before stepping into the emerald green frock. It really is gorgeous. It took me a long time to pick it out, trying hard to find something conservative enough that I wouldn't piss off half the party, but I didn't want to age myself, seem frumpy. I'd like to think that I succeeded. "Zip me up?" I ask as I step out of the bathroom.

"Of course," Hailey responds before dragging the gold zipper up my back. "You look amazing,"

"I know," I say with a cheeky smile as she grins at me. "Thanks,"

"Anytime girly," She responds. "I'm really proud of you,"

"What for landing a Halstead?" I joke as I slip into a pair of black pumps.

"No," She responds with a eye roll, "Just for making it. You've come a long way Erin Lindsay,"

"Thanks Hails," I tell her, pulling her into a hug as I hear the doorbell ring.

"There's your ride," She says.

"I'll see you when I get home tonight," I tell her.

"I'll be waiting to hear all about it," She tells me with a smile. "I'll walk you out, c'mon,"

"Hi Kevin," I say with a smile as I open the door, glad that Jay had the sense to send him, knowing that he's my favorite,

"Hello Ms. Lindsay," He says with that grin of his. "Ready to go?"

"Yes, just one second, I have to grab my clutch," I tell him, leaving him alone with Hailey.

"Hi I'm Hailey," I hear her say, probably in an attempt to fill the awkward silence.

"Kevin Atwater," He tells her. "Pleased to meet you ma'am,"

"You as well," She responds as I return.

"Got it," I say, holding it up.

"Let's go then," He replies, "Good day Hailey," She doesn't do anything but smile as we walk out the door.

* * *

 **JAY**

"You nervous big brother?" My little sister Maddie asks me as people file in and out of the dressing room we've inhabited at the United Center, Dawson and Roman standing guard by the door.

"For what?" I ask her, "Mom's the one getting nominated and Abby's giving the speech,"

"Erin," She says with a very 17 year old eye roll, acting like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why would I be nervous about that?" I ask her.

"Well we're us and today is today, and you also haven't let us a meet a girlfriend since Ally, and Zoe I guess,"

"One, Zoe and I were never a thing and two, please don't say anything about Ally." I tell her. I don't want to say I forgot about that, but I did. And now I am nervous.

"You haven't told her?" She says, her eyes wide. "I thought you said you loved this girl!?"

"So?" I respond. "That doesn't mean I have to tell her about every girlfriend I've ever had,"

"Well no, that would take six thousand years, but Ally's different. You know that, we all know that,"

"I know that Mads and I'll tell her, just not tonight,"

"You better hope she doesn't say anything," Maddie responds snarkily.

"She won't, Ally's not that petty," I say, hoping that my words are true. "Just be good okay?"

"Best behaviour," She teases.

"Jay," Antonio says from the corner, "Ms. Lindsay's on her way up,"

"Thanks," I tell him, my heart beating faster at the idea of Erin and Maddie meeting, let alone the rest of them.

"Oh they're going to be so mad I met her first," Maddie says with a smirk that is oh so very Halstead.

"Sorry to burst your bubble little sis," Abby says as she walks into the room, a happily babbling Emerson on her hip and Graham trailing behind her."But I'm about two months ahead of you,"

"You've got to be kidding me," She exclaims as she flops back onto the couch. "Still ahead of Nora and Will though right? And more importantly Mom and Dad?" She asks.

"Yes," I tell her with a laugh, "you are still ahead of them,"

"Good good," She says with a grin, "I can refrain from killing you now,"

"Oh I'm so glad," I say with a fake sigh of relief, before a smile spreads across my face as I see Erin start to appear in the doorway in a beautiful green dress, her hands clasped awkwardly in front of her. Her nervousness somehow makes me feel just a little bit better about mine.

"Hi," She says shyly as she takes in all of us.

"Hey babe," I say, quickly making my way off the couch and pulling her in for a quick hug, making sure not to do anything the Maddie could possibly call us out about.

"Erin this is my little sister Madeleine," I say introducing the two.

"It's Maddie," She says as she gets up to shake her hand. "And it's very nice to meet you, he's been hiding you away like a dog with his favorite bone," I meet her words with a quick glare.

"Well I'm promise I'm nothing special," Erin replies with a sheepish giggle.

"I'd beg to differ," I say, pulling her into my side and pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

"You're sweet," She says, squirming out of my grasp.

"Nice to see you again," Abby calls over from the other side of the room.

"You too Abby," She says with a smile.

"We've got to go do something," I say, taking her hand in mine. "But we'll be right back,"

"Bye baby brother," Abby calls as we walk out of the room, tailed by Atwater.

"Where are we going?" She asks me, a smile across my face as we walk down the concrete back halls of the stadium.

"To meet my parents," I tell her, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Damn it Jay, you're not going to give me any warning here!" She exclaims, whacking me on the arm a few times.

"More time to freak out?" I tell her, "Hell no. You're going to be fine, just be you,"

"What do I even call them?" She asks me frantically. "Mr. Halstead and Madam President?"

"Juliette and Patrick would be good," I tell her with a laugh, her panic almost comically after I've seen it so many times.

"Oh my God, you're killing me here," She complains.

"Just relax," I say, running my hands over her shoulders as we stop outside a door. "It'll be quick, don't worry,"

"Is she cleared?" One of the agents, Toby Grant I believe asks me.

"She's Firefly," I quickly tell him as he waves us through.

"What?" She asks me. "What's Firefly?"

"Don't worry about it," I say, a smile on my face as my parents come into view. "I'll tell you all about it later,"

"Jay!" My mom exclaims as she runs over to me, pulling me into a hug, wearing a snow white dress and her red hair pulled into some kind of twist at the back of her head.

"Hey Ma," I say as I return the embrace.

"And you must be Erin," She says, quickly moving on from me to pull Erin into a hug. I almost have to laugh as I see Erin's eyes go wide as saucers. She most definitely was not expecting that.

"Yes," Erin responds, more than uncomfortable in the circumstances.

"It is a pleasure to meet you," She says, pulling back and looking at her with the biggest smile in the world.

"You too," Erin responds, as her voice trails off, still not knowing what to say to her.

"Please call me Juliette," She says, her voice happy as a songbird.

"I'm Patrick, Jay's dad," My father says, seeming much less enthused than my mother.

"Nice to meet you," Erin says. I can tell her heart is beating a million miles a minute and I'm surprised she's able to formulate a coherent sentence.

"Madam President?" Blake says as he pokes his head in the doorway.

"Yes Blake?"

"They need you,"

"Okay I'll be there in just a second," She tells him kindly. "Sorry, looks like we're going to have to cut this short, but I'll see you guys later?"

"Oh course," Jay says with a smile.

"Okay bye baby," Mom says, giving me a quick hug and rushing out the door, with Blake and my father at her side.

"Oh my God that just happened," Erin says collapsing on the couch in a heap. "I just met the President of the United States,"

"Trust me, that'll wear off." I tell her with a laugh as I flop down next to her. "Proud of you for keeping it together though,"

"Oh yes I see the bar is very high," She says with a laugh as my arm wraps around her shoulder.

"But you made it," I tell her. "You jumped the hurdle,"

"And yet I'm still not any less nervous,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

"You going to be okay up here?" Jay asks as he drops me off in the viewing box.

"It's a private viewing box with a full waitstaff and a Secret Service detail," I say with a laugh. "I think I'll be okay,"

"Alright," He responds, still seeming unsure. "Text me if you need anything,"

"Don't worry about me," I assure him. "Go see your family, I'll be waiting right here when it's all done."

"I love you," He says, pressing a kiss to the side of my head, "Have fun,"

"I will," I say, smiling after him as he walks back down the hall. I nervously take a seat in one of the chairs by the glass overlooking the stadium, currently being the only person in the room. I still have to pinch myself every once in a while. I never wanted a fairytale, I just wanted to survive. But this is more than I ever could have asked for. Not just everything that came with it, but being loved, genuinely loved.

* * *

"So I heard you're the newest member of the club," I hear, turning my head to see Natalie, Jay's brother's fiancee sit down next to me.

"I'm sorry?" I ask, confused by her question.

"The Halstead Wives, it's an elite club. Really just you and me," She jokes.

"I am a long ways away from being anyone's wife," I say with a laugh.

"Well, still," She responds with a smile, "I know what you're going through,"

"That's a relief," I say with a grin. "This is all kind of insane,"

"I know the feeling," She replies, "I joined the team around the last election, so I get the crazy."

"I'm Erin," I say as I take a sip of the drink in my hand.

"Natalie," She offers. "I just wanted to come over and say hi. So hi,"

"It's very nice to meet you," I say, feeling more than a little overwhelmed, both with all the introductions combined with feeling like the odd one out. It's a lot. "I feel like I've said that a hundred times today,"

"Yeah that's the one thing that's not going to change," She says, with a kind smile. "I've got a feeling that you're going to be around for a while, so get used to the hand shaking and smiling."

"How could you say that?" I ask lightly. "You barely know me,"

"But I know Jay," She responds. "I was with him that night, after he left your apartment. I've known that boy a long time and I can't remember the last time I saw him that upset about a girl. You're something special,"

"I guess I owe you my gratitude then," I say, giving her a small smile. "You're the reason why he came back the next morning,"

"Oh no," She says, "That was all you."

"Mama it's starting!" A little boy exclaims as he runs over and plops himself on Natalie's lap, one who I can only assume is her son Owen.

"Owen can you say hi?" Natalie asks as she positions him towards me. "This is Uncle Jay's girlfriend Erin,"

"Hi Erin!" He exclaims quickly before turning his attention back to the bright lights of the stage.

"Hi Owen," I say with a smile, surprised at his abrupt greeting before turning my full attention to the stage.

"Who's that?" I ask as a woman walks onto the stage who I don't recognize, her name Evelyn Bass lighting up across the screens behind her.

"Juliette's best friend, they've known each other since they were like six years old," She tells me as Owen settles into the space between us. "But this is just the start, settle in, it's going to be a long day."

* * *

"Owen wake up," Natalie urges as the stage preps for Abby's arrival, ready to introduce Juliette onto the brightest stage tonight. "It's Aunt Abby's turn,"

"What?" He says as he shakes himself awake. Unlike him, I've been captivated for the last six hours, watching with my eyes wide open as democracy unfolded in front of me. Speaker after speaker took the stage, each one's words ringing truer than the next. I couldn't look away. It took me half an hour to convince myself that I wasn't going to miss anything if I've ran to the bathroom. But after all of this, it's time.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I hear over the loudspeakers, "Please welcome, the First Daughter of the United States, Abigail Halstead," The stadium erupts in applause, the country's love for the girl in the yellow dress with the red hair clear as day.

"Thank you, thank you!" She calls over the crowd, her voice filling the space. "It is such an honor for me to be here tonight. Four years ago, history was made by the woman who I am lucky enough to call my mom and my daughter Emerson's grandmother. Her name was the one on ballot, but it was all of you who made it happen. We cracked that hardest and highest glass ceiling, and this November, I say we do it again."

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen," Abby says at the end of her speech, a smile full of pride and tears lining the rims of her eyes, myself not faring much better after her tearjerker of a speech. "My mom, my hero, and our President, Juliette Halstead!"

I had to bite down on my lips to hold back the tears as I watched her walk out onto that stage, struggling to believe that I was in her arms just a few short hours ago as the applause starts. And it doesn't stop as the crowd begins to chant her name, a smile as big as the world spreading across her face.

"Thank you." She says, her presence filling the room as she steps into the mic. "To my family," She says, peering down at her five kids and her husband in front row, "thank you for your love and your support. To the rest of you, I say the same. You were the ones that got us here four years ago and you are the ones that kept me here tonight. Four year ago, I stood up here as your Secretary of State, telling you all about my hopes and dreams for the country, my vision of progress and my immense sense of hope. And today, I come here to all of you with the same message and the same drive that I stood here with four years ago,"

* * *

"America is great because America is good." Juliette says passionately, allowing the world to see her heart. "And with that, and great pride and gratitude, I accept your nomination for President of the United States. May God bless you and may God bless the United States of America!" I feel my lips curve into a smile as the crowd falls into cheer louder than anything I've ever heard, balloons and confetti falling from the ceiling of the stadium, her name plastered on every sign in sight. I feel the tears start to roll down my face as my heart swells with happiness, seeing Jay walk up the stage with his family, a smile as big as the world on his face as he waves at the adoring public, Natalie clutching my hand as her own tears begin to roll.

But then time stops. I don't hear it, but then I see it. Jay lying on that stage, blood flowing out of his chest and his mother shrieking over him.


	20. 300,000,000

**Sorry about the cliffhanger guys! Anyway, thank you for all the kind reviews, which motivated me to get this update out to fast. It is on the shorter side, but I hope you guys enjoy nonetheless! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

I had this memory game when I was a kid. A bunch of cards, face down, in rows. Each card had a picture. You turn one over, look at it, put it back and then try to find a pair. I was awful at it. I could never remember where anything was, what was drawn on any of the cards. But there are something that you never forget. They are some things that you can't forget.

"Get down!" I hear as my ears continue to ring, the arena held hostage in a field of screams, Juliette's wail and the blood flowing out of his chest the only thing I can remember. Then I hear it on the TVs.

"We're just getting this," I hear, the familiar voice of the CNN anchor ringing through the noise, "Shots have been fired at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago, Madeleine and James Halstead have been hit." And then it all goes black.

* * *

"Welcome back Ms. Lindsay," I hear as I open my eyes, bright and uncomfortable lights filling the room.

"Where am I?" I ask, coming too as I see Kevin in the corner.

"You're at Saint Elizabeth Hospital," The doctor explains, "You took quite the fall, no concussion, but you've got a cut on your cheek, but we stitched you up and it should heal pretty quickly,"

"Would you excuse us for just a second?" I ask the doctor, my hand flying up to feel the more than impressive cut on my cheek.

"Of course," He replies, quickly ducking out of the curtain.

"Where is he?" I demand as Kevin approaches me, making sure to keep my voice hushed.

"He's at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center," He tells me. "They're locked the place down,"

"So why am I here?" I demand as I begin to rip the monitors off my chest. "I need to be there, take me there,"

"Erin calm down," He tells me, placing a what would otherwise be a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You are hurt,"

"I am fine," I almost yell at him. "But he's not. He could be dying and if he's gone and I'm not there, I will never forgive myself."

"Erin," He says again, trying to stop me from removing the IV. "Please do not pull that out of your arm,"

"Fine," I say, dropping back onto the bed. "Get a doctor in here to take it out for me. I will sign whatever I need to sign, just get me to Med."

"Fine,"

* * *

"Ma'am I'm sorry I can't let you through," The agent tells me, standing tall in front of me as I feel my blood start to boil. This doesn't feel real. I feel like I'm drifting, this isn't my life and this isn't my body. It's not me.

"Do I need to tell you who I am again?" I say, nearly shoving my ID in this guy's face. "My name is Erin Lindsay, I was in the box."

"I don't care who you are or where you were," He retorts, "I've been told to lock it down and you are not allowed in here," God I really wish I still had Kevin, he ran off as soon as we got here to try to get more information. We didn't think that this would be an issue.

"Hey!" I hear down the hall. I look down to see Nora standing there, blood stains on her formally pristine white dress. "What's going on?"

"Ms. Halstead, I'm sorry for the disturbance," He quickly apologizes.

"Let her through," She demands. "Let her through now,"

"I'm sorry I can't do that. You don't have any authority over me," He tells her.

"Firefly," She says forcefully. "How about now?"

"Sorry about the complication, go on through," He says, his demeanor doing a 180 as I quickly join Nora in the hallway. Firefly? What does that mean?

"How is he?" I ask quickly we speed walk down the linoleum halls, "God, how are they? Is Maddie okay?"

"Not good," She replies sharply. "Either of them," She doesn't seem to want to say anything else, so I don't ask. But I feel like I can't breathe. My heart is beating out of my chest with worry, with fear. I can't lose him, I just got him. This doesn't happen. This is the kind of thing you read about on the news, it doesn't just happen. But that's just the thing. They are the news.

* * *

I haven't cried. This whole time. I didn't cry when I woke up in the hospital room on the other side of town or seemingly endless ride on the way over here. I kept the tears at bay. I somehow even kept it together when I walked into the lounge that they shut down for us, the entire family save for their matriarch sitting there. But they're not together. They sit in groups, almost little pods. Abby's in Graham's arms, in the corner with her face cold and stoic. Numb. Natalie's with Will, Owen asleep in her lap as he paces holes in the carpet. Patrick's alone, tapping his fingers along the table. Then there's me, side by side with Nora on plush bench, our backs against a wall, sitting there, quietly with the heels of our shoes resting on the carpet. It's been hours and we haven't heard a single thing. Then and only then, do I let the first tears roll down my face.

Stop crying," Nora instructs me quietly, but sharply, Jay's blood still soaked into the cream dress, her hand stained a light pink.

"What?" I say as I look up at her, stunned at her lack of emotions. "How can you even say that?"

"We are the Halsteads and we don't get to fall apart, ever," She tells me forcefully in a hushed whisper. "We stand for this country, when we are strong, the union is strong and the entire world is looking at us right now. We do not get to fall apart, we keep our heads held high and we hope for the best, but do not fall apart and we do not cry. You're one of us now, so you do not get to fall apart, not when my dress is red and my hands are pink. My brother and my baby sister are lying in those operating rooms with their lives falling through the cracks. I am not crying, so you do not get to cry."

"I can't do that," I tell her, "I can't just stop."

"Let's go," Nora says as she grabs my arm, dragging me away from rows of chairs. Even though the entire floor is locked down,

"Where are we going?" I ask as she drags me behind her.

"Shut up, just come with me," She says, not slowing her gait even by a little bit as I wipe the remaining tears off my face.

"What?" I say confused as she pulls me into a storage closet.

"Go," She says looking at me. "Go ahead, cry. I'll stand watch." I look at her stunned, but she doesn't have to tell me twice, the big, fat drops falling down my cheeks, using everything I have to keep myself from sinking to the floor. I just want to be held in his arms, smell the familiar smell of shampoo, fall asleep next to him. All the simple things.

"Okay," She says, peering through the small window in the door, "That's enough, pull yourself together."

"How do you do this?" I ask as I choke on my words, wiping the tears from my face, grateful for my choice of waterproof mascara.

"It's easy, we know what's at stake." She tells me, as composed as ever, her red hair still pulled into a French twist behind her head. "We stand behind Mom and we stand strong. This country has millions of enemies, both foreign and domestic. That means that she, we aren't allowed to be down and out. That's what I meant when I talked to you earlier, if we appear weak, they see that as a time to attack. That's 300 million lives in my mom's hands, so when you look at it that way, our tears and our pain seem pretty small doesn't it?"

"Yeah," I say quietly, "It really does,"

"It sucks," She tells me. "I know that. And you'll get better, I have a feeling that you'll be sticking around for a while."

"Thanks," I say with a solemn smile. "I hope I'll be around for a while,"

"Okay," She says peering through the door, "Now put your game face on,"

* * *

 **This is legitimately the shortest chapter I have ever written, but I felt like that was a good place to stop it and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for longer than I had to. I hope you guys enjoyed chapter 20!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	21. Endless

**ERIN**

I have no idea how long it's been. Minutes, hours, days, I wouldn't know the difference. The clocks ticks and it ticks again, hands passing by each other as the numbers become a thing of the past. My eyes stay dry, Nora's words ringing in my head as I leave my hands folded in my lap, trying with everything that I am to keep my composure. There's a million unread texts on my phone, the little white boxes lighting up the screen. But I can't bring myself to care enough to look at any of them.

I haven't seen Juliette since we got here, more than likely she's holed somewhere in a conference room, officials surrounding her as she deals with the crisis. I wonder if she's changed her clothes, or if those blood stains are still conquering that stark white dress. I don't want to think about it. That's Jay's blood. It shouldn't be there. We shouldn't be here.

I don't remember if I told him that I loved him. He said goodbye to me, he gave me a kiss, and he told me he loved me. Did I say it back? I don't know. I don't remember.

"He's alive," We here as a doctor, out of breath from running here arrives in the lounge. "It was touch and go for a while, but he's alive," I feel a huge weight fall off my chest, but hold back from celebrating as I remember that I'm not the only one here. The rest of them, they're still waiting on another update.

"What about my daughter?" Patrick asks. He looks like he doesn't know whether to keep worrying or collapse in relief.

"She's still in surgery," He tells us, "Her injuries were more complex, but we're doing everything we can for her."

"Okay," He replies as I feel a wave of relief fall over me. She's not dead. And I just have to believe that she's going to be okay. I don't even know her, but that doesn't matter. She's a person. She's his person. And she has to be okay. "Has anyone told my wife?"

"Of course," He replies. "Our Chief of Surgery just went to give her an update,"

"Good,"

"Do you want to go see him?" The doctor asks, who I have yet to learn the name of. "He's not conscious yet, but you can go back if you want.

"Of course," He responds, "I'm going to go check on him, Will, come with me, Nora and Natalie, stay here with Erin, Abby call Avery and get her over here."

"The Press Secretary?" I ask Nora as everyone else leaves the room, filing away like soldiers. "Is that really necessary?"

"The nation saw my brother and sister, every minute that passes, rumors and theories are forming. We have to set those straight and the only way to do that is a direct statement from the White House. So yes, it is absolutely necessary."

"You'll get used to it," Natalie whispers in my ear as she takes a seat on my other side, Owen still curled up on the other side of the room under his dad's suit jacket, still blissfully unaware of it all.

"Do you?" I respond as Nora stands up, copying her older brother's movements, the heels of her shoes clicking as she paces.

"You don't ever think you will," She tells me. "But you do, trust me, you do. It's just going to take a minute,"

"I just want to see him," I tell her, already feeling more comfortable with her than I think I ever could with Nora. "I've been driving myself crazy,"

"We all have," She tells me, always the eloquent one. "He got shot Erin, we're all scared,"

"I love him," I say softly, "I love him more than anything,"

"And he's okay," She tells me as she places a caring hand on my shoulder. "He's okay, he's going to be okay."

* * *

I can't help but feel nervous as I linger in the doorway, the rush of nurses and doctors quieted in the background and two agents in standing tall in black suits on either side of the door. Maddie got out of surgery a little while ago and they all rushed to her side, Jay luckily being stable and allowing me a moment of still to slip in.

It's hard to see him like this, broken. He's all there, but the bandage is peeking out from the top of his hospital gown and there's a tube down his throat, a hundred beeps from ten monitors surrounding him. It doesn't look like him, he's not him. I keep Natalie's words swirling through my head. He's okay.

I take a deep breath before stepping into the hospital room, the unnerving scent of antiseptic filling my nose.

"Hi Jay," I say, settling into the chair next to his bed, taking his hand in mine. "You really scared me there. But I'm glad you're okay." I feel like an idiot, talking to him even though I know that he can't hear me. It makes me feel a little better though, somehow. "You've got a whole nation pulling for you, there's thousands of people waiting outside those doors, just waiting to hear something," My attention strays from his face as I notice the agents outside those sliding doors stand up just a little bit straighter, only seconds before the President herself walks through those doors. I couldn't tell you why, but I instantly drop his hand and sit up just a little straighter.

"I can go," I say, starting to get up as she takes a seat on the other side of the bed, long changed out of the blood stained frock I feared she'd be wearing.

"No stay," She responds, quickly stopping me. "I'm not the only one he needs,"

"Thanks," I say quietly, taking my seat again as I struggle with the choice of whether or not to take his hand again.

"Go on," She says, seeming like she can read my mind. "He loves you, you know that?"

"I do," I say, biting my bottom lip as I hold his hand again. "I'm really lucky to have him,"

"He's lucky to have you," She responds.

"How do you do it all?" I ask her, "How do you keep it all together?"

"I don't," She responds with an honest look on her face, "You saw me on that dais, I try. But I've never been great at that whole part."

"I got you there," I reply.

"Did Nora catch you?" She asks, a reluctant chuckle leaving her lips, "She can come off a little strong,"

"It's fine," I assure her quickly, waving it off.

"No," She responds with a slight smile, "It's not, but i think I'm going to give her a pass today,"

"How can you be okay right now?" I ask her as I stare down at Jay's lifeless face.

"I'm not," She tells me, "I am not even in the realm of okay. But I can either cry because my girl is hanging onto life, or I can smile and be grateful that my boy is safe. So I'm going to chose to smile, while hoping with everything that I can that Maddie is going to be okay,"

"That's a good philosophy," I say, grinning softly.

"I try," She replies with a smile. "Now c'mon, chin up, it's all going to be okay."

* * *

"What's going on?" I say as notice Abby walking past Jay's room, tears running down her face, the light of a new day shining through the window behind me. Natalie's asleep in the chair across from me, the Halstead family spread through the hospital, equally dispersed between the two hospital rooms. She turns, looking me straight in the eye, the pain in those green eyes shining through bright as day.

"Maddie died," She tells me, her voice breaking as my heart does the same.

"Oh my God," I say, not really knowing what to say.

"She's gone," She says, biting down on her lower lip, trying to keep from crying as those few tears slip out. "She's gone Erin,"

"I am so sorry," I say, still not being able to force any other words out. "God Abby I am so sorry,"

"Will you tell him?" She asks. "Please, my parents asked me to. I just can't do it."

"Of course," I say softly as I look over at her. "Anything that you need, any of you,"

"It doesn't feel real," She says, still not moving, her eyes blank as she stands in that doorway in a canary yellow dress.

"I know," I say.

"I feel like I'm dreaming, like this is all a nightmare that I have to wake up from," She responds, her voice cracking. "She was my little sister, she was 17. I just I don't understand, she hasn't done anything to anyone. She's barely lived."

"I know," I say again softly, feeling like an idiot as I don't know what else to say.

"No you don't," She says softly. "You don't know," I feel my heart sink again in my chest as I watch her walk away.

"What's going on?" Natalie says groggily as she stirs awake to the sound of Abby's heels.

"Go talk to Will," I tell her, not having the heart to tell her myself. It's not my place either.

"Is something wrong?"

"Just go talk to Will," I tell her again.

"Alright," She says, looking at me skeptically as she pulls her heels back off the floor, sliding them over her still pantyhose covered feet.

I don't know what to do. How do I tell him? I have to do it, I told Abby I would. How do I look into the eyes of the man I love and tell him that his sister is dead because someone decided to point a gun at his mom and missed? How do you tell anyone that?

* * *

"She's dead. She's gone right?" I hear, looking down to see Jay as his eyes open, every word straining.

"What?" I say, too shocked to say anything else.

"Maddie. She died right?" He says again, his face emotionless and cold. "I saw the hit, she went down before. I knew she was gone. I was trying to not think that, but based on the look on your face right now I know that I'm right."

"Jay I'm so sorry," I say, almost choking on the lump in my throat as I allow the first tears to slip out of my eyes since my encounter in the closet.

"I just want to be alone right now," He tells me, those bright blue eyes shining. "Why don't you head home? I'll call you later okay?"

"Alright," I say, grabbing my shoes from the floor even though everything in my head and my heart is telling me to stay. But he wants to be alone. His sister just died, his baby sister, so if he needs to be alone, that's why I can do for him.

"I love you," I tell him with tears in my eyes as stand in the door. I linger there for a second, waiting for his response, but it never comes.

* * *

 **JAY**

It doesn't feel real, like any moment she's going to run in here, too fast with her blonde hair streaking behind her telling me a bad joke or laughing at how our dad did his hair today, assuring me that Emerson and Owen love her more than the rest of us. But she won't. She's gone and my heart is broken. We are all broken.

We've all been here all day. No one knows what to say, so we sit here in silence with our heads hung, our eyes glassy, and our cheeks wet.

I feel the pain by the bullet hole in my chest, clear as day. But that pain is nothing compared to the guilt hanging over my head, that I made it and she didn't. That maybe I could have saved her, jumped in front of her, pushed her down. Something. I could have done something.

* * *

 **ERIN**

I can't move, I'm just curled up on the couch in my pajamas, that beautiful green dress discarded on the floor and my heels kicked off at the door, hundreds of calls and texts unanswered.

The news coverage is endless, it's everywhere, the only thing that any can talk about. I saw two people get shot last night and one of them died. One of them died and I know that's she's gone, but the rest of the world has no idea. I barely knew her, but I know. I know that she's gone.

I wanted to be there for him, I needed to be there for him. I love him. My attention turns back to the TV as I hear the anchor make an announcement.

"And now to Gaffney Chicago Medical Center, where the Press Secretary will be giving an update on the conditions of President Halstead's children following the shocking shooting at the DNC just last night," I wrap myself a little tighter, trying to hold the tears back because I know exactly what's coming. I tried to hold Nora's words to heart in the hospital, but in the privacy of my own home, I've cried enough for five lifetimes.

"I am pleased to tell you today that Jay Halstead is currently recovering from his injuries in the Intensive Care Unit," Avery starts as the press audibly applauds. "However," She continues, the only noise in the background the snapping of cameras, "It is with great sorrow, that I tell you all that Madeleine Audrey Halstead passed away from her injuries early this morning." It's like another stab in the heart hearing it again, bringing me right back to the moment when Abby told me.

I didn't even know her. I met her once for three minutes, but he loves her. He loved her as big as the world. And now she's gone.


	22. Too Broken

**Sorry for the long wait between updates! But this chapter, I'm going to introduce you to a new point of view, Ally Corson, Jay's ex-girlfriend as well as the Vice President's only daughter. Hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

The tears stream down my face as I watch Avery field questions from the press, Jay's name never leaving the front of my mind. I don't know what to do anymore, so I do what what I do whenever I don't know what to do. I call my dad.

"Hi Mama," I say, my voice broken as Camille answers the phone.

"Erin!" She on the other end. "We've been calling all night, worried sick,"

"I know," I reply. "I'm sorry."

"We watched the convention," She asks. "Are you okay?"

"No," I say, a tear slipping down my face. "She's gone,"

"Maddie?" She says, shock in her voice. "Oh God I am so sorry. Are you still at the hospital?"

"No," I say. "I left a few hours ago, Jay asked me to go."

"Oh baby girl," She says, her heart breaking for me and for them. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I say. "But can you come over? I just want my mom,"

"I'll be right there,"

* * *

I haven't seen Jay in almost two months, not since I told him I loved him in that hospital room, right after I told him that his sister had died. I gave him the space, kept telling myself that he would call, but as summer transitioned to fall, he never did.

I don't want to believe that it's over, but two months without one word, I'd say that's pretty much over. As the nation mourned the death of the closed thing that they had to a princess, I mourned the loss of him. He wasn't gone, but he might as well be. I loved him, I gave all of me to him. And how he's just gone.

I've been trying to keep my head down, go to work, do the best I can at the job I love, spend time with my friends and love my family, but all of that doesn't keep Jay out of my head.

I've seen the headlines, the pictures of him stumbling out of the bars with a different girl on his arm every night. They hurt, a lot. All I want to do is hop on a plane, slap the hell out of him and tell him I love him, tell him to come to me. But that's not my place anymore. I'm not his girlfriend, I'm not even his friend. I'm not anyone to him anymore.

* * *

 **ALLY**

I stand outside Jay's apartment, debating whether or not I should go in. It's not that I'm nervous to face him, I've known him my entire life. I'm scared to face myself. But, this isn't about me. He needs someone and I know that that someone if not me, but I'm hoping that I can pull his head out of the sand long enough to realize who he needs. And who needs him.

I don't even bother knocking, using the key that Abby gave me and barging right now on. It smells like scotch, not that I'm surprised. I make my way through, sunshine screaming through the windows as my heels click along the hardwood floors, fighting the urge to toss the dirty laundry littering the floor into a bin.

I can't help but sigh as I see the half naked girl in his bed, horrified as a pick up a black lace bra and toss if over at her, stomping at the ground to wake her up. It works, probably too well.

"What the hell," She says, turning over and smacking Jay as she puts on the bra. "I thought you said you didn't have a girlfriend,"

"I don't," He says, looking up at me with dark eyes.

"He does," I tell her. "I am just not her, but you still need to get the hell out of here,"

"Ally stop," Jay demands.

"Do you know who he is?"

"Jack," She responds, looking very satisfied with herself.

"Great," I say, tossing her very slinky dress from last night. "You were never here, now get out,"

"What?" She says, looking back at Jay for guidance as strangely complies with my instructions.

"I'll call you," Jay slurs as she slips back into the dress.

"No, he won't," I tell her quickly. "Slip out the back, the photographers are all in the front."

"Who are you?" She asks, confused as she pulls on her shoes.

"No one to you," I tell her before ushering her out the door, tossing her purse at her on the way out. "What the hell is going on?"

"Don't worry about it," I say before slamming the door in her face.

"Ally what the hell?" Jay says as he slinks over to me, pulling a white t-shirt over his bare chest.

"You're still drunk," I say, tossing the empty beer bottles into the trash, fighting the urge to wince everytime one smashes on the bottom of the can.

"And?" He says as I swipe a bottle of scotch out of his reach.

"It's 9 AM and you're still drunk from last night,"

"I'm fine," He claims.

"No you're not," I tell him. "You're a mess and nobody wants to tell you that. They're afraid of hurting you, they're all walking on eggshells but as you can see, I don't have an issue with being straight with you."

"What are you doing?" He says, rolling his eyes as he collapses on the couch.

"Dragging your ass back to the real world," I shout at him.

"What is there to live for anymore?" He says. "You can't know what this feels like," I bite my lip as I take that stab to the heart, waiting for him to catch his mistake. I can see it on his face, as just the smallest bit of empathy slips through. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that,"

"I know you didn't," I tell him, trying not to react. "That's why I'm here. You were there for me when Ben died, you made sure that I didn't lose it, so I'm not going to let you do that either,"

"I don't need a babysitter," He says. "I'm perfectly capable of handling myself,"

"Obviously you're not," I almost shout at him. "I'm here because your sisters sent me, they're all too scared to come talk to you,"

"I'm grieving," He growls.

"So are the rest of us," I snarl back. "But we're not drinking ourselves into a blackout or sleeping with a random girl every night,"

"You don't get it," He responds coldly.

"What don't I get?" I ask him.

"I was there Ally, I was standing next to her. We both took the bullets, I survived and she died. It should have been me. She was 17 years old!" He screams, a tear falling from his eye.

"No," I say, my heart breaking apart for the boy I used to love. After Ben was killed, he was there for me everyday, holding me in his arms and telling me that it was all going to be okay. I believed him, we were 17. But we're not 17 anymore. "What happened was awful, but this world would not be any better if you were gone."

"She was 17,"

"And you're 24 and you are adored. Your life is not worth any less than her's. And you are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to feel like the world is falling apart because it is, but you are not allowed to wish it was you. And you need to pull yourself out of this hole before it gets too deep for anyone to reach you,"

"It's just easier," He says quietly, "You know, not to feel."

"Easier isn't better," I respond as I sit down on the bed next to him. We just sit there in silence for a while, his hand on my leg. "Call her,"

"What?"

"Call Erin," I say. "She's good for you,"

"I'm not going to call her," He tells me harshly.

"She's your girlfriend," I remind him, "You love her and she's worried about you,"

"She doesn't want anything to do with me," He responds. "Not anymore."

"You don't know that," I say, trying to bite my tongue. I know for a fact that that's not true. Natalie's had some limited correspondence with Erin, which she informed me of before I drove over her, after swearing me to secrecy of course. She wants him back as much as I know he does, but neither of them are willing to say it.

"I don't need to," He says bitterly.

"Get it together Jay," I tell him, grabbing my purse as I move towards the door. "Pull yourself together, before you're too broken to fix."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"How's he doing?" I say nervously into the phone.

"Not good," I hear on the other end, Nora's voice still broken. After everything happened, she emailed me her number, told me to call her if I needed to talk. I didn't know why, I'm not anything to her. But I'm grateful for it.

Even as I've fallen out of her brother's life, she and I have become close. I can't even come close to what she's feeling right now, but I was there. We we together that whole night. She can be herself with me, there's no pressure. For me, she has intel. I can keeps tabs on Jay, without him knowing, without any of them knowing. I hate that I have to do this, that I can't just let it go. But I love him, so that's not really an option anymore, even if he wants nothing to do with me.

"Yeah," I respond quietly. "I've seen the headlines this weeks,"

"He needs you," She tells me. "He really needs you Erin,"

"He doesn't want me," I say, biting my lip. "He's made that really clear,"

"Just because he's not strong enough to admit, it doesn't change anything. He's falling apart and none of us can figure out how to fix it."

"Why would I be any better?" I test her.

"He picked you, he got stuck with the rest of us." She says. "Just jump on a plane, try," Despite everything inside me wanting to say yes, I know that I'm not welcome. This isn't my territory anymore.

"I'm sorry Nora," I tell her. "I can't."

"Okay," She says, the disdain evident in her voice. "I got to go,"

"Okay," I respond. "I'm sorry,"

"I know you are,"

* * *

"So how are you doing?" Hailey asks me, the wind blowing through the stadium bleachers of Saint Ignatius, watching Justin run down the field in his gold and burgundy uniform, the number 17 emblazoned across it.

"I'm okay," I say, focusing my attention on the game and avoiding her question. I never liked football games while I was here, but Justin loves it and I love watching him play. Besides, it's the opening game of his senior year. I would have just gone with my parents, but Hailey offered to come with me and why not spend a night out with my girl.

"Don't you lie to me girl," She responds.

"It was a fling, two months, now it's over and we pretend it never happened," I tell her, my eyes still focused on the ball as I lie through my teeth.

"Oh shut up," She tells me with a groan, "He was so much more than just a fling and we both know it,"

"Okay fine," I reply, running my hands over the light denim of my jeans. "But even if it was more, it's over. I can't do anything about it. Can we just drop it?"

"Of course," She says, slinking back into herself as her words quiet.

"Do you want to sleep over tonight?" I ask, feeling myself missing the old times in California and not wanting to be alone for another night in that apartment that feels so much bigger now.

"Of course," She says with a smile, leaning into me and resting her head on my shoulder. "Anytime girl,"

"I love you lady," I tell her, resting my head on top of hers, the gentle moment interrupted as the announcer's voice booms throughout the stadium.

"TOUCHDOWN WOLVES!" He exclaims, the bleachers shaking as the entire school jumps to their feet and the pep band starting to play, Hailey and I both jumping to our feet as we notice it's my little brother, number 17, dancing around in the end zone.

* * *

"Alright," Hailey says as she flips through my Netflix queue. "13 Going on 30 or Heathers?"

"You realize we're basically a living cliche right now?" I tell her with a laugh as I sit down next to her on the couch, a bowl of popcorn in hand.

"Don't care," She responds with a laugh. "I have an exam at the Academy on the 14th so I'm going to be busting my ass for the next three days,"

"Wait, what's the date today?" I say, pulling out my phone to check my calendar.

"It's the 10th why?" She asks as I frantically scroll through pages.

"I'm late," I tell her.

"What?" She asks, her jaw dropping as the words leave my mouth. "What do you mean?"

"My period," I tell her panicked as I reach August, my heart dropping as I realize I didn't get it that month either.

"How late?" She asks, clicking off the TV and turning all of her attention to me.

"Like I didn't get it last month either." I admit as I look up at her, the fear coming over my entire body. "It was so soon after everything happened, I didn't even think about it,"

"Do you think-" She starts.

"No," I finish for her. "There's no way, I mean I'm on the pill and we've always used condoms."

"The pill isn't always effective," She reminds me.

"But he always wore a condom," I add in. "We were careful, we had to be,"

"Are you sure, always?" She asks again, both of us now in a full on panic as I start pacing across the floor of my apartment.

"Yes," I say. "It could have broken, I don't know,"

"It doesn't matter," She says, getting up to start putting her shoes on. "We've got to get you a test. At least then you'll know,"

"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath, trying to calm the thoughts racing through my head. "Okay let's go,"

* * *

"Do you need help?" Hailey calls through my bathroom door as I pull my pants down, my heart rate quickening as I stare down at the box in my left hand.

"It's peeing on a stick Hails, it's idiot proof," I joke, a lame attempt to cover my anxiety.

"Alright, I'll just be here then," She responds as I hear her sink to the floor of my bedroom, where I'm sure her knees are pulled into her chest. I do it quickly, just wanting to get it over with.

"Come here," I tell her as I wash my hands, that freaking white stick taunting me on the tile countertops.

"How you feeling?" She asks quietly, sliding down to floor, her back against the bathtub.

"Not great," I tell her, shaking the water off my hands and joining her.

"You know, whatever happens," She says, grabbing my hand. "No matter what that stick says and no matter what Jay does, I got your back. I'm not going anywhere,"

"Thank you," I say simply, just trying to process it all.

"How long does it take?" Hailey asks as the two of us sit there together.

"Three minutes," I tell her, leading us in a silence that leaves me alone with my thoughts. I can't have a baby, not right now. I'm 22 years old! I'm just starting out in this world, I'm brand new at my job. Jay and I aren't even talking, he's out getting drunk every night and for all I know, he may have knocked up another girl by now. Even without all of that, the world shouldn't trust me to be anyone's mother.

"Time's up," Hailey says as she peers down at her phone. "You want to look?"

"Yeah," I say with a breathy sigh, trying to work up the courage. Everything rests on what the little white stick says, two lines or one. Those lines have the power to change everything.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed!**

 **Please review!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	23. Baby Steps

**I just want to take a quick second to thank all of you who have continued to write sweet reviews on every chapter. This story recently surpassed 300 reviews which just blows my mind and there was almost 30 reviews on the last chapter which was just insane, so just thank you. So with that, I hope you guys enjoy chapter 23!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Oh thank God," I cry as I see just one pink line, a huge wave of relief washing over my body. "It's negative,"

"And we can breathe again," Hailey says with a laugh. "That was terrifying,"

"You can say that again,"

* * *

"What would you have done?" Hailey asks, the credits rolling on our movie of choice, our earlier adrenaline thankfully dissipated.

"What?" I ask, looking over at her as I pull the blanket over my tiny frame.

"If it had been positive?" I ask as she nods. "I don't know, I'd have to figure it out. I always do,"

"Would you have told him?" She responds.

"I mean I'd like to think I would have, but I don't know what I would have done. I'm just glad it didn't actually happen."

"Yeah," Hailey muses as she stares off into the distance behind me as my phone buzzes.

"Is that your phone or mine?" Hailey asks as she glances around the couch for wherever she threw hers.

"Mine," I tell her as I flip it over on the coffee table.

"Who is it?" She asks, leaning forward in anticipation.

"It's Zoe," I say, confused. I haven't heard from her in weeks, I assumed she'd just written me off.

"Who?" Hailey asks.

"Zoe Amsbary, AG's daughter, friend of Jay's," I quickly answer as I glance down at her text.

 _I know things are a little rocky with you and Jay right now, but my opening is at 7 PM next Saturday and I'd still really love for you to be there, with or without him. Please think about it. -ZA_

"What does she want?" She asks.

"She's opening her restaurant next weekend," I inform her, "She wants me to come."

"Is Jay going to be there?" Hailey asks, always the concerned friend.

"Probably," I fill in. "I don't see why he wouldn't be,"

"It might be good for you, get some closure." She offers. "Even if you don't talk to him, maybe it'll help, just seeing his face."

"You really think I should go?" I ask her, toying with the idea in my head.

"I do," She replies, "I'll even go with you."

"Really?" I say with a smile.

"Yeah we could roadtrip it down to DC, it'll be fun."

"Alright," I say warming up to the idea. "That could be a nice break,"

"And you like Zoe right?"

"She's awesome," I say with a smile, fondly remembering the brunch I spent with Garrett, Adam, Jay and Zoe. That was before everything got so complicated.

"Then go for her," She replies. "Don't make it about him,"

"You've convinced me H," I say with a smirk, grabbing my phone to text Zoe back.

 _I'll be there. Mind if I bring my friend Hailey? - EL_ She responds within seconds.

 _Sure! Super excited to see you! - ZA_

* * *

I sit behind the steering wheel, the car parked outside Hailey's apartment building. She's late, as always, something I've gotten used to over the years. I put my suitcase in the trunk of the 300 this morning and I'm still wearing my clothes from the office, preparing myself for the long drive, trying to push Jay out of my head. My parents have both expressed their concerns for me going back to DC, but I wanted to go. And it's about Zoe, this is for her, not him. Right?

"Finally!" I exclaim as she comes running around the corner, suitcase dragging behind her and a tote bag on her arm as I pop the trunk.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" She exclaims, tossing her bag in the back before joining me in the front seat. "We had another test today and it ran late, well it didn't run late I just took forever."

"It's fine," I say with a laugh, not able to stay mad at her. "I just want to get on the road before it gets too late, I want to get to at least Cleveland tonight,"

"Why Cleveland?" She asks, buckling in as I back out of the parking spot.

"It's the halfway point between us and DC," I tell her. "Now c'mon, we've got to get rolling,"

* * *

"We should do this more often," Hailey tells me, the sun setting behind us as we drive along the highway. "Why don't we do this more often?"

"Well we both have lives," I say with a laugh, "And jobs, we can't just drop everything and drive across the country. It's not college anymore,"

"College was fun though," She says, remaining as she stares at the window. "How much longer to Cleveland?"

"Like three hours," I say with a giggle. "We're still in Indiana,"

"God I hate Indiana," She says with a dramatic sigh, throwing herself against the back of the seat. "I really don't know how Sylvie survived here all these years,"

"I don't know," I say, peering over at the sign in front of us and sighing as I see a sign, telling me that there's almost 200 miles to Cleveland. "I think it'd be a nice place to grow up,"

"Oh please," She says with a scoff, "Like you'd ever really leave Chicago,"

"I went to college in California," I point out, "With you," I finish with a laugh.

"But you came back," She replies. "You could never stay away Erin Lindsay, you're a Chicago girl,"

"Who knows," I say distantly, staring off into the horizon. Who knows what the future holds?

* * *

 **JAY**

"Jay," Ally says, looking surprised as she opens the door to her apartment as I stand on the welcome mat sheepishly.

"Can I come in?" I ask, twisting my fingers around each other as I wait for her response.

"That depends," She says, crossing her arms in front of her chest, "You sober?"

"Haven't had a drink in a week," I say, a feeling of pride washing over me. Ally's harsh words last week really affected me. At first, I was furious, totally in denial that anything was wrong. But then I sat there, alone and I realized that the only reason I was mad was because everything she said was totally accurate. And that was hard.

But after I made it past that, the rest of it was easy. Everything time I wanted to take a drink, I thought of Maddie's face, her sweet smile and the blue eyes she was constantly rolling at me. If that didn't work, I pictured Erin's honey blonde hair and beautiful hazel eyes, remembered everything that I had lost and all that I have to gain, if she'll take me.

The guilt is still there, I don't think it'll ever go away and the pain is just as sharp as it was in that hospital room, but I know that I can't face it on my own anymore. I can't cover it with whiskey or sex or anything else. And I need Erin back, I need her to get through this again.

"C'mon in," She says, stepping aside and ushering me in. "What are you doing here Jay?"

"I just wanted to say thank you," I tell her. "For what you said, for saying what no one else would,"

"Of course," She says. "You know I'm always going to be there for you Jay. I have your back, no matter,"

"I know," I reply with a grateful smile. "I'm lucky to have you,"

"Oh you have no idea," She says with a smirk. "But have you talked to your family? They're all really worried about you,"

"I know," I say regretfully. "I've just been trying to work on myself lately. They've been calling me, but I haven't said anything yet,"

"You should call them, especially your mom."

"You talked to my mom," I ask.

"She's hurting bad," She tells me, which I take a stab to the heart. I haven't talked to her since it happened, I haven't talked to anyone. "She lost two of her kids that night,"

"I'm horrible aren't I?"

"You're not horrible, you were just a mess. You hurt a lot of people Jay and you've got to fix that, but I believe you can. Go see your family and then call the girl you love,"

"Ally,"

"You need her Jay and she needs you, you're both just too stubborn to admit it," She scolds me.

"Baby steps Al," I assure her. "I'll talk to Erin, at some point. But I need to go see my mom,"

* * *

"Hi," I say nervously as I stand in the doorway of the Oval Office. I've never felt so nervous walking in here before, I've always felt welcome here, like it's exactly where we were supposed to be. It feels different today.

"Hi," She replies, looking up from her desk, delicate glasses resting on her nose and her flag pin shining from the lapel of her light blue skirt suit. "It's good to see you,"

"Yeah," I reply. There's an awkward silence between us, like we're colleagues passing each other in a hallway.

"C'mere," She says, a lone tear rolling down her face as she jumps up from behind her desk, pulling me into her tiny arms and making me feel like a child again as I let myself melt into her.

"Mom I'm sor-" I start, before she cuts me off.

"Stop it," She says, pulling me closer to her, fighting to keep her tears at bay. "You did what you had to do, but you came back to us. Welcome home baby boy,"

* * *

"You made it!" Zoe exclaims, waving her hands wildly in the air as she stands outside her Georgetown townhouse, only a short walk from her new restaurant. She has very graciously offered Hailey and I the opportunity to stay here through the weekend.

"She seems excited," Hailey says with a grin as she pulls into a street parking spot, both of us exhausted from all the driving.

"You're going to love her," I assure her as I turn off the car and hop out to embrace her, my feelings about Jay still unsettled.

"It's been too long Erin!" She says with glee as she pulls me in for a hug, her brown hair piled into a bun on top of her head, her formally pale skin now a golden tan.

"It's been three months," I say with a laugh as Hailey approaches behind us.

"Like I said," She replies with a roll of the eyes. "Way too long,"

"Oh and this is Hailey," I say, pulling her in behind us.

"Oh it is so nice to meet you," She says, pulling her in for a hug as her slight North Carolina accent makes an appearance "Erin has told me so many wonderful things,"

"She has?" She looks at me questioningly, through jack rabbit Zoe has already moved onto the next thing.

"Let's get your luggage unloaded and get you settled," She says, hopping around to the back of the car as I pop the trunk.

* * *

"Do you think he's going to be there?" Hailey asks, the two of us camped out in Zoe's master bed room, applying our make up for the night. Zoe left us a few hours ago, with profuse apology as she get to the restaurant early to make sure everything was just right for the opening. Of course we understood, but it was kind of funny to watch her freak out about it.

"No," I say, almost painfully. "Based on the headlines he's been generating, I don't expect it."

"Do you want to see him?" She prods, throwing on a bit of blush.

"I guess," I respond carefully, "I just want to make sure he's okay."

"He's not okay Erin," She says, looking over at me as I swipe on a nude lip gloss.

"Can we just not talk about Jay?" I ask, "Let's just have a fun night and support our friend okay?"

"Alright," She says, brushing me off as we both go back to our makeup, though I know the subject is not far from her mind. I can't get him out of my head.

* * *

"We're almost there," I say, my heels clicking along the Georgetown pavement. Neither of us really knew what to wear, so I played it safe with a little black dress and heels. Hailey was a little more adventurous with a red lace midi dress, which I love but there's no way I can pull it off. Now we're just hoping to fit in.

"Is that it?" Hailey asks, pointing with her clutch free hand to a hanging black iron sign, M + B printed in a vintage gold.

"Yeah," I say with a smile, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride for my friend. She did this, mostly on her own at 23 years old. She's amazing. The two of us finish the rest of the short walk down to the restaurant, soft music flowing out the doors and lively conversation filling the air. I quickly clock Zoe in the center of the room, a beaming smile on her face as trays of her creations circulate around the room. But just behind her, I see a set of bright blue eyes that I know better than anything. I see him.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	24. The Man She Fell In Love With

**Thank you for all the kind reviews on the last chapter! I am sorry for the long wait between updates, but I have just been crazy busy. I am hoping to get updates up faster in the future, but I can't make any promises. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy chapter 24!**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Erin?" I hear in my ear as Hailey shakes my shoulder. "Erin!"

"What?" I say, shaking my head as I break the trance those blue eyes sucked me into. "Sorry, I'm just a little spacy right now,"

"Alright." She says, still not looking completely convinced.

"I need some air," I say. "Go mingle or whatever, I'll see you in a second okay?"

"Alright," She says, still seeming incredibly unsure. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I tell her before quickly pushing out of the crowds back to the main entrance. I brace myself against the brick wall as I take a deep breath. I thought I wanted to see him, but I don't. It's the last thing that I want right now.

"Erin?" I hear from behind me, I look up just long enough to reveal Garrett's dark brown hair coming running me. "Are you okay?"

"No," I say as look up into those kind brown eyes. "But this isn't about me, it's about Zoe. So I'm going to suck it up and go inside with a smile on my face,"

"You don't have to do that," He tells me. "She'll understand,"

"I know she will," I say with a solemn smile. "But I still have to, besides, Hailey's in there, I can't leave her,"

"C'mon," He says, looping my arm around his, "Let's just take a walk, then we'll go inside."

"Alright," I reluctantly agree as he leads me down the brick sidewalks.

"He needs you," He tells me. "He's hurting bad Erin,"

"I know," I reply, "That's what everyone keeps telling me anyway,"

"He screwed up in a big way and he knows it. But you have got to cut him a little bit of slack,"

"Not that much," I tell him regretfully. "The drinking, the partying, even going AWOL for three months, I can deal with that. It's the cheating,"

"Yeah," He says quietly, leading us into a silence that I'm not sure how to interpret. It's not awkward, but it's not comfortable either. We circle around the block, breathing in the thick August air before quickly circling back to the brick building on the corner of 28th and M, that beautiful sign hanging in front of the door.

"Just give him a chance okay?" He asks me.

"I'll try," I promise him. "That's all I can say,"

"And I'm sure it's more than he deserves right now." He says with a solemn smile.

"Where have y'all been?" Zoe announces as we walk back through the doors.

"And what are you doing out here with us and not schmoozing or whatever?" Garrett jokes, effectively ending our conversation as he pulls her into his arms.

"It's my restaurant, I can take a minute for my friends," She tells him scoldingly.

"Fair enough," He says, flashing her that million dollar smile. "I am really proud of you Bug,"

"I'm proud of me too?" She says with a laugh.

"Very proud," He says with a wink.

"Thanks G," She replies, smiling back at him.

"I'm going to go find Adam and Jay, have fun." He says, looking over at the two of us, both of us waving over at him.

"Jay's here?" I ask as soon as he's out of earshot. I'm not sure if it's a question or a statement as I subconsciously scanning the crowd for that head of auburn hair I had set my eyes on earlier.

"I'm so sorry Erin," She says, apologizing profusely. "I had no idea he was coming, he never RSVP'd,"

"It's fine," I say, trying not to choke on the words. "It's your night, do not apologize for anything."

"You know I'm still going to though right,"

"Yes," I say with a laugh. "It seems a lot of us struggle with that problem,"

"No kidding," She says, showing that pearly white smile that I'm convinced could make me feels better even on my worst day.

"Zoe!" We hear from the other side of the room, some guy I don't recognize calling her name.

"That's Sam," She tells me. "My business partner, those are probably the investors so I should go. Are you going to be okay?"

"Go," I tell her with a smile. "Do not worry about me,"

"Alright," She replies. "We will debrief at my place tonight, I have wine."

"Sounds good," I say with a laugh as she scurries away. I smile after her, proud of her success as I scan the room for Hailey, but not before I hear a very familiar voice behind me.

"Hey," I hear. I turn around to look into a pair of very familiar blue eyes that belong to someone that I don't recognize anymore.

"Hi," I say cooly as face him for the first time in months.

"Can we talk?" He asks.

"What is there to say?" I question him.

"That I'm sorry and I screwed up big time. That I miss you and I want you back,"

"I miss you too Jay," I tell him, "But I can't overlook what you did. Maddie dying was awful and I can't imagine what you went through, but you don't deal with it the way that you did."

"I didn't know what else to do," He replies. "I reverted back to the way that I used to be and I am not proud of it,"

"You can't just walk out every time things get hard," I tell him, trying to hold the tears back, hot angry tears. "You stay and you lean on the people that love you."

"I know, I know that now. I am so screwed up that I couldn't see that and I'm working on it, I swear."

"That's great," I say, giving him a genuine smile. "But I can't be with someone who isn't all in with me and I cannot be with someone who I can't rely on."

"Okay," He says, looking right in my eyes. "Just don't give up on me, give me a chance,"

"I have given you about six hundred chances," I tell him as I watch his face fall. "But I'm an idiot so I'll give you one more. Call me when you are ready to be the man who I fell in love with,"

* * *

"So," Hailey asks as the three of us sit around Zoe's living room, nursing glasses of cabernet, the long long disappeared under the horizon. "Is it over?"

"I don't know," I say with a sigh as I stare down into the deep red liquid, "He asked me not to give up on him, but that's hard."

"Yeah," Zoe says, quietly echoing my tone.

"Can we talk about something else?" I ask as I give them both a small smile. "I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about Jay anymore, I feel like we've talked it to death."

"Don't apologize," Hailey scolds, trying to break me of one of my worst habits. "I for one, would love to toast to my new friend Zoe's amazing opening tonight,"

"I'll drink to that," I say gratefully as I raise my glass.

"You guys are too sweet," She says with a laugh. "Now I'm just hoping that the reviews this Sunday in the Post are good,"

"They're going to be amazing Z, don't you worry," I tell her with a smile..

"I hope so,"

"This is a little strange, but is Kevin single?" Hailey asks nervously as she changes the subject, her cheeks flushing a bright red.

"Like Atwater?" I ask, raising my eyebrow at the unexpected question.

"Yeah," She asks.

"I think so," I ask, looking to Zoe for confirmation as she nods. "When do you even meet him?"

"Well, at your place before the convention," She tells me as I remember him picking me up, "I talked with him for a while tonight. He's sweet, makes me laugh,"

"He's the best," I say with a smile, "He was always my favorite of Jay's Secret Service guys. But I think you're forgetting that he lives halfway across the country from us,"

"Yeah," She says looking disappointed.

"Hey it's worth a shot though," Zoe offers. "I have his number, I can text it to you. Maybe meet up with him before you guys leave tomorrow?"

"He did mention he was off," Hailey ponders.

"Yeah why not," I tell her, trying not to be a naysayer, but not wanting to get her hopes up. I know that mine and Jay's circumstances were anything but typical, but long distance is definitely never fun.

"Alright girls," Zoe says with a yawn as she rises from the couch, shedding her blanket on the floor. "I'm going to head up and I'll see you before I head to the restaurant tomorrow morning,"

"Goodnight Z,"

* * *

 **JAY**

"Hey sis," I call as I unlock the apartment door, hanging my keys on the hook and kicking my shoes off. For the last week, Nora been staying with me, trying to keep my on track. She heads back for her senior year at Harvard in a few days, but I've really appreciated having her at the apartment again. It's nice, for the house to not be so quiet.

"In here!" She calls from the living room, the news, as always, echoing throughout the room.

"Seriously?" I ask with a laugh as she watches a press conference that Avery had given in the Press Room earlier today. "You realize you could just walk into the West Wing, literally ask about any of this."

"I'm watching the media part," She says with a roll of her eyes as I sit down on the couch next to her. "You know that's where I'm going,"

"I can't believe you're not going to continue the family legacy," I offer, still not able to get over Nora's major that she announced, even though it was years ago. She never talked about it, but we all just assumed that she'd go into politics, her declaration that she wanted to produce TV came as a surprise to all of us.

"Oh Mom's got Abby for that," She responds. "She'll get at least one of us. Speaking of, what are you looking at on the job front?"

"I actually have an interview set up for next week, at the ACLU. They're hiring campaign strategists,"

"What qualifies you for that exactly?" She says with a laugh.

"They approached me actually, before everything happened. I told them I didn't want it after Maddie, but I called them a few days ago and they're willing to take a chance on me."

"Is it in the DC office?" She asks.

"No," I say quietly, "Chicago,"

"Wow," She says. "Are you going to sell the apartment, if you get the job?" She asks.

"I don't know," I respond. "Besides, it's not really my place."

"What did Mom and Dad say?"

"I haven't told them yet," I tell her, "I just want to wait until after the interview, see how I feel,"

"Does this choice of location have anything to do with a certain brunette, maybe five foot four, name starts with E ends with rin?"

"No," I lie through my teeth. "I just thought it would be nice to get to get to go back home. Besides, she made it pretty clear she wants pretty much nothing to do with me."

"Well yeah," She says, looking up at me, "But we both know that that won't stop you."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"What the hell did you do?" I exclaim as I open my front door, Kelly standing in front of my with a stitched cut on his forehead. I've always worried about Kelly, being a firefighter and all, but since I've been home it's been a lot harder, just being able to see it all.

"Relax," He says, brushing me off. "I went to Med, got it all stitched up, I'm cleared Tink," He assures me, using the nickname he gave me years and years ago. No one is even sure anymore how I got it or why he gave it to me, but he's been calling me Tink since I was sixteen so it's definitely not going anywhere anytime soon. "And I have pizza, so stop yelling at me and let me in,"

"C'mon," I say, rolling my eyes as I usher him into the apartment.

"Nice digs," He says, nodding as he looks around the room.

"Thanks," I say with a smile, taking the pizza off his hands and setting it on the granite island.

"So," He starts. "We've haven't talked in a while and I've been reading the news, you doing okay?"

"I am good enough," I say with a forced smile.

"You want to talk about it?" He asks.

"Not really," I say. "I've talked it to death with my mom and Hailey and Kim, Nora even. I just want to hang out, watch football and eat pizza with an old friend,"

"Okay then," He says with that big, gleaming smile, showcasing the small gap between his two front teeth. "You got beer?"

"Root beer," I offer.

"That'll work," He says, ducking into my fridge to grab the bottles as I retrieve a couple of paper plates from the cabinets.

"Who are they playing again?" I ask. I don't know too much about football, I'm more of a hockey girl, but Kelly likes it so I'll watch a game with him every so often.

"The Green Bay Packers," He announces, making his way over to the couch as he flips the caps off the two glass bottles.

"Wisconsin?" I ask, joining him with the pizza box.

"Bingo," He says. I try to keep myself interested as the game continues through. It took me a long time to actually take the time to understand football, but once Justin started playing I made myself actually figure out the rules. Usually, I have fun watching the games, but there's just so many other things swirling through my mind. I was hoping to utilize Kelly as a distraction, just a night of fun, but it seems nothing can chase my demons away.

Halfway through the third quarter, my phone rings, Hank's photo lighting up the screen.

"Who is it?' Kelly asks, peering over as I pick up the phone.

"It's my dad," I tell him quietly as I slide my finger across the screen. "Hey Dad, what's up?"

"Erin it's Mom, she had a seizure. You need to come to the hospital right now,"


	25. Deafening Silence

**ERIN**

"Tink what's wrong?" Kelly asks as I stare blankly over at him.

"It's my mom," I say, slowly lowering the phone from my ear. "She had a seizure, they're at the hospital,"

"Okay," He says, flicking off the TV. "I'll drive you, c'mon,"

"Okay," I say, following him out the door, forcing my feet to move, my brain not really functioning. She has to be okay. I cannot accept any other outcome, not right now.

* * *

"Erin," Maggie says, looking at me confused as I walk through the front doors of the ED, Kelly on my side. "Did you get a call about a kid?'

"No," I say breathlessly, "It's my mom, Camille Voight. My dad brought her in a little while ago,"

"Oh of course," She says, looking at me sympathetically as Kelly wraps his arm around my shoulder. "I'll bring you right back,"

"She's going to be okay," He says into my ear. I don't say anything as we walk quickly through the linoleum, fluorescent lit hallway. I have to try to keep my tears at bay as we walk into the room to see Camille hooked up to a bunch of machines,

"Oh honey," Camille says with a sigh as we walk into the room. "I told you not to worry Erin,"

"You had a seizure Cami," He says, placing a kiss on her forehead. "That's worth worrying our daughter over,"

"Are you okay?" I ask, rushing to her bedside alongside Hank, Justin set up in a chair in the corner of the room, and Kelly lingering behind me.

"I'm fine," She assures me, grabbing my hand in her's. "Your father is overreacting, I'm just fine,"

"Let's just wait for what the doctors say," Hank says. "We don't want to get ahead of ourselves,"

"Thanks for driving me Sev," I say, turning back to him. "I'm sure you have something you need to be doing, you can go."

"I'm good right here," He says with a smile. "I'm not going anywhere,"

"Okay then," I respond with a smile. "Thank you,"

"Got your back," He tells me as I nod back up at him gratefully.

"My name is Dr. Marcus, what seems to be going on today?" I hear as I look up to see the doctor walk in. I recognize him, Dr. Marcus, he was one of the doctors that treated Maddie. I hope that's not a bad sign, that they had to pull in the big guns.

"I had a seizure," Camille tells him. "About an hour ago, collapsed in my living room,"

"Do you have any history of seizures?" He asks her, scrolling through her electronic chart.

"No, never," She answers.

"Any headaches?" He asks.

"Yes actually," She responds as I flinch at her response. I know that that can't be good.

"You haven't mentioned that to me," Hank comments, looking at her concerned.

"Well, with the new job and everything, I didn't want to worry you baby." She offers. "I know how you worry,"

"How bad were the headaches?" Dr. Marcus asks. "On a scale of one to ten?"

"They varied," She replies, her graying blonde curls pulled up at the nape of her neck.

"How bad did they get?" He asks.

"Maybe an eight sometimes?" She responds.

"Okay," He says, making a note of it on her chart. "Maggie is going to come in a take some blood and we'll take you up for a CT in just a second,"

"Is that really necessary?" I ask, trying to gauge how bad this thing could be.

"We're just trying to cover all of our bases," He assures me kindly. "It's just a precaution, we want to try the pinpoint the source of the seizure."

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'm going to be fine." Camille assures me, grabbing my hand and holding it in hers.

"Whatever you say," I say, forcing a smile.

* * *

"Erin?" I hear in the hallway, the voice only slightly familiar.

"Will?" I say, looking over to see the tall redhead staring back at me. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a med student," He says with a laugh. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?" This is nice, it doesn't seem forced or cold. I'm surprised he even stopped to talk to me, I've only talked to Nora since the convention.

"I'm fine," I tell him with a forced smile. "It's my mom, she had a seizure,"

"Oh," He says softly. "I'm so sorry Erin,"

"It's okay," I lie, "She's in CT, it's just been taking so long,"

"I hope everything's all right," He says. "Natalie just got off work, she'd love to see you if you're up to it."

"That would actually be really nice," I say with a smile. I actually like Natalie, she was always really kind to me.

"You still have her number?" He asks.

"Yeah," I reply.

"Shoot her a text, she has our son with her, but I'm sure she'd be up for saying hi. And I will try to see if I can find anything out about your mom,"

"Really?" I ask. "You'd do that?"

"I can't promise how I'll do, I'm a med student, so bottom of the barrel. But I'll try,"

"Thank you Will," I say, giving him a soft hug.

"No problem Erin," He tells me with a grin. "I really hope your mom is okay,"

"Me too," I say, lingering for a minute as he walks away.

"Who was that?" Kelly asks as he walks up behind me.

"Will, Jay's brother," I answer, very surprised at his apprecence.

"So you're just tight with the whole first family," He jokes as he jabs at my side.

"Haha very funny," I say with an eye roll. "Anna pissed that I'm stealing you for the night?"

"She's working the late shift, she's fine," He tells me as we start making our way back to the hospital bay.

"She works too hard," I say, trying to distract myself from the could be dire situation that we may be walking into to.

"You both do," He says as he looks down at me.

"Says the firefighter," I say with a scoff.

"We're just people meant to work," He tells me with a smile.

"I guess so," I say, sending that smile right back to him as we walk back the hallway to my mom's room, the grin hiding every single one of my fears.

* * *

 **JAY**

"You ready to go buddy?" I ask, wrapping Owen's jacket around him as I pick him up from the hospital daycare. Will was supposed to be off tonight and stay with Owen while Natalie worked through the night, but he said something came up and he asked me to babysit. Since I got the job in Chicago, they've been letting me crash with them until I move into my new place next week, so it's the least I can do.

"Is that Erin?" He asks, pointing through the glass panels separating the daycare from the hallways and ignoring my question.

"What?" I say, looking up to see what he's pointing. Sure enough, it's her. I feel my heart lurch as I see her with another guy's arm around her shoulder, but I quickly scold myself. She's not mine anymore, she made that perfectly clear.

"Yeah," I tell him softly, "That's Erin."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"It's cancer?" I ask, my voice shaking as I hold back the tears. "You're sure?"

"Yes," Dr. Marcus says regretfully as he looks over at us, Camille in the bleak hospital gown, Hank and I on either side of her, Kelly standing behind me with his hand on my shoulder and Justin sitting stoically in the corner. "It's a grade IV glioblastoma,"

"So what do we do?" Hank asks as Camille squeezes his hand. "Can we take it out?"

"No we can't," Dr. Marcus says quietly, "It's what we call a butterfly glioma, it extends into both hemispheres of the brain and it's inoperable."

"There has to be something," I beg, none of us willing to accept the prognosis as I try to hold back the tears.

"We can try chemo and radiation, they'll give you more time, but it'll always grow back,"

"What if we don't do anything?" Camille intercepts. "How much time do I have left?"

"Six weeks, maybe eight." He offers reluctantly.

"And with treatment?" She asks.

"Six months, possibly less," He slowly.

"So she's going to die?" Justin says bluntly as squeezes my shoulder.

"Yes," He replies, "I'm sorry,"

"Can we have a minute?" Camille asks, her voice choking up as Hank holds her hand.

"Of course," He says, the deafening silence filling the room as he slides the door shut behind him. No wants to say anything as all of our hearts break. No matter what happens, we're going to lose her. It's just a matter of when.

* * *

"What do you want to do?" Camille asks, her sweet voice cutting through the tension like a knife.

"What do you want?" Hank asks repeating the question back to her.

"I want whatever is best for my family and for my kids," She says, looking over at the two of us with glassy eyes.

"There has to be something else that we can do," I say, my security blanket Kelly gone as he stepped out a few minutes ago. "We can't just accept this, we should we get a second opinion."

"Honey," Camille says, reaching over and grabbing my hand. "There's no doctor that is going to tell us any different. This tumor is going to kill me,"

"How are you so okay with this?" Justin yells, breaking his silence from the other side of the room. "You were just handed a death sentence and you are acting like everything is fine!"

"Oh Justin," She replies, fat tears rolling down her face. "I am so far from okay, it's not even funny. But we don't have another choice do we?"

"You can fight it," He says, "Fight like hell to stay on this earth as long as you can,"

"I don't want to spend the last months of my life lying in a hospital bed, barely able to function." Camille says, her voice breaking. "I would rather take six weeks my family and live out those weeks exactly how I want."

"You don't even want to try?" Hank asks, raising his voice for the first time.

"Baby," She says, "I am going to die, I don't want to spend the last weeks of my life in a hospital bed."

"You want to die?" Justin asks, tears in his eyes for maybe the first time, at least that I've ever seen.

"No," She says, her voice breaking. "I don't want this, I wanted to live. I wanted to see you graduate high school and college, see Erin get married and watch both of you do your incredible I'm dying baby, we have to face that."

"I don't want to," He says, a few solitary tears making their way down his face.

"Me neither," She tells him. "But we're going to,"

* * *

"How did the world get so screwed up?" I ask quietly, curled into my mom as I lay next to her on the tiny hospital bed. Kelly, unwillingly I will admit, went back to his apartment, promising to come by my apartment tomorrow and Hank and Justin went out to get food, Camille requesting some real food, a smile on her face that I'm not sure how she conjures.

The events of the last few hours haven't really sunk in, not all the way at least. I've acknowledged them, but I haven't allowed myself to truly accept them. "Why do the worst things happen to the best people?"

"I don't know," She says, slowly stroking my hair. I feel like I'm sixteen again, laying on the couch watching some dumb movie with her. What I would give for that. "The universe has a funny way of working doesn't it?"

"This isn't funny Mom," I tell her. "At all,"

"I know," She says quietly.

"What am I going to do without you?" I ask her, trying to keep my flat out losing it again. "How do I live without you?"

"I don't know," She replies. "But I know you are going to be okay."

"How do you know that?" I respond, looking up at her with glassy eyes. "How can you say that?"

"Because I raised you," She says with a smile. "Because you are my girl and you are strong, and even though you might not recognize it right now, you are going to survive this."


	26. All She Could Do Was Cry

**I am sorry that I left you all hanging for so long, but sometimes life gets in the way and that is just the reality of things. I truly appreciate all the response that this story and I get so much joy from writing it, however this is never my first priority, that spot is always filled by school. That being said, I will try to update as often as I can, and "as often as I can" will change based on my life. So I appreciate your patience and I hope that you all enjoy chapter 26! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

 **JAY**

"I got it!" I hear from inside Erin apartment after I nervously ring the doorbell. It opens to reveal Hailey and I know I'm about to get my ass kicked.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She hisses, shutting the door behind her as she steps in the hallway, forcing me out with her.

"Is she okay?" I ask her.

"Of course not," She says with a scoff, "You know what you did to her,"

"I'm serious Hailey," I reply, "I saw her at the hospital yesterday, is she okay?"

"She's fine," She responds curtly. "It's her mom,"

"What happened to Camille?" I ask in a panic.

"You should talk to her." She says, not even showing an ounce of emotion as she stares me down.

"You know she won't talk to me,"

"You never know until you try," She says before stepping back into the apartment, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

* * *

"Hey Will," I ask as I sit at the counter as he cleans the dishes from dinner in the well lit kitchen, Natalie out of the house at tee ball practice with Owen. "Did you see Erin at the hospital the other night?"

"Yeah," He says shortly.

"Her mom right?" I ask him.

"Yeah," He responds.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"You know I can't tell you that," Will says, both of us well versed in HIPAA violations.

"Okay, fine. Just tell me this. Do I need to go see her?"

"I would yeah," He replies. "It's bad Jay,"

"How bad?" I ask.

"Let's just say that right now, whether either of you are willing to admit it or not, she needs you as much as you need her."

* * *

I lay nervously on the guest bed, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating all of my options. My phone is beside, fully charged, Erin's number just waiting inside. Natalie, Will, and Owen are all asleep, the house is quiet. It's just me and my mind.

I might as well call her, she probably won't pick up anyway. But what if she does? It doesn't matter, I have to do this. I should do this.

I take a deep breath as I hit the number below her name, holding it to my ear as the line trills.

"Jay?" I hear on the other end, her raspier usual voice greeting me.

"Erin," I say surprised, shocked that she even gave me the time of day.

"That's me," She says with a small little giggle. But it doesn't sound like her normal laugh, it's broken. Something broke her.

"I saw you at the hospital, I thought I should call." I say, purposely keeping my knowledge of the situation to myself. "Is everything okay?"

"No," She says curtly, "It's not okay."

"What happened?" I ask.

"It's my mom, she has cancer. A brain tumor. They can't do anything about it. She is going to die."

"Oh my God," I say quietly, it being so much worse than I ever could have imagined. "I'm coming over,"

"Jay don't," She replies.

"Erin, let me do this. You need someone right now and I'm here, let me be here for you."

"Okay,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Hi," I say, opening the door to see his face for the first time in what feels like forever. I'm not going to lie, no matter how mad I want to be at him, seeing his face feels good. Really good.

"I'm so sorry," He replies, not waiting to pull me into one of those amazing bear hugs that I adored.

"Thanks," I say, not quite knowing what else to say. I don't think it's really hit me. I mean I know that she's sick, I know she's dying. But I don't think I've been able to comprehend that one day I'll wake up and she just won't be here. A world without Camille just doesn't seem right, it doesn't make any sense.

"What do you need?" He says, pulling back.

"Just having someone here, it helps,"

"Then I'm here until you tell me to go,"

* * *

"So," Jay asks, the two of us sitting on opposite ends of the couch as I wrap myself in the blanket Camille knitted for me when I graduated high school. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I say with a sigh. "I can't just watch her die, but that's what she wants."  
"She's refusing treatment?" He asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "Doctors said it would only give her more time, she said that she doesn't want to spend the last little bit of her life in a hospital. She already had a seizure, I know it's going to get worse and I just don't know what to say to her. I feel awful because she's dying and she's still parenting me, trying to help me figure out how I'm going to get through all of this."

"She's your mom," He replies with a smile. "Did you really think that she was going to stop?"

"No," I respond with a grin. "I just wish I could make her feel better,"

"Do what I'm doing right now," He responds. "Just be there and let her know that you love her,"

"You love me?" I ask, looking up at him confused.

"I don't know I ever stopped," He tells me, stars in his eyes, "I just have to figure out how to earn that back from you," I want to tell him that he's on the right track, but I hold my tongue. Now is not the time, but him coming here, just to make sure I was okay, even after I told him not to, it spoke volumes.

"Can I tell you something?" I inquire.

"Anything," He responds.

"I had a scare, a little while after-" I start, my sentence trailing off. I don't really know how to address it. "Anyway, I thought I was pregnant,"

"Oh," He replies, not even trying to hide the shock on his face. "Wow okay,"

"But I wasn't," I quickly input. "So we're fine, we're okay,"

"What would you have done?" He asks, his inquiry nearly matching Hailey's after those endless three minutes in the bathroom.

"I don't know," I say. "Kept it probably,"

"Would you have told me?"

"I'd like to think that I would have," I tell him, feeling the strangest urge to curl into him.

"I would stayed, well come back I guess,"

"And maybe that's why I wouldn't have told you," I reply, "I wouldn't have wanted you to just come back for the baby,"

"C'mon, that's not fair Erin," He retorts.

"I know, but it's true," I confess, leading us into an uncomfortable silence. "It's getting late, you should head home,"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," I tell him softly, "I managed to survive before you came around,"

"I don't doubt it," He says with a small grin. "Are you going to the hospital tomorrow morning?"

"No," I tell him, "I got work, can't take any more time off. Plus my mom basically threatened me into going back,"

"Okay," He replies. "Call me if you need anything,"

"I will," I promise him, actually meaning it for the first time in a while. "Goodbye Jay,"

* * *

I wake up to the blaring of my alarm, the sky outside still dark and a number that begins with a five staring back at me from my bedside table. I don't want to go to work, I want to go see my mom or just curl into my covers and let them eat me alive. But life has to go on and this work is important, I know that. I have to go to work.

I forcefully pull myself out of bed, quickly shooting a text over to Hank to ask about how she's doing. He'll be awake, there's no way he's sleeping right now. He's watching her, making sure she doesn't stop breathing in her sleep. He won't sleep for weeks, that's just who he is.

I drag myself into the shower, only doing the bare minimum before brushing my teeth, blow drying my hair and putting on just enough makeup to get by.

I feel like I'm operating on autopilot, pulling a navy blue dress on that I've worn a hundred times. I feel I can't do this, not today. But I don't have a choice, this job is so much bigger than me, so I go.

* * *

"Hey," I hear, turning to hear Olivia calling my name, perfectly put together as always with a huge smile on her face.

"Hi," I say with a grin, her face always brightening even the worst of days.

"So," She says stopping next to me. "I heard you had a rough couple of days, but there is a Safe Haven baby that just got dropped at St. James'. Healthy baby girl, might be a little ray of sunshine. I can give her to Jake, but I thought I'd check with you first. You want to take the case?"

"Yeah," I tell her gratefully, a distraction. This is good.

"Alright, she's at Med. I'll call Maggie and tell her that I'm sending you over,"

"Thanks Liv," I call after her as the trots back over to her office.

"Anytime!"

* * *

"I'm here for the Safe Haven baby," I say as I walk into the ED of Chicago Med, a place I have come way too comfortable with in the past few months.

"She's in the nursery, you know where to go?" Maggie doubles checks before I nod over at her. It's nice to only have to go to the nursery, there's nothing wrong with this one. She's not addicted to drugs or born with fetal alcohol syndrome. She's healthy, she's going to find a family and she's going to be great. That's the best part of this job.

"We got a name for this little one?" I ask, walking into the nursery after going through the more than thorough hand washing regime.

"Nope," Emma responds, "Waiting for you,"

"Alrighty then," I say as I open a brand new file, writing the name Ainsley Camille James on the top of her sheet. "Welcome to the world Ainsley Camille, now let's get you home."

* * *

"You sure it isn't going to fall through this time?" Emily asks. After a very long day of making phone calls and sending emails, I finally have a set of prospective parents in the hospital with me. Emily and Marcus Wicks, a gracious couple who have had three failed adoptions through our system. I've got a feeling that this one is going to stick and it was a great joy for me to be able to make that phone call to them.

"I understand why you're nervous, and I can't make any promises," I tell her. "But I don't see any reason why it shouldn't. She's a Safe Haven baby, I don't foresee any issues, so she should be all yours,"

"Thank you," Marcus says, the look of desperation painted all over his face.

"It has been my pleasure," I assure him. "So I just have a few more things for you two to sign and then she will be all yours," I lay out the last of the paperwork and they quickly sign on the lines, their smiles growing wider by the second.

"Okay," I say, closing up their file. "I'll go get her," With that, I slip out of the hospital conference room and make my way down the sterile hallways to the nursery.

"She ready to go?" I ask Emma as I walk into the bright room.

"She's good to go. Peds just gave her the final write off, baby James is as healthy as can be," She says, swooping her out of the plastic bassinet and handing her off to me.

"That's good to hear," I reply, taking in that intoxicating baby smell.

"She's been discharged and I will send down a baby nurse in a little bit to go over the basics with the Wicks."

"Thank you," I respond, smiling down at the baby, who can't be more than a few days old. Holding her safely in my arms, I can't help but stare down at those bright blue eyes, almost the same color as Jay's. I hate that my head goes here, Would he have hazel eyes like me? Or would that baby be lucky enough to inherit those sapphire eyes? I don't want to think about this, we aren't even together and I have so many other things to worry about right now. I've never been this girl, but I just can't help it.

"Here we are," I declare as I walk into the room, the brand new baby in my arms, a smile painted on my face to cover up all the pain. "Emily and Marcus, I want you guys to meet Ainsley Camille,"

"She's beautiful," Emily says, a single tear streaming down her face as she stares down into those blue eyes. "Thank you so much,"

"No need," I say with a smile. "I'm going to give you guys a moment to get to know her, a baby nurse will be in a little while to go over the basics with you guys. I will see you in a few weeks for a home check, but she is all yours. Enjoy your little girl,"

* * *

Today was a good day. Today I gave a baby a home, today I prevented someone from maybe having to live the childhood that I was forced into that. That's good. Today was a success.

I know that, but as I sit in my car in the parking lot of St. Ignatius for yet another one of Justin's football games with a drizzle of rain hitting the windshield, all I can do is cry.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed! Please leave me a review if you did!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Addison**


	27. Stop the World

**Surprise! Here's another chapter! Don't expect me to keep us this pace, but enjoy it while it lasts!**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

I want to stop. I all I want to do is stop. I want to stop wanting him. I want my mom to stop dying. I want to stop crying. I need the world to stop.

Seemingly, I can't stop any of these things, so I do the one thing that I swore I would never do, I give in. With my tears falling harder than the rain, I turn the car out of the parking lot in much need of repair, though full of shiny sedans and I drive to the other side of town.

* * *

I sit in the front seat of my car, twisting and turning my pinkie ring around and around, watching the rain fall as sit down the street from Will and Natalie's townhouse. Like a psychopath.

I don't even know how I remembered where it was, I think he brought me here maybe once.

I am crazy, absolutely crazy. But I don't have control over anything else in my life right now, but I have this. So I'm going to do this. I take a deep breath before I pull the black umbrella out from glove compartment and I get out, my way too high navy blue stilettos splashing in the shallow puddles.

"Ma'am!" I hear as I approach the brick townhouse, a very big man in a black suit and sunglasses walking towards me. Seriously? Sunglasses? It's raining and almost dark outside, that seem hardly practical.  
"Yes sir," I say, wiping the tears from my cheeks and attempting to make myself look even mildly presentable.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Erin Lindsay," I say, not used to having to go through this. I'm used to having Jay on my arm, we flew through every single one of these security checkpoints. "I'm Jay's girl-" I stop myself. "It's complicated,"

"Well I can't let complicated through," He tells me, somehow seeming even taller. I mean I know I'm small but come on!

"Sir, if you'd just let me call Jay on my phone right now, you'd see that I'm perfectly fine to come inside!" I tell him, trying to not cross over the line into hysterical. That is really the last thing that any of us need.

"Ma'am. I'm going to need you to leave,"

"What's going on here?" I hear, looking up to see Antonio walking up behind me.

"Antonio!" I say gratefully, glancing over to the familiar face.

"You know this girl?" He asks, looking over at him.

"She's Firefly," Antonio informs him, looking more than a little annoyed that he had to get out of the car to come deal with me. "Sorry Erin, he's new,"

"It's fine," I say, stepping past the new Secret Service agent to join Antonio.

"What are you doing here Erin?" He asks as the two of us walk past the perimeter and towards the front porch.

"He's still staying here right?" I ask.

"Yeah," He replies. "But you didn't answer the question?"

"I am trying," I tell him. "I am trying to make it work,"

"Well," He says as we reach the bottom of the brick steps. "Between you and me, I hope you can do it. You're good for him."

"I've kind of been hearing that a lot today," I say with a smile. "And before I forget, what does Firefly mean?"

"That's a question for Jay," He responds with a wink. "He'll tell you when he's ready."

"Okay," I say with an eye roll, "Thanks again,"

"Anytime," He replies as I ring the doorbell. "I got your back girl,"

"Say hi to Atwater and Roman for me," I say before the door swings open to reveal Natalie standing in the doorway.

"Erin?" She says, looking surprised

"Is he here?" I ask her, noticing her son Owen hanging on her leg.

"C'mon in," . She says with a smile.

"Who are you?" Owen asks bluntly, looking up at me with those big brown eyes.

"My name is Erin," I say, holding out my delicate hand to shake his. "You know we've met before,"

"We have?" He exclaims, looking up at me questioningly. "I don't remember you,"

"Don't mind him," Natalie says with a laugh as he runs off towards the living room where I assume that Will is waiting for him. "He's upstairs,"

"Thanks Nat," I tell her gratefully, dropping my heels at the bottom of the stairs before running up the smooth wood steps.

"Nat who's there?" I hear Jay shout as he pokes his head out of their guestroom. "Erin?"

* * *

 **JAY**

"What are you doing here?" I ask, looking over at her. Never in a million years did I think that it would be her behind that door.

"I don't want to be mad anymore," She tells me, her bare feet moving towards me. "And I don't want to be scared anymore. I just want you Jay." Before I know what has even happened, she's crashed her lips into mine, pulling me back into the bedroom.

"Wait," I say, not wanting to say it as the words come out of my mouth. "We can't, Owen's here. We can't have sex in my brother's house."

"Yeah," She says, frowning over me. "I guess so,"

"Sorry," I tell her with a reluctant smile. "Do you want to talk? I know you haven't forgiven me."

"I'm working on it," She informs me. "And I don't want to talk right now, because if we talk we're going to fight. And I don't want to fight.  
"That's not healthy," I remind her.

"I don't care," She tells me. "We'll talk later. Not now. Right now, we are going to pretend that your sabbatical never happened. We are young and very pretty people and my life kind of sucks right now. I am standing in front of you as your very hot girlfriend who is for the moment forgiving all your wrongdoings so just say yes."

"Girlfriend huh?" I ask teasingly.

"Yes," She says with a smile. "Girlfriend,"

* * *

"You should go see your mom today," I say, the two of lying in the bed together. Nothing even happened between us last night, not that I didn't want to it to. But we controlled ourselves.

"I know," She replies, getting out the bed, dressed only in her underwear and an old Harvard t-shirt of mines. "It's just hard, I don't what to say to her. She's dying Jay,"

"Then you don't say anything," I say, pulling her back into bed with me, my actions met with a squeal. "Just be there for her, make sure she knows that you love her."

"Okay," She says with a sigh. "I never thought I'd be here."

"No one ever does," I tell her as I press a kiss to the side of her head. "But you'll make it through, you're strong Erin Lindsay. A hundred times stronger than me,"

"Oh shut up," She says, swatting me.

"You want breakfast?"

"Will it be weird, having me here?" She asks.

"Of course not," I reply. "Natalie loves you and Will has been telling me how stupid I was to have lost you about ten times a day,"

"I am a catch," She replies with a laugh.

"Get dressed," I tell her. "I'll start the coffee,"

"I can't believe I'm doing the walk of shame in front of your brother and his family,"

"Nothing shameful happened." I point out as I pull on a shirt.

"But the don't know that," She claims.

"They aren't going to care," I assure her. "Trust me, they're just going to be glad that we're back together." I pause. "We are back together aren't we?"

"Yeah," She mentions. "All in right?"

"All in," I assure her as I press a kiss to lips. "No more hiccups, no more breaks. You are it Erin."

* * *

"Seems like someone had fun last night," Will teases as I walk into the kitchen, a pot of coffee already on.

"Yeah," I reply vaguely. "It was a good night,"

"You guys figure your crap out?" He asks.

"No," I tell him. "But we're back together, we're going to figure it out along the way. "

"Is that really the smartest way to do things?" He questions.

"I don't know, but it's what she wants and I'm don't really have very much wiggle room right now do I?"

"Correct," He says, pouring me a cup of the dark bitter liquid that we all for some reason chose to enjoy. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you guys got it together. You are good for each other, you make each other better. And she's going to need you right now."

"I know," I said. "I'm going to take her to see her mom today,"

"You going to meet the parents?" He asks.

"I don't think so, not the right time." I tell him as I take a sip of the coffee. "You want breakfast?"

"You cooking?" He asks.

"Sure,"

"Then hell yeah," He replies as I start pulling bread, eggs, and milk out of the fridge.

"French toast?" I ask, turning back to him.

"Always," He says with a smile, knowing that it's our mom's recipe, one she taught to all of us kids.

"Should I make some for Owen and Nat too?" I ask as I grab a glass bowl of the cabinet.

"Sure," He replies. "Not sure when my lady will be up, but Owen will be down here screaming in twenty minutes or less."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Oh you are just full of surprises," I say with a laugh as I walk into the, some heavenly scent filling the house, still wearing last night's dress and my hair fashioned into somewhat of a respectable bun.

"There are still a ton you've yet to find out about," He says with a smile, giving me a small peck as he stands in front of the stove.

"Oh I look forward to it," I say, my face turning bright red as I notice Will sitting in the family room looking over at us. Of course he's here! It's his house. "Hi Will,"

"Hi Erin," He says with a chuckle before going back to the newspaper in front of him.

"You're still here?" I hear from behind us as Natalie walks into the kitchen, somehow looking perfectly put together at 8 AM on a Saturday morning.

"She's going to be around a lot more," Jay tells her with a smile.

"Good," She says looking over at me. "Welcome back to the club Erin."

* * *

"You sure you don't want to come in?" I ask, lingering outside of my car as Jay sits at the wheel.

"You need to do this on your own, I'll meet them another time. Go, I'll be here when you're down."

"Okay," I say, feeling more and more solid in the rash decision I made last night. It was definitely the right one. "Thanks for driving me over here,"

"Anytime babe," He tells me. I nod over at him before shutting the door behind me and looping my tote bag over my shoulder and shove all my fear to the side as I walk through the front entrance of the hospital. I'm thanking everything that I didn't end up seeing them last night, because showing up in the same dress two days in a row would most definitely raise some questions that I'm not sure I'm ready to answer.

"I'm here to see Camille Voight," I say, checking into the front desk of the oncology wing.

"Are you family?" The unfamiliar nurse asks.

"I'm her daughter," I tell her, thinking back to even a few years ago when my voice would waver at those words.

"She's in room 506, we're just getting ready to discharge her."

"Already?" I question, though not giving the nurse enough time to answer the question and I book it towards her room. I know Camille said that she didn't want to treat it, but I didn't think she'd be gone so fast. It's only been four days.

"Hey Mom," I say, walking into the sterile hospital room to see her curled up on the chair, peering out towards the window.

"Hey baby," She calls over to me with a smile, bright as always.

"Where's Dad?" I ask, looking aimlessly around the tiny room for his rash figure.

"He's just spending some time with Justin, he'll be here to take me home in a couple hours."

"Why are you going home so fast?" I ask her, tucking my legs under me as I take a perch on the cushioned window seat.

"I don't want to be here and there's no reason for me to," She tells me. "I want to go home, I want to sleep in my bed with your dad and go to Justin's football games."

"Are you sure you don't want to try to fight this? We'll get you the best doctors, I can get a list from Will,"

"Erin," She says, placing her hand on mine. "I've accepted this, I need you to work on that too."

"How can I just give up?"

"Hey," She says, wiping the tears from my cheeks in a way that only a mom can. "We're not giving up, we're living. And we are going to live until this tumor decides that I don't get to anymore. Okay?"

"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath as I try to keep the tears at bay. Try being the key word.

"And now we're not going to talk about it, we aren't going to talk about it until we really, really have to."

"Alright," I tell her, giving her a solemn smile.

"Now," She says with that smirk that I've seen so many times. "Stop those tears and tell me whose bed you slept in last night,"

"What?" I ask, more than a little shocked.

"C'mon Erin, no daughter of mine would show up in my hospital room at 10 AM in four inch stilettos. Give it up baby girl,"

"You really want to know?" I ask, somehow forcing a smile upon my face, a stray tear still finding its way down my cheeks.

"Hey Justin won't gossip with me. I didn't get a girl for nothing," She teases. "Hey I said no tears!"

"Sorry," I say, wiping the wetness away. "Jay actually?"

"As in Halstead?" She replies, furrowing her brow as she looks over at me in surprise.

"Yeah," I say sheepishly.

"Okay," She says, treading carefully.

"You don't think I'm doing the right thing," I say, trying to read her facial expressions.

"I didn't say that," She retorts, "It's just he hurt you, he hurt badly Erin."

"I know, but life's short and I don't want to hold a grudge."

"Okay then," She replies with a reluctant smile. "Just answer me this, are you happy?" I don't even hesitate before answering.

"The happiest."

* * *

 **Hope you guys liked chapter 27!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	28. Inching Towards Peace

**ERIN**

" _Okay then," She replies with a reluctant smile. "Just answer me this, are you happy?"_

" _The happiest."_

"Can I meet him?" She asks me, looking right through me with those green eyes.

"Yeah," I say with a smile. "He's actually downstairs right now,"

"Really?" She asks, smiling over at me. "He's really trying to make this work isn't he?"

"Yeah," I tell her with a grin as big as the world, "I was going to bring him up here with me originally, but he wanted to give the two of us some time to talk."

"Then he's already got points with me." She starts, "But maybe bring him up here now? It might be better to ease him into the whole meet the parents thing with me before we stick your father on him."

"Good idea, but we could we not talk about his sabbatical, we're trying to work through it," I reply.

"That's what we're calling it?" Sh says, rolling her eyes at me and scoffing.

"Mom please," I pester, looking sternly over at her.

"Fine," She concedes, "For now,"

"Thank you," I say with a grateful sigh, "I'll go get him then," I have a newfound sense of hope in my heart. I still don't think I've accepted her prognosis or her decision, I probably won't. But slowly, I'm inching towards peace.

* * *

JAY

"I'm excited to meet the infamous Camille," I tell Erin with a smile as we walk down the hallway towards her room.

"She is very thrilled to meet you," She informs me, looping her arm through my elbow. "I'm not sticking my dad on you just yet, so this should be easy."

"Oh easy," I say with a mocking scoff.

"I don't understand why you're so nervous," She teases. "You stuck the entire First Family on me on the same night,"

"Well you are the love of my life," I say looking down at her, wishing that I had realized it sooner and maybe done something about it, "That's a pretty big deal babe,"

"You're sweet," She says, stretching her neck to give me a soft kiss on the cheek. "And she's going to love you,"

"You better be right," I tease as she pushes open the door into a hospital room flooded with sun.

"Hey Mama," She calls as she waltzes me over to the bubbly blonde woman in the corner of the room.

"You're back!" She exclaims, pulling Erin into a tight hug, her hand ripped from mine and no signs of cancer even peaking through. "And you brought company,"

"Mama you told me to," Erin tells her with a roll of the eyes.

"I know," She says with a musical laugh, "I'm just teasing, get over her Jay,"

"It's very nice to meet you," I say, holding my hand out to shake hers, before she pulls me into a hug, more than shocking me as I watch Erin giggle behind me, trying to hide it with a hand over her mouth.

"She's a hugger," She mouths as the surprise melts off my face.

* * *

"She's wonderful," I tell Erin, her arm looped through mine as we walk through the lobby of Chicago Med.

"I know," She says with a solemn smile, "I got really lucky with her, with the whole family really."

"I'm sorry that she got sick," I say, staring off to the bustle of the streets.

"Me too," She replies unable to look me in the eyes.

"Hey, I know this is a sucky situation, but I think I have something that might cheer you up, even just for a minute,"

"What do you got?" She asks, looking up at me with a smile that I know is forced.

"An appointment with a realtor, finally going to get out of Will and Natalie's place," I tell her with a grin. "Want to tag along? I can drop you off at your place afterwards,"

"That sounds perfect," She says, reaching up to kiss me with those gorgeous lips, both of us grateful for the distraction.

* * *

ERIN

"We've got two bedrooms and two bathrooms, there's hardwood floors throughout and a wonderful view of the river, and it's in a great neighborhood." The peppy blonde realtor whose name I've already forgotten points out. This feels all too domestic. I know it's going to be his place, but just being here, it's weird, a bag hanging on one of my arms and the other slipped around Jay's.

"It's beautiful," Jay tells her, "What do you think babe?"

"I like it," I tell him, "But it's your apartment, not mine,"

"If I play my cards right, you'll be here just as much as I am,"

"You're on the right track Halstead," I say with a wink, squishing a piece of mint gum between my teeth.

"Good to know," He replies, smiling over at me.

"Okay then," The realtor squawks, annoying me as she pulls me out of our trance like state. "Shall we look at the bedrooms?"

"Sure," He tells me. "Where the fun really happens," I can't help but roll my eyes at him as she leads us into a large, well lit room, dark exposed beams lining the ceiling and the flow of the river gleaming outside the huge picture window.

"This is gorgeous," I whisper in his ear, taking in the view in front of me.

"I know," He affirms. "Rachel," That's her name! "I'll take it,"

"Really?" She exclaims, shock on her face that she's not even trying to hide.

"Really?" I ask, repeating her sentiment as I look over at him. "Already?"

"Yeah, what's life without a few risks?" He whispers as he presses a kiss to my lips.

"Have you checked your finances yet?" I ask him, always concerned about the logistical side of things.

"It's not an issue," He tells me quietly, peaking my curiosity. We've never really talked about money and I assumed his family had some, I mean his mother is the President. But not even having to check a bank account? That's not normal. But none of this is even in the atmosphere of normal.

"Okay, I'll let the seller know that you're interested. Stop by the office later today and we can put together and offer,"

"Sounds perfect,"

* * *

"I don't know Erin," Kim says over the phone as I sprawl out on my bed, her advice something that I've needed for a very long time. I banned the subject of Camille though, we can talk about anything else but that. I'm not ready yet. "He told you that he was all in last time,"

"I know," I say, almost not wanting her too pull me back to reality.

"He makes rash decisions," She replies, being just informed of the whole apartment situation that went down this morning.

"You think that I'm one of them?" I ask her, hurt by the indication.

"Maybe," She tells me, not willing to beat around the bush. "I want you to be happy Erin, I really do. I love you, you know this. And I don't want you to get hurt again. Baby he broke you and I don't want to have to put you back together again."

"Kim it's not like I want that either," I push in.

"Then why are you doing this again?" She asks me.

"I don't know, I know that I said I never would, but I just, I have to Kim. You know?" I try to explain, not even sure myself where I'm going with this.

"Okay," She says, seemingly giving up on the conversation. "All I can say is that if you fall, though I don't want you to, I will be here to catch you. Okay?"

"Okay," I say, tears brimming my eyes as all the emotions of the past few days bubble to the surface, quickly wiping my eyes, "Okay, I have to go, I have work tomorrow,"

"Alright, bye lady. I'll talk to you soon,"

"Talk to you soon, love you,"

"Love you too," She says before hanging up the phone. I don't know if I feel better or worse after that conversation. But what I do know is that it's way to late and I have to be up much earlier than I'd like to tomorrow morning. Even if something happens to make my world stop, the rest of globe just keeps on spinning.

* * *

Oh good Lord it's too early, the sun much too bright for this early hour. If I'm being honest, the promise of coffee as I do my hair is really the only thing keeping me going at this point. I press the last few strands of my hair straight and brush on the only makeup look that I've perfected in my short tenure of actually wearing it. Then, I slip into a pantsuit that my fifteen year old self would fall over laughing to see me in. Then, coffee finally.

As I turn on the coffee pot, I flick on the TV to the morning news and nearly drop the Bowman mug in my hand when I see me splashed across the screen, held in Jay's arms. I can't help but giggle at something that would have sent me into a full fledged panic before. I also feel my heart wince as I notice the knee length green dress that I'm wearing in the photo, my only public appearance with Jay, the night that I almost lost him and Maddie left us forever. But I quickly suppress it, I don't want to think about it, not today, I can't. So I turn my attention back to whatever bullshit this random woman is about to spout.

"The romance between President Halstead's son Jay and the mystery girl who popped up in Santa Barbara about six months ago Erin Lindsay, seems to be back on again after a lengthy break!" Well she's not wrong about that. "The couple seems to be moving fast," She continues, moving to a paparazzi photo of me and Jay standing outside that apartment in the West Loop yesterday. I start to giggle as I know exactly what she's going to say next. "The two lovebirds seem to be moving at a rapid speed, as they were seen browsing an apartment together in Chicago's West Loop neighborhood," I roll my eyes, switching to a channel with actual news as she continues on her spiel. It's weird, I've seen my face in papers and magazines before, online all the time when we first got together, but the fact that someone actually used their screen time to talk about me? It's bizarre.

* * *

"Hey lady," I hear, looking up from my laptop to see Olivia peeping her head into my office, looking as obnoxiously put together as always. "How are you feeling?" I shot her a quick text while I was out, just telling her why I'd be gone for a day or two and I knew that this was coming.

"Not great, but the world keeps spinning right?" I tell her, trying to force a smile. In the past few months, Olivia has become invaluable to me, not only as a coworker, but as a wonderful friend. Don't get me wrong, I love Kim and Hailey with all of my heart, but they don't know boundaries and unsolicited advice is abundant. Olivia is easy and sometimes that was all I needed.

"Well, do you want to grab a drink tonight? There's a happy hour at O'Malley's?" She asks.

"I would love to, but I'm actually going to dinner at my parents place, Dad's grilling,"

"Oh well, don't miss that," She says, knowing what Hank can do on a grill remembering the steaks that Hank made when I brought her over for a family barbeque over the summer.

"But rain check?"

"Next Tuesday?" She asks.

"Sounds good," I reply as she slips out, an email popping up in my inbox with a name as the subject line, Nina Collins. That only means one thing, I've got a case. I quickly read through the email, noticing the pick up as Taft High School, a wave of relief washing over me because at least I know that she's safe. So I grab my bag and hit the road.

* * *

"Erin Lindsay," I say, presenting my badge to the front office of the William Howard Taft High School, "I'm with DCFS," I'm a little nervous, Nina's file said that she was 15 years old, which is nearly ten years older than the kids that I normally work with. Not saying that their lives have been any easier, but they're five, six, seven years and they're easier for me to handle. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into here.

"Yes of course," She says with a kind smile and a heavy Midwestern accent. "Ms. Collins is waiting for you with one of our counselors, I'd be happy to walk you down to Mrs. Westfall's office."

"That would be wonderful, thank you," I say, the plump woman beginning to lead me through the fluorescent, linoleum hallways of Taft High School, colorful murals swirling across the once white cinderblock walls.

"Here we are," She says, pushing open a heavy wooden door to reveal a small carpeted office, the walls covered in inspirational posters with tacky sayings. I notice a petite woman, sitting stiffly behind a desk with her blonde hair perfectly coiffed. Then as I move my eyes, I notice a skinny brunette with huge bags under her eyes and I have to do a double take because she's me. She is me before Hank.

* * *

 **I am very sorry about the long wait between these chapters, honestly I can't even remember when I last posted, but unfortunately I think that this will be the norm from now on as my summer isn't going to be any less busy than my school year. However I am in Chicago for the next month and I'm hoping I'll get some more inspiration to write and please know that I haven't given up on this story, it's just been taking me a little longer to write it. Thank you for reading and please review!**

 **-Addie**


	29. Nina

**Thank you for all your reviews on the last chapter! It only took me a day to write this chapter, but I don't think that it's going to stick, so I thank you again for continuing to be patient with me. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy chapter 29!**

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Are you just going to stare at me?" Nina snaps over at me as my eyes scan her tiny body clad only in a t-shirt, a few small holes doting the hem. This is so strange. I'm looking at myself, her voice even carries the same rasp that mine does. It is incredible.

"Sorry," I say pulling myself out of my trance. "My name is Erin Lindsay, I'm your new social worker,"

"Thank you for coming so quickly," Mrs. Westfall tells me, her soft voice slicing through the tension. "Why don't you sit down Ms. Lindsay,"

"Erin please," I say, taking the empty chair in front of her desk, right next to Nina.

"Then call me Laura," She replies with a shiny white smile.

"Yes and I'm Nina can we get this over with please?" She says sarcastically, further conjuring up an image of my teenage self.

"Let me get you caught up to speed," Laura tells me, ignoring Nina's sentiments.

"Of course," I say, taking out the thin file that I have on Nina and a blank legal pad.

"Nina would you like to step out for this?" Laura asks her.

"I lived through it," She says sassily, "I'm going to be embarrassed hearing you talk about it,"

"Okay then," She says, flipping open quite a large file. "We have had a very long history of behavioral problems with Nina, fighting, being disrespectful to teachers, she skips more classes than she attends, the list goes on,"

"Why was I called?" I ask. "I'm sorry I got a very limited email only about an hour ago,"

"That's okay," She replies. Laura seems like a woman who would never get mad. I don't get that, I admire it, but I don't know how she does it. "Last night Nina's mother, Jamie Williamson was taken into custody for distribution of a controlled substance," I take mental note of the name, giving myself a quick reminder to ask Hank about it later.

"Meth," Nina fills in. "She's a meth dealer," Damn. That's four years minimum if she's convicted and Nina will be at least 19 when she gets out. I've begun making a list in my head, Nina's a fifteen year old with behavioral issues. It's hard enough to place a teenager, let alone with what's she been though, it's going to be a hard sell. But I just have to remember, she's me. She just needs someone to believe in her, like Hank believed in me.

* * *

"What in the hell are we doing here?" Nina yells as we pull up to the 21st District. I'm really hoping that Hank's not here, that he's home with Mom, but I happen to know that there's a certain desk sergeant who may or may not adore me.

"I'm just running an errand don't worry," I say, "But you're coming in,"

"Like hell am I," She says with a scoff.

"You think I trust you to sit in my car and not book it out of here? No. Let's go,"

"Fine," She says with a groan and a roll of the eyes so dramatic it looks like her eyes might get stuck back there. I have to try really hard not to do the same as the two of us walk up the concrete steps of the district. I have to hold back a smile, realizing that I did the exact same thing with Hank tailing my ass.

"Erin!" Trudy calls from behind the desk. "Your dad's not here,"

"I know," I say, a sense of relief falling over me. "Sit down," I order, turning around to face Nina. She rolls her eyes at me once again before plopping herself down on one of the infamously uncomfortable chairs in the lobby, her backpack slumping down on the floor next to her.

"What's with the stray?" Trudy asks once I'm close enough to whisper.

"Work," I tell her with small smile. "And that's also why I'm here, I need a favor,"

"What's up?"

"Can you run on search for me?"

"On who?" She asks, putting her glasses on her nose and looking down towards her computer.

"Jamie Williamson," I say quietly, glancing back to make sure that Nina's not paying attention. "Meth dealing, should have come in last night,"

"Yeah I got it," She says, not taking her eyes off the screen as she scrolls through the record.

"Can you tell me how much?"

"Tell me why you care," She combats.

"The kid's mom," I say gesturing back towards her.

"Oh that's rough," She tells me. "She has 60 grams on her,"

"Damn it," I say, knowing that she'll be put away until Nina's 21st birthday. "How good is your case?"

"Watertight," She replies. "And she's got a public defender so there's no way she's getting out of this,"

"Okay," I say with a sigh. "Thanks,"

"Anytime kiddo, glad to have you back in the city," She says, reaching across the counter and giving me a maternal squeeze on the shoulder. "Say hi to your mom for me. I know it's been rough,"

"I will," I tell her, "Thanks." She nods, giving me a solemn smile as I turn back to face Nina.

"Are we done here?" She asks, the annoyance clear in her voice.

"Yes," I tell her with an eye roll.

"Where are we going now?" She asks, sulking behind me and reminding me of an overtired toddler.

"My office," I tell her, my patience with her attitude running thin, "I have to find a place to put you,"

* * *

"Okay," I say with a sigh, crossing another group home off my list. "Thank you for your time," Another group home and another no. I knew that this was going to be a long shot, these houses are almost always full and as I suspected, no one wants to take the 15 year old daughter of convicted drug dealer. Not that they know her mother's past, but it's often the assumption in cases like these. And I don't blame them, most parents want to have anything remotely related to drugs anywhere near their homes, especially if they have other kids.

"Another no?" Nina asks, scrunched up on the tiny couch under the window in my office. As she's been sitting here, I hesitate to say bonded, but we've been getting along better than I thought we would. When she's not snapping at you or being incredibly bitter, she's fun to talk to, a sharp tongue with a dry sense of humor, reminding me a little of Leslie.

"How'd you guess?" I say, refraining from slamming the phone back onto the register. The time is ticking towards 6 PM and I know that I'm running out of time and I'm even quicker running out of options.

"Just lucky," She says, getting up as wandering around my tiny blue office. "Who the hell is that?" She asks, pointing to a frame sitting on the windowsill of me and Jay, probably taken by Atwater on the shores of the Potomac River. It was taken before everything happened, but I never took it down.

"That's my boyfriend," I tell her, knowing exactly what's coming next.

"Oh my God you're her," She says, disbelief in her words.

"Yeah," I say, disappointed that she figured it out so quick. The majority of my kids are so much younger than her, they don't who he is. But I know that this will change things. She scoffs and shakes her head laughing.

"What?" I ask.

"I don't want to be your charity case," She tells me.

"What are you talking about?" I ask her. That's not the reaction I was expecting.

"You're her. You are the girlfriend of the son of arguably the most powerful person in the world. Yet you're here with me. What do you do this job to make you feel good about yourself? Because you feel bad for us?"

"No," I tell her, ready to throw my hands in the air. I really thought that I was making progress with her, but I guess no. "And you have no idea who I am or why I'm here,"

"Then why don't you tell me," She says with a scoff. "Prove it to me that you're not sitting there in your fancy little office chair and judging the hell out of me and my mom."

"You really want to do this?" I tell her, crossing my legs and staring her down.

"Uh huh," She replies, not breaking her stare.

"Okay then," I respond, ready to begin. "I wasn't even born Erin Lindsay. I had to change it because I was outrunning an old boyfriend who wanted to kill me. I met him because he was my dealer who I met through my mom, who's been addicted to drugs my entire life. I don't know who my father is and I have a baby brother named Teddy. I haven't seen him in eight years and I don't know where he is. I'm not a blue blood and I don't even know why Jay chose me. I am just like you and somebody decided to roll the dice on me and help me get out. That's why I am here, to help you get out. Now are you ready to apologize to me?"

"Sorry," She says softly, her cheeks flushing a deep red.

"I know you are," I tell her, more than willing to move past it, knowing that I've earned her respect."Now let's figure this out okay?

"Okay," She replies quietly. And with that, we put the conversation to sleep and we move on.

"I just don't know who else to call," I say, the frustration reminding me of my first week on the job with that little boy, Tate. But I got a happy ending there, finally. But with Nina, I've hit a dead end.

"It's okay," She replies with a sigh, "I'm used to being left behind." She's not looking for pity, that pain in her eyes, it's real and all to familiar. So right then and there, is when I make a decision.

"Grab your stuff," I say with a sigh, not knowing yet if I'm going to regret this. Nina is like a ticking time bomb, I never know when she's going to go off and how big the explosion is going to be. That scares me.

"What why?" She asks.

"You're coming home with me."

* * *

 **JAY**

"Hey babe," I say as I twist the lock in the key, pushing open her front door, a motion I've become familiar with. As the small apartment falls into my view, I'm surprised to spot a skinny teenager on my girlfriends couch. "You're not Erin,"

"No," She says with a smirk. "And you're Jay Halstead,"

"Yeah," I say with an uncomfortable laugh. "And who are you?"

"Oh crap!" Erin mutters as she walks out from the bedroom. "Sorry, I was going to text you, I totally forgot,"

"It's okay," I tell her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, keeping my wide eyes on the girl the entire time. "You seem like you have a lot going on over here,"

"Yeah," She says breathlessly. "This is Nina, she's my newest case," Nina waves over at me with a sassy smile.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I ask her. "In private,"

"'Yeah," She replies, grabbing my bicep and pulling me into her bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind me.

"Explain please?" I ask, safely out of Nina's earshot. "Why is there a teenager on your couch?"

"She didn't have anywhere else to go. I tried everywhere and there just wasn't a place to put her. So I took her."

"Babe," I say with a shake of my head, "I love how dedicated you are and how much you care for these kids, but you don't always have to bring your work home with you. Think about it, how many other social workers do this?"

"Other social workers don't have my past," She points out. "They just need someone to give them a chance. So I'm giving them a chance."

"Er-" I start.

"She reminds me of me." She interjects. "And I couldn't just leave her. Besides, it's only temporary,"

"What does that mean?" I ask her.

"Honestly," She replies, "I don't know."

* * *

 **I know the ending is a little odd and if I'm being honest I didn't really edit this for grammar, so forgive any mistakes. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed and please review!**

 **-Addie**


	30. Wednesday Night Dinners

JAY

"So what's the plan here Erin?" I ask her. I don't want to be mad. I know that I can't know what's going through her head, but I can't help but worry about her. Her mom has cancer, terminal cancer and she doesn't need anything else on her plate right now, especially a 15 year old girl coming out of the system.

"I don't know Jay," She tells me, running her hands through her hair in frustration, "It was a snap decision, I didn't know what else to do."

"Erin you don't need this on your plate right now, especially with everything else going on."

"Jay I'm sorry, I know you are trying here. But you didn't have my childhood or Nina's so you can't possibly know what I feel like right now. You were privileged and that's not your fault, but you never had to worry about where you were going to be sleeping that night. I don't want her to have to worry about that, so either get on board or get out," I sigh quietly. I know that I shouldn't fight this, we're still on shaky ground and whether I like it or not, I have to support her right now. I lean forward a press a kiss to her forehead as I feel her body relax into mine.

"Whatever you need," I tell her softly, "I'm here for you."

"Thank you," She says, the fire in her voice gone. "I love you,"

"I love you too," I say. "Do you want me to go?"

"No, no," She assures me quickly. "Stay,"

"Okay," I tell her as we stand there for another second, "And I forgot to tell you, the date for Will and Natalie's wedding is back on and you are invited, do you want to come?"

"Yes," She says with a smile, "Of course, when is it?"

"November 1st at the Drake Hotel, it's coming up,"

"I will be there," She tells me with a gleam in her eyes. "Now I know that I told you that I love you and that I want you to stay, but will you please go get some take out? I really do not feel like cooking right now,"

"Of course," I tell her. "What do you want?"

"Thai?" She puts out, "I'll have to check with Nina first, but are you good with that?"

"Yeah," I tell her. "That place on State right?" She nods as she leads me out of her bedroom.

"Nina?" She asks.

"What?" The teen replies as Nina looks up from her phone. I can tell the response annoyed Erin, but I also know that she won't use the energy to respond to it.

"Do you like Thai food?" She asks her.

"I guess so," She replies. "I've never really had it before,"

"Oh okay," Erin replies, slightly taken aback. "Well you up for trying something new?"

"Sure," She replies.

"So what should I get her?" I ask as Erin turns back around to face me.

"Pad Thai?" She says unsurely. "Everybody likes pad thai right?"

"I guess?" I question, looking back at her. "But she's going to like it or she won't,"

"Yeah," Erin replies softly. "Can I have that thing with the wide noodles and the broccoli?"

"Yes," I say with a laugh, knowing exactly what she's talking about and also knowing that she can never remember the name of it. "I'll be back in twenty,"

* * *

ERIN

"C'mon," I tell Nina, waving her over towards the spare bedroom that has been vacant since I move here three months ago.

"Huh?" She says looking over at me. We haven't talked much since we got here maybe twenty minutes ago, she's just been sitting quietly on the couch, her feet tucked underneath her.

"Grab your stuff," I say, grabbing one of the garbage bags that we packed up at her apartment that we stopped at after we left the office. She didn't let me inside her room and I didn't ask why, but she came out of there with two trash bags full of her clothes, a sight that I've seen too many times in my line of work.

"I have my own room?" She asks as we walk into the small bedroom, the double bed and the dresser on the wall taking up nearly all of the floor space.

"Yeah," I say looking over at her. I recognize the shock in her voice, I did the same thing when Hank took me upstairs. I'd never had my own room and I'm going to bet that she hasn't either. "The dresser is empty so you can put your stuff in it,"

"Thanks," She says, her eyes turning a rosy red as she sets the two black bags down on the floor.

"Alright," I say as I sit down behind her. "I'm happy to have you here, but there are going to be ground rules,"

"Like what?" She asks, turning around to look at me and pausing from loading her clothes into the dresser.

"You have a curfew," I tell her.

"A what now?"

"A curfew," I repeat again. I'm really flying by the seat of my pants here. I've never raised a teenager, I'm barely an adult. I would call my mom about this, I call my mom about everything. But I can't call her about this, not right now. "9 o'clock on weekdays, 11 on weekends," I can tell she looks like she's about to push back, but she stops herself.

"Okay," She agrees reluctantly. "What else?"

"Dinner, every Wednesday night at 7, I expect you to be here for that." I tell her. I don't know where that came from, I pulled it out of my ass, but I remember how important it is to create a routine, or something like that. "You can go to your friends houses or whatever on other nights, but Wednesday, you will be here."

"Okay," She agrees again.

"Last," I tell her, "No skipping school," I know that this will be hard for her, it was for me. But I wanted out, so I did whatever I needed to do to make that happen and I'm hoping that she'll be the same way.

"Are you serious?" She asks, looking up at me with those blue eyes wide. "Erin everyone skips school,"

"Well now you don't," I tell her sternly. "I'm not willing to budge on any of these, my house, my rules."

"Is that it?" She asks, seeming a little annoyed at this point.

"Yes," I tell her, "That is it." I give her a tiny rub on the shoulders before leaving her to her own devices. I don't know how far I'm allowed to go. I'm not her mom, I'm not even her foster parent. I put myself in this situation and I don't even know what I am. Maybe Jay was right, that I shouldn't have done this. But I'm here, I said yes, so I have to try.

* * *

"Should I wake her up?" I ask Jay as we linger in the kitchen, the smell of coffee filling the air. I really struggled with the decision to let him stay over last night. It wasn't like I was going to do anything with Nina in the apartment, but it still felt weird having him here with her, at least on the first night. But I ended up giving in, mostly I think because I didn't want to have to deal with this by myself.

"I don't know," He tells me. "You want to get her to school on time right?"

"I have to go wake her up right?" I say with a groan.

"Yeah," He says with a chuckle, "You do,"

"Let's hope she's not a cranky morning person," I say with a groan. I got up really early today and by default, so did Jay. I wanted to get myself ready before I even got Nina up, making sure that I could dedicate this whole morning to her.

"Oh before I forget," He tells me, grabbing my hand and pulling me back towards him. "I told Natalie that you're coming to the wedding and she told me to find a date that you're available to sit down with the designer."

"I'm sorry what?" I ask him, looking a little more than shellshocked. "Designer?"

"Audrey Spencer?" He tells me, "I didn't recognize the name,"

"You've got to be shitting me," I say, the glee in my voice matching that a young child.

"What?" He asks me cluelessly.

"I love her, her clothes are amazing," I tell him breathlessly. "But why am I sitting down with her?"

"Oh," He tells me. "Natalie made a deal with her, she's making her dress and all the bridesmaids dresses. It's a good deal, they get free dresses and Audrey gets a hell of a lot of free publicity,"

"I'm not a bridesmaid," I remind him.

"No you're not," He says with a smile. "But she has a showroom here in Chicago and she offered to let you pick out a dress,"

"You're kidding me," I say with a huge smile.

"Er," He tells me with a grin, "This is the American equivalent of a royal wedding, do you remember the news coverage of Abby and Graham's wedding? It's a big deal, there's been more than a few designers trying to get their clothes on you guys,"

"Since when did I start counting?" I say with a chuckle before taking another sip of my coffee.

"Good Morning America is when the calls starting coming in," He says with a wink, as I roll my eyes at the memory of that god awful segment yesterday. But really? That was less than 24 hours ago! I guess the world moves faster than I thought it did.

"Okay," I say pushing myself out of that wonderful dress induced dream that is apparently a reality. "I'm going to go get Nina,"

"Good luck," He calls after me as I drag my feet towards the closed door.

"Nina?" I say, knocking on the thick wooden door. I wait aher few seconds before rethinking my approach. I take a deep breath before opening the door. I breathe a sigh of relief as I realize that she's still in the bed, her long brown hair splayed out over the pillow as she starfishes across the entire bed.

"Nina," I say again, gently shaking her shoulder, trying to tread lightly as I still don't really know my place here. She replies with a slight groan. "C'mon," I urge. "Time for school,"

"Already?" She says with another groan, "It's too early,"

"It's 7," I tell her, "I already let you sleep in long enough."

"Fine," She replies, another groan almost twice as long this time. I have to stop myself from chuckling, knowing that I was probably twice as bad when I was 15.

"I want you dressed in the kitchen in ten minutes," I tell her, "We're leaving at 7:30," And with that I walk out, vowing to myself to check back in five minutes to make sure that she's actually moving.

"You got over the first hurdle," Jay says as I walk back into the kitchen.

"Now we just have to see if she actually gets up," I say with a groan.

"She will," He says as he rubs my shoulder. "I know I said I was against this last night and I still might be, but I'm proud of you for doing this. You're doing something really great for her,"

"I know," I say, looking up at him. "Also, my parents invited me over for dinner tomorrow night, do you want to come?"

"Are you going to bring the kid?" He asks me.

"I think so," I say, "I told her that she had to be home for dinner every night at 7, so I guess I'm taking her with me."

"Good," He says with a smile. "Hopefully that'll take some of the heat off of me,"

"My mom liked you," I reassure him.

"Oh I'm not worried about your mom," He says with a laugh, "But your dad, I'm scared shitless,"

"He's not that bad," I tell him. "Just be respectful and nice, you'll be fine."

"I'm having a hard time believing you, but I'll be there,"

"Good," I say, giving him a kiss on the cheek and pouring myself another cup of coffee. God knows that I'm going to need it to get me through the rest of this day. "Nina you better not still be in that bed!" I call over towards her room.

"I'm up, I'm up!" She calls back, her voice thick with sleep as I hear her feet hit the wooden floors.

"Let's hustle!" I call back to her.

"I'm going!" She yells back at me.

"Welcome to motherhood," Jay teases from across the island.

"Stop that," I tell him, shooting him a glare before grabbing a carton of strawberries from the fridge. I have no clue what she likes to eat, she seemed to like the pad thai last night, though that doesn't help me at all right now. Everyone likes strawberries and I haven't ever met a person who doesn't like bread or butter, so I'm hoping that toast and fruit is a solid bet.

"When are you starting work again?" I ask Jay as I wash off a few of the berries, grabbing a knife from the drawer next to me, slamming it shut with my hip and pulling a cutting board from the cabinet above me.

"Thursday," Jay tells me as I set everything down, twisting open the bag of bread and popping two slices into my toaster.

"Where's the office?" I ask him, cutting the tops off the berries.

"The Loop, corner of Michigan and Adams," He tells me.

"Good location," I reply, very much focused on making this breakfast at least mediocre. I already ate, it was just banana and a cup of coffee, but that's pretty usual for me.

"Yeah, but I think I'll probably be out of the office most days, doing meetings with clients all over the city."

"That'll be fun though," I offer, "you love it here and you haven't gotten to live back here in awhile, you'll get to hang out all over the city,"

"Yeah and work," He says with a laugh. "But I'm lucky they even hired me."

"They're lucky to have you," I assure him.

"Oh course you would say that," He says with a smirk as slide the sliced berries onto a plate, waiting for the toast to pop up. Jay and I continue to make small talk and drink coffee as I finish up Nina's breakfast, waiting impatiently for her to show her face.

"Well good morning sunshine," Jay says with a chuckle as Nina walks into the room, wearing a pair of cut off jean shorts and plain white t-shirt, a pair of worn red converse adoring her feet.

"Breakfast," I say, pushing a plate towards her spot at the counter as she awkwardly toys with the hem of her t-shirt.

"You made me breakfast?" She asks looking up at me surprised.

"Yeah," I say with a smile. I don't know how long she's going to be here, but I know that she's been through the ringer, so if I can make things better for her, I'm going to do it.


	31. Good

ERIN

"Have a good day," I call from the driver's side of the 300, trying to keep a grin off my face as I watch Nina's cheeks flush at the comment. "What time are you done?"

"School's out at 3:30, but I have to take a test after school, I should be done around 5,"

"Alright," I tell her, making a mental note of the hour. "I'll swing by and pick you up, just text me when you're done,"

"You really don't have to do that," She assures me. "I can find my way back to the apartment."

"Nina stop," I tell her. "I'll be here okay?"

"Okay," She says, looking back at me with an unsure smile. "I'll see you later,"

"See you later," I say as she closes the doors and I roll away, not oblivious to the dozens of sets of eyes on her as she walks through the front doors. I remember being in high school, news travels fast and it's more than likely that they all know what went down just a couple days ago.

* * *

"How's the kid?" Olivia asks, a cup of coffee clasped between her hands as she spends her few free minutes debriefing in my office. "How are you?"

"It's going interestingly," I comment slowly. "Jay's worried about me,"

"Why?" She asks, taking another sip of the bitter dark liquid.

"He's worried that I'm taking my work home, not savoring my twenties I guess."

"Well," She adds, "I can't say that I haven't had the same worries about you,"

"You have?" I ask. "You haven't said anything,"

"I didn't think it was my place," She replies softly.

"It's not forever," I assure her. "It's just until I can find her a placement."

"Alright," She responds, knowing that she's treading on unsteady ground. "Just be careful okay?"

"Okay," I tell her, "Go get to work, Joe's going to get pissed,"

"Please," She says with a scoff, "He would never,"

"Go," I say with a laugh, getting back to the overwhelming stack of paperwork in front of me, grateful for a distraction from the rest of my life.

* * *

 **JAY**

I sit in the front seat of my car, adjusting my tie in the tiny rear view mirror for the tenth time, before taking a breath, and grabbing the briefcase out of the passenger seat. I reluctantly hop out of the driver's seat, struggling to navigate the maze of a parking garage below the firm's Michigan Avenue office.

I carefully call for the elevator, illuminating the perimeter of the the round silver button and wait less than patiently, the toe of my shoe involuntarily and anxiously tapping against the concrete floor.

I legitimately thought about applying for this job under my mom's maiden name, hoping that for once, I would get a job on my merits and not my name. But I would walk in the first day and that secret would be out, so I'm stuck. Not that it's the worst place to be.

I take a final deep breath as I hear the door ding, opening up to the hustle and bustle of the offices of Shelby & Kane.

"James Halstead?" I hear from a very perky woman, who looks even younger than me.

"Jay please," I tell her, reaching out to shake her hand.

"Nice to meet you Jay," She replies, returning the gesture.

"And you are?" I ask, feeling quite out of place in what seems to be the hub of the office, people rushing past me without even a second look.

"Sorry, pardon my rudeness." She replies, a slight southern drawl coming out of her tone, "Cassidy Tanner, I'm your assistant,"

"I'm sorry what?" I ask her again. Why do I have an assistant? I thought this was supposed to be an entry level job.

"Your assistant," She says, flashing me a pearly white smile.

"Oh okay," I say, accepting the very odd truth that's been placed in front of me.

"So Ms. Shelby instructed me to direct you to her office," She tells me. "It's just down the hall on the right, her name is on the door, you won't be able to miss it. And I can take your bag,"

"Oh alright," I reply, handing it off to her and watching her disappear down the other end of the hallway. I take a second to gather myself before taking a right towards her office. I'm not nervous about talking to Rebecca, well Ms. Shelby now I guess. She worked on one of my mom's earlier Senate campaigns before she and Aaron Kane started the firm maybe ten years ago. I didn't put it together that she was the same Rebecca Shelby until after I applied, but it was a nice surprise.

"I'm here to see Rebecca Shelby," I say, speaking to who I presume is her assistant after I push through the frosted glass door with her name etched on it. Before the guy even has a chance to respond, I hear her voice from behind yet another wall of frosted glass.

"Jay, welcome," She says, taking my hands in hers, her warm demeanor still the same as I remember it when I was ten years old. "Glad to see that you're not still the 10 year old that I had to chase around your mother's office,"

"It's nice to see you again Rebecca," I say, not totally sure what I'm supposed to call her.

"C'mon in, we've got some things to talk about," She says, leading me into her office, her height matching mine in a pair of five inch heels.

"I have an assistant?" I ask her as we sit down, her behind the desk and me in front.

"You met Cassidy," She says with a small laugh. "Yes you do have an assistant, she's shared between you and Josh Clark, who you'll meet soon."

"Why do I have an assistant?" I ask her, my previous question, though presented as a statement, still unanswered.

"You're a senior strategist, you all have assistants." She answers simply, like it's the easiest thing in the world.

"Rebecca, I'm 24, this is my first real job, other than fundraising for my mom."

"Exactly," She says, cutting me off. "We believe that you will be an invaluable asset to the team here, you don't have experience, but you have lived through a Presidential campaign. That is why you're here, understand?"

"I guess so," I say with a weak smile. "Thank you again for the job, I really needed to get out of my brother's place,"

"You're welcome," She tells me, "but let me be clear, your last name got you in the door, but it will not keep you here. That is on you, prove it to me that you're going to work hard, I don't want to be saddled with another one of these Washington trust fund kids. So you work, and I keep you here, deal?" She asks, holding out a perfectly manicured hand over the desk.

"Deal," I respond, shaking her hand back.

"Now get to work,"

* * *

"Ah the golden boy arrives," I hear as I walk into my office, my bag settled on top of the modern desk, facing another one with a pompous looking guy, who I'm almost positive was in a frat, looking over at me.

"I'm sorry," I say, turning to look at him.

"Josh Clark," He says, holding out my hand to shake mine. "No famous last name, I worked for my job."

"Jay Halstead," I say, taking that with a straight face. "And I'm hoping to prove to you that I'm more than the name,"

"We'll see," He says, taking a seat across the office.

"Looking forward to it,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

"You almost ready to go?" I call over to Nina, glancing down anxiously at my phone. Jay was supposed to meet us at my place and it's very odd for him to be late, to anything.

"Yeah," She replies, emerging out of her bedroom with a coat draped over her arm. "Is Jay meeting us here or at the house?"

"Supposed to be here," I ponder quietly.

"Wow less than 24 hours with the kid and he's already bailing," She tells me with a smirk.

"Very funny," I say as my phone vibrates in my hand, Jay's named across the top of the text.

 _Hey baby, I'm sorry but I don't think I'm going to make dinner with your parents. Trying to make a good impression at work, so I'm staying late. I think my partner hates me, but I'm working on it. I'm sorry again, tell your parents I'm sorry too. I love you. -J_

"Uh he's not coming," I tell her. It's weird, him cancelling on me because of work. It's kind of refreshing though, he has a job. He's growing up, becoming an adult. It's nice.

"Oh so he did ditch," She says again as I lead her out of the apartment.

"Shut up," I say with a laugh as I shut the door behind us.

* * *

"So your dad's a cop?" She asks.

"Yeah, a sargent. He runs his own division on the north side,"

"Wow, fancy pants." She says with a smile.

"Yeah something like that," I reply with a chuckle, knowing that that could not be farther from the truth. Looking over at her, I realize that it's been too easy. She's a troubled kid, how does that all evaporate in 24 hours? She didn't skip any classes today, which her principal told me is rare and she didn't fight me at all about this dinner, not even an attitude. It just seems too good to be true. Maybe after so many shitty hands, the universe decided to actually deal me something good. Well, in the midst of the shit. But it's something.

"And here we are," I say, pulling up to the little brick bungalow on Emerald Street.

"It's nice," She comments as I turn off the ignition, the two of us quickly hopping out.

"Yeah," I say as I join her on the sidewalk. "I always liked it,"

"So who exactly is here again?" She

"Well you'll be meeting my mom Camille and my dad Hank, and maybe my brother Justin. He might be at football practice though, I'm not sure."

"How old is your brother?" She asks.

"Almost 18," I reply as we ascend up the front steps.

"That's kinda weird, I'm almost his age." She tells me with a grin.

"Yeah," I say, trying to forget that simple little fact. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm making a mistake, I don't need me telling myself that too. I smile over at her, trying to hide my inner anxiety as I ring the doorbell. I don't know what I'm so nervous about. Seeing my mom again? She's sick, but it's not like she's going to drop dead right now, she still has time left. Maybe it's bringing Nina home with me? Maybe it's just all of it. I guess we'll find out.

"Where's Halstead?" My dad demands as he opens the front door, glancing over us. I roll my eyes, knowing that this was coming.

"He got caught up at work," I tell him. "He sends his best,"

"I'm sure he does," He replies under his breath.

"Hush Hank," Camille says, coming up behind him, warm as ever with open arms. "Excuse my husband, you must be Nina,"

"That's me." The teenager next to me responds nervously.

"Well don't just wait out on the stoop, c'mon in." She invites us. We quickly oblige, shedding our shoes at the front door. I smile over as Camille takes Nina under her arm, leading her deeper into the house and I'm sure talking her ear off.

"You okay kid?" Hank asks me as I take off my coat.

"Yeah," I say, tossing on a smile to convince him as much as myself. "I'm good."


	32. Alone

ERIN

It has been six weeks. Nina has gotten better, we've fallen into a routine. It's good, we're good. Everything about that is good. Jay works, a lot. Which, I guess is good in a sense. But in another, I almost never see him. I knew that it was going to be different and I'm glad that he loves what he does, but I miss him. Right now he's on a work trip in New York and I haven't even talked to him in three days. We've checked in, short texts and stuff, but we haven't really talked. Though that isn't anywhere near the height of my issues.

Camille took a nosedive recently. I knew that it was going to happen, I was waiting for it to happen, I just didn't want to believe it. I'd like to think that we made her happy, these last few weeks. She said she just wanted to be with her family, so we brought her to the lakehouse that we went to in high school in Michigan, had lots of families dinners and I sat next to her on the sidelines of every one of Justin's football games. She loved it. But that's all over now.

She passed out the other day in the kitchen. Dad rushed her to the hospital, Justin in tow and I met them there with Nina tailing me half an hour later. The tumor had grown and though everyone refused to say it, we knew she was never going to walk back out of the hospital. So right now, this is the hard part. Waiting for the inevitable, waiting for what we know is coming.

I've been lucky enough that my boss has been understanding, but I can't drop the ball. My life is falling apart, but that doesn't mean I get to let their puzzles collapse. Though, I'm not remotely ashamed to admit that I've been checking my phone about every five minutes, waiting.

"Hey Erin," I hear, a rap on the door accompanying the words.

"Yeah," I reply, trying my best to pull myself out of my fog and pay attention. I look up to see James Cotter, one of the more senior social workers in the office.

"You're the one housing the teenager right?" He asks.

"Yeah, Nina Collins, why?" I ask. I gave up my place as her caseworker a long time ago, knowing that it would be a conflict of interest. But I still get files for her across my desk once in a while.

"I took a look at her file and I think that I might have found a placement for her," He tells me, coming further into my little office to drop a thick file on my desk. "The Modestos, parents are in their late forties, two kids 12 and 14, I think it could be a good fit. Jill already signed off but she wanted to let you look it over,"

"Okay," I say, feeling an odd sense of loss at the thought of her moving out. She's been my rock lately, when I want to cry at the end of a long day and the weight of my problems falls onto me, she's there. She is always there. But I knew that she was never mine, I was a pit stop and I just needed to keep her in good shape until she could move on. Yet, I got attached. They always tell you not to, but I really don't know how you can't. "Thanks James," He nods quickly before leaving me alone to my thoughts.

I swipe aside the files I'm working on to look through the family's files. He's right, they would be a good fit. They look perfect. They'd be able to give her stability and structure, she'd even be able to stay in her school district. On paper, I can't find anything wrong with them, because selfishly, I looked. And then I looked again. Though I never meant for it to happen, that girl has my heart. And I don't want to lose her.

* * *

I stare back down at the file in my hands. I gave the okay hours ago. Jill did the homestudy and the interview and just as I suspected, they are perfect. White picket fence and everything. I can't say no. They had a bedroom made up for her and everything, ready to go. It'll be good for her. And it'll be good for me, it'll let me get back to the way that life used to be.

* * *

"Is something wrong?" Nina asks, a panic on her face as we stand outside the door of her sixth period class. "Is your mom okay?"

"She's fine, everything is okay," I say, forcing a smile on my face that I'm really hoping doesn't look forced. "I have good news actually,"

"You pulled me out of class for good news?" She jokes. "You do know the art of properly placing commas is fascinating to me,"

"We found you a placement," I blurt out.

"Oh," She says, reacting similarly to me. She doesn't know what to say.

"This is a good thing," I assure her, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. "This is what we've been waiting for. Jill met with them today and from what she's said, they are amazing. This is good!"

"Yeah," She replies softly. "Yeah it is,"

"Hey," I say looking into those big eyes of hers, "You know I'm not leaving you right? I'm just going to leave you hanging kid."

"I know that," She assures me. "It just won't be the same you know? I like it here, with you."

"I like it here with you too," I tell her. "But we knew this was never permanent right?"

"I know," She says, her eyes dropping to the floor. "Do I have to go back to class?"

"No," I tell her, bringing a laugh with my silver lining. "I thought we'd do lunch, go visit Camille,"

"Please tell me you brought the food, Med's food is so bad," She says with a smile.

"Don't worry, we'll pick something up on the way," I tell her as I sling my arm around her shoulder. "Go grab your stuff, we've got a lot to do."

* * *

"Are you going to be okay?" Nina asks me from across Camille's bed, Hank taking a rare nap on the cot the nurses rolled in for him.

"What do you mean?" I ask, taking a bit of the lo mein in front of me, my eyes glancing over Camille's pale, pale body.

"You know," She says, gesturing to Camille. "I just don't like the idea of leaving you alone right now,"

"Oh honey," I say, my heart breaking at her words. "I'm not going to be alone. I have Hank and Justin and Jay, I'm going to be okay. Right now, I need you to focus on you being okay and getting your life together, I'm the grown up here."

"Doesn't mean you don't need me," She says with a smile.

"And you're not losing me, remember that." I tell her with a smile. "I'm always going to be here if you need me, I'm a phone call away, promise."

* * *

"Call me anytime, I will be there okay?" I tell Nina as we stand in her new bedroom in her new house, both holding each other tight as I whisper in her ear.

"I know," She tells me, clutching onto me.

"You're going to be okay kid, I know it." I tell her, tears lingering in my eyes, "You are going to make it,"

"You know you were the first good thing to ever happen to me?" She says, pulling away from me, her eyes staring into mine.

"But I surely won't be the last," I assure her, giving her a tender kiss on the forehead. "I love you Nina,"

"I love you too Erin," She says, pulling back. "You should go, I know you have to get back to Camille,"

"Yeah," I reply. "Yeah I do,"

"I'm going to be okay," She tells me, with a heart wrenching look in her eyes, "You go,"

"Okay," I say, picking up my bag from the floor, "You stay here, because if you walk me downstairs I won't ever leave."

"Okay," She tells me.

"You are going to do great things," I tell her with a wink. I catch her biting her lip and holding back a tear as I slip out I her bedroom door. I have to stop myself from turning around and walking right back through that door as I slip down the stairs.

"Take care of her okay?" I say, meeting the mom Laura at the bottom of the stairs. "She's a good kid, she just needs someone to care,"

"We got her," She assures me. "Don't even worry about her,"

"Thanks," I say, slipping out their front door, knowing good and well that there's nothing good that will come out of me telling her that I'll worry anyways. I refuse to let myself look back at the house as I drive away.

* * *

"Hey I'm back," I say, walking back into the hospital room, expecting to see Hank and Justin, with Camille asleep in the bed.

"Hey baby," I hear, a raspy voice greeting me.

"Mom?" I say, my voice breaking as I walk further into the room, "You're awake?"

"It sure seems that way doesn't it," She says with a smile, Justin and Hank both noticeably absent from the room.

"Where are Dad and Justin?" I ask her, taking a grateful spot by her side.

"I had them run out and get dinner for us," She tells me, taking my hand in hers. "I already had time with them today, I wanted to talk to my girl."

"I'm here," I say, squeezing her hand tighter.

"Come lay with me," She says, patting the bed next to her.

"Okay," I say, letting a smile creep onto my face as I kick off my shoes and climb into the bed next to her, trying not to wince as I feel the bones in her now frail body. "God we haven't done this since before I went to college,"

"Just making up for lost time," She tells me, the strain in her voice evident. "Baby I'm going to die,"

"Mom we really don't have to talk about this right now,"

"Yes we do," She tells me, as I feel one of her tears drop onto my cheek. "Because I thought I had a lifetime with you, but we are running out of time and I need to give you a life's worth of motherly advice right now."

"I really don't-" I start.

"Don't ever pretend to be dumb to get someone's attention. Just don't do it." She tells me. "Wash your face, I know sometimes you're tired and you really won't want to do it, but just do it. You'll be grateful in the long run. Don't wear heels because you feel like you have to, they're not comfortable and you are perfectly tall enough just the way you are. I mean, if you want to, wear them, but not because everyone else is."

"Okay," I say with a weak giggle.

"Oh and talk to strangers, not creepy weird ones, but nice looking ones, maybe pick someone that's reading a book. They'll teach you a lot about the world,"

"How will I know who's creepy and who isn't?" I ask with a smile.

"Use your judgement, I know yours is good," She tells me with a soft squeeze of my shoulder. "Last thing, for now anyways. If you have kids, raise them how you want to raise them. I know that Jay will probably be in the public eye for the rest of your lives, but try to ignore the cameras and raise those babies how you want to raise them, ignore the rest of the world."

"Mom Jay and I are just dating,"

"Oh Erin," She says, cutting me off, "You and I both know that you're going to marry that boy."

* * *

"How's she doing?" Hank asks quietly as he walks back into the room, my brother tailing him.

"Stable," I say from my place in the chair next to her bed. "Not great, but stable."

"Good," He says, "You two talk?"

"Yeah," I tell him.

"She had some time with me and Justin earlier so I;m glad you guys got a chance for just the two of you to talk." He tells me, his voice as raspy as ever.

"She started telling me all the advice that apparently I'll ever need," Justin says longingly as he sits down next to me.

"Me too," I tell him. I bit my lip because I know that means. It means that the end is coming, it's coming soon. "I need to go make a phone call, I'll be back in a minute,"

"Okay hon," My dad tells me as I step out of the room.

I take a deep breath as I leave the sterile hospital room, sinking down to the linoleum floors, ignoring the never ending flow of nurses and doctors in front of me. I quickly unlock my phone and hit the first number on my speed dial. I wait anxiously as it rings and rings again before he finally picks up.

"James Halstead," I hear on the other end. I'm slightly taken aback by the cold and sharp greeting.

"Hey it's me," I reply.

"Oh hey," He responds immediately, his tone swiftly shifting. "I meant to call you, things just got a little crazy over here."

"I know," I reply. Things have been crazy over there for a while.

"What's up?" He asks.

"It's my mom," I reply quietly, "She's going to die soon and I really don't want to be alone when it happens. Jay I need you to come home," There's silence on the other line for a few seconds.

"I'll be on the next flight."


	33. Everything

**I am sorry for the constant delays in my posting. I love writing this story and I don't want to give up on it, but my life in insane and I'm struggling to find time to write. I'm not giving up, but I'm going to need all of you to be patient with me and I will post as often as I can. Sorry again for the wait and I hope you enjoy chapter 33!**

* * *

JAY

"Jay," I hear as I rush out of the crowded airport, still dressed in the now very wrinkled suit and tie I was wearing in the meeting I walked out of.

"Hailey," I say back, catching a glimpse of the petite blonde waiting for me in the lobby. "How is she?"

"Not good," She replies solemnly. "C'mon, let's get you to the hospital."

* * *

ERIN

 _It's just a matter of time now._ Those words ring over and over again my head. That's what her doctor said. _It's just a matter of time now._ Only a matter of time until she dies. Until she's dead.

I've been here, holding her left hand for I don't even know how long, Hank holding her right and Justin seated by her feet. Looking down at her, it's not my mom. She's pale and lifeless, bright blue irises hiding behind thin eyelids. It's a shadow of who she used to be. Like she's already gone.

I keep thinking about time. How we didn't get enough time. How all I want is more time. Or that I'd give anything to slow time down.

* * *

JAY

I don't know what to say or what to do. I barely know Camille, I met her maybe five times. But she's everything to Erin. And she is everything to me. I want to take away her pain, just let her be okay again. That's all I want for her, to see that smile again.

"Should we go in?" Hailey asks from beside me. "Do we give them space? I don't know."

"Space," I tell her, totally unsure of my answer. "We need to give them this time with her, being there, it doesn't feel right."

"Yeah,"

"We should stay though right?"

"We'll be here," Hailey says, lying her head on my shoulder, "Whenever she needs us,"

* * *

ERIN

I'm right there, holding her hand when the monitors let out that continuous beep. I'm right there, and I can't do anything. She's gone. The nurse next to me quietly shuts off the machine, knowing Camille's wishes. "Time of death," She begins almost silently, "8:34 PM"

I feel a tear slip down my cheek. It doesn't feel real. It can't be real. I feel my heart break as I watch my father lay his head down on her chest, sobbing, shedding the first tears I've seen in all the years we've known each other. Justin slips over, tucking my arm as we hold her hand for our final goodbye. And for a long time, we just stay like that.

* * *

JAY

Hailey and I both scramble out of our seats as we see Erin begin to stagger down the long linoleum hallway. I think we both know that it's not going to be good news.

"She's gone," She says, her eyes bloodshot as she looks us at us. "She died."

"Erin," I start, before wrapping her in my arms, not ever wanting to let go. She doesn't reciprocate, she just stands there. Numb.

* * *

JAY

"Let me know if you need anything," I say as I linger in the door frame, my girl lying limp in my bed. She doesn't respond.

"Still nothing?" Hailey asks as I walk into the living room of my apartment. Erin's been staying here with me. She hasn't really given her opinion of whether or not she wants to be here or not, but I'm not leaving her alone in her apartment. Hailey and I have been trying to take shifts, making sure that someone is always here with her. I want to stay, I want to be next to her always, but I have to go back to work.

"Nope," I say solemnly as I grab my messenger bag off the kitchen counter. "Just call me if anything happens, I can be here in twenty minutes."

"Go to work Jay," Hailey replies, "I'll be here, studying. Don't worry,"

"You know I'm going to," I respond.

"I know," She tells me. "But I'll be here, so don't feel bad if you don't."

* * *

ERIN

I don't want to go. I don't want to go see my mother being dropped into a hole in the ground, never to be seen again. I don't want to hear loved ones recite speeches as people in the church pews cry. I don't want to have the play hostess. I don't want any of it.

"Erin are you ready?" I hear from my spot on the edge of his bed, wearing a black dress I've had since high school. Camille bought it for me.

"Yeah," I reply softly as I slip on the black flats that Hailey picked out for me.

"C'mon," Jay says as he sits down beside him. "We don't want to be late,"

"I don't want to go," I whisper, my voice barely there.

"I know," Jay says, wrapping his strong arms around me as I bury my face in his shoulder, tears flowing freely from my already swollen eyes. "But you're going to be okay, I believe that."

"I don't know," I say, looking at him with red eyes. "She was my mom and she's gone. How do I come back from that?"

"You just do," He tells me, his voice muffled. "It takes time, but you get there. And it'll still hurt, but everyday it'll hurt a little less and then you'll just smile when you think of her and all the good times you had together."

"I hope so,"

* * *

JAY

"Jay this isn't healthy," Nora tells me over the phone as I sit unmotivated in my office, surrounded by work. "It's been almost two weeks, she is still barely functioning. You need to get her out of that apartment, reintegrate her into the world,"

"Nor stop," I say, cutting her off. "She's grieving. I don't think I need to remind you what I did after Maddie died."

"And you pulled yourself out of it,"

"Damn it Eleanor!" I exclaim, feeling my anger rise at my sister. "She lost her mother, so I'm going to let her greve. I'm going to giver her as much time as she needs. I don't want to hear anymore about it from you or from anyone else. Okay?"

* * *

ERIN

I couldn't stay in that bed any longer. I needed to do something, I needed to do something bigger than myself. So I went to work.

I don't think anyone expected me to be back so soon and all day everyone was walking on eggshells around me, waiting for me to break. I hated it.

Jay's been doing the same thing. I don't blame him, he's waiting for me to snap, so do something absolutely crazy and wig out.

I don't think I'm going to. I grieved. I was incoherent for three weeks. But I'm done. I've come to terms with it. Getting on with my life doesn't mean that I don't miss her or that I don't want her back, it just means that I can't dedicate the rest of my life to missing her. She wouldn't want that. She wanted everything for me. So that's what I'm going to do. I want to do everything.

* * *

JAY

"Baby I'm home," I say as I walk through the doors of my apartment. I can't help but be shocked as I smell something cooking in the kitchen. Erin doesn't cook.

"We're in here," She replies, a flurry of voices and laughs surrounding hers.

"Took you long enough," I hear as I'm engulfed in a hug by my older brother. I look around the kitchen to see Natalie at the cooktop with Erin watching intently, a glass of red wine in hand. Hailey in the living room, playing on the floor with Owen.

"What's all this?" I ask Erin as I'm released from my brother's grasp.

"The house was too quiet, for too long," Erin tells me with a smile, that light slowly returning back to her eyes. "I was tired of the quiet. I hope it's okay,"

"Of course," I tell her, pulling her into my arms and giving her a kiss on the temple."Thanks for coming over everybody.

"Anytime," I hear from Hailey, the same grateful look on her face as mine.

* * *

ERIN

"So how are things looking in the Halstead camp?" Hailey asks after we've wrapped up dinner, "Election days only a week away,"

"Same as always," Will says with a laugh.

"We've been through this a few times," Jay tells the group, his arm wrapped around my waist as we linger in the kitchen.

"Well Abby is losing her shit with the campaign staff, so Abby's never home which means Emerson isn't sleeping which means Graham isn't sleeping." Will says with a laugh.

"He has called me twice in the past week, begging me to call Abby to tell her to go home," Natalie says with a chuckle, her son blissfully asleep in our bedroom.

"Mom is too calm," Jay adds in, "And Dad is going crazy trying to figure out why Mom is so calm,"

"Everytime," Will says with a smirk. "Have you decided if you're coming to the thing on Election Night?"

"What thing?" Erin asks me. I knew this was coming. I should have talked to her about it earlier.

"Mom's big speech, you know assuming she wins. She'll give a great big speech for a bunch of people in Grant Park," I tell her.

"Well of course you're going right?" She asks me. "It's her victory speech,"

"I don't know," I tell her. As those words leave my mouth, I can see all the pieces slide into place. The last time I was on a big stage and my mom gave a big speech, I got shot. My sister died. "What do you think?"

"Whatever you want to do, I'll understand," She tells me as she gives my forearm a light squeeze. "But I think you should go."

"You do?" I ask her.

"Yeah," She says. "We're going to be fine. And it's your mom, you should all be there,"

"You willing to come with me?" I ask her.

"Of course," She tells me with that sweet smile. "I wouldn't miss i

* * *

JAY

"I'm so excited," Erin tells me as curls her hair next to me in the bathroom, much of which has been taken over by her products.

"It's just a vote," I tell her, enthused by her enthusiasm. "You've done this before."

"It's so much more than just a vote!" She exclaims, letting another curl fall to her shoulders. "I'm voting for your mom, for President! That's so cool!"

"My mom is already the President," I tell her as I draw a stripe of toothpaste on my toothbrush. "You've met her several times,"

"Don't crush my happy," She says, grabbing the last section of her hair. "It's election day!"

"That it is," I reply with a smile, pressing a kiss to her rosey lips. "Four more years,"

"Four more years!" She chants back to me as I laugh and shake my head. I really did find the perfect woman.

* * *

JAY

"Hey," I say as we drive to the polls, Erin's eyes directed at the email on her phone.

"What's up?" She asks, looking at me with those perfect hazel eyes.

"Move in with me," I say.

"What?" She asks.

"Move in with me," I say again. "All your stuff is already at my place, we're never at your apartment. You love me, I love you. Let's live together,"

"Jay," She starts. I know by the look on her face that she's trying to find a reason to say no.

"Stop," I tell her, reaching over to grab her hand. "Stop trying to find reasons to say no, just say yes."

"Fine," She says with a grin. "I would love to move in with you."

"Good," I say with a satisfied grin as we pull up the elementary school where we'll be casting our votes. "Let's go,"

* * *

 **As a reminder to all my readers in the United States, tomorrow is Election Day! Get out to the polls and vote!**

 **Thanks for reading,**

 **Addie**


	34. Let's Get to Work

**ERIN**

"You know I must really love you, since I keep going to your fancy parties with fancy people," I tell Jay as I fasten a tiny gold chain around my neck.

"Oh you know that you love them," He replies with a laugh as he shrugs on a navy blue jacket.

"No," I reply quickly. "I love you and your family, not the other crazy fancy people."

"Okay dear, though I got through your dad near threat to my life the first time I met him, so I think we're about even," He offers, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Car's downstairs, we gotta get going."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Is everyone going to be there tonight?" I ask Jay as the skyline of downtown Chicago rolls past us.

"Uh, Emerson and Owen are staying in a hotel room with Abby's nanny, the race doesn't usually get called until super late and no one needs the stress of that meltdown at 10 PM," He explains. "So it'll just be family in the suite and then all the press will be downstairs in a hotel ballroom with the majority of the staff and after the results come out, she'll take the car to Grant Park and make her speech."

"Good call," I tell him with a laugh as we roll up to the Langham Hotel.

"Have a good night Mr. Halstead," The driver tells Jay as he smiles and escorts me out of the car. I feel my breath catch in my throat as I notice the clamour of photographers and reporters waiting outside for us. My first instinct is to climb right back into that car. But I have to remember. I'm okay. There is nothing to hide from anymore. It's just us.

"Hey," He say, noticing my hesitation. "C'mon,"

"Okay," I say, looking into those bright blue eyes. "Lets go,"

* * *

 **JAY**

"Oh good you're here!" Abby says as Erin and I walk through the double doors of the aptly named Presidential Suite on the top floor of the Langham. "Mom is hounding us on when I plan on giving her another grandchild and I think Graham is about to pass out. Distraction please?"

"Of course," I tell her with a laugh. "Go rescue your husband,"

"Thank you, you are my favorite brother now," She replies exasperatedly as she grabs my hand and drags me towards our mother, who for the first time in months is not surrounded my aides.

"JJ!" She exclaims, embracing me in a tight hug. "Oh good you brought Erin with you!"

"President Halstead it is so nice to see you again," Erin tells her as attempt to politely greet her. After all, they've only really met once and it wasn't under the greatest of circumstances. I hold back my laughter, my mom is going to think her formality is hilarious.

"Oh stop it with that," She replies, "You are my son's girlfriend, please call me Juliette,"

"Alright," Erin says with a smile, slightly taken aback. It's a weird thing, to be on a first name basis with the President of the United States.

"I was so sorry to hear about your mom." She tells her genuinely, "She sounded like an amazing woman, she had to have been to raise you."

"Thank you so much," Erin tell her, a tiny tear surfacing in the corner of her eye "She really was."

"It's okay," I tell her, giving her a reassuring rub on the shoulder.

"Yeah," She replies with a deep breath, carefully wiping the tears from her eyes. "No tears tonight, tonight is a good night,"

"Yeah," I respond, giving that shoulder another squeeze, "It's a really good night."

* * *

JAY

"You seem happy," Allie tells me as my eyes linger on the girl in the pink dress across the room, intermixing with family and friends that my mom invited here today. "She makes you happy,"

"She does," I tell her, "The happiest."

"You don't deserve her," She tells me with a digging laugh. "She could do so much better,"

"Yeah I know," I tell my childhood friend with an eye roll, "Let's just hope she doesn't figure that out."

"I'll keep quiet," She tells me with a giggle. "So, you think Auntie J is going to get another four years?"

"Yeah," I say quietly, making sure my very superstitious mother doesn't hear me. "She's got this. I really believe that."

"Well," Allie says as she raises her glass. "Cheers to that,"

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Did I miss anything?" Jay asks me as he rushes back from the bathroom.

"They just called Arizona for your mom and they're about to call Nevada. If she wins there, she'll have the 270." I tell him excitedly as try to keep myself from jumping up and down. Watching election returns has always been exciting for me, but this year is a whole other kind of exciting. I hear that ever familiar music begin to play over the huge TV we're all watching as the graphics for a projection appear on the screen. I grasp his hand excitedly as Will McAvoy begins to speak.

"In another key race, ACN is now calling the state of Nevada and the White House for President Juliette Halstead. It looks like she'll be spending another four years in Washington." I feel a huge smile spread across my face as the entire room bursts into applause, arms being victoriously thrown around each other before all eyes turn to our President, Juliette Halstead.

"Okay people," She says, with tears of joy in her eyes. "Let's get to work."

* * *

 **JAY**

"Thank you," Erin tells me, turning her head towards me from her place in front of me between my arms as we watch on from the sides of the stage as my mother makes her second victory speech to the nation, hundreds of thousands of supporters cheering and waving signs.

"For what?" I ask, feeling her slight shiver in the November Chicago chill.

"Everything," She tells me, looking into my blue eyes with those big hazels. "For bringing me into your world and picking me back up after Camille died. Just thank you for loving me."

"Oh Erin," I tell her as I spin her around in my arms to look at her. "You don't have anything to thank me for. If anything, I owe it all to you. Thank you for not running, even when every sign told you to bolt. You had faith and I can't thank you enough for that." I can't help but smile as I press my lips to hers, oblivious to the giggling of my siblings and campaign staff around us.

"Hey," I tell her as we come back up for air.

"What?" She asks, looking at me with that gorgeous smile.

"Marry me," I reply. I don't know where that came from, but it feels right. And I don't want to wait anymore. I found my girl and I don't want her to go anywhere.

"What?" She asks as she looks up at me, not trying to hide her shock.

"Marry me," I tell her again.

"Jay, we can't get married." She tells me, pulling away from me slightly.

"Why not?" I ask her. "I'm not rushing into this Erin."

"Jay, I'm 23, you're 24. We're way too young,"

"Babe, your parents got married at 21 and 22, mine at 23. Our ages are not the issue. We love each other, we've been through hell and we came out the other side in one piece. Stop looking for a reason to say no, I know that's what you're doing. I love you and you love me, neither of us are going anywhere. Why not make it official?"

"You're serious about this?" She asks me.

"More serious than I've ever been about anything in my life."

"Okay," She says with a smile.

"So?"

"Yes," She tells me with a huge grin. "Yes Jay I'll marry you."

* * *

 **SIX MONTHS LATER**  
 **ERIN**

"You know I really can just buy a dress of the rack you know," I say as I walk down the street with Natalie, Hailey, and Kim. "I really don't see why we had to do this whole custom dress thing."

"I tried to make the same argument when Will and I got married," Natalie tells me, referencing her early December wedding to my fiance's brother. "Halstead's don't play like that,"

"I think it's been," Kim adds. "All the sketches have looked great,"

"It's been a little bit of a pain in the ass," I admit. "I really feel like I could've done this with a designer in Chicago,"

"Yeah it's just tradition." Natalie offers. "Celia King did Juliette's dress way back when, she did Abby's, she did mine and she'll probably do Nora's too. Hell when Owen and Emerson decide to get married, if she's kicking, she'll design their dresses too,"

"That is morbid Nat," I say with a laugh.

"She's just speaking the truth," Kim says with a laugh.

"Yeah," Natalie adds with a laugh. "She was like 22 when did Juliette's, so she's only like 50 now, so chances are, all of our kids will have Celia King dresses in their weddings."

"They do love tradition," I add with a sigh.

"Oh here we are," Hailey announces song songily as we approach the beautiful facade of her shop on the Upper West Side. As always, a swarm of Secret Service agents have infiltrated every corner of the store, standing staunchly with those black aviators.

"Erin!" Celia announces, coming at me with open arms as she pulls me into a hug, her perfume somewhat comfortingly reminding me of Camille. It kills me that she couldn't be here today. She always talked about what she thought I'd look like in a wedding dress, how she'd cry. I never paid much attention to it, but I really wish that we'd had that moment now. So it really means a lot to me that Jay's mom has taken the time out of her schedule to come up to New York for my final fitting.

"Thank you so much for getting this done on such short notice,": I tell her with a smile.

"Oh it's been my pleasure, I'm always excited to get to dress another Halstead wife,"

"Not yet," I say with a laugh.

"Soon though," She says with a grin as she pulls up my left hand. I can't help but smile as I look at the ring. He didn't have it when he proposed to me in the early hours of the morning after election night, but he made it up. Without letting me in on it, he talked to Hank and got ahold of one of her old necklaces that actually belonged to her grandmother. He used the tiny diamonds to create a halo around an emerald from a Halstead heirloom brooch. It's a little flashier than my normal style, but I love it. It's perfect.

"We're only a month out now," I tell her, the smile not leaving my face.

"Where's the wedding again?"

" It's at the family house in Lake Geneva,"

"Beautiful," She tells me with a smile. "Alright, well let's head upstairs and get this dress on yeah?"

"Yeah." I tell her with an excited grin.

"Come, come." She ushers my friends past us into a room where I'm sure Juliette, Abby, and Nora are already waiting.

"Okay," She tells me as she leads me up the stairs. "So I worked on the bodice, that fit should be just right and we added some of the buttons that you wanted down the back,"

"Oh I'm excited," I say with a small squeal.

"Here we are," She tells me as we walk into a dressing room. I feel my heart skip a beat as I look up at the gorgeous ivory frock hanging on the wall. It's beautiful.

* * *

"Oh my goodness Erin," Juliette says as I walk out, a glorious veil trailing behind me. "You look absolutely beautiful."

"Stunning," Abby says with a smile as I step onto the pedestal in front of them and take a look at myself in the mirror for the first time. Everything has happened so fast. I don't think it's all really registered with me that I'm getting married. Until now. Now I'm looking at my reflection in a wedding dress, my wedding dress. I'm wearing a wedding dress because I'm getting married. And that's a wonderful thing.

"Alright ladies," Celia says from beside me. "Erin is in her final wedding dress, it has a lace bodice with a sweetheart neckline that transitions into a tulle skirt with lace appliques and it has ivory covered buttons down the back. So what do we think?"

"You look gorgeous," Nora tells me, and i have to hold back giggles as I see tears forming in Natalie's eyes. "My brother has no sense of fashion, but he will love this."

"It's perfect," I say as I look back at them. "Absolutely perfect."

"Alrighty then," Hailey says, speaking up. "Now all we have to do is get you married."

* * *

 **To all my American readers, Happy Thanksgiving! I am certainly grateful for all of you and I hope you have a wonderful holiday! Also, if anyone caught my little reference to one of my other favorite TV shows, let me know in the reviews! Thank you reading!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	35. Perfect

JAY

"We're getting married tomorrow," I whisper into Erin's ear as we linger together in a corner, finally alone. Wedding festivities began today with the rehearsal dinner and the excitement in the air is contagious. But since the small army of people have descended on the house, I feel like I've barely gotten to see Erin. I just needed a minute with my girl.

"We are getting married tomorrow," She says again, a wide smile spreading across her cheeks. "I am so excited to marry you Jay Halstead,"

"Oh darling," I tell her, "The feeling if more than mutual,"

"Do we really have to spend the night apart?" She complains as she hangs off my shoulder.

"Sorry dear," I reply, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "My family is big on tradition,"

"The first female president is a Halstead," She points out, "How traditional can you be?"

"True," I respond with a smile. "And as much as I'd like to keep you all to myself tonight, they're all waiting for us out there."

"Ugh," She whines, leaning back into me as I chuckle.

"You're about to become a Halstead, you have got to get better at sucking it up and smiling, it's basically the only thing that we're good for."

"Oh shut up," She retorts, "You are damn lucky that I'm this good at it in the first place,"

* * *

ERIN

"Don't worry," Jay says as we head down the planked pathway to a raging bonfire, a plaid blanket wrapped around my shoulders, "Almost everyone else is gone, I think just my siblings and your girls are still down there, maybe Adam, Zoe, and Garrett are hanging around too."

"Oh good," I say with a sigh. I couldn't do anymore smile and wave today. We're going to have to do enough of that tomorrow. But it won't even bother me, cause Jay and I will be married.

"You're back!" Hailey shouts as she jumps up from her place on a Adirondack chair.

"Sorry," Jay announces to the small group, "We just needed a minute."

"I don't blame you," Natalie says with a laugh, "I remember the crazy,"

"But it was all worth it right?" Will asks, placing his hand over Natalie's barely there baby bump.

"Of course," She responds, gracing him with a soft kiss, glancing over to the spot in the sand where Owen is entertaining Abby's daughter Emerson.

"I swear if my marriage doesn't look like yours I'll be doing it wrong," Zoe comments with a laugh.

"Hey kids," Juliette announces as she wanders up the beach towards us, Jay's dad Patrick with his arm around her waist. "We're going to turn in but we just wanted to come over and say goodnight,"A chorus of goodnights returns her statement as my friends try not to stare up at her in bewilderment. They're basically me when I first met her but way, way worse. "Nat, Abby we can take the kids up and get them down if you want to stay out here for a little while longer,"

"Oh Julie it's alrigh-" Natalie starts.

"Oh don't be silly," She interrupts, "I love spending time with the grandkids, stay out here. Have a good time,"

"Oh well okay," Natalie replies with a smile, quickling calling Owen and Emerson over to their grandparents as Abby and Graham give a subtle nod.

"Goodnight dear," Juliette tells me sweetly as she gives me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. It's not something my parents ever did and the whole President of the United States thing made it a little weird at first, but after a while, I just accepted and understood that by me marrying Jay, she was taking me in as one of her children. And that's been really nice.

"Night," I reply with a smile as she and Patrick each take a child's hand in theirs and lead them back up to the house.

"Well," I say as I take my place on a blanket, cuddled up close to my soon to be husband. "I just wanted to thank you all for coming out here to support on our wedding day, it means the whole world to us,"

"Oh stop it!" Anna shrieks from her spot in Kelly's arms. "Erin you're going to make me cry."

"Yeah I'll probably go first," I say with a laugh as my eyes wander around to all the wonderful people sitting before me, that mean the world to me. It's crazy, the girls I spent four wild years with are here, Hailey, Gabby, and Sylvie rapidly catching up on a beach blanket, openly welcoming Zoe into the crew as Anna lays her head down on Kelly's chest and Kim smiles from her new found spot on Adam's lap. They're here and they're intermixing perfectly with Jay's people. Abby and Graham look so happy, Will and Natalie to their left looking the exact same and Jay's best friend Garrett and little sister Nora sitting a little too close for Jay and Will's comfort. It's perfect.

* * *

ERIN

"It's been too long since we've done this," Kim comments as she cradles a cup of coffee in her hands, both her and Hailey pressed against me as we sit up in one of the many bedrooms of the Halstead compound. It's my wedding day. That's insane. I know we're about to rush into a day of absolute craziness, so I just wanted a minute, cuddled up with my girls watching the sun rise with cups of coffee in hand. And it was the best way to start this wonderful day.

"Kimmy," Hailey exclaims, her voice carrying over my tiny frame between them, "We all slept in the bed the entire time we were in Greece, that was last summer,"

"She is not wrong dear," I tell Kim with a laugh.

"You both know that was forever ago," She assures us. "We were college grads back then. And you know, Hailey and I are probably still in that phase, but Erin. Our girl is going to be a married lady. She's going to do married lady things and meet fancy people. Let's face it, you're a grown up,"

"Oh stop," I tell her with a light slap, "I think we all know how far away I am from being a grown up,"

"I feel like having Mrs. in front of your name constitutes adulthood," Hailey adds in.

"That's what I'm saying," Kim exclaims, reaching over me to give Hailey a highly energetic high five as we hear a knock at the door.

"Whomst is that?" Kim asks as I roll my eyes and slip out of the bed.

"That's Claire, she works for the wedding planner and she's in charge of making sure we stay on schedule today,"

"It's 7:30!" Hailey shrieks before I open the door.

"Like I said," I tell her with a smirk, pulling open to reveal the perfectly put together Claire waiting for me. "Hi Claire, you need us somewhere?"

"Hair and makeup just got here, they're starting to set up over in the East Wing and the caterer has breakfast set up," She relies to us. "Zoe and Abby are already over there and Abby and Natalie are dealing with the kids,"

"Oh there's food," Kim asks, her interest peaking.

"Yep," Claire assures her with wide eyes.

"I'm in," She squats, jumping out of bed in her booty shorts and tank.

"Oh one more thing," Claire interrupts, pulling three pale pink silk robes from a tote bag on her shoulder. "There is going to be Secret Service all over the place today, so the President thought you'd appreciate these,"

"The President thought we'd appreciate these?" Hailey questions as we slip them on, still not wrapping her head around the whole thing. I giggle and ignore her, excited to get moving with the day.

"Thank you Claire," I tell her. "We will be right over,"

"Alright," She replies, slipping out the door.

"Seriously!" Hailey exclaims once we're alone again. "I'm wearing a silk robe with my monogram on it! Because the President thought I'd appreciate it!"

* * *

ERIN

"Honey you look gorgeous," Hank tells me as he steps into the bridal suite for the first time.

"Dad c'mon I'm not even dressed yet," I tell him with an eye roll as I leave my spot in a makeup chair to come meet him, dressed sharply in a grey suit.

"Still look beautiful," He tells me with a smile. "Your mom dreamed about this day,"

"I know," I reply, trying to force a smile as I keep myself from crying.

"C'mon," He says, taking ahold of my hand. "Let's step outside for a second,"

"Okay," I say, signally to the agents who've been watching the room. "What's up Dad?"

"It's nothing," He says as he pulls a small black box from his jacket pocket, "When I married Camille almost twenty years ago, I bought her a necklace to wear on our wedding day. She didn't wear it much, said it was too precious for the harsh world." He chronicles with a solemn chuckle. "But before she died, she told me that she knew that this was the boy that you were going to marry and she wanted you to have it, to wear on your wedding day."

"Dad you're going to make me cry," I sniffle, wiping away the first few tears.

"I'm sorry Erin," He tells me, looking like he's holding back tears himself. "I just really wanted you to have this," I nod as he opens the box to reveal a delicate little gold necklace, a small diamond hanging at the bottom. It reminds me of her, so much.

"Thank you," I say, choking on my words as I throw my arms around him. "For everything Dad,"

"Don't thank me," He replies, giving me a light kiss on the forehead. "Just go get married,"

* * *

JAY

"Alright let's get one with mom," The photographer Jake asks as the groomsmen and I pose for photos on the banks of Lake Geneva, my parents and Owen joining us.

"You too old to take photos with Mommy?" My mom jokes as she walks over to me, wrapping her arms around me as we smile for the photographer.

"Never," I tell her as Jake snaps away, the rest of my groomsmen entrenched in conversation as my dad chases Owen around.

"Have I told you how proud I am of you lately?" She asks as the flashes continue. "You've grown up James Oliver, you became a man and as your mom, nothing has made me happier than seeing you so happy with Erin,"

"Well I got lucky with her,'

"And don't you ever forget it,"

* * *

ERIN

"You ready?" Kim asks me as the twelve bridesmaids and groomsmen and I linger in the sunroom of the main house, my dad at my side and Owen and Emerson giggling in front of us.

"More than I've ever been," I tell her as I get a glimpse of the man I love standing at the end of the aisle, looking as handsome as he ever has just waiting for me to arrive.

"It's time." Kate, our wedding planner, tells all of us as the chords of _Can't Help Falling in Love With You_ fill the banks of Lake Geneva.

"Pretty Auntie," Emerson tells me as I bend down to her height, her little chubby fingers exploring the petals of the pink peonies in my bouquet.

"Thanks Emmy," I tell her, giving her a quick kiss on the head as she wraps her little arms around my legs, her best attempt at a hug. My heart melts.

"My brother is a lucky man," Will tells me, turning around my his spot, almost last in the procession as Jay's best man.

"You look beautiful," Kim tells me as my little brother and Nora walk out the french doors.

"Thank you Kim," I say to her with a smile. "I love you,"

"I love you too," She replies, a wide smile gracing her cheeks before she turns around and begins that graceful walk to the altar. The altar where I get to marry the man that I love.

"Hey kid," Hank says as Emerson begins skipping behind her uncle, her cousin not far behind. "You're going to do great things,"

"Thanks Dad," I reply, my fingers flying to Camille's pendant, wanting to keep her close to my heart forever.

"But first," He responds with a smile. "Let's get you married,"

* * *

We are reaching the end of our time in the Firefly universe, probably only four or five chapters left. I've loved writing this story and I hope it's brought all of you at least some joy. Thanks for reading, I adore you all.

xoxo,

Addie


	36. The Rest of Their Lives

ERIN

I feel a tear start to leak from my eyes as my father walks me down the aisle, people as I love as far and I can see. And my person, my true love, waiting for me at the end. With each step, I feel like I'm going to fall over, stumble over my own feet. Can't fall, I just have to make it down the aisle. Before I know it, there's only a few steps between me and him.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" Our officiant Tom asks and mine and Jay's eyes finally catch.

"Her father," Hank tells me as he squeezes my hand. "Take good care of her Jay,"

"Always," Jay tells him with a genuine smile and my hands leave Hank's find their resting place within Jay's palms.

"You look beautiful," He tells me quietly as the music fades. I feel my lip start to quiver as the lump begins in my throat. I knew I was going to cry.

"I love you," I mouth to him as Tom begins to speak.

"Today," He announces, "marks the day that two lives become one. Today marks the rest of Erin and Jay's lives together. And how wonderful it is that we get to celebrate it with them."

* * *

JAY

"For the very first time, I'd like to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Halstead!" Tom announces as I pull Erin in for one more kiss.

"We're married!" I tell her as we walk back down the aisle, together this time, everyone we love cheering around us as we walk through a showering of pink and gold confetti.

"Finally," She tells me with a huge smile as she squeezes my hand. As we leave the ceremony, leaving the noise behind us, I decide to steal away my bride for just a second. I know we're supposed to be taking photos right now, but I think we're entitled to this.

"C'mon," I tell her, grabbing her hand and running off to a small dock, her giggles following me.

"What are you going?" She exclaims, her voice thick with happy as we arrive.

"Nowhere in particular," I answer, pulling her close to me. "I just wanted a minute with my wife,"

"Well she's very happy to be here," She replies, "That I can promise,"

"Good," I respond as I press a kiss to her forehead.

"I've got a question for you husband," She says with wide eyes.

"What would that be wife?" I answer her with a smirk.

"When I came to see you at Will and Natalie's that first time, Antonio convinced the guy on duty to let me in my telling him that I was Firefly. I asked him what it meant and he said that it was a question for you. I always forgot to ask, but now seems like a good a time as always."

"Oh goodness," I reply with a laugh. "Firefly is your Secret Service codename, it identified you as my girlfriend."

"Codename huh?" She responds with a laugh. "Why Firefly?"

"Because you were my light," I explain to her softly, "My goodness in the dark, that's why you were Firefly, you still are,"

"God I'm a lucky girl," She exclaims as she presses another kiss to my lips.

"No," I reply quickly, "I'm the lucky one."

"I love you," She tells me quietly. "I am going to love you for the rest of our lives,"

"I love you too," I reply. My life is complete. I got the girl that I love and standing her, with her in a wedding dress and me in a suit on a dock on a lake in Wisconsin, I know that I have my forever.

* * *

 **Ten Years Later**

* * *

 **JAY**

"How are the kids?" Jillian asks as the two of us sit down to dinner, her hair perfectly combed into place and her collar perfectly crisp, as always. Jillian Berkeley was my mother's campaign manager both time and she ran damn near flawless campaigns, leading to her historic wins in 2014 and 2018. That's why I was a little more than confused when I saw her name pop up in my email inbox, I haven't had a full conversation with her since the races. But she is a genius and my family owes a lot to her, so I wouldn't ever turn down a dinner invite.

"They're good," I tell her, pulling out a picture of my nearly six year old son Henry and our three year old little girl Madeleine, named after my beloved sister and affectionately called Mae. "Henry is in kindergarten and we actually have a third on the way,"

"Wow, you guys have been busy," She says with a laugh, taking a sip of the water sitting on the table in front of us.

"It's chaos," I say with a smile, "Everyday,"

"You seem busy, so I'm just going to cut to the chase," She says curtly, effectively ending my train of thought, "George Cabot, he's been the incumbent in District 9, your district, for almost thirty years, he's rotting on the hill and people want him gone, the firm is almost positive that he's going announce his retirement in the next couple of months."

"And?" I say. "I'm sorry Jillian, I'm not following you,"

"I want you to run for his seat," She tells me.

"I'm sorry what?" I say, shell shocked. I made the choice a long time away that I wouldn't follow in my mother's footsteps. "Jillian I don't have any political experience at all or ambitions,"

"Oh but you do," She retorts. "You've never held elected office, but you have all the experience in the world. You're a Halstead. You lived through your mother's entire career and you've worked in politics your entire career,."

"Jill," I step in.

"Let me finish," She insists, holding a hand up in front of me, catching me by surprise. "People like you, your mother was the first woman to hold the Oval Office and she did it with more grace and dignity that people could have ever imagined. Your entire family was adored by the nation, you were American royalty, you still are."

"Why me?" I ask, "Why not Abby, I'm sure that she would love to run,"

"And I don't doubt that," She responds. "But the people want you,"

"What?"

"We've run the polls, people love you. And they adore Erin and those kids Jay, you have the perfect American family and the public feels like they know you, that's what they want,"

"I wouldn't know where to start,"

"But we do," She replies, "I am coming to you with the full support of my firm,"

"I don't know," I say, running through all the logistics in my head. Erin and I are happy with where we are now, but our lives are crazy, we couldn't possibly tackle a Congressional campaign. Could we? Doesn't matter, running for office was never in the plan. I would love to yes, I've always wanted to, I've just been scared. But being able to affect change on a national level? That's my dream. But it's not just me anymore, I have four other lives to consider, my family. Erin always said that she never wanted to be a Washington wife, I promised her that she would never have to go through that. I can't go back on that.

"Well we are," She says, "So when were done here, go home talk to your wife and give us a call, because we are more than ready to do this."

* * *

"Hon, I'm home," I say, walking through the front door of our home in Park Ridge, the same house that I grew up in and a wedding present from my parents. The porch lights shining bright and the house is enveloped in that happy glow.

"In here," She calls from the kitchen, the sound of keyboard keys in the background.

"How was your day," I say, hanging my bag up on a hook before meeting up with her, tossing my keys on the kitchen counter. She looks absolutely gorgeous, still dressed in the white dress that she put on this morning before work, her baby bump just now starting to show and her glasses resting on her nose.

"Good, I got a kid placed that I've been working with for a long time now, I think this might actually stick," She says with a smile, perched upon a kitchen barstool. "And the morning sickness is wearing off, your third kid seems to want to ruin my life a little less than one and two,"

"You work too hard babe," I say, wrapping my arms around her from behind and planting a kiss on the top of her head as I watch her type out an email that I know is for work. She's been taking her work home with her since the day I met her and with each kid, she has not slowed down.

"The work is important," She simply responds, not looking up from the screen.

"I know," I say. "And you have the glow babe,"

"Oh this is not glowing," She says with a laugh. "That is not real,"

"Whatever you say," I tease.

"So what did Jill have to say?" She asks, quickly pressing send and shutting down the computer.

"Uh," I start, not really wanting to get into this now. "It's a long story,"

"Okay," She says looking up at me, "You want to talk?"

"Later," I respond. "Are the kids still up?"

"Mae fell asleep about an hour ago, but Hen is still up. I just sent him up a couple minutes ago to brush his teeth," She responds.

"She go down okay?" I ask her.

"You know our daughter, of course not," She says with a laugh, "It took four books and twenty minutes of cuddling, but we got it done,"

"I always thought it'd get easier with her," I comment. Mae has been a bad sleeper since the day she was born, she didn't sleep through the night for months and she ran Erin and me ragged. She is cute though.

"Nope," She responds, "She's my payback for raising hell on my parents as a teenager,"

"Nah," I assure her. "You know they adored you,"

"Didn't make me any easier,"

"You may have a point," I tell her with a laugh. "Alright, I'm going to go see our boy,"

"Have fun," She calls after me as I begin to ascend up the staircase. I first make a quick stop by Mae's room, smiling as I look over at her tiny sleeping frame, quiet little snores escaping her. That girl is the spitting image of her mother, same dimples and hazel doe eyes, her chestnut hair just now starting to brush the top of her shoulders. Erin has always said that wanted all our kids to have my blue eyes, but I was secretly thrilled when Mae's began to resemble her mother's.

"Daddy!" I hear from the other room, Henry jumping out of his bed and running over to me, jumping high into my arms.

"Hey buddy," I say with a smile, pulling him close to me, grateful to be holding my son after a very long day at work, his dark curls fluffing against my face.

"I missed you," He says, staring up at me with those big blue eyes.

"I missed you too Hen," I tell him with a smile and a kiss on the head, "but we do have to get you to sleep or your mama is going to be very upset with me,"

"Fine," He groans, climbing out of my hold and scurrying over to the bathroom to brush his teeth. I can't help but watch him, wondering what a campaign or even a term in the House of Representatives would affect his life. We would have to move to Washington, or would I just move to Washington? I don't know. I don't know about any of this.

* * *

"You want to tell me what Jill said at dinner tonight?" Erin asks as the two of us ready our bed for sleeping, tossing all the extra pillows onto the floor, both exhausted after long days.

"She wants me to run for Congress," I tell her.

"What?" She replies curtly, dropping the pillow in her hands, those hazel eyes boring into me.

"George Cabot," I respond, "He's been the incumbent for years and approval numbers are dropping, they want him gone, they think he's about to announce his retirement,"

"And they want you to replace him?" She asks, her words unsure.

"Yeah,"

"Who exactly is they?"

"Jill and her entire firm, they are ready to go," I respond to her.

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, there are just so many other variables to consider, you, the kids, if I won we'd have to move to Washington."

"That's not what I asked," She says, still standing strong across from me. "Do you want to do it?" I take a deep breath before answering her.

"Yes," I say surely, "This is what I want. But I'm not willing to take it if you are not all in,"

"How can I be?" She responds. "You haven't given me any details, how any of this would work. Jay we have two kids, we're going to have three pretty soon. Besides, you love your job."

"I know," I respond. "But I love my job because I get to help people, kids. This is just another way to do that, on a national level. That's what I've always wanted Erin,"

"When I met you, you said the last thing you wanted to do was get into politics,"

"That was before you," I reply honestly, "That was when I thought that I could lose sight of what's important, drown in the optics."

"What changed?"

"I have you to come home to, our kids. I want them to know their dad was an honest man, who cared more about change than the effects on himself. I know that I can keep my head above water now,"

"What about the logistics of all of this?"

"I don't know Erin," I tell her, "But we'd get through it, we always do."

"I'm open to it, but I can't say yes. Not right now,"

"Okay," I say, slightly deflated.

"Get me a meeting with Jill, get her to tell me how all of this would work." She starts, "I know that you would be a fantastic Congressman, I've known that since the day we met. You are honest and fair and you don't give up. So as a citizen, yeah I would love to see your name on that ballot. But as your wife and as the mother of your children, I have to put them first. Put all my fears to rest and then we'll talk."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"So," I say as I sit across from Jillian, pushing back and forth a sleeping Mae in her stroller next to us, really trying to make sure the girl doesn't wake up.

Jillian is a woman who I've always respected, she's a damn legend, a force of nature. I watched her from the sidelines during my mother-in-law's reelection campaign. Juliette had made history four years earlier as the first woman President, but Jill was there in the background, making her own history as she became the first woman to run a successful presidential campaign and there is no doubt in my mind that Jill is the reason Juliette was even there in the first place.

I always admired her, watching in awe as she would sit there silently, the wheels turning in her head as she analyzed a problem and came up with a solution, always one step ahead of everyone else in the room. The way that she and Juliette could communicate with just a look. She's incredible, but she better be here with a damn good list of reasons why I should let him do this, my ever growing baby bump and my sleeping little girl next to me, a fervent reminder of everything that's on the line. "Tell me why I need to screw up my kids lives and turn my world upside down,"

"Because he'll be amazing," She tells without missing a beat.

"I know that," I respond, just as sharp, imagining him sitting on the House Floor, being able to bring Henry and Mae and this little baby to visit their daddy's office on Capitol Hill. I want to say yes, I know that this would be wonderful for him and for this country, I need a reason to say yes. Or maybe, I need a good enough reason to say no. "I know that he would be amazing, that's not my concern. My concern is my kids and their lives. We both know that this will not be a regular Congressional campaign, I will be putting my family into the spotlight, under this nation's scrutiny. And if he wins, I'm signing them up for two years of that," I tell her, having flashbacks to looking down that beach in Greece to see those photographers, those now near infamous photos of me in that damn blue bikini or walking through that terminal with Kelly shielding me and Hailey on my arm. I don't want to do that to them.

"I know it's a big ask," She responds. "But Erin, this is so worth it. You've both lived through a Presidential campaign, but this won't be like that. He'll never be more than 50 miles away from home, he'll still be able to be there for bedtime and awards ceremonies and dance recitals and everything else,"

"What about when he wins?" I ask her, knowing that if he did run, there is no doubt in my mind that he would win. "I have a job here, a job that I love and I believe is just as important as his would be. My kids go to school here, we have a family here."

"Things would change, but there are kids that need help everywhere. This could give you a platform, to speak out louder, help more kids. Maybe you wouldn't be on the front lines anymore, but you could be the driving force behind an army. Jay would not be the only one making a difference in Washington. Halsteads are known for being strong women, I've seen it in Jules, then Abby, and Nora. I want you to be next. You are smart and driven, you are well liked by the American people. I don't want you standing at the back of the stage with a smile on your face, clapping as he talks. You'd be a team and a damn good one,"

"What about my kids?" I ask, a little less force behind my words. I'm starting to come around to the idea, but if she can't make it work in this category, it's a no go. There are the most important thing in both of our lives.

"It would be a change for them too. They'd have to switch schools, but they're young, they'd bounce back,"

"Jill, I don't think you get it. They have a family here, their grandparents, all their aunts and uncles, they're here,"

"Abby's in Washington," She points out.

"That's true," I say slowly, taking a sip of the coffee in front of me, the one non-decaf cup I'm allowed a day.

"And it's not like you'd never be back here. There are always breaks and weekends. Washington is not that far away, 90 minute plane ride," She assures me. "Besides, growing up in the capital is an awesome way to do it. They will be immersed in history and culture, all the best schools,"

"They can have all that in Chicago, with their family," I respond slowly. "I'm still on the fence about all of this,"

"That's fine, we have time," She replies with a nod, "We still have nearly 16 months until election day, in a House race, that's plenty of time. Sleep on it and let me know. It's going to be a sacrifice, a big one. But this is going to be worth it, I promise,"

* * *

 **JAY**

These are my favorite kind of day, sun shining over our town as Henry runs down the soccer field with a huge smile on his face. I was always pushing for hockey, but I knew there absolutely no way that Erin was going to let that happen. Henry was the one that picked soccer last year and he loves it, counting down the day until he can get his sister into a pair of cleats.

"Hey babe," I hear from behind me, Erin approaching me in a pair of jeans and a t shirt, a Cubs cap resting on her head, Mae toddling along on her side with her chubby little fingers interlocked with Erin's.

"Hey," I exclaim, taking my eye off the field as I swipe Mae into my arms, peppering her little cheeks with kisses as she giggles in my arms.

"How's he doing?" Erin asks, scanning the field for our little guy, the number 18 on his back.

"Awesome," I say, the pride obvious in my voice. "Already scored once,"

"Aw I'm sad I missed it," She whines slightly.

"Speaking of," I ask, "How was coffee with Jillian?"

"It was good," She says, a million thoughts running through my head. It's a big sacrifice that I'm asking them to make and I've been having my doubts and whether or not I can ask them to do it.

"Do you have any thoughts on what she had to say?" I ask nervously as Mae squirms in my arms.

"A few," She says casually.

"Feel like sharing?" I ask.

"Not yet," She says slyly, "What do you want?"

"I want whatever is best for our family," I tell her.

"No," She says, pushing me. "What do you want,"

"Erin," I say, dragging out her name. "You know what I want."

"I need to hear you say it," She tells me.

"I want to run for Congress," I tell her, a smile spreading across her face as the words leave my mouth, "I want to win and I want to represent the Ninth District of Illinois in the United States House of Representatives. That's what I want,"

"Then let's do it," She says, tears brimming her eyes.

"What?" I exclaim, her words not fully registering in my head. "What did you say?"

"Let's do it," She responds gleefully, "It's going to be complicated, but we have to do this. You have to run,"

"Have I ever told you how much I love you," I say, pulling her tiny frame into my arms, a smile as big as the world spreading across my face.

"A few times," She says with a laugh as Mae finally looks over to see what all the fuss is about. "Hey baby girl," She starts.

"What?" Mae responds with a happy little giggle.

"You want to know a secret?" Erin teases as she tickles her little belly.

"What Mama?" She squeals in response.

"Your daddy is going to be a Congressman."

* * *

Almost done! There will be a part two of the epilogue to wrap it all up but then that'll be it! I want to thank all of you who have been supporting and reading this story since the beginning and I hope you liked part one of the epilogue!

xoxo

Addison


	37. To Whatever Is Next

**Here we are, the very last chapter of Firefly. I really hope you guys are happy with how this ended, and if you are, let me know in the reviews. Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Two Months Later**

 **JAY**

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" I ask Erin as she a blue tie around my neck, her now almost nine month pregnant belly between us as we linger for a moment together in a side hallway of Park Ridge City Hall. "There's still time to back out,"

"Hey," She replies, grabbing my hands and holding them in hers, "We said we were going to do this, so we're doing it."

"You promise you're okay with it?"

"We wouldn't be here if I wasn't." She assures me. "C'mon, they're waiting for you."

"Okay," I reply, taking a deep breath, "I love you,"

"I love you too," She responds. "Now let's go," I nod before leading her back to the main hall.

"I thought you had chickened out," Jillian jokes as we join her, Mae sitting on her hip and Henry standing patiently next to her.

"Me," I reply, trying desperately to hide my nerves, "Never,"

"Alright, let's get going, the press is getting antsy," says Charlotte, our recently hired communications liaison.

"Let's go," I say, leaning over to give my wife a kiss and grabbing the hand of my oldest, Mae gravitating towards her mother. "No turning back now,"

 **Election Night - November 5, 2030**

 **ERIN**

"You nervous?" Hailey asks, our newest addition one year old Teddy sitting on his Aunt Lala's hip, a small baby bump protruding from her tiny frame, Kevin, her husband of two year lingering across the room. I very honestly have no idea where the nickname came from, but Henry slipped "Lala" out of his mouth before her even said "Dada" which pissed off Jay to no end and we've stuck with it ever since.

"Endlessly," I say as I glance around the suite at the Westin that we'd booked for the night, the real party, with the staff and supporters and media, happening downstairs. The Presidential election coverage is dominating all the major networks, like we knew it would be, but we have staffers checking the numbers about every two seconds. He's ahead, for now but it's going to be close.

"You know it's not going to be called for a very long time right?" She offers, switching the weight of my baby to her other side.

"I know," I tell her, "But it helps, having everyone here, it's a nice distraction."

"Well we're here to distract as long as you need us."

"Thanks Mama," I tell her with a grateful smile.

"Do you think he's going to win?" She asks, my baby getting drowsy on her shoulder.

"I hope so," I reply, "He'll be way better than the other guy,"

"Kim and I always knew that you two would end up here," She says with a laugh, "We talked about it one night in Greece after you fell asleep,"

"Really?" I ask. "I really never thought he would, he always told me he wanted nothing to do with it,"

"It's in his blood," She replies, "Give him ten years and we'll see you in the White House,"

"Oh no," I assure her with a laugh. "No, that's never happening,"

"Never say never," She responds. "Continue the dynasty, you could be Jackie Kennedy,"

"There will only ever be one Jackie Kennedy," I insist. "I am happy just being Jay's wife and Henry, Mae, and Teddy's mom and a social worker, that is enough for me."

"Well," She says, "You better get ready to be a whole lot more,"

* * *

 **JAY**

"Hey babe," I say as I come across Erin feeding Teddy, hidden away in one of the bedrooms. "I was looking for you,"

"Sorry," She replies, craning her neck to meet my kiss, "Baby woke up and he was hungry,"

"That's okay," I assure her as I sit down next to her. "Mae and Henry are out cold, babysitters hanging out with them."

"Oh good," She says as Teddy finishes eating. "Hopefully this little boy will be out soon,"

"I got him," I say, taking my sleepy baby and tossing a burp rag over my shoulder, rubbing his back as his beautiful blue eyes begin to close, his chestnut curls flopping over his forehead.

"Are you going to be okay?" She asks me, "If you lose, are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," I tell her honestly, "This is important to me. I want this bad, but it was never the most important thing. If I lose, I'll go back to my job at the firm, the kids can stay in Chicago, Teddy can grow up here,"

"But you won't be a Congressman,"

"No," I whisper, "and that'll be okay,"

"I love you," She tells me after we linger in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I love you too," I reply, Teddy now asleep in my arms. "You have given me the most beautiful life,"

"Couldn't have done it without you," She replies back as I set Teddy down in his fold up crib.

"C'mon," I tell her as I grab her hand. "Jillian has the results,"

"Why didn't you say anything?" She says in that weird whisper yell that all parents have mastered.

"I just wanted one more minute," I say, "Where we are just us."

* * *

 **ERIN**

"Chicago winters are one thing that I will not miss," Jay says as he and Will rush in from loading the suitcases into the back of our Suburban, his breath clouding in front of him. After a huge going away party last night at Will and Nat's last night, we decided to keep it small today. I took the kids over to my dad's house for breakfast this morning to say goodbye to him and his wife Linda, who though not Camille, makes my dad happy and loves Justin and I and of course wildly spoiling my kids. Though I was apprehensive to her at the beginning, I've really warmed up to her and she brought with her a son named Harrison, who has become a wonderful influence in Justin's life.

"We're going to miss you guys though," Natalie says, pulling me in for a hug, Teddy on my hip and the other two kids chasing each other through the house with Owen and Will and Natalie's six year old daughter Olivia.

"You are always welcome to come visit," I assure her, "We've got plenty of rooms for guests in Virginia." After a couple months of Jay commuting back and forth from DC for his orientation, we bit the bullet and bought a house in Langley, just a twenty minute drive to Jay's new office, thirty to my new job at the National Children's Alliance and five minutes to the kids school. It's perfect.

Some days it feels like it still hasn't sunk it. Congressman James P. Halstead. I'm a Congressional wife, we've officially breached the line into the nasty world of politics. But it feels right.

"It won't be the same," She whines.

"I know," I tell her, giving another hug to the sister-in-law who has become an invaluable part of my life. "We'll be back for summers and whenever the kids have a break,"

"Good," She tells me with a smile.

"C"mon Er," Jay says, "We've got to get going,"

"Call the kids," I tell him, Teddy falling asleep on my shoulder as he always does.

"Mae, Henry, Owen, Olivia!" Will shouts back to the children. "Owen, Olivia, say goodbye to your cousins and your aunt and uncle, they've got to get going,"

After a series of tearful goodbyes, we somehow lead the kids out into their carseats and begin the long drive to Washington, waves of nostalgia coming in hard as we drive through the little town we've called home for the last five years, pangs of heartache as I get my last glimpse of the Chicago skyline. This is the town that made me, and it hurts just a little to say goodbye.

"We're doing the right thing, right?" Jay asks me, hours later, darkness surrounding us on the roads somewhere in West Virginia, all three kids fast asleep in the back seat.

"Yeah," I assure him with a smile. "Whatever comes next, we'll deal with it together, as a family."

"Okay," He replies with a deep breath. "To whatever's next."

* * *

 **Another 13 Years Later**

 **ERIN**

Turns out, Hailey was right. Even though it took a little longer than she thought. After three terms as a Congressman, he decided to run for the Senate. I fought him on it, but eventually, I agreed that he had to do it. To no one's surprise, he won.

As he served our country on Capitol Hill, we built a life for us in Virginia. But after six years as the junior senator from Illinois, he wanted something more. He wanted to run for President. I said no. I said no for so long. Our kids weren't grown yet, Henry was 16, Mae was 13, and Teddy only 11.

I didn't want it for them. And I really didn't want to be the First Lady. But then one day, after a very long conversation with his mom of all people, I realized that I couldn't say no anymore. So I said yes. And then two years later, in front of the world, James Patrick Halstead was sworn in as the 51st President of the United States.

* * *

"C'mon babe," I yell across the White House residence, "We've got to get going!"

"I'm coming," Erin replies, slipping into a pair of nude pumps, coordinating with her simple powder blue dress, looking as beautiful as she did the day I met her.

"Mae and Teddy are waiting outside, they're getting antsy." I tell her.

"Goodness gracious," She replies, "I birthed both of them, you'd think they would wait a minute."

"Baby they're 13 and 15, they aren't waiting for anyone," I assure her, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as I lead her through the double doors.

"Falcon and Firefly are on the move," I hear quietly behind me as we walk down the hallway to meet our two youngest children, a smile creeping onto my lips as I remember the meaning behind that name. My firefly.

"Finally!" Mae shouts out, looking perfectly put together in a emerald green frock, bringing out the color of her eyes, just like her mother. Teddy, of course, is futzing with his tie that I had to fight him on wearing. I may be the leader of the free world, but that does not mean my kids listen to me.

"We are so going to be late," Teddy complains as we step into the elevators.

"Relax babies," Erin reprimands, "We'll be fine," We make our way out of the White House, passing by and waving to a multitude of staff, and finally settling into the affectionately nicknamed Beast, a monster of an SUV, starting the drive down to Potomac into McLean, to watch Henry graduate.

This day has been a long time coming and I really can't believe that we've made it here. All of this, my entire life, it was all because one night, at a fundraiser that I didn't want to go to, I locked eyes with a girl in a pink dress. That girl gave me a purpose, made me a husband and a father. That girl gave me the world.

* * *

Alright everybody! That's a wrap on Firefly! 16 months, 37 chapters, and nearly 500 reviews later, here we are. I hope you all liked how Erin and Jay's story in this world ended and I would like to thank everyone who has even clicked on this story and taken a step into this world. It's been a joy and I've loved writing this story. So one last time -

xoxo,

Addie


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